Megan Crawford.
Saturday, August 1st 2015.
16:48.
Kyle took me to an alley somewhere in a quiet street, telling me that he wanted some time alone with me to kiss and talk. But we bumped into someone when we arrived.
The alley was narrow. There were some bottles on the ground as well as cigarettes, and it was obscure because the buildings it was between did not let the sun through. There was someone at the end that looked familiar, and though I had never met him, I knew in an instant who he was.
It was Michael, which I found strange. I had never seen him in my life, but I had heard so much about him. I knew that he was best friends with Kyle, and from what I had been told, he was really dumb and fun to be around. He seemed like a good person, but I had my doubts about him.
Michael had a brother, my classmate, Scott Wilde. Scott was an idiot, he walked around school with his chin up and a girl under his arm. He was in the lacrosse team, which got him many dates with the prettiest students. It was so annoying to see him in parties, being loud and obnoxious and drunk, because he did everything to take a girl home. Even when he had been with Olivia, he could never keep his hands to himself.
But as Kyle and I walked hand in hand towards Michael, he did not show signs of being bothersome and rude, instead, he had a bewildered look on his expression. He ran his fingers through his hair –which was dark blond, the same as Scott. I realized that he resembled his brother really much, with his muscled and tall frame, though Michael did look older.
He did not even seem to notice me standing there in front of him as he said to Kyle with panic in his tone, "The goddamn police sent my dealer off to jail. How am I supposed to get weed now? This is such a fucking disaster!"
I snorted. I knew that Michael did drugs because I had once heard a phone call between him and Kyle about it. I found it odd and amusing that he was so open about these things, but I did not really mind. The fact that he liked to get stoned could bother some people, but I did not care one bit.
"Hello to you too, mate," Kyle exclaimed as he started to laugh. He rolled his eyes and said to a desperate and fearful Michael in a mocking manner, "You could always stop smoking pot, you know?"
"No, thanks," Michael said as he smacked Kyle on the head. Then, he turned to glance at me, and his brown eyes glistened as he took a long look at me. He crossed his arms over his chest and licked his lips as he spoke, "Well, hi there. I didn't see you there. You must be Megan. Oh, sorry, should I call you princess?"
"Oh my God, no. Just call me Megan," I said as I chuckled and shook my head. I peered at Kyle and raised my eyebrows at him as I wondered, "Do you go around telling everyone about the dumb pet names you call me? Because that is so sad."
"Please, you love those pet names, princess," he taunted me. I took my bottom lip between my teeth to hold back from laughing with him, but as he placed his arm around my shoulder and tickled me on the stomach, I begun to snicker in a silent manner. "Come on, tell me how much you like them."
"I love them," I admitted as I pressed myself against him and embraced him in a warm hug. He returned the gesture and gave me a quick and sweet kiss on my forehead. I heard a groan come from Michael as he looked down at the ground to avoid the sight of us.
"Stop being a couple, will you?" he snarled at us, and I took a step back from Kyle with a small smile on my lips. Michael seemed less annoyed now that there was some distance between me and his best friend, and he offered me his hand to shake. "It is such a pleasure to meet you. I have been wondering who in the right mind would date this bastard."
"Thank you so much," Kyle said in a sarcastic tone.
"You really are a bastard," I pointed out. He stuck his tongue out at me in a teasing manner, and I did the same. He pretended to be offended with me, though we all knew that he was just messing around and being his childish self.
"See?" Michael said as he nodded his head towards me. Then, he peered at me and gave me a look that I could not read at first. But then, as he took a step forward and smiled in a flirtatious manner, I realized that he wanted to bother his best friend. "Anyway, tell me a bit about yourself, princess. You sure look quite interesting, not to mention beautiful."
"Back off." Kyle was quick to notice what he was up to. I thought it was harmless and kind of amusing that Michael wanted to tease him by pretending to be attracted to me, but my boyfriend did not seem to think so. He scrunched his eyebrows and whined, "She's mine."
"Excuse you?" I blinked at Kyle. He realized what he had said a second too late, and now he had no clue how to take back his words. He knew how serious I was about being independent, and I did not appreciate that he had called me his. I had never loved to hear boys talk about me as their possession.
"Sorry. Not mine. I know you belong to no one but yourself. I guess, uh, what I meant was," he murmured as he scratched the back of his neck and looked down at the ground in embarrassment. I waited for him to go on, but he was speechless. A moment passed and he said to Michael, "Just back off."
