When things finally work themselves out, a sort of freedom comes with it. It doesn't matter that only the smallest fraction has been sorted through, leaving a tangle of emotions and problems untouched behind, that feeling of the stones lifted off your chest is still there.
And that was something Keely had learnt.
Yes, she wouldn't dare think about her grandparents that had spoken their first words to her in years, but that didn't mean that the light sensation wasn't real.
Feeling quite calm, as if cut off from the rest of the world, Keely just remained in spot, strumming the acoustic guitar she'd brought in her trek about the city.
She didn't want to stay locked up in that hotel room for another day, and with the urge to write a song, she'd grabbed her notebook and guitar before heading out the door. Cities such as these were the best places to get inspired, you could see anything as you walked through it, there was everything from the great to the bad. It just depended where you looked.
At that moment she'd stopped wandering, and was sitting on a stone wall. Her jean clad legs were dangling over the edge above the stones that the ocean lapped onto, behind her a large grassy knoll with the a bench at the top where there was a couple in what had to be their eighties holding hands and looking at the gently swaying boats tied to the wooden docks. But they seemed far away, in fact everything seemed far away. No one was walking behind her on the little path, no one sitting near her and there was just salt water rippling in front of her until it lead to the gleaming buildings underneath the sun.
It was still rather chilly, but Keely found if she stayed in the sunlight, as she was doing now, instead of in the shade of the city buildings, she stayed much warmer. In the plain white sweater, she started strumming those few chords again.
Pursing her lips slightly when something was off, she brushed the lock of hair that had escaped the messy ponytail out of her eyes.
Being outside and writing a song was nice, it let her thoughts move easier than she could when locked up in a tiny hotel room or the makeshift dressing rooms that you could hear the music from the person on stage. Writing the bus wasn't easy either, especially when one of the boys always seemed to be doing something tremendously stupid.
She already had a title in mind, Keely couldn't say where it had come from, but it was stuck in her head. Breaking Time. Usually she would write the music, then the lyrics would come and finally the title, this was different. But she liked it, and wasn't about to push it away when song writing hadn't been coming so easily of late.
“I'd try going into a minor chord if I were you.”
Closing her eyes, she just shook her head, not needing to see Seth to recognize his voice. “You know, this whole thing with finding me all across this city is getting a little creepy.”
“I was actually designated to find you this time.”
“Hm?” asked Keely absently, “For what?”
“Doesn't matter.”
Hearing the movement beside her, Keely sent a hasty look to the side from beneath her lashes to see Seth swinging his long legs over beside her, his own guitar case in hand. Returning her gaze to the water as she strummed the chords again.
“So about your-”
Before he could even finish the sentence she hastily cut him off, “I don't want to talk about it.”
Careful not to get too in touch with her clumsy nature, Keely swung her legs over the thick stone wall so she was facing him. “You said a minor chord, right?” she asked, crossing her legs in front of her as she propped her guitar on her lap.
“Yeah, right after the F6.”
Frowning Keely looked down at the guitar. “You sure?”
Rolling his eyes, Seth leaned over to where he'd propped his guitar case, pulling a black Gibson acoustic from the depths before turning to her, crossing his legs as he looked at her. “Yeah, of course I'm sure.” As if for effect, he played the bar she'd played just moments before, though switching to that minor chord.
Biting on the edge of her lip, she grinned slightly at him, wondering how long he had been listening to pick the bar by ear. “Well, you can't blame me, you were lifting from Neil Young when we were in the states.”
“I didn't know,” Seth retorted, a tiny scowl gracing his face.
Grinning fully now, Keely propped her elbow on top of her guitar, leaning her cheek against her hand. “Still counts, rock star.”
Not bothering to answer her, Seth just shook his head, leaning over his guitar to pick up the pen that was laid across the songbook situated between them. He scratched out her previous notes she'd scrawled out, scribbling down the new chords.
“... we're just breaking time,” Keely finished, fading out her voice as she looked across the space the songbook provided between them.
Seth finished playing the guitar track, shaking the neck of the guitar on the last chord to gain that wavering effect. For a moment he just looked back across at her, a slight frown appearing between his brows, in response Keely just bit the edge of her lip gently, sending him a questioning look. “Sing the last chorus again,” he ordered, beginning to play again.
