Disclaimer—This is the first featured story I've ever reviewed. I feel honoured for being chosen to complete this wonderful task.
Title: Where Seagulls Fly
Author: mittasw
Genre: General Fiction/Romance
Rating: PG-13
# of Chapters: 43 (Complete)
# of chapters I read: 3
Summary/Blurb:
[WATTPAD FEATURED STORY]
K-drama meets modern day Elinor Dashwood
An unwilling heiress gives up her dream to please her biological father and proposes a contract marriage to save the man she loves. Is she capable of living a lie knowing his heart belongs to another?
Engaged to be married to the beautiful spokesmodel of Park Resorts, Min Jun's life appears to be mapped out nicely until fate decides to shake it up. Betrayed and in debt, will he trade his future happiness for short-term gains. Or will he lose everything he has come to cherish and love?
Review:
Cover:
When I first read the title, I expected to have a sea setting on the cover. This looks more like a lake, but it could just be the angle from which the picture was taken from (not all beaches are sandy).
I like how you have the protagonist on the cover and looking up on the seagulls (hopefully they don't drop a nasty surprise on her head), I guess it's symbolic in the fact that birds have always represented freedom, whilst the main character is bound by an unwanted marriage. Besides the bird, the rural setting also represents escapism. It's not uncommon for someone who lives in the big city to also have a house somewhere in the countryside—it's a place where you can get away from your problems and sort of be at peace for a while, before getting back into the grind.
At least, that's the way I've interpreted this, I could be reading into it too much, but these are the messages that are conveyed to me.
The only issue I have with this is the fact that the image looks over-sharpened (which also caused those two rectangles on the trees in the background). I think you were trying to place emphasis on the distinction between the different objects on the cover, but that aspect of it looks a little odd.
Overall—Nice!
Blurb:
"K-drama meets modern day Elinor Dashwood."
Anyone who has watched Korean dramas knows that dramas from the Western world cannot even remotely compare to these bad bitches. K-dramas are one of the most intense, emotionally damaging things you'll ever watch in your life—especially when it comes to romantic series. You'll spend half of your time crying, 100% guaranteed. Judging from the rest of the blurb, I can tell that this fits your story perfectly, I can already tell that there will be a lot of lying and deception when it comes to matters of the heart. Bring it.
The blurb contains your typical love triangle (one girl between two men), but I'm hoping that it won't be the kind where the female protagonist is an air-head and gives up her first lover to be with the one in the contracted marriage. In a few words, I'm hoping that she won't just "accept" her situation. Where would the fun be in that?
It's also unclear what dream she's giving up? I have no idea at this point what her aspirations are (is she the spokesmodel of Park Resorts?), so her giving up a 'dream' is meaningless to me. In the beginning, I assumed that she was giving up the love of her life to appease her father, but then I realise that the love of her life is actually Min Jun, the guy who's broke and needs to be saved??
*head explodes*
There are also a lot of adjectives that were redundant, such as "unwilling heiress" (obviously she doesn't willingly give up her dream), then for 'biological father', biological is unnecessary, as well as "engaged to be married". Obviously, if she's engaged, what follows is marriage. Then, "will he trade his future happiness for short-term gains?" Well if the guy is in debt, it's not a short-term gain. Either he falls more in debt and drowns in it, or he does what he can to get out of it—what is he trading his happiness for? Isn't he getting married to the future heiress of Park Resorts?
Sorry, I just don't really understand what's going on right now. Everything is a little vague, so I suggest that you fix this blurb up asap.
First Impression:
I loved the picture you painted in the first chapter—I could imagine Su Bin riding her bike along the lake, the cherry trees blossoming, and then suddenly, the tragic allergic reaction to a bee sting. I loved how sudden the transition was, the character didn't notice this from afar, but it happened abruptly and without warning—I could feel the adrenaline pumping, and the rush to help this guy. The writing was clean and simple—the blurb really doesn't do justice to this (everything just flowed so well, I didn't the writing jarring or anything).