"Smooth. Really smooth," Michael snickered.
Kyle groaned at him and told him to shut up. Afterwards, we all talked for a long time in peace. Michael told me a few college stories that were meant to embarrass Kyle, and did, because he blushed a dark shade of red. Kyle lit up a cigarette that I took a few drags from, then another one, and another one.
When he was on his fourth cigarette and half an hour had passed, we heard footsteps on the ground, and looked up to find someone familiar standing in front of us. She had her arms crossed over her chest and a frown, which I was sure had been caused because I was there.
"Well, look who it is," Ava said in a bitter tone as I was exhaling smoke from the cigarette. "I am not used to seeing Megan Crawford hanging out around here."
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I whispered, though I did not really cared if she heard me. Kyle had a look of annoyance towards Ava for showing up, and I knew that my expression had to be the same, because I wanted her to leave us alone.
"We hang out here sometimes. With the others," Kyle explained to me. I was not too glad that she was there, when just a few seconds ago I had been having a good time. He seemed to notice this and said, "I swear, I had no clue she was coming."
"Calm down," I said, my voice low to keep her from listening to what we were talking about. I did not want her know that her presence affected me this much, I just wanted to make her jealous. I muttered to Kyle, "Put your arm around me."
He seemed to understand what the point of this was and rested his hand on my shoulder, kissing my temple as he did so. I thought it was sweet of him to add in that brief peck and I smirked up at him.
"Now that you two are together you just can't seem to stay away from each other, right?" Ava said this in such a cheerful note and with a wide smile on her lips, but there was venom in her voice. "How sweet."
Kyle gave her a fake smile and nodded. "Well, Meg is my princess and I like spending time with her."
"Hold on to this one. Such a good kisser too." This was meant to hurt me, this was meant to remind me of the fact that she had been with him before me. But I was not offended, I just hummed and stood on my tiptoes to reach my boyfriend.
"I know. Best kisser in the world," I said before pressing my mouth to his. He grinned against my lips, and from the corner of my eye, I saw that Ava was glaring at us and stamping her foot on the ground. Michael was staring at us with amusement in his gaze.
"God, that is nauseating," Ava said, but I knew that she was jealous. Jealous of me because I was with Kyle, and she had to watch as I kissed and touched and laughed with the person she wanted the most.
-
Megan Crawford.
Monday, August 3rd 2015.
13:16.
"Why do you hang out with them?" I said to Kyle as we were in The Book Escape the next morning. I had been done working for a long time, and if I wanted to, I could go home. But I wanted to be there with him, as we drank black coffee and talked.
Aria was using her computer on her desk and she seemed really focused on whatever she was up to, she had a frown on her eyebrows. Olivia was speaking over the phone in a loud voice to Jane about a dress the color of gold that she was purchased and was incredibly amazing –her words, not mine.
Kyle gave me a confused look, telling me with his gaze to explain myself. I took a sip from my warm mug and swallowed the amazing taste before I went on, "Your friends. Of course not Michael, he was amazing. But Ted, Scott, Daniel and Ava are all so pretentious and mean."
"I know," Kyle said to me as he nodded his head. He took my hand from across the table and touched the pink polish on my fingernails with a smile. I raised my eyebrows at him, and he admitted, "To be honest, I have never considered them my friends."
"Then?"
"Michael is my best friend and Scott is his brother," he said with a shrug. I still did not understand where he was going, and I shook my head to show him that I was puzzled. He exhaled, "If I was not around them, I would spend all my time alone."
"Not true." He was glancing down at my nails that for some reason had captured his attention, and I took his chin on my hand to make him turn up to me. I offered him a small smile. "You would be with me."
"You know what I mean, princess," he said as he rolled his eyes. I did know what he meant, and I felt kind of bad that he was stuck spending time with people he was not even fond of, people that were spiteful and rude.
"I love this color," Kyle complimented, staring down at my pink polish once again. I was holding my cup of coffee on the hand that he was not admiring, and I took it up to my lips to hide the grin that had formed on my expression. He wondered, "Did you paint them yourself?"
"Last night," I confessed. Then, since he was being so sweet telling me something he liked about me, I placed my finger on his feather tattoo and started to trace it in a gentle manner. "I love your tattoo."
