CHAPTER 14
CAT
As Cat sped towards James' parents' house to pick up Luke, her fear and panic were slowly ebbing away, leaving behind a lot of anger – but not all of it directed at her ex.
Why did she forget her phone? She should've gone right back in there to fetch it the moment she realized it was still lying around on her kitchen table. She should've stopped to get it before they went bowling. By that point she was well aware that she'd be gone for most of the evening. Who the fuck goes twelve hours without checking their phone anymore, especially when they had a toddler that wasn't with them?
She should've prepared for anything to happen while Luke was away and not just assumed he'd be fine. She shouldn't have let herself get too swept up into her date night with Nick. Was she a bad mother for barely thinking of Luke at all while everything was happening over there?
James was irresponsible last night, and she'd yelled at him, but maybe she was merely projecting a lot of feelings onto him that she was feeling about herself. She was just as irresponsible for getting drunk and—
Her phone started to vibrate and Cat was quick to check it despite the fact that she was still driving. She was coming up to a red light, which made her feel a little safer about checking the text. It was from Nick, asking her if she'd made it home alright and if she had enough aspirin to last her the rest of the afternoon.
She felt tears sting the back of her eyelids again and quickly dialed his number, needing to talk to somebody right now so that she wouldn't completely lose her mind. She put him on speaker and returned her phone back onto the dock.
"Can't get enough of me, huh?" Nick replied almost immediately, his voice filling the car.
"Something happened with Luke last night," Cat said in a choked voice, angrily wiping at her cheek and silently cursing at herself for crying again.
"What?" Nick asked and Cat was surprised by the panic and urgency in his voice. She could hear movement in the background, like he'd stood up too quickly and knocked something over. "Cat, what happened? Is he OK?" he continued when she didn't immediately speak.
"Yes... yes, he's fine now... He ran away from the backyard and ended up on the street because fucking James wasn't watching him... His grandfather picked him up. He was going to the store to grab something... I don't know what... James probably said but I—anyway, I... um... I came home and I had all of these texts and voicemails and I just—"
She wiped at her tears again and a sob left her lips. She'd have to stop on the side of the road if her obstructed vision got too bad, which would mean leaving Luke with James for a few minutes longer than he had to be. She wouldn't have that. She needed him in her arms right now.
"Hey, Cat, babe, it's alright, he's fine now, take deep breaths," Nick told her in a deep, soothing voice. She wished she could reach for his hand right now, or have his arms around her holding her close against him.
"I know, but—I just—I don't think I've ever been that scared in my life... I mean, who the fuck doesn't know you have to watch a toddler at all times? Especially Luke, he's always getting into trouble when you leave him alone long enough... But would James know that? Of course not, 'cause he's never fucking there! But now he won't be, I gave him the boot. I'm just... I'm so done with him," Cat said tearfully.
"Do you want me to come over when you get back home later?" Nick asked.
Cat hesitated. She wanted to say yes, because she really did want him around, but at the same time she didn't know if it'd be the best idea.
"Thanks Nick, I really appreciate it, but I think I just need to spend the rest of the day with Luke by myself if you don't mind..." she said, sniffing and wiping at her eyes again.
"Yeah, that's fine, don't worry... Just let me know if you need anything," Nick said, sounding so sincere and so caring that it made Cat start to cry again. "Be safe, OK? Don't drive so fast, OK? I know you want to get to Luke, but you also want to get to him in one piece," he added, and not for the first time Cat had the impression that he was some kind of mind reader because she had been driving a little over the speed limit in all of her haste. He just understood her so well, and to think it'd only been three weeks since he'd entered her life – not even a full month.
"I'll be OK," she whispered.
Cat ended up parking on the side of the road just a few houses down from James' parents' so that she could compose herself a little. She didn't want to come knocking on their door looking like she'd been sobbing pretty much uncontrollably for the last half hour.
Unfortunately, it was James that came and opened the door. A fiery anger washed over Cat at the sight of him, and although she kept her fist clutched tight around the strap of her purse, she had half a mind to reach up and slap him.
"Hey Cat, you really didn't have to come all this way, I would've brought him over tonight," he said in such a relaxed sort of way that had her blood boiling.
"I meant what I said James," Cat said pointedly, glaring at him. "I don't want you around him anymore."
