I wake up sighing majorly. Now..... I have to deal with all this and tell them about my sexuality. No. No. Like Hope said. They can't force me to tell them about my sexuality. Right? I hope......
I walk downstairs fidgeting with my fingers while sitting on the couch. They'd be awake in about 10 minutes. Not good. There is no way I'm telling them about my sexuality. Oh god. What if they make me go to school? What if I fall in love and get a girlfriend? They'd be sure to notice that. If they didn't I'd be a little concerned......
And they're is the first door. Time for anger to break loose of reins. Yup. That's exactly what's going to happen. Anger and fustration. Mitch..... of course. Why not Kirstin? It had to be Mitch!!
I look at him scared and nervousness in my eyes. He runs over and hugs me and asks me motherly things like where I'd been. I scooted away from him a little bit, scared, and looked down at my hands. He looks at me with curiousity and worry.
"Hey. What's wrong Alissa?" he asks scooting closer to me. I react to him and moved further away. He attempts rubs my arm up and down to sooth me, but I flinch. "You know we're going to have to talk about yesterday right?" he asks serious but with a hint of care and worry filling his voice. I just nod. Afraid that if I speak I'd be drowned in tears seconds later. "I'm going to go wake them." he says kissing my head gently. I take a deep shaky breath as he does so. He looks back at me before stepping on to the first stair.
He wake the others up. As everyone is down here except Scott I cock my head to one side.
"Scott!!! Get your a** down stairs right now!!!" he screams causing me to giggle slightly as his screaming causes Scott to give a loud moan of fustration. (Not like that you dirty minders!!!AKA ASLYN!!!!) Then Kirstin being the person she is then says something making me snap my head up at her in shock.
"Don't be doing anything innapropriate you two!! We know what you're like!!" she shouts at them. The group bursts into a fit of giggles while I can basicly hear the embarrassment from Scott and Mitch. I don't laugh. At all. For one: HELLO KID HERE and second of all: I'm bateling my mind and my heart and trust at the moment of weather I should tell them about my sexuality or not. Yikes.... my trust won..... oh boy.
Mitch and Scott finally get down here.
"OK. Now. Where were you?" Scott asks turning serious.
"I was talking to Hope. I snuck out of the window. Early. 6AM or something. Y'all weren't up." I said simply. NO NO NO!!!!!!! My mind over powered..... I really want to tell them..... sorta...... I DONT KNOW!!!!
"About what? What were you guys talking about?" Mitch asks in a more motherly and comforting tone than Scott had used. I tensed and shut my eyes tightly.
I should tell them. Maybe? Dang I wish Hope was here! She'd help so much. Maybe they'll understand if I didn't want to tell them? Yeah right. Mister Stiff Hoying over there surely won't let that pass. I guess I have to tell them. I'm going to try the other one first and see if Scott accepts it.....
"I, um......", come on. "Really.... don't..... want... to.. talk... about it...yet. I'm just.... not.....ready." I say slowly pausing to make sure I was saying the right things.
"No. Tell us. Please? We'll understand....." Avi says looking at the group making sure they all agreed they would understand. I look at their faces. Do I trust them? Yes. Do I love them? Yes. Should I tell them?.....
"I-I-I......" I stutter and pause.
"Come on....." Mitch encourages sweetly.
"I..... just can't. I'm sorry..... I'm just not ready to tell you guys....." I say. I look at their faces and shame and guilt instantly washes over me. I stand and speed walk up the stairs and into my room. "I'm going to have to tell them at some point. That's for sure. I just..... can't right now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hear a soft knock on the door.
"Hey Alissa? Can I come in?" Mitch asks just about as softly as the knock. I say sure and watch him walk in from my place on the floor up against the bed. He sits next to me and hugs me. "You know you can tell us anything? Right? I mean..... you can tell me at least." he trys to get me to talk.
"I-I don't know. I mean I trust y'all and I think you guys would understand. But when I told some of the people who had returned me to the adoption center, they abused me. And I thought they were really nice too. So I just am not sure." I confessed.
"Look at me. Baby I would never ever hurt you. I would never hurt anybody. You can trust me. " he says seriously but caring.
"O-OK....." Uh uh. No way. I can't do this!! "It's about my sexuality...... I...... don't think I'm......straight." I say slowly reasuring myself that it was okay to tell him. He instantly embraced me in a hug.
"Oh jeez darling. If I'd known it was that I would've helped you!! I know how hard it is. Trust me! I really do. I had to do it too and it was really hard. You don't have to tell the group if yo don't want to. And if you do I'll help you alright?" he says hugging me tighter before pulling away. He really could put so much comfort into one hug.
"OK." I agree. "Would you mind if you could tell them? I don't think I can do it......" I confess.
"Of course sweetie. I love you."he says before leaving.
"Love you too." I tell him back. Did I seriously just..... oh god..... um.. uh... dang it where is her contact?! Emmy!! There she is!!
A-Hey! I need to get away. My parents just told my other parents. (I have 5 I'll explain later) Can we meet up at the park?
E-B THERE IN 5!!!
A- Thanks
I Quickly run down stairs and pass my parents.
"Going to the park to see my friend bye!" I say in a hurry as I rush out the door and run down the street to the park. I wait a couple minutes on the swings before seeing her run in.
"Hey!" I greet.
"Heyo! Hey, so um I've been meaning to ask you uh do you wanna be my girlfriend?" She asks me I kiss her gently on the cheek and smile at her.
"My place?" I ask already knowing the answer.
"Der." she says laughing as we walk hand in hand down the street.
"OK um so I have 5 parents. It's PTX so um we are going to sprint to my room got it? I don't want questions at the moment. Or them knowing I have a girlfriend already. They just found out I was bi like ten minutes ago so yeah. Sprinting." I say before opening the door.
We run up the stairs. I can hear Scott and Mitch talking and they yell at me to come back. I tell Emmy to ignore them and we climb out the window and to the tree. We sit on the tree branch together holding each others hands. We sit in a comfterable silence just enjoying each others company.
"Oh! We have done our street performances in a while! Why don't we do that tomorrow?" I ask her. She smiles and agrees that would be a great idea. We set a time and place and climb back inside.
"Can we walk this time?" she asks laughing.
"Sure. But if I get asked who you were don't expect me to tell them... not yet. I promise I will but not yet." I tell her. We walk down stairs together and I hear Scomiche talking really quietly. "See ya tomorrow Emmy!" I tell her.
"See ya!" she says before walking out. I sit on the couch and fish out my phone from my pocket.
"OK talking now. Who was that?" Scott asks. I roll my eyes and ignore him. Then I stop texting for a minute. Did I seriously just..... OK I got to stop watching Superfruit so much.....
I go back to texting Emmy. We were going over routine moves and I told her we could face time once Scott stopped questioning me.
"Alissa!! Who was that?" Scott yells to get my attention.
"A person. Duh. And goodbye I'mma go practice." I say sitting up and walking up the stairs not even glancing up from my screen once. Once I was in my room I pressed face time. "Alright let's get started."