"I knew from the start that I loved her and knew, as well, that I would never fall back from that love, never try, never want to." ― Scott Spencer, Endless Love
Nora Keilee
My arms shivered as I walked back to the dorm in the cool Californian night. I'd left for work around four, and it was nine thirty now. I was supposed to finish at nine, but with closing and everything, I'd only managed to leave the building half an hour later. Luke had left about a half hour ago after Danielle had caught him and told him to stop bothering me at work. Something about them seemed friendly, and I was half sure she was joking, but I still got him to leave.
I knew that going across the country on a whim wasn't the most logical option, but I figured that I might as well start living. Plus, I knew that if what Luke said was true --about his parents--, he'd be a nervous wreck before we left. I didn't know what had happened between them, but it was personal, and I knew that I shouldn't be prying. God knows what I'd do if he started prying at my life.
Not that he didn't already know most of it. I mean, he knew about my mother and how closed off I was. That was basically all there was to me. I had one secret, but not even Kailee knew about that. I was an open book, for the most part.
I shivered as I walked into the dorm building, being greeted by the girl at the front desk. She smiled forcedly at me, opening the door. I felt like she didn't like me, but I didn't know if that's just how she was with everyone.
I walked into the elevator, pressing the button for our floor. I turned left once the elevator ding'ed, walking into the hallway and towards my dorm room. Because it was close to ten o'clock, the noises behind the walls were quiet. People were either out with their friends or sleeping. The walls in the dorms were incredibly thin, so I usually got to bed pretty early before everyone started coming back from parties.
I opened the door, surprised to see Kailee and Emma. I was usually alone by this time, because Emma and Kailee were out. I had no idea where Ming was, but then again, she hadn't been very friendly from the start. She tried to avoid the apartment, and the idea I had in my head at the beginning of the year that I'd be friends with her was shattered.
In my head, before we'd moved here, I thought that I would be friends with all of my roommates, and that they'd be like the sisters I never had. Turns out, I was alone more often than not, Emma had taken ownership of Kailee, and Ming was nowhere to be found.
"Hey Nora," Emma said, smiling her perfectly straight teeth at me. Knowing her, she probably didn't have to go through braces, like I did, to get teeth like that. Knowing her, she was probably born with amazing teeth. I was jealous of her for being so perfect.
"Hi," I said, kicking off my shoes. I grabbed my pyjamas from my cupboard, ignoring the fact that Kailee hadn't even said a word to me. Her and Emma just got on with their conversation as if I wasn't even in the room.
I walked out of the dorm and headed towards the bathroom. It sucked that we didn't have private ones, but I'd gotten used to it. I walked into a stall and undid my jeans, sighing in relief when they came undone.
The door to the bathroom opened, and tow new voices walked into the room. I held my breath and I stopped my movements, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not make myself announced.
"I don't know, Jackie. It's like he's completely ignoring me," The first voice said, and I recognized it. I looked through the slit in the door of the stall, trying to see who was talking. I could only see the back of their heads.
"Amanda, you're a catch. He's probably just being stupid," The second voice said. I recognized the name, but then again, how many girls were named Amanda? I identified the voice as the red head, but I couldn't see her face.
"Yeah, but he's been ignoring me for the past two weeks. He won't answer my texts, when I try to talk to him he tells me he's busy, and-- I don't know. It's just never happened to me before, you know? Like, usually guys are all over me, and I'm the one pushing them away. Not the other way around."
"Luke's an idiot," Jackie said. Luke? As in my Luke?
"That's for sure," She snorted, leaning forward and cleaning up her lip gloss. I looked at her face in the mirror and immediately recognized her. "He's been hanging around with some freshie, as if I don't know what he's doing. He's probably just mad that I hooked up with Jerome. Besides, sooner or later he's gonna cut it off with that freshman and come crawling back to me. He's done it before and he'll do it again."
With that, the duo walked out of the bathroom. I knew who she was. She was the girl that I had caught Luke with a few weeks earlier. The girl that he'd been having sex with.
I tried to think about who I'd seen Luke with, but I came up blank. Then, I realized that they were talking about me. I was the freshman that Luke was hanging out with.
Then, I thought about what she'd actually said. The fact that he had hooked up with girls and then dropped them as soon as he was done with them. Is that what he was doing to me? I mean, we hadn't hooked up, but what if it was like in She's All That and it was just a bet?
My anxiety crawled up my legs into my stomach, and I hurried into my pyjamas. It wasn't like that. Luke had never even tried to do anything with me. He just thought of me as a friend.
I didn't know what hurt more, the fact that he might have been playing me because he wanted to hook up or the fact that he'd just want to be friends. I cussed at myself for thinking that, convincing myself that my feelings for Luke were purely platonic.
I walked out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth, trying to ignore the thoughts plaguing my mind. I felt like throwing up; my mind was running so fast.
I unlocked the door and looked at the two girls in front of me. I was emotional as hell, but I wouldn't let them see me cry.