James looked like he wanted to argue, but he closed his mouth again when Luke came running down the hallway, slamming into Cat's legs. He hugged her so tight that Cat almost lost her balance. She gripped the side of the door and smiled, forcing herself to keep it together for Luke's sake.
"Hey, baby, are you ready to go back home?" she whispered, crouching down to give him a big hug. She picked him up off the floor and let him sit on her hip.
"Yes mama. Can we go see Nick?" Luke grinned.
"Who's Nick?" James glared.
"None of your business," Cat glared back, feeling her cheeks flush but for once, it wasn't with embarrassment. What made him think he had a right to look at her like that when he fucked around with loads of other girls while she was still in her first trimester? "Alright Luke, let's go home," she said with a sigh, giving James one last scathing look.
"Bye buddy, I'll see you later, alright?" James grinned, reaching up to bump his fist against Luke's pudgy knuckle.
Luke didn't reply.
The whole drive home was spent in silence. While Luke was usually so chatty and energetic after a weekend with his dad, right now he looked deep in thought. There was something sad about the look in his narrowed eyes.
"So I hear you went on a little adventure last night," Cat said finally.
"I wanted to go home. Daddy wasn't being nice to me," Luke muttered. "Are you mad at me mommy?" he added in a little voice, looking up at the back of Cat's head with such a broken expression on his face.
Cat tried to steady her voice before speaking. Looking at her son's features through the rear-view mirror, her heart was positively breaking.
"No, baby, I'm not mad," she said in a surprisingly even tone, much to her relief. "But you can't run away like that again without telling anyone, alright? You can get really, really hurt and mama won't know where you are... do you understand?" she said.
"Yes mama, I understand," Luke nodded.
She was silent for a while, watching Chicago pass her by. It was the end of the afternoon on a Sunday, so things were a lot quieter than they'd been on Friday when she drove to Nick's parents.
"Luke, if the car hadn't belonged to Grandpa Jack, if it was a man you didn't know, would you have gotten inside?" she asked finally.
Luke seemed to think about this for a few seconds before answering. "I don't know."
"I don't want you to ever get into a car with somebody that you don't know, OK? You can go with Aunt Amanda or Aunt Hannah, but if you don't know the person or if mama doesn't know the person, then you can't go in, do you understand?" she told him firmly.
"Why?" Luke asked.
"Some people aren't very nice and they might try to hurt you," Cat told him.
"What if they are nice?" the little boy asked in all of his two and a half year-old innocence.
"People can pretend to be nice sometimes," Cat explained. "Promise me, Luke, you won't ever get in a car with a stranger or you won't ever go talking to somebody you don't know, okay?" she added, realizing she sounded a little bit stern, but she really wanted him to be safe, even on the rare occasions that she wasn't there with him. What about daycare? The employees would never let Luke go with anyone without her confirmation first, but what if a stranger approached him during the kids' recess?
"I promise mama," Luke answered.
"Thank you sweetie," Cat sighed.
"What about Nick? Is he a stranger? Can I go with him?" Luke inquired suddenly.
"Yes, you can go with Nick," Cat answered so easily it surprised her.
She thought about her answer thoughtfully, realizing that she did in fact trust Nick to be alone with her son, a heck of a lot more than she would ever trust James at this point. He'd proved himself time and time again without Cat ever asking him to. She could tell that he cared a lot about her son, and that he'd never let anything happen to him.
It scared her too though, knowing how easily it would be to get used to having Nick around. He was so stable and kind, but she'd found last night that he was also rebellious and fun-loving. He made her laugh and he made her smile.
He was there, not only physically, but emotionally as well. He was there for her like nobody else had been in a really long time... and he was there for her son too. He didn't have to. He had absolutely no responsibility to Luke... and yet... he just was.
"Mama, can Nick come over for dinner tonight?" Luke asked.
"I'll call him and ask him when we get back home," Cat smiled, realizing she told him earlier that she needed to be alone, but now that she thought about it some more she realized that was the last thing she wanted. She was so tired of being alone, of not trusting people because she was so goddamn scared of getting herself hurt... or that Luke would get hurt...
She was ready to break down these walls she'd built around herself and the life she had with Luke. She was ready to finally let somebody in. There were risks, but like most good things, she wanted to hope it'd be worth it in the end.