"Thank you, love," he muttered with a smirk. But all of a sudden, he furrowed his eyebrows and slanted his head to the side. He spoke in a worried tone, "Why did you ask about my friends? Does it bother you that I still am around Ava sometimes?"
"I can handle it," I assured him. He shot me a look of disbelief, but I was being honest. I did not mind him being around Ava because I had faith on him now, I believed that though she was attractive and not at all hard to get, he would not ruin what we had. I promised him, "I trust you."
Kyle still seemed hesitant that I was being serious, but he kept his mouth shut. We were quiet for a moment, just listened to Olivia as she went on with her phone conversation in that shrill voice of hers about a dress that sounded more expensive than my house. His eyes remained focused on my nails as I had mine on his tattoo.
But after a moment of him looking at my polish, he peered up at me with a hint of a smile on his expression, his lips were a twisted into a small grin. I gave him a questioning look and he said in a simple manner, "You are just really pretty. I like you so much."
This made me turn away from the feather on his skin and lean across the table to press a kiss to his mouth. He tasted like the cigarette he had smoked earlier with me and the sweet coffee he had been drinking. I did not mind if Aria and Olivia could see us, because by now, both of them knew that we were together.
"That came out of the blue," I snickered. "But I like you so much too."
-
Megan Crawford.
Tuesday, August 4th 2015.
19:07.
Chloe was in the shower and her computer was open.
When I had walked down the hall to her bedroom, I had seen that the bathroom door was locked and the sound of water could be heard through the thin walls. It was Chloe taking a shower, because when I went into her bedroom to borrow a blue knit sweater, she was nowhere to be seen.
I looked around her room and then walked towards her closet. I opened the wooden doors and glanced around as I searched for the piece of clothing that I wanted to wear. I was about to go out with Blake to the cinema to watch a romantic comedy, and I knew that it would be cold in there, so I needed that sweater.
It took me a minute to find it, because Chloe had made a mess of her closet. I put on the blue sweater, which matched my shoes of the same color and my dark jeans. I was about to walk outside and to the hallway once again, but then something on the computer caught my attention.
Chloe had her e-mail open. Something made my heart beat faster, a thought occurred to me, and I remembered the scrapbook I had found a few nights before. Chloe had been talking to our father through e-mails, and if I wanted to, I could read them in that very moment. She was in the shower, and I knew that she took a long time when in the bathroom
I was aware of how wrong it was to do this, it was embarrassing to even think about it. But then again, no one had to know. I could read the words that my father had used to express how sorry he was about the horrendous things he had done to me and my family, and no one would find out.
Though my mind was telling me to walk away, I could not control myself and ended up sat down in front of the computer. I wrote down his name, then pressed the enter button, and several e-mails from him were shown on the screen.
I took a deep breath and clicked on one of them.
Dear Chloe,
We have been talking for a few months and I have to admit that it has been amazing to communicate with one of my daughters. But there is something more that I have been thinking about, and I am not too sure if you would comfortable with it.
I would like to meet you.
I know you still hate me, and I could never blame you. But I need a second chance to make things right, and I want to tell you in person just how much I regret being absent for the last few years. There is not one single day of my life that I do not wish I had stayed with you and your sisters. But I was young and stupid, I was afraid to commit and I ran away. I was an idiot.
If you decide that you do want to meet with me though, you should not tell your mother about it. There is no need to bring her into this, this is about you and me. Please understand that you keeping this to yourself is for the best.
I will be waiting for your answer.
Sincerely,
Mitchell Stanford.
Confusion and anger washed over me. I was confused as to why he talked to his daughter as if she was someone from work, why he was so formal with his words. I was upset because he thought he could just send Chloe an e-mail, with dumb apologies that he did not even seem to mean, and expect to be forgiven. He expected her to keep the truth from our mom just because he was scared of what she would think. And the worst thing was that Chloe had listened to him and had not said a word to our mom about what our father was up to.
I said to myself that what I had read was enough. But I was too curious about what more he had talked about with Chloe since they had begun to write to each other. I needed to find out more about him, I had to know about his life. I was not aware of where he lived, what the name of his new wife was, if he had had more children. These e-mails that he had sent could give me the answers to questions that had been in my mind for so much time. This could be my chance to know if he had been fine without us, if he had spent the past seven years content and glad, or if he had been lost and mad at himself for abandoning us. I sure hoped he was sad.