Obediently she began singing, keeping her voice smooth for this one. It was a slower song than For You had been, that song had began with a slow guitar but the music had built power steadily as it moved along. The new song had a softer touch, making her think of acoustic guitars and only a tambourine with maybe a brushed snare, but keeping along the simple acoustic lines.
“Sing it again, but add another “breaking time” in at the end,” he told her.
Hauling in a deep breath, Keely began singing, looking at him evenly as she did so. There was already the darkening of a five o'clock shadow across his chin, his eyes were deep and focused as he played the bars again.
At that time they'd sorted through the music, but were still working on the lyrics, therefore she singing the ending chorus over and over again.
“And in the end, we're just breaking time, breaking time... Okay, good now?”
Blinking Seth looked back up at her. “For that part, but I was thinking about the second verse.”
“Guys-”
“Okay, how the hell did you two manage to find us?” Keely exclaimed, slightly frustrated as she looked to the side to see Marco and Colton making their way casually towards them. It was getting rather strange, it wasn't like the three boys had some internal compass that told them where the other was, no matter how close they were.
Seth sighed, letting his hand fall away from the sound hole, although his other hand kept it's grip on the neck even if his fingers fell away from the chords. “I told them where I was going, I was sent to look for you, remember?”
“Not until now,” she answered, arching her eyebrows at him.
He just grinned at her.
“You two are giving us whiplash, you know that, right?” asked Colton, eyeing them suspiciously when he and Marco pulled to a stop beside their perches on the wall.
Before either of them could answer, Marco was pointing at the hill, proclaiming, “Paparazzi.”
“Huh?” asked Keely, peeking around Marco's body that was in line with her sitting position to look where he was pointing. Sure enough there was a man half way down the high knoll, a black camera almost strapped to his face, the sight made a scowl come onto her face. “How long do you think he's been there?”
As if the man had just noticed all of them watching him with identical glares on their faces, he pulled the camera away from himself. There was a moment where he just stared at them, but then he quickly took his camera and set off in the other direction.
Shrugging Colton turned his attention back to them. “Who knows? A crowd of them once stayed outside of Seth's apartment for two straight days.”
“Really?” she snorted, her gaze snapping back to Seth.
He scowled, his expression appearing as if he was thinking back to the occasion and it apparently wasn't a fond memory. “Yeah,” he replied flatly.
“What were you guys doing?” asked Marco, sitting on the edge of the wall behind Keely.
“Writing.”
At Seth's short answer, Colton's eyebrows shot upwards to his bronze curls. “No Neil Young I hope?”
“Are you guys ever going to let that go?” muttered Seth.
The grin spread across his face easily, and he answered with a smooth, “Nope.”
Abruptly the scowl left Seth's face to be replaced by a smirk as he looked up at Colton. “Oh, you're more preoccupied with my issues, isn't it Marissa who's been pleading Please Please Me?”
Just as suddenly, Colton glowered at him, “Well, Hey Jude.”
In an instant Seth shot up from the wall, dropping the guitar clumsily into the case as he lunged at Colton.
For a moment Keely watched the fighting between the boys, but she didn't bother for too long, it wasn't serious as it happened on the bus every day. Leaning her head back so she could look at Marco who's gaze was following Colton and Seth disinterestedly, she asked, “What's with the Hey Jude thing?”
Marco grinned, shaking his head. “Ah nothing, just something we do to piss Seth off.”
Feeling her interest peak, Keely whined, “But why? Does he not like the song or something?”
“He loves that song, we've done it a couple times. He likes doing the shouting bit at the end I think, but always gets pissed because Colton can't sing and just me as back up doesn't-”
“You guys are assholes,” interrupted Seth, shaking his hand as he halted in front of their perch.
“You two are done already?” she asked surprised, turning her gaze back to Seth, usually the internal band fighting sessions lasted at least five minutes.
Not waiting for an answer since she knew very well she'd never get a satisfactory answer from them, the kings of elusiveness, Keely shoved her guitar into Marco's hands as she spun herself about, straightening her legs and standing up. But she hadn't factored in the fact her legs had been crossed on that stone wall for hours causing them to fall asleep, and she stumbled forward awkwardly.
Thankfully when she'd been getting up, her eyes had been on the dark haired boy, making her tumble against him instead of a painful face first into the ground. As she bumped gracelessly into him, Seth hastily gripped her forearms before she could simply bounce back, pulling her up straight against him.
Laughing breathlessly, Keely tipped her head chin up to look at him, blowing her bangs from her eyes.
