Author's Note: Greetings, dear Chapelites, just a quick note to say that I haven't edited this one and the ending needs a shizz load of work, but it's 1.30am and I have to get up for work in five hours and I promised my FB group a chapter and so this will have to do! Forgive me if any of it sounds like I've been possessed by the Devil himself, or possibly just insane, I'll re-read it again tomorrow and no doubt cringe at every damn word. If by chance, it turns out okay, please do hit the star button and leave a comment, this very exhausted writer would be most grateful xxxx
If someone had once told me that fear was alive; a living, breathing creature that had the power to consume you, I would have told them that they were insane.
But I've seen fear. I've seen how wide its mouth is. Seen its needle sharp teeth that tear and bite. Seen its claws that rip and gouge. It's real and alive and it will devour you. The only question will be whether it will take years to chew on the gristle, taking its time to pick your bones clean, savouring each tasty morsel as it swallows you piece by piece, or whether it will digest you in seconds, destroying you whole in one soul-crushing crunch.
Whichever way it chooses to annihilate you, there's no point in trying to run from it. And I was running. Running so hard that my chest felt like it was going to burst open. Running so hard that my shins felt like they might splinter into shards. And all the while, fear clung to me like the parasitic beast it was, burying its talons into the pit of my belly, entombing my heart within its deadly jaws. I'd felt fear before – God, how I'd felt it – but this, this was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Even seeing Lucius swept up in Caelan's arms was nothing compared to this. At least he was there and she was there and I could deal with it, I could do something. But now, here, too far away from the base, too far away to do anything, all I had was fear. Fear and guilt.
I'd done this. Me. Because I'd wanted to help no matter what the consequences. I'd wanted to save Amy and I'd gone against everyone's wishes to do so and all because I'd been so sure that I was right. Hardly more than a fledgling myself when compared to the others in the group and yet I'd decided that I knew better. They'd warned me and I hadn't listened, too caught up in my need to do the right thing. Too caught up in my desire to be compassionate.
I think you'll find your compassion very unforgiving as it chokes you.
Lucifer had been right. It was choking me now. Running back in the direction of the base, fear coiled around my throat and with each and every laboured step, it squeezed tighter and tighter, making each breath feel like a fire was burning in my windpipe. Tears stung my eyes. Pain stabbed into the soles of my feet.
By my side, matching my pace with their own, Harper and Josiah pounded the pathway through the park with me, Harper with his mobile to his ear as we ran.
"Fuck," he snarled, as we reached the gates at the Cambridge Road entrance. "Fenton isn't picking up."
Images flashed mercilessly into my head. Images of Sergio, entrails spilling out onto the snow. Images of Paige, his lifeless body slumped against the wall. Bloodstains on a child's bed.
No, no, no. I couldn't bear the thought that the base might have been discovered, that Amy might have betrayed us and led the Varúlfur there. I didn't want to see their broken bodies.
I didn't want to see what I had done to them all.
"Quick, cab," Josiah urged, raising an arm as a black cab came hurtling towards us down Albert Bridge Road, the light on its roof bidding us welcome. It pulled up alongside and Josiah wrenched open the door, ushering us inside.
"You have money, right?" Harper said as he jumped into the back of the cab, throwing himself down onto the seat next to me.
"Yeah, I got it," Josiah mumbled as he climbed in and sat on my other side. Sitting between Harper and Josiah in such a confined space wouldn't usually have been a wise choice but right then they could have slugged it out and I wouldn't have cared. I just needed to get back. I just needed to find Lucius and make him safe again. If I even could.
The cab driver looked expectantly at us in the rearview mirror. "Where to, folks?"
The journey was a blur. An agonisingly slow blur of street signs I could barely read, roads I didn't recognise and faces that melted into the twisted masks of demons as we went by. I gripped the edge of the worn leather seat, digging my fingers into the fabric and closed my eyes for a moment, the strong scent of coffee from the driver's red takeaway cup and a hint of cigarettes despite the no-smoking sign doing nothing to ease the nausea that had crept stealthily into the pit of my stomach. Every set of traffic lights seemed to be against us, almost as if someone, somewhere, was watching and hitting the switch to make them go to red every time we reached the next lights.
