The thing about physical pain is that it's so much easier to bear than any other kind of pain. The demon poison, though it stung and burned as it ate away at my body, was a relief to feel. It was a distraction, one strong enough that it took my mind off of Lizzie, even for a little bit.
I wasn't really aware of what was going on around me. Everyone was moving too fast, their voices blurring together. I remember Lizzie sitting next to me, holding my hand in hers as it grew numb, and I remember hearing Alec's voice, loud and angry, and Jace's far behind me, and Raphael's beside me.
And then suddenly someone was pressing their wrist to my lips, and blood was filling my mouth.
At first, I didn't want to be healed. It meant coming back to the real world. It meant having to face Lizzie, having to find a way to make her accept herself as a vampire when I couldn't. It meant remembering how far away I was from home, from Kai, from Warner.
But then I tasted the blood, and—though I hated to admit it—it was addicting. The taste lit my tastebuds on fire, sending me to cloud nine. And without knowing how I knew, I could tell without a doubt that it was Raphael's blood I was drinking. After the first swallow, I wrapped my hand around his wrist and pulled it closer to my lips, wanting—needing more.
And then suddenly I wasn't on the beach by the boat anymore.
The moon illuminated my bedroom as I walked in. It was exactly as I remembered it—a messy queen-sized bed in the corner; a tall bookshelf stacked high with books on demons and geography and foreign languages; a closet on the other side of the room, stuffed with pants I didn't bother to fold and shirts I forgot to hang up; and the green hills that separated Germany and Idris outside my window.
And there he stood in the middle of it all, his back to me. He wore a black leather jacket, even though his body temperature never changed. His hair was messy, and yet it looked as good as it always did. I was suddenly aware of how far away he stood, and how desperately I wanted to close the distance between us.
"Raphael." I gasped.
He turned around, his eyes taking me in. They roamed my body in a way that made me blush.
"What are you doing here?" I wondered, trying to keep my voice neutral.
He his lips tugged up into a smile, his eyes darkening in a way that made the room grow ten degrees hotter. "Waiting for you."
I took a step towards him. "Why were you waiting for me?"
"Because I had to be near you." He told me as if it were obvious. "I hate being a vampire. I know it will never be good enough for you. So I'm going to the Clave and asking to become a Shadowhunter."
A part of me knew it was impossible, but the other part of me didn't care. The fact that he was saying the words was enough.
"And when I become a Shadowhunter, I'm going to ask you to become my parabatai." He continued. He took a step towards me. He stood close enough to brush his fingers across my cheek. "The only problem is, I won't be able to do this." And then he kissed me.
It was fiercer than I imagined it would be. He wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him until we were chest to chest. My heart began to speed up, beating so fast I thought it would burst, and I wondered if his would have beat as fast, too, if his still beat. His lips parted from my lips, and I moaned before I could stop myself. My cheeks burned with embarrassment as his lips moved down my jaw, down my neck, stopping just above my collarbone.
"Raphael..." I gasped, my eyes closing in pleasure.
He moved backwards, pulling me along with him, until he fell onto the bed. I landed on top of him, cupping his face in my hands and pulling his lips back onto mine. Never had I felt so desperate to have someone so close. I was impatient, wanting him to kiss every part of me.
Suddenly, he was on top of me. His tongue played with my lips, and I opened my mouth wider, our tongues gliding together. I moved my fingers up through his hair, feeling his soft curls wrap around my fingers. His hands ran down my stomach, running underneath my shirt. He traced circles into my skin, and goosebumps appeared wherever he touched me.
The daydream stopped just as soon as it had begun. I opened my eyes and shot up, looking around. I was no longer in my room in Germany, and Raphael and I were no longer alone. Lizzie and Raphael sat beside me. Lizzie looked at me nervously, but Raphael looked at me as if he had seen exactly what I had daydreamed about. It made me blush as hard as I had when he kissed me.
Lizzie threw her arms around me, making me look away from Raphael. I hugged her back, my arms squeezing her as close to me as possible.
"I thought you were going to die!" She exclaimed.
I smiled, even though she couldn't see me. "I wouldn't let something as silly as a demon take me away from you."
She pulled away then, fear in her eyes. "That's what those... things were? Demons?"
I nodded.
"What doesn't exist in this world?" She wondered.
"We have a saying." I told her. "'All the legends are true'".
"So angels exist?" She wondered, disbelieving. "Because if there's demons, then there has to be angels, right?"
I tried not to laugh. "Shadowhunters are part angel."
"What about unicorns?" She asked hopefully.
"Those are animals of the Seelie Court." I answered.
"Seelie?" She repeated. "As in, fairies?"
I nodded.
"Are they evil?"
"Not the Seelie Court." I told her. "They may be tricksters, but they're good. The Unseelie Court is bad."
She opened her mouth, but I stopped her, knowing if I didn't that we could be here all night.
"I'll answer all of your questions later." I promised. "But we all need some rest right now."
She looked disappointed, but nodded and didn't argue.
I stood up and saw Alec and Jace a few feet away. Alec was carefully applying a healing rune to his parabatai. Something on his weapons belt caught my eye, something that hadn't been there earlier. It shined in the moonlight, and I could faintly tell that it was a dagger made of gold.
"What is that?" I asked Alec when they walked over to us.
He looked down at his weapons belt and pulled out the dagger. "I don't know. I found it on the boat."
"The demon thing that attacked me," Lizzie spoke up, "it was holding onto that."
I looked back at her, wondering if she had been hallucinating. "Demons don't normally carry weapons with them."
"It was holding the dagger in it's mouth, though." She told me. "But as soon as it saw me, it dropped the dagger."
I glanced at Alec, then back at her.
She put her hands up, surrendering. "I'm innocent."
"We're not mad at you, Lizzie." I told her. "We just need to know what's going on."
"Don't look at me." She told us. "I'm as confused as all of you."
"We can look into it tomorrow." Raphael said behind me. "All of you look like you're about the keel over."
I tensed up at the sound of his voice, trying not to think about his lips on mine.
Something out of the corner of my eye blinded me, reflecting the moonlight on its surface. I turned to see a jewel on the hilt of the golden dagger.
"Opal." I murmured.
"What?" Alec asked, confused.
I pointed to the dagger. "That jewel is an opal. It's my birthstone."
"Have you seen this dagger before?" Jace spoke up.
I glanced at him, shaking my head. "Not before tonight."
There was a long silence, and I saw Alec and Jace exchange a look.
"Raphael's right." I finally said. "We need to get some rest."
"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Lizzie asked next to me.
I looked down at her, and suddenly I was filled with dread at the idea of telling her that she would never be able to sleep in my bed again, at least not as long as I stayed in an institute.
"You can stay with me." Raphael offered.
Her eyes widened. "No offense, but I haven't met you before tonight. You could be a murderer or something."
"I did save your life, you know." Raphael argued, but his heart wasn't in it.
"It's okay." I told him. "I know where she can stay."