He just smiled slightly in response, not letting go of her arms, not that she noticed anything besides the golden glow beneath the darkening sky.
Why was her heart always giving those weird leaps?
“Oh, could you two just get a room or something?”
At the sound of Colton's jokingly annoyed voice, Keely took a hurried step back, breaking her arms from his hands.
Her arms felt rather cold without his grasp, but she shoved that thought from her mind when the back of her knees smacked the stone wall and she could feel a blush working its way to her cheeks. Instantly she grabbed the guitar from Marco's grasp, and leaned down, busying herself with snapping it inside it's case carefully. By the time she raised her head, the heat had fled from her cheeks and the boys were talking normally amongst themselves again.
“You ready to go now?” asked Marco, sending her a vague glance from where the three boys stood relaxed.
Nodding, she sent him a little smile.
In unison they turned down the path, forming a straight line with Keely finding herself between Marco and Colton.
“You missed sound check today,” Colton informed her, nudging her with his elbow.
Frowning at the words, Keely hastily checked the time, it was already six at night... she hadn't even realized the time passing, her mind being completely involved with the song. When she'd escaped the hotel, she'd had a plan in mind for writing and still making it on time.
“He missed it too!” Keely pointed out, pointing around Marco to where Seth was strolling casually, his free hand tucked into his jean pocket.
Seth just shook his head, smirking, but didn't speak. But the blonde boy who was separating them did feel the need to pipe up. “But Seth hadn't ever done another sound check until this tour, we're used to it by now. You're doing the same set list as the one you played in Boston by the way, your back up band isn't too happy with you.”
Shrugging she just brushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Whatever, my back up band hates me already.”
Keely found it very strange that just being in the presence of her favourite boys could make her smile, and at least push issues to the back of her mind. But just twenty minutes without them could allow her to sink much too deep for comfort into her own thoughts again.
From what she could understand, Seth was fighting with Marissa's father about the fact he wanted to shorten the rest of the acts' length in order for Marissa's to be longer, all while Marco and Colton watched. Apparently the latter two were taking bets on if Seth punched Mr James or not. Yet that had just come from Colton in the passing as they hurried past her dressing room while he shouted at her as she peeked her head from the doorway at the commotion.
She would have followed them, but there was only so much time before her set started, meaning she was having to get ready for the stage.
Unlike Marissa, Keely was more likely to wear something she'd wear any day on the street on stage, something that she'd heard very much bothered Mr James. But she couldn't have cared less, preferring to be in the jeans, sneakers and grey long sleeved shirt that hugged her body closely, the top buttons loose. She wasn't about to wear a spandex body suit out there.
But in those few minutes that she'd changed, Keely began pacing around her dressing room, her thoughts moving back to the graveyard. Her head felt as if it was spinning in every direction, not making sense of anything.
Why had her grandparents even bothered to talk to her after all these years of nothing but silence? It wasn't logical. Why hadn't they just ignored her presence? Was it just because she was there, or had they actually wanted to speak to her about something? That couldn't be it... could it? She was getting far too used to silence from her family. Her mother couldn't exactly speak to her, her grandparents hadn't bothered and her father just didn't care.
Why?
Unconsciously Keely reached up, but when her fingers grasped for her mother's necklace that she'd always fiddled with when thinking, they just met air.
Shivering as she remembered where the necklace was now, she let her hand drop to her side, pulling in a shaky breath. She'd gone to her mother's grave, she'd given her the necklace, what more did she have to do to receive even the slightest amount of closure?
Would she ever get it?
“Keely your band is going on stage.”
Her gaze whipped to the door at the sound of one of the roadie's voices, and answered in a croaked tone, “Yeah, um, thanks.”
Trying to rid herself of the quivering that was happening when she breathed, Keely brought herself to a complete halt, dragging in one deep breath. But she didn't linger long, just grabbing her Stratocaster from where it was propped against the wall and pushed through the door, knowing her acoustic would be waiting in the guitar stand on stage.
The moment she walked on stage, her stomach clenched roughly at the sight of the packed stadium, people moving as shadows throughout the crowd. Swallowing obviously, Keely put a smile on her face as she walked out on the stage to the excited cheers that sent shivers of excitement up her spine, but the almost painful clench of nerves in her stomach didn't leave. No, it was just as potent as ever before, she was just getting better at hiding it.