When the mobile rang and I saw Fenton's name flash up on the screen before Harper jabbed at it to accept the call, I knew I was dangerously close to throwing up. On one hand, I was glad to know he was still alive, but on the other, I dreaded his news, I dreaded the inevitable.
"Where are you?" Harper said, pausing for a second as he listened. "You need to get back. We think Lucius is in danger. The base might have been compromised." He glanced sideways at me, before looking away out of the window, his voice low and hesitant as he spoke. "We don't know, but we think ... well, it might be the girl."
I winced and cursed myself for letting us stray from the base. Why did I ever think distance was the answer? Why did I ever think that leaving Lucius was the right thing to do?
"Yep, we're on our way back now ...not far, about five minutes."
Five minutes. Five minutes that I knew would be the longest of my life. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth and swallowed hard, desperately praying that I could hold on.
A cold rush of air hit my face and I blinked, seeing Josiah's finger on the window switch. I took a welcome gulp of air and he offered me a reassuring smile. If things had been different, I might have been momentarily touched that he'd realised how close I was to throwing up.
"Better?" he said.
"I don't know ..." I murmured. "Yes, a little ... thanks."
"Yeah, well," he said, rubbing his palm over his grey-tinged beard. "Don't fancy you chucking up in my lap, do I?" I noticed how he kept tilting his head down, clearly to prevent the driver from seeing his eyes but I knew the driver had spotted them already. His curious glances in the mirror told me that.
"I'll be fine," I said. "I just need to get there. I need to get back."
Harper shifted beside me, ending the call.
"Fenton went out with Maggie, Clayton and a few of the others over to Putney to check out a reported attack over at the Heath. He's on his way back now but we'll make it there before he does. He's going to try and get through to Edward." He shot a glance at Josiah, before his eyes found mine again. "You know, this could be something and nothing. Whatever he's seen, it's vague at best. We don't know anything for sure yet."
Josiah assessed him coolly before shaking his head. "Still can't get your limited brain around all this can you, Cain?"
"I'm just saying that you don't know that the girl has done anything yet, you didn't actually see her do anything to Lucius or Megan for that matter."
"No, you're right. I didn't, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. She is dangerous."
Just hearing him say the words out loud again made the nausea come cascading back in great violent waves and I silently chastised myself for allowing the fear to control me. I was no good to Lucius like this. I was no good to anyone. I stared anxiously out of the window ahead. It wasn't until Harper laid a hand heavy on my knee and looked pointedly at me, did I realise that I'd been tapping my foot impatiently against the floor, my legs unable to keep still as inside my head I was screaming with frustration. He rubbed my thigh in a gesture meant to be comforting, but which only made my sense of guilt deepen, recalling how I'd clutched at him under the trees in a bid to forget the prophecy in Benjamin's journal, when really I should have been working out what the hell I was going to do to stop it from ever happening. I'd run from it, choosing avoidance over confrontation, choosing to lose myself with Harper, rather than face up to my fears. It wasn't Harper's fault of course, but I couldn't look at him, I suddenly couldn't bear the weight of his hand upon my leg because it felt so heavy with my own shame and failure.
"Here will do," Harper called out to the driver, as the cab turned into the street where the school was based. The old derelict building was at the far end of the street, the fence visible from here as the road veered round to the right. I stared at it, half-hypnotised with dread, barely registering as Josiah handed over the cash to the driver through the hole in the screen.
The driver seemed half-hypnotised himself as he looked at the seer in his mirror.
"Here, mate, what is that if you don't mind me asking? Cataracts or something?"
Josiah looked up then, giving the driver an unrestricted view of those cold white eyes. "Yeah, cataracts or something," he said, the softness of his deep voice doing nothing to soften the almost sinister intensity of his gaze.
It wasn't cataracts. The driver knew it wasn't cataracts and for the first time, I think he also knew there wasn't something quite right about the occupants in the back of his black Hackney carriage. He stiffened, his eyes darting to Harper and me in the mirror, doing whatever he could to avoid Josiah's stare. Of course, he had no clue what we really were - no one ever really thinks that could be a possibility until it's too late – but whatever he thought, it was obvious that he wished he'd never asked that question. When he pulled away, doing a u-turn in the road, he took one last look at us and I could almost hear his sigh of relief as he sped away from the three strange passengers he'd left by the roadside.
