Althea's POV
Bustling crowd. People walking back and forth. Huge electronic billboards from left to right. Skyscrapers all over. Cars speeding along the way. This is indeed a one hell of a busy street. But who am I kidding? This is New York after all.
I've been here for almost two years now. Two years and still mending a broken heart. I never plan on leaving my country, it's just that I'm so damn hurt I wanted to overhaul my whole life, my whole personality.
A lot of tragic things happened in my life but I can say that this has been the most painful one next to when the heavens took my parents. I thought makakaya ko na since napagdaanan ko na ito kay Cathlyn, but I thought wrong. This misery I am in because of Jade is slowly killing me. Buhay pa ako pero wala na akong maramdaman. It's like she took all my emotions away and I don't even know how to get it back.
After that night I had with Jade, the best night actually, she left me. Again. I waited for her to comeback but she never did. Halos hindi ako umalis sa townhouse ko dahil naniniwala akong babalik siya. Naniniwala akong umatras siya sa engagement nila ni David. Tumutok ako sa news, updates sa social media kung anong nangyari pero walang lumalabas. Kung natuloy ba ito o hindi. They were so powerful that they can even control the media.
I tried reaching her over the phone pero laging operator ang sumasagot sa akin. Never a day had passed na hindi ko siya tinawagan pero hindi man lang ito nagriring. Hindi ko alam if she changed her no. o sadyang naka-block lang ako sa kanya. I actually asked Batchi to even tried and dial Jade to see if it's the same with mine. And when she did, operator lang din ang sumasagot.
I wanted to call Sally pero hindi ko naman alam ang number niya. Hindi ko din naman alam saan siya nakatira dahil hindi naman kami nagkaroon ng maraming time para mag-hangout. So because of my frustration, I swallowed my pride and tried reaching for David. Siya ang kahuli-hulihang tao na gusto kong hingan ng tulong but I don't have a choice. I can't just stand here and do nothing. Pero kagaya din ni Jade, mukhang nagpalit na din ito ng number.
I'm starting to feel hopeless and tensed dahil pakiramdam ko, pinaglaruan lang nila akong dalawa. I can't help but to think Jade betrayed me. Na isa lang akong parausan dahil bago sa kanya ang klase ng relasyon namin.
But I didn't let my demons won over my sanity. Sinikap kong paglabanan at intindihin ang sitwasyon kahit wala akong kasiguraduhan. Basta ang pinanghawakan ko lang, alam kong may dahilan ang lahat. I know Jade, and I have faith in her. Kung sabihin man niya sa akin na hindi niya na ako pwedeng piliin, tatanggapin ko.
Kahit masakit.
So after one week of staying inside my house, I finally got the courage to go to their mansion. Pakiramdam ko kasi mababaliw na ako kakaisip anong nangyari kay Jade. Pagdating ko doon sa kanila, hinarang kaagad ako ng mga security guards. Hindi pa nga ako nakakapasok ng gate, naka-abang na kaagad sila sa'kin. I didn't have any idea what's going on since their security doubled. Noong unang punta ko naman doon, hindi ganoon kadami yung security.
I begged and asked them politely if I can talk to Jade. I even tell them that I am one of her friends kahit gustong-gusto kong sabibin ang totoong relasyon ko sa kanya. But they didn't gave a chance. Kulang na nga lang hatakin na nila ako palabas ng subdivision. I am starting to get impatient and readied myself to charge at them just so I can get inside. Wala akong pakialam kahit makulong ako at mag-umpisa ng eskandalo.
All I wanted right now is to see Jade.
When I started shouting at the securities, that's when an old middle aged man came out. None other than, Mr. Tanchingco. Nakaramdam ako ng kaunting pag-asa dahil alam kong kilala ako ni Mr. Tanchingco. Maayos naman ang pakikitungo niya sa'kin noong organizer pa ako ng kasal ng panganay nito.
But I was wrong.
He's smiling devilishly while looking at me with pure disgust. I have no idea why because as far as I know, wala naman alam ang pamilya ni Jade tungkol sa aming dalawa. Her mother knew but it was never confirmed. Ang nakakaalam lang naman sa relasyon namin ay ang kapatid niyang si Paul.
Then it hit me.
The pictures that Jade showed me before were all from him. From his father. Jade never told me who it was from but judging by the looks on his father, I knew it was him. At hindi nga ako nagkamali ng aminin niya ito mismo sa harap ko.