I opened another e-mail.
Dear Chloe,
Are you serious? Do you really want to meet with me?
I never thought you would agree. This makes me so excited, you have no clue how much it means to me that you are willing to give me a second chance.
When and where would you like to see each other? I was thinking you could come down here to Washington to my house and meet my wife. Of course, if you are not comfortable with being around Emily, then we could go wherever you want.
I could travel to New York. Anywhere as long as I get to see you again.
And listen, you said to me the other day that Megan would not be as comprehensive as you are if I were to speak to her. But I need to try. I need to tell her how sorry I am for everything, and perhaps you could talk her into meeting me too.
If you could do this one favor for me, I would be so grateful. I have not seen Megan since she was ten and I miss her every day. The biggest mistake I have ever made was leaving you, Megan and Catherine behind.
Please, ask her if she wants to meet me.
Sincerely,
Mitchell Stanford.
I breathed in and then out in a slow manner before I closed the e-mail. Emily was his wife and Washington was where he lived, this was just what I had wanted to know. I found another one that my father had sent to Chloe just a week ago and I clicked on it.
Dear Chloe,
I have been thinking about what you said to me about Megan. I understand that she wants nothing to do with me, but I was wondering if you could talk to her again. You told me that she is really stubborn, but I would appreciate it if you tried one more time. Tell her whatever it takes to change her mind about me. She needs to know that I have changed and want to get to know her.
Maybe it is too much to ask, but I really want to meet my daughters.
How is Catherine doing? I wish there was something I could do to meet her, but I would need consent from your mother and she would never give it to me. Cath is seven, right? Does she ever wonder about me? Is she happy? I hope she is.
How is your mother holding up? You said she was having trouble with rent. Is she doing alright now? Because if she still needs money, I can send you some. You cannot tell her it is from me though, just say you had been saving it. I hope she doesn't need help anymore, she has enough to deal with.
Sincerely,
Mitchell Stanford.
This was the e-mail that got to me the most. Because in the other two he had not minded to know what was going on in the lives of his family, but in this one, he wanted to help and know if we were doing well. I read it twice and then another time, taking in his words of kindness. I almost smiled, but then I remembered what this man had done to me.
I could not feel sympathetic towards him, he had been the one to ruin everything. And now, he thought he had the right to talk to Chloe, tell her to convince me that he had become a better person. He thought he had the right to make questions about Catherine, my sweet and innocent sister that he had chosen to leave behind. He thought he had the right to give us money when it was too late. Years had gone by since we had stopped wanting his help.
I really wanted send him an e-mail to tell him what I thought about him, to tell him to go to hell and stop bothering my family. And I would have done it if my phone had not gone off. When I took it from my pocket I saw that it was Blake, I had forgotten that she was going to get me at my house to go to the cinema.
I answered the phone with my gaze on the computer and a frown. "Hey."
"Come on out, Meg. I am right outside," Blake said into the phone, and I glanced at the time on the screen to see that we had to leave now if we wanted to arrive at the cinema. "The movie is starting in ten minutes."
"Could you give me a second?" I said as I looked at all the e-mails my father had sent, I counted that there were sixteen of them. I had to read them all, but I could not do it now, Chloe would come into her room soon and I needed to go. I lied to Blake in a nervous manner, "I need to put on a new pad."
"Too much information," Blake said through the phone, and I was glad to know that my quivering and anxious voice had not given out the fact that I was not telling the truth and was up to something bad. "I did not want to know about your time of the month."
"Sorry," I muttered as I tried to come up with something, so that I could read all these e-mails another time. It was important that I knew what else my father had said about me and my family, I had the right to. I whispered into the line before I hung up the phone, "I will be out soon."
Since my house was so small and the walls were so thin, I heard when Chloe turned off the shower. My heart begun to race as I wondered what I could do now to have those e-mails. A second passed and a thought occurred to me.
I decided to print them, but there was only enough ink for five. I chose a few of the e-mails and then watched as the paper came out with the words my father had written down. I took them in my hands as quick as I could and placed them in my purse.
I walked out with the e-mails as Chloe opened the bathroom door. I went out to the street and saw that Blake had her car parked there. I put on a grin and did not tell her anything about what was hidden in my purse.
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