As soon as he'd gone, I started up the street, only to be pulled back by Harper, who gripped my arm firmly.
"Woah, woah, wait a second, angel, we can't be hasty about this."
"But you don't even think anything has happened. Something and nothing, you said."
"I'm just saying we should proceed with caution ... just in case." He scanned the street, inhaling deeply as he did so. "I can't detect any sign of the Varúlfur but that doesn't mean we shouldn't still be careful. I know you want to get in there, but let's make sure we're not about to become dessert, okay?"
I knew he was right. Knew it. But I wanted to start running again. How could such a short distance seem so far away?
"You carrying, right?" Harper said to Josiah. The big man nodded. "Right, come on then."
We approached the building, as Harper had said, with caution, although it was difficult to stop myself from running full pelt towards it. By the time we were at the perimeter fence, erected in an attempt to keep trespassers out, yet clearly having had very little effect, we still couldn't detect the foul stench of our enemy in the vicinity but I knew that didn't mean a damn thing. Sister Agnes's tormentors hadn't been Varúlfur after all, they'd been demons, possessing the bodies of humans so that they could get closer to the devout woman and although I wasn't sure whether they'd be able to overpower a building full of vampires, I wouldn't have put it past them to try.
Pulling on a loose part of the graffiti-decorated corrugated iron fence, Harper slipped inside the school grounds first, closely followed by myself and Josiah, who struggled to fit his huge bulk through the gap, cursing as he caught his hoodie on the sharp metal.
Not far from the fence, there was a small brick outbuilding that had once stored sports equipment, its door long since smashed in, revealing a stack of now mouldy blue gym mats and it was to here that we headed, taking position behind the faded red brick wall so we could survey the school itself.
"How long till Fenton gets here?" Josiah asked.
"He was twenty minutes away, maybe less so he won't be long." Harper looked at the time on his phone, before looking back at the school, his gaze sweeping across the face of the building, even though it revealed nothing but boarded-up windows and neglect. "We should probably wait ..."
I stared at him. "What? You're kidding me, right?"
"Megan, we have no idea what we're facing, if anything at all. It could all be fine, in fact, it probably is, but on the off-chance that it isn't, I'm not sure the three of us storming the building with no other back-up would be the wisest thing we've ever done."
Josiah screwed up his face, his eyes narrowing and the skin wrinkling at the corners as he too scanned the beat-up old building. "Hate to say it, darling, but Cain's right. That place ain't fessing up a damn thing and we haven't got a clue about what's going on inside. We go in without a few more people covering our arses and it could be suicide."
My stomach flipped. "But anything could be happening in there. What if she has Lucius now? A few minutes could make all the difference! We can do this, we can ..." My voice trailed off as the side door we used to get in and out opened up and Edward appeared, a cigarette clenched between his lips as he rolled his finger over the flint of the lighter.
"What the ..." Harper muttered, but I was gone before he could finish, sprinting across the short scrubby bit of land where toughened tufts of grass had burst free from cracks in the paving slabs, like hardy tundra grass. Hearing my footsteps and no doubt, the heavier booted steps of Josiah and Harper behind me, Edward looked up, his jaw dropping in alarm, cigarette dangling listlessly from his mouth.
"Sweet Moses, what's the blood emergency, my girl?" he said.
"Amy ...." I spluttered, unable to get the words out. "Amy ... Lucius ..."
His dark brows furrowed in confusion. "What the blue blazes are you talking about?"
"Fenton was going to call you?" Harper said as he ground to a halt beside me.
Edward's cheeks flushed just above his uncontrollable fuzzy black beard. "Eh? Oh that thing, I can't get the blasted gadget to work. Kept pressing all the bloody buttons but haven't got a clue, see? All this new-fangled modern technology addles my old brain, it does."
I grabbed hold of his arm. "So everything's okay? Everyone's alright?"