Slipping the guitar strap over her shoulders, she plugged a wire into it, quirking an eyebrow in the direction of John, the lead guitarist, who was glaring at her. He wasn't too fond of her, anyone could see it. She suspected that the thirty something man just wasn't too happy about backing up an eighteen year old girl. But it didn't bother her, the music sounded great, that was enough. Not spending another moment on him, she smiled at the crowd again, walking up to the microphone stand that stood alone at the front of the flat stage.
“Hey guys,” she said loudly into the mic, her voice the perfect sound of calmness even when her stomach was jumping at each separate shout. “I'm Keely Staub.”
When the cheers swelled again, Keely looked over her shoulder to send a nod to the band before beginning to play the beginning guitar. Her fingers moved familiarly over the strings, having played the song in every city they stopped in, her eyes focused down as her left foot kept the time. But she never got tired of playing it. If there were two things that could keep her distracted, it was music and the boys.
As always the crowd paired with her music gave her a high that was uncontested as the best thing she'd ever felt, at least so far. And even though thoughts of her mother, death and silent families were hanging around the edge of her mind, she was able to focus solely on the music. It didn't matter if she had put down her guitar and was just singing with the mic or if she was taking over a solo that John glared at her for, she was focused.
But that was until the last song of the night. It was supposed to be a cover of Van Halen's Panama, after all she didn't have that many songs to play yet, but when Keely stopped playing for a moment, her mom came slamming into the forefront of her mind.
Dragging the electric guitar off of her shoulder and musing her already messy hair, Keely moved towards her lead guitarist, dropping the guitar off as she did so. “I want to do a different song,” she shouted at him over the crowd.
“What? But that wasn't in the set list!”
Restraining the urge to roll her eyes, she gripped the only other guitar waiting on the rack, her acoustic. “Yeah, I know that, you guys don't have to play. I'll do it on my own.”
For a moment John just looked down at her, but then with a wave, he and his band departed the stage. Maybe they did it a bit grudgingly, but they did it all the same. Not bothered by the behaviour whatsoever, Keely just turned back to the crowd who were still being quite loud, but still quieter in their confusion.
When the noise became high pitch squeals, her eyes widened as she stood in front of the microphone stand, she couldn't understand what she could have done to receive that kind of reaction. Glancing about the stage, her gaze caught the sight of Seth strolling onto the stage nonchalantly caring a stool she was sure she'd seen one of the roadies sitting on before she'd gone on stage. If Marissa or someone else had just walked on her stage, she probably would have been seething, but oddly she found she didn't really mind.
Hearing some shrill girly voice screech, “I love you!” over the rest of the cheering made a smirk touch the sides of her mouth, but Keely found her mind still preoccupied.
Seth just set down the stool in front of the microphone.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to hear her over the screaming girls and shouting guys in the crowd, Keely just mouthed, “Thank you.”
He sent her a smile, the dimple in his cheek indenting ever so slightly before turning around and walking off the stage. The girls didn't seem to pleased about that.
Shaking her head at the affect the boy had on the female population of the world, Keely sat down on the stool provided, propping her feet up on the bottom bars in order to balance the acoustic on her legs perfectly. Leaning forward she slid the stand down, so the mic was in line with her mouth precisely.
“Well this is a song from Fleetwood Mac,” Keely said in a normal volume of voice as she spoke into the mic, easily grabbing back the attention that Seth had consumed, “And I'd just like to play it for you guys tonight.”
That was a flat out lie, she wanted to play it for herself, needed to play it for herself. But playing a crowd was getting easier and easier with each town the tour bus stopped in. Without another word, Keely looked down and began picking the strings of the guitar seamlessly, leaning forward closer to the microphone when she began to sing softly, moving slightly with the music coming from her. As she sang, she kept her eyes open for the most part although closing them on certain words, her gaze meeting people in the audience all the way from the nosebleed seats to the floor.
“I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Til the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm Mmm... Mmm Mmm...
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
I'm getting older too
So...
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
I'm getting older too...
Oh, I'm getting older too...
Ah, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring you down, down
And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe... the landslide will bring you down
Oh... the landslide will bring you down.”
Steadily wiping away the single tear that had fallen from her filled eyes as the song progressed, Keely allowed herself to focus on the crowd, as if just remembering they were there. She'd been looking at them without really seeing them.