In the first chapter, there were only a few things that I feel could use some work—for one, I felt like everything was described a little objectively. The danger with writing in the third person limited POV is creating a distance between the protagonist and the reader—I felt like I was watching a movie, not that I was right there beside Su Bin, trying to save the collapsed man. For example, you showed her calm and controlled exterior very well—I would have expected her to be someone who has worked in her field for many years—but then you say "Still early into her stint as a doctor, she had yet to experience a patient dying in her care." That hit me like—damn, so she's new to this. Her thoughts weren't enough to convey that whirlwind of emotions inside of Su Bin. She's never dealt with a dying man before, so no matter how hard she can try to show how she has everything "under control" there should be some slip-ups in her movements, like her hands shaking, the blood rushing in her ears, the woman's nervousness putting her on edge as well.
It's not a matter of adding a voice to the narrator, which is an outsider looking in, it's more like showing us what Su Bin is feeling.
I also found that the part where it said, "A loud, high-pitched scream from a female penetrated the calm silence." Now I'm sure that the man had already collapsed, and this was the woman reacting to this, but she had already called for help. I think it would make more sense that first she screamed, and then she calls for help, not vice-versa. This first chapter reminds me a lot of that story about how a woman got a heart attack on a plane, and when they asked for a doctor, 8 people stood up saying that they had been on their way to a cardiology seminar. (She lived)
It's like fate just happened to make her ride her bike early that day—you've foreshadowed this right in the beginning—and save the man in time. I think it was very cleverly done.
In chapter two, there is a mention of "the enormity and stress of the moment". I was told about the stress, not shown through the character's actions. (Remember to show, not tell.)
I found it funny how Sun Bin took one look at the guy and got all hot and bothered about how handsome he was, and how they had kissed for CPR. Like, the guy's face was swollen and his lips were purple and nasty, but I guess seeing the handsome side of him can be overwhelming.
Overall, this was a very enjoyable read. The chapters were short (staying true to the length of k-dramas, which are usually in a miniseries format), but not too short as to lack important details and information. Initially, I found that Sun Bin's reactions were a little over-dramatic, such as when she got angry at the guy for offering to give her monetary compensation for saving his life, but then I understood that this anger stems from personal experience and maybe, perhaps, a cultural thing? You wouldn't think much of it had it been on a TV screen, but through the writing it gives you more food for thought—it's not easy to transpose the visual into writing, and I think you've done a great job with that. I can see why this story got featured.
Writing Style:
The writing was (mostly) clean and to-the-point. You didn't dilly dally by using purple prose, although at times you did use adjectives that created some redundancy—such as "biological father". There was no mention of her being adopted, so I just assumed that he was her biological father. Sometimes you used the wrong terminology—for example when Su Bin changed into her hospital gown, I think you meant scrubs? Because hospital gowns are what patients wear, not doctors. I'd also like for there to be more showing and less telling in some parts—I've already talked about this under my first impression, so I don't think I have to reiterate on it.
Characters:
Sun Bin—I'm unsure about whether she's the protagonist of this story or not, because she wasn't mentioned in the blurb. She's an ER intern, but despite the lack of experience, she doesn't let this get in the way of doing her job well. She has nerves of steel, is very humble, and uses her tragic background as a springboard towards achieving her dreams, rather than allowing her to get put down by it. I like her. (By the way, she forgot her bike at the park)
Min Jun—Handsome, rich, but didn't come across as an asshole. Through Sun Bin's eyes, he seemed genuine, but I'd have to read further into the story to know more about his true personality. I'm surprised he didn't know about his allergy to bees—you're usually tested for this stuff through blood tests.
Screaming woman—Invites Sun Bin to her wedding without telling the girl her name. I love how over-dramatic her character was; she was practically on the verge of pulling her hair out when her fiancée collapsed. Again, she seems nice, but Sun Bin seems to see the good in everyone. Maybe she got it from her mother?
Diamond rating ♢ (1—10): 8
The only reason I gave this an eight was because of the blurb. It's weird how unclear and vague it was considering that the story itself was very clear-cut and easy to follow. The issue with that is—if I pick up a book and don't understand what is to be expected from the story, then I most likely will not read on to find out. This is a great story, and it needs a blurb that can show this.
I'm going to add this to my Diamond In The Rough reading list. Good work!