Edward recoiled slightly. "Well of course it is. Do ya think I'd be out here having a smoke if it wasn't? I'd smoke in there if I could, but Maggie gets awfully bloody tetchy about that type of thing. Against the law now, she says." He snorted a chuckle. "Since when have we ever cared a jot about the law, lass, eh?"
"And Lucius?" Harper questioned. "Lucius is okay?"
If he'd looked confused before, Benjamin's old compadre looked positively befuddled then. "The boy, you say?" He scratched at his head. "I guess so; can't imagine why he wouldn't be. Last I saw he was with that Amy girl, having a right old giggle, he was. They were 'avin a whale of a time."
Harper shot Josiah an accusatory glare. The seer shrugged, but I could see he was still coiled and tense, still running on instinct and on whatever terrors his vision has shown him.
Pushing past Edward, I yanked on the door and went inside, walking swiftly along the candle lit corridor, sending shadows dancing and gyrating across the walls as the tiny flames flickered violently in my wake. There was no Varúlfur. No demons. Just rooms filled with vampires and the stench of damp old books and rotting furniture. And yet something still scratched up my spine as if it was dragging its fingernails up my back, scoring my skin with long talons and making my hair stand on end and goosebumps ripple over my skin. Something didn't feel right. I couldn't quite work out what it was, but the feeling was horribly familiar.
I was halfway up the corridor when I remembered.
Lucius had been standing outside Fenton's old garage base, after the Oxleas battle. It had been quiet, too quiet, I recalled, and there had been something in the air, something unsettling and just not right. Back then, I couldn't put my finger on what it was, as there had been no obvious threat and yet I'd felt threatened regardless, as had Lucius who couldn't wait to get away. The boy was rarely frightened and I'd known then that if he was scared, then there was probably a very good reason why and also a very good reason why I should listen to him and get us the hell out of there as quick as we could.
That very same feeling haunted me now. That same prickle across my shoulder blades. That seem cold grip around my heart. Something was very wrong. There was a lingering threat in the air, a very real threat somewhere. Here, in this place. It had been here and I could feel it, almost as if it was stalking me down this corridor, but when I turned to look back, all I could see was Harper, Josiah and Edward, who'd abandoned his smoke to follow me inside.
I began to run.
"Lucius?" I called out. "Lucius?" I shouted his name, hearing the rising panic in my voice as I called for him over and over again. Some of the others, roused from their rooms, came to the doorways, blank faces peering out to see what the commotion was and none of them seemingly surprised that it was me causing the chaos as usual.
"Lucius!"
There was nothing. No shock of messy white blonde hair. No bright blue eyes peeking out at me. Just an endless nothing; seconds ticking by, each one more agonising than the last.
When Amy appeared up ahead of me from one of the side rooms, a book dangling from her hands, I stopped dead in my tracks, as if suddenly an invisible wall had sprung up right in front of me. For a moment, I just stared at her, unable to process why she was here – why she was still here, when Lucius was not.
"Where is he?" I said. "Where's Lucius?"
She frowned, her nose crinkling. "What do you mean? He's with you, isn't he?"
The frustration howled in my skull, sending sharp staccato pains shooting across my temples. "Does it look like he's with me?" I spat through gritted teeth. "Where is he, Amy? He was here, with you and now he's gone. What did you do?"
She took a step back, her eyes darting down to where I held my fists clenched by my sides. I didn't need to look down to know the glow was emanating out from between my fingers. I could feel the heat burning my palms already. I wasn't sure if I could stop it, wasn't sure I even wanted to.
Amy shook her head, her face suddenly pale with fear. "I didn't do anything. I swear I didn't."
"Then where is he? Where's Lucius?" It didn't even sound like my voice, this cold malevolent sound that somehow burst from my lips. I was burning, felt the fire so desperate to consume me, desperate to consume her. She was going to burn with me, I would make sure of it, I would ...
"Ch-Charlie came ..." She hitched a breath, the sob building in her throat.
Charlie.
I blinked. "W-what did you say?"
The tears slipped down her face then, weaving a path through the maze of freckles on her cheeks. "Charlie was here, he said you'd called and asked him to take Lucius to meet you. He took him. I thought it was okay ... he said it was okay. I don't understand ... he said it was okay, Megan, he said he was going to bring him to you."