My anger rapidly rose from my chest it started hurting. My mind instantly went dark as all I could think of right now is how I can kill this beast right in front of me. But I instantly washed it off my head. I shouldn't be dealing with that at this moment. Ang importante sa'kin ngayon ay ang makausap si Jade. I don't have the time to deal with it now.
So instead of punching and strangling him, I knelt in front of him. Swallowing all my pride and dignity just for Jade. My anger turned into overflowing tears that I didn't mind controlling.
"Mr. Tanchingco, nakikiusap po ako. Let me talk to Jade please."
"Who do you think you are, Ms. Guevarra? Wala ka ng hahabulin sa anak ko. Hindi ka na niya mahal dahil engaged na siya kay David."
His confirmation stung but I can't give up yet. Hindi ako maniniwala hangga't hindi ito nanggagaling kay Jade.
"Mahal ko po ang anak niyo. Hayaan niyo lang pong magkausap kami at kung totoo man po ang inyong sinasabi, ako na po mismo ang lalayo sa kanya."
"Lapastangan kang babae ka! Sinasabi mo bang nagsisinungaling ako?! Kahit libutin mo man ang bahay namin, hinding-hindi mo na makikita si Jade. Sumama na siya kay David sa China para doon na manirahan. You see, Ms. Guevarra, ayaw ka ng makita ng anak ko. Mas pinili niyang umalis ng bansa dahil alam niyang hahabul-habolin mo siya."
With that, I choked. I was stunned. My head felt like spinning. I can't even move an inch. I just stared blankly on the concrete ground while my eyes suddenly stopped crying. My hands automatically formed into fists until my nails dug onto my own palms, making it bleed. I heard him still talking about something but my mind couldn't comprehend what is it since his last statement was the only thing reverberating inside my head.
I'm hurt as hell. I'm in so much pain I felt lifeless.
Jade, bakit mo ba ginagawa sa'kin to?
Akala ko pipiliin niya na ko over David. Akala ko she still loves me kaya hindi niya ako magagawang iwan. Akala ko sasamahan niya ako lumaban muli para sa pag-iibigan naming dalawa.
But I guess I expected for nothing once again.
My chest instantly felt a pang whenever I remember that day. It has been two years but everything felt like it just happened yesterday. I've been trying hard to keep it off my chest and deny the pain I'm feeling but it still haunts me.
Ito kasi ang mahirap kapag pinaasa at umasa.
Umasa na naman ako na meron talagang for keeps sa aming dalawa. Pero anong magagawa ko? Mahal ko eh. In fact, makita ko lang siya ngayon and ask for apologies, I would gladly welcome her with all my heart despite of what she did to me.
Am I stupid? Am I that masochist? Martyr ba ko?
I guess, I am. And I would be proudly call myself those if its with Jade.
I really love that woman. And continue loving her kahit na alam ko sa mga oras na ito, masaya na siya kapiling ng iba.
I can't help but to smile bitterly at the thought. I am on my way to my apartment, walking down the streets of New York City. I've been like this for two years now. After ko magtrabaho, diretso na agad umuwi. It's not that I don't wanna socialize to anyone here, it's just that I'm too tired and I feel myself changing.
I don't smile the way I do before. I can't laugh or talk the same anymore. I feel tired of everything. Parang nagpapakain na lang ako sa sistema dito sa NY. But that's how I keep on surviving. I keep on existing but not living. Isang manika na de susi ang tingin ko sa sarili ko ngayon.
My source of living here is a small events organizing company. It's quite popular that's why the compensation is more than enough to pay my bills. And because of my natural talent on the job, I got promoted on my first six months. From Junior Coordinator to Senior Executive Coordinator.
I honestly felt proud kasi magagaling din naman ang mga kasabayan ko but my supervisors chose me over them. Not to mention my nationality is different from them. I've gain some acquaintances here pero hindi ko sila gaanong ka-close kasi pinipigilan ko kaagad yung sarili kong maattach sa kanila.
I fished out my key card from my clutch bag. As soon as I enter my apartment, I collapse my body on the leather couch and heave out a sigh. It has been a long week for me at work. Good thing tomorrow is my day off.
I felt my phone vibrated against my back pocket. I took it out and surprised on the name flashing on the screen. I slide the screen immediately to answer the call.
"Hello?"