I got into bed, pulling the covers over my body. I thought everything over and over again. Had Luke ever been suspicious? Hell yeah, but that didn't mean he was playing me. He'd never made a move on me, but I got the impression that other people thought that we were together-- or something like that.
I sat up quickly, remembering that Emma was in the room. I didn't know if Luke was playing me or not, but I did know that I was still going to New York with him. I had to, because I knew that that wasn't a lie. I knew he wanted me there.
"Emma?" My voice sounded croaky even to me. Even though I'd only called the attention of one of them, Kailee turned to me too.
"Yeah?" Emma said.
"You used to go to those banquet things with Luke, right?" I asked, assuming that she did because they used to be pretty close. At least, that's what she said.
"...Yeah..." She said, unsure where I was going with this.
"What's the attire for them?" I asked in a whisper, my voice tired.
"Why? Did Luke invite you to one?" She said, her tone accusatory.
I nodded, hearing Kailee squeal. Kailee came over to my bed and sat down next to me.
"I didn't know that Luke was still invited to those."
I bit my lip, feeling like it was wrong of me to ask Emma. She gave off a vibe that told me she knew something I didn't, but I ignored it.
"Well, he invited me earlier today, but I don't know what to wear. Is it sort of casual?" I asked, praying that she would say yes.
She snorted, and I felt my cheeks heat up. "No, not at all. You need something glam. If it's being hosted by his parents, they go full out. You can borrow one of my dresses if you want," She said. I looked at her. Her boobs were at least two cup sizes fuller than mine, and her waist was tiny. Plus, she had a solid four inches on me. Anything she had in her closet would not fit me, and she knew it.
"I think I'm gonna buy one," I said, trying to come off as confident. Key word: trying.
"Suit yourself," She shrugged. "Where is it, anyway?"
"Um, New York?" I said hesitantly . Kailee's eyes widened immensely.
"New York?!" Kailee gasped. "Oh, my God, okay. We have to go buy you a really cute dress soon. When is this thing?"
"This weekend, I think."
"This weekend? You're giving me no time to work with this, Nora. I'm gonna have to talk to Luke about this. He needs to give us at last a week in advance before he invites you to stuff like this."
I pursed my lips, trying to ignore the fact that Kailee was just taking complete control over this.
"I think I'm gonna get something from home so that I don't have to buy anything," I said.
"What? Your communion dress? As if. You need something fresh, something with pizzaz. I can skip tomorrow and we can go dress shopping, maybe get your nails done. You should get a facial, too."
"I don't have the money for all that, Kailz," I said, watching as realization crossed over her features. It was like that for prom last year as well. She had gotten her hair, nails, and makeup done. Her dress was tailored and made just for her. She was wearing a six hundred dollar necklace, and all I had worn was an old dress that Holiday had sewn to fit me. The only expensive thing I'd worn was one of Holiday's Chanel perfumes. Kailee tended to go over board, but that wasn't her fault. She'd been raised that way.
"Fine, fine. Just let me do something for you, okay?"
*
The shop that we had walked into had very few dresses in the window, but when we walked in, I was astounded at how many were displayed on mannequins. It was the kind of expensive store where everything was behind plexiglass and you had to ask a worker to get one for you.
Some of the dresses were worth more than my tuition. Kailee had gotten it into her head that I'd be wearing something new and expensive, when all I wanted was something simple. Everything in this store was bedazzled, which meant that I wasn't interested.
"I don't think that this place is for me, Kailz," I said, scrunching my nose.
"Come on, you always say that," Kailee replied, rolling her eyes.
"There's a reason for that," I mumbled, tucking my t shirt into my jeans.
Kailee ignored me as she walked up to one of the attendants. I didn't think that the man was going to pay us any attention until Kailee waved her gold Mastercard in his face.
"What can I do for you, ladies?" The man said, a forced smile on his face. His teeth were so bleached, I almost felt like I needed sun glasses to look at his mouth, and he had no hair on his head. He looked about thirty, so I figured that it was by choice. He wore an all black uniform, which contrasted with the all white walls around us, and he had one earring in his right ear.
"She's going to an event and she needs something to wear. Really glam, alright?" Kailee said. It was evident to me that she knew how to talk to these people as the man nodded along. I, on the other hand, did not.
"Not too glam. I want something simple," I said, biting my lower lip.
"That's what my sister said when she was getting married, but she ended up with an Emilia Kennedy dress," The man said. I tried to act like I knew what he had said, but I had no idea who Emilia Kennedy was. "Go to the dressing room, I'll have a few dresses ready for you."
I guessed that that was normal, as Kailee didn't seem phased at all. I followed her footsteps, watching as she walked into a small changing room. It had a huge mirror on one wall, and it made me feel like I was in Say Yes To The Dress.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. I'd changed into the robe that was hanging on the hook by the door, my clothes scattered on the floor as Kailee scrolled through her phone.