It was my turn to recoil, rocking back on my heels as if she had reached out and punched me hard and square in the gut. "Charlie? Charlie took him?"
"Did I do the wrong thing? Megan?"
The world was crumbling around me. The walls disintegrated into dust. The floor juddered beneath my feet. And I was falling, falling, clutching at my throat as the ashes of what I had done – what I had really done – choked me until I couldn't breathe, until the tears streamed down my face and until Harper caught me before I could collapse. I clutched at him, holding onto him like I was a child in need of someone to save me, someone to protect me, when the brutal truth was, how could he ever protect me from myself?
I'd be so blind. So very, very blind to the threat that had been staring at me in the face all the time, every day for that matter.
Charlie. Our friend, Charlie. Our family, Charlie.
Every man has his thirty pieces of silver. It's just a case of working out what that might be.
*****
Josiah had been right, of course.
He might have been Harper's nemesis, even mine for a while too, but when it came to what he could do, what he could see, he was always right, even if those terrible visions weren't always completely obvious at first glance. And especially when we didn't want to believe them.
Amy had been dangerous. Not because of anything that she would do to Lucius or to me, but because by saving her, I'd unwittingly rolled the dice of fate, setting in motion events no doubt manipulated by Lucifer himself. He'd played the game better than me, that much was certain. Then again, he was the master of such sport as temptation and twisting souls, so maybe it should have come as no great surprise, but even I couldn't fathom what he could have possibly used to lure Charlie away from his family, from the people he had fought side by side with for years.
I knew I'd crossed the line by bringing Amy back to the base. I knew I'd practically danced over it when I'd insisted that I try to save her. And even afterwards, when it was done and she was saved, even then, I'd refused to see just what was right in front of my eyes because I didn't care -all that had mattered was that I was right and I had proved them all wrong.
So fucking arrogant. So blindly righteous. Do as I say, not as I do.
And now Lucius was gone.
No one had seen them leave. No one knew where they had gone to. It was as if they had simply vanished into thin air, like they had just slipped through the cracks of the old dilapidated building and disappeared into the night. Even Charlie's closest associates here had no idea what he'd been planning and the shock had hit them hard. It had hit them all hard. We didn't betray our own. Not anymore. We'd left those days behind us, and yet here we were, betrayed.
All around me, the others were gathering what little belongings they had together, desperately shoving clothes and whatever else they had into backpacks and bags, the anxiety playing out on their faces once again. I'd seen them wear fear so many times, I wasn't sure I knew what they'd look like if they weren't afraid, I wasn't sure I'd even recognise them.
With Charlie gone and no doubt heading to the Varúlfur, to trade the boy for his thirty pieces of silver, we couldn't possibly stay here any longer. I'd always known that we'd have to move on at some point, having been forced to adopt this nomadic lifestyle in order to protect ourselves from our enemies, but it seemed too soon after Oxleas. We weren't ready. It just seemed like another blow to the temple, another punch to the kidneys, weakening our backbone when we were just starting to stand on our feet again.
I watched numbly as Fenton and Harper made plans, as Edward, Maggie and the others ran here and there, helping those who needed it, reassuring as many as they could that everything would be okay. It was like standing still in the middle of Piccadilly Circus, letting the whirlwind of traffic and people bluster around you, never stopping, never slowing. It was chaotic and tumultuous and right slap bang in the eye of the storm, there I was, not moving, not feeling, doing nothing but rubbing my thumb over the smooth screen of Garrick's mobile phone which sat nestled in the pocket of his old jacket. I'd sat there too long. Every second of doing nothing was one second too long.
When I finally slipped out of the room, cutting through the melee of people and panic, no one noticed. The whole building was alive with action and by that point, I'd been forgotten – at least, for a short while anyway. As if on automatic, I walked along the corridor, where many of the candles had burnt to nothing, collapsed bodies of white wax and dying flames lining the long narrow hallway, until I reached the entrance where Clayton stood on duty, his huge bulk blocking the doorway, a firearm gripped firmly in his monstrous hand.
"I need some air," I muttered and he let me pass, one eyebrow raised, probably hoping that I would walk out and then keep on walking.