"Tsong! Tagal mo ng hindi tumatawag ah! Kilala mo pa ba kami?" Batchi greeted me and I can imagine her smiling widely. This has been our way of communication since I left the country.
"Baliw! Busy lang sa trabaho. Kamusta kayo dyan?" I answered her with a huge grin.
"Ayos lang naman. May forever pa din samin ni Abby. Hahaha!" She laughed and I can't help but to laugh with her too. Siraulo talaga. "Ikaw dyan? May nahanap ka na bang bagong chicks dyan?"
"Pft. Wala na kong panahon sa ganyan, Batch. Tapos na ko sa ganyan." I said with all confidence.
"Naks! Ang dating lover boy, naka-move on na ngayon?" She teased while chuckling.
"Ewan ko sa'yo! Kamusta naman ang business ko dyan?"
"Okay naman. Mahirap pa lang maging tagapagmana mo, tsong. Ang sakit sa bangs! Buti na lang magaling din yung nakuha kong assistant dito." In case your wondering, before I left, I assigned Batchi to be my successor, though hindi ko pa naman completely binibigay sa kanya yung company.
"Sus, sisiw sa'yo yan. Pambababae nga, maliit lang na bagay sa'yo. Yan pa?"
"Haha! Gago! Nagbago na to, uy! Ikaw na lang naman ang hindi pa."
"Ulol! Sige na, matutulog na ko. Ikamusta mo na lang ako kay Wila. Tagal ko na din hindi nakakausap yung babae na yun."
"Oo nga eh. Isa rin yun. Sige, tsong. Sabihan kita pag tatawag ulit ako para kasama ko si Wila. Mag-iingat ka dyan. Huwag mo masyadong i-deprive yung sarili mo. Mag-enjoy ka naman, Althea. Huwag laging magmukmok, okay?"
"Masusunod po, inay. Asahan niyo po." I joked but I seriously wanted to cry since I really miss them so much. Sa tinagal ko dito sa New York, silang dalawa lang ni Wila ang tanging kinapitan ko.
"Sige, tsong. Good night na dyan. We miss you!" I pouted as I try my best not to cry out loud.
"Miss ko na din kayo. Good morning!" I answered cooly with my eyes brimming with tears.
"Bye, tsong. Huwag mo masyadong isipin si Jade, mahal ka pa din nun." I was left dumbfounded by her declaration. I can hear her faint laugh on the other line and before I could react, the line is already dead.
I stared my phone for awhile as I try to calm the beating of my heart. I wasn't surprise the way my body react upon hearing her name, it's just that after a long time, ngayon lang siya ulit namin napag-usapan.
Sa paminsan-minsan namin magkausap magkakaibigan, never naman nila inopen-up kung anong nangyari kay Jade. Hiniling ko rin kasi na huwag na muna siyang pag-usapan para sa inaakala kong mabilis ko din siyang makakalimutan.
But I am totally not over her.
Obviously, malakas pa din ang tama ko sa kanya. Marinig ko nga lang ang pangalan, kinakabog na yung dibdib ko. What more kung makaharap ko na? To be honest, there were times that I have this urge to go home and tell Jade how sorry I am for leaving her. For giving up easily and chose to forget everything about us. For running away from her and not letting her explain what really happened.
But how do I start? Ni hindi ko nga alam kung mahal niya pa ba ako. Hindi ko rin sigurado kung hindi nga talaga sila nagkatuluyan ni David. At mas lalong hindi ko alam kung may babalikan pa ba ko. Baka nga malaki ang galit sa'kin ngayon nun.
I didn't notice I was already massaging my temples because of this growing stress. Every night, my regrets eat me up. I almost have to deal with it everyday. If I could just turn back the time, I would surely wait for her even if it takes a lifetime. Hindi ako magpapatalo sa galit at sakit na naramdaman ko. I would surely won't let go easily because honestly, I'd rather wait in vain than run away with regrets.
If she could just hear me now, I wanna tell her how I still love her. That my heart stayed only with her. Before, I wish my love I have for Jade will go away. I wish I could just forget everything about her to stop this numbing pain and move on with my life.
But right now, all I want is to do otherwise.
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A.N
Sorry for the short and lame update. I know guys. I feel you. Haha. But good news! I'm starting to get a clearer view on how this story will go. May liwanag na ang buhay. Pasasaan ba at makakaraos din tayo.
So, see you in next chap! Baka matagalan ulit before ako makapag-update but I promise to do it as soon as I can.
Adios, amigos!