The man from before came in with what must have been at least ten dresses on his arms. They were wrapped in some clear plastic to keep them fresh. He hung them up by the mirror and turned to me.
"They're not going to be the right size, but just call me in here and I'll pin them back for you," He said, walking out of the room.
"That was fast," I said, trying to get Kailee to laugh. She didn't. Her eyes stayed glued to the phone in front of her. A year ago, she would have laughed along with me and made fun of him for being so serious about dresses.
I picked up a red one off the rack, ignoring how Kailee wasn't paying attention to anything other than her phone. She wasn't like this. At least, she never used to be.
I took the silky robe off of my body, playing with the straps of the red dress. Once I'd gotten it on, my eyes moved up to the mirror on the wall. The fabric drowned me and it made me look dead. There was no life in my eyes, and I wasn't sure if it was because of how little I'd been sleeping or the colour of the dress.
I looked to Kailee for her opinion, but she still wasn't looking at me. When we'd gone prom dress shopping, she yelped for me if I even so much as looked at the wall behind her.
What a hypocrite.
Then again, I wasn't even sure if we were best friends anymore. She seemed closer to Emma than she did to me, and it killed me.
I took the dress off of me, trying another one on.
We stayed silent for about ten minutes as I tried each one of them on, one too green and the other too long, over and over. I nitpicked every detail on the dresses, my mood sour.
I tried on the last one, my hand tired from how much I'd been putting things on and taking them off.
The dress was white and silky, and it reminded me of Marilyn Monroe. It fit in all the right places, hugging my non-existent curves and making me look... sexy. I'd never felt sexy before, but this one was definitely on the more provocative side. Even then, it was long enough to be modest, stopping right at my ankles. The spaghetti straps showcased the birthmarks I had on my shoulders, and it made me look nice and tan.
"That's the one," Kailee said, startling me. I'd almost forgotten that she was in the room with me.
I met her eyes in the mirror, watching as she nodded.
"You think so?" I said, tugging on the fabric around my hips.
"Yeah," She said, stepping up beside me. I watched her through the mirror as she picked up my long brown hair and tucked it by my neck. It sort of reminded me of an oldie from the 30's, but I loved it.
I looked at the price tag, my eyes widening at the price.
I sighed as I looked up at myself in the mirror again, admiring how I looked, knowing I'd probably never look like this again. I then met eyes with Kailee, watching as she looked at me.
"It's too expensive."
"Don't worry about it, I've got it," Kailee said.
"No, Kailz, I can't let you buy this for me," I said, my eyebrows furrowing. She hadn't even seen the price tag.
"I don't care, you look amazing. I'm buying it. You can pay me back by giving me free slushies this summer when we go home," She said, smiling at me with all her teeth in the mirror. My smile was soft as I grinned back at her, grabbing her hand into mine.
*
Later that night, I was sitting in the library at the front desk. It was around 9PM, so not many students were there. I was checking books back into the system, making sure to double check them so that no one would have to pay for a book that they had actually returned.
My fingers grazed across the tenth copy of The Fault In Our Stars that day, not sure why so many people were checking out the sad book. I didn't want to read about cancer, but then again, I'd been pretty personal with the disease.
I picked up a copy of Bipolar Disorder, Depression, and Other Mental Illnesses, looking at the numbers on the side so that I could punch them into the computer. I figured that some random psych major was reading up on bipolar disorder, but I was surprised when I saw the name of the person renting the book.
Luke's student ID stared me in the face, his code next to the book. He was the only person who had ever checked it out, because it was a new book. He had checked it out about a week ago. I picked up the weighty book in my hand, noticing that some of the pages were dog-eared. I hated the fact that he did that, and immediately went to the dog-eared pages to fix them.
Some lines were highlighted in the book, and I groaned at how careless he was with the material. My eyes grazed over the highlighted areas. Rapid mood swings are common among people with bipolar disorder, especially those with intense cases of the illness. Side effects of extreme cases of manic depressive disorder are extreme anger, paired with extreme anxiety and extreme sadness.
My thoughts became crumbled together as I thought at a million miles a minute. Luke was studying marine biology and business. Why would he check out a book about bipolar disorder? Plus, Luke had highlighted a line about anger and anxiety, and I'd seen both of those extremes on him.
Did Luke have bipolar disorder? Is that why he was so aggressive one minute, and gentle as hell the other?
I didn't know, but I was going to find out.
*****
blah. this chapter is all over the place but im rushing because im about to go babysitting so i dont have a lot of time. im sorry for the lack of updates, but i want to say a really big thank you for 20k. it means the world to be that you guys care enough to read these chapters that i put out, and i am really excited about this story. (hopefully you are too)
anyway, nora's found out some stuff..... or has she? i guess we'll find out soon! (just kidding. i already know)
so, yeah. thanks for reading, dont forget to leave a comment, vote, all that jazz. also if you want to follow me for updates, you can do that (not required though :))
thanks for reading,
sydney