Weaving between the cars parked down the side of the building, out of sight from the road, I made my way over to the wall that marked the boundary on the other side, where Fenton and I had sat not so very long ago, looking out over the city. I stepped through the gap where a section of the wall had collapsed and glanced back to see if Clayton had come out to spy on me. When I saw that he hadn't, I took the phone from my pocket and gripping it tightly in my palm, I held it to my forehead, screwing my eyes tight shut as I swayed gently back and forth, counting to ten as I did so.
Exhaling deeply through pursed lips, I scrolled through the contact list and found the number I was looking for, hitting the call button. It took him less time to answer than I thought it would and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd been waiting for my call, knowing instinctively that I would, that I wouldn't be able to stop myself.
"Hello, Megs darling."
I swallowed hard. "I want the boy back. I'll trade you. Him for me."
I could almost hear him smiling into the phone. Bastard. "And what makes you think that I want you?"
I closed my eyes. "Because you do. You always did and you always will."
"It's too late. We have what we want, we don't need you."
"Still dancing to Drachmann's tune, Bran? Since when did you become such a puppet?"
He laughed. "And since when did you become so cocky? Just because you've got a few tricks up your sleeve now, it doesn't mean you hold the cards, Megs. Right now, from where I'm sitting, all the tricks in the world aren't going to save this kid of yours."
I wanted to scream. "Please, Bran."
"Always coming at me with the pleases when things aren't going your way."
"I'm begging you."
"Oh, I know you are and I appreciate it, really I do. I love it when you beg, really gets the blood pumping, you know?"
He was goading me, bating me to bite when he knew it would be the worst thing I could do.
"I saw you at the compound, Bran. I know you hated answering to Drachmann, I could see it in your eyes. It demeans you every time you have to do what he says, it weakens you in front of the clan. You're the Great Wolf. You're Vanagandr. You shouldn't have to answer to him and you know it. Even if you don't want to admit it, deep down you know it."
His voice was low and husky, something that would have once driven me wild with want, but now it only left me cold. Cold, frustrated and desperate. "Megs, Megs, Megs, you still know how to flatter a man's ego, don't you? Is this the best you can do? Heap praise on me and tell me how incredible I am, in the hope that I'll give up the boy?"
"You don't need them. You didn't need Drachmann and Lucifer to take control of the clans and you don't need them now. They need you more than you need them, you know that as well as I do."
His hesitation was all I needed.
"I'll come to you willingly. I'll give myself up to you and you can do whatever the hell you want with me. Anything you want. I won't fight you. I won't do a thing. You want to kill me, then you can kill me. Whatever you want. I'll be yours and yours alone."
The line went quiet for a moment, but I heard his breath quickening, a few very audible exhales as if he was trying to control his breathing.
When he spoke, it was more a guttural growl, something deeply animal, something territorially possessive that made my cheeks burn. "Mine," he said.
"Yes. Yours."
"Okay."
I was stunned. Had he just agreed? I didn't say anything for a moment, fear and exhilaration rippling through me.
"Don't try and contact me. I'll call you and when I do, you come to me straight away, you understand?"
"Yes, Bran."
I heard him click his tongue against his teeth a couple of times. "Good. Good. Oh, and Megs? Don't let him touch you again. If you do, I'll know. I don't want him laying his hands on you ever again, because if you let him, if you disobey me, then his hands will be the first thing I cut off his stinking body right before I kill him. From this point onwards, you're mine."
The line went dead and I was left staring at the phone.
In the distance, the city stood waiting, its many lights hiding the horrors that infested the underbelly of the streets, hiding the truth from its unsuspecting inhabitants. Somewhere out there, Lucius was also waiting and I was going to save him. No matter what it took.
"I will find you," I whispered. "Even if I have watch this whole city burn. Even if I have to watch him burn. I will find you."
Pocketing the phone, I took one last look at the sprawling mass of high rises and bright lights behind me, before turning slowly, unable to prevent the gasp from escaping my lips when I found Josiah standing there, blocking my way. He looked down at me, his white eyes locking me in.
"Well, well, well," he said, with a sigh and folding his arms across his broad chest. "Now this is an interesting turn of events. I think you and I might need a little chat, Megan, wouldn't you agree?"