It was only then when she realized what the most beautiful thing an audience can ever do was. Just pure silence. Not in disappointment or horror, but because every single person in the building was listening to exactly what you were singing to them. And that moment of silence was the most amazing thing she'd ever heard in a stadium full of people.
But then the applause and cheering started again, and that was almost as incredible, but not the same thing.
“Thank you very much,” Keely said into the microphone in farewell, knowing very well she'd just quoted Johnny Cash.
Standing up she sent the crowd one last smile, before turning on her heel and moved towards backstage. Her expression brightened slightly despite the tears still in her eyes when she saw the three boys standing right in the doorway, watching, Seth in the middle. Wiping her tears for the last time, Keely looked back up, only to find that the middle boy had disappeared from the midst.
Shaking her head slightly in confusion, she just kept walking straight off the stage.
“What was that about?” asked Colton the moment she came within hearing distance.
Although she hadn't expected Seth to run around talking about the previous day, Keely still gave a sigh of relief at the sure knowledge that they didn't know. As much as she liked these boys, she didn't want them to know everything about her.
“I just really like that song,” she answered evasively. She didn't feel guilty, after all that wasn't a lie, and she'd known they were keeping things from her since the very beginning of their relationship, they were keeping secrets from the entire world. “Is there any water?”
“Think fast!”
At just those words, Keely automatically threw her hand up, covering her face, too many horrifying memories of Joe throwing things at her flashing before her eyes.
Feeling nothing hit her, she peeked out beneath her hand. Only to find Colton and Marco bursting into delighted laughter, the former holding his stomach while Marco held the water bottle tightly in his hand
“Oh, you lot are just hilarious,” Keely told them sarcastically, ripping the bottle from his hands.
The boys just laughed harder.
Rolling her eyes, she just leaned back against the wall between them, feeling quite serene. She wasn't sure if it was because she was in their presence again or because of the song, but she was appreciating the clearness of her mind.
They just chatted through the intermission, the roadies fixing the stage from her set to NSR's. Mr James stalked past them a few times, sending fierce glares in their direction, she didn't need anyone to tell her that Seth had pissed him off greatly. Although from what she saw Seth wasn't bothered much, probably because he won the argument – she was informed so by the boys – not that she had time to see it first hand, she hadn't seen him since that moment on stage. He didn't once show up during the intermission.
When the roadies were just finishing setting up Colton's drums just the way he liked them, Keely began to frown, looking around them. “Where the hell did Seth go?” she asked, seeing no trace of him around.
Marco shrugged, taking a sip from a water bottle. “Who knows? He'll show up for the show, he always does. Maybe drunk, but he'll show up.”
“He's played a tour show drunk?” she enquired, her eyebrows shooting up.
“Almost every night, we really should have thrown him in rehab,” pondered Colton thoughtfully.
“But he hasn't done it this tour,” Marco cut in.
Shaking her head at them, Keely focused back on the stage.
Yet minutes later, Seth still hadn't shown up. And despite their previous words, the boys started to look nervous when they were getting told to go on stage. People were looking around for him everywhere, she even saw one of the light guys check in a closet. Although Keely couldn't see why Seth would be in a closet...
“Where the fuck is he?” exclaimed Colton as they hovered around the edge of the stage, being shouted at to go on.
“I don't know... maybe go on and he'll notice?” Keely suggested.
Marco looked at her incredulously. “And if he doesn't show up play a show with just a bass and drums?”
“It was just a suggestion,” she answered, chewing on her lip nervously as she sent looks around backstage. Where the hell was he? “Well, if he doesn't show up, I can go on with you to play the guitar... I'm not as good as Seth, but I know every song off your new album.”
Groaning Colton sent a look to the stadium filled with people. “Yeah, thanks, c'mon Stevenson, we have to go on.”
“Good luck?” Keely offered.
“Sure, great,” muttered Marco, moving onto the stage to the cheers of the crowd.
Keely watched them for a moment, they were looking pissed off, but she had a feeling they were more worried than anything. Hell, she was worried. Apprehensively, she began to chew on her fingernails, turning away from the stage. Sure, Seth had been late before, she'd been late with him! But he'd never missed the beginning of a show! What was going on?
Spinning away from the opening, too distressed to watch. She might have offered to go on if Seth didn't show up, they needed someone! Marco wasn't as good of a singer, but he could handle it for a show. It was like Ray Manzarek when Jim Morrison had overdosed. Oh god, Seth hadn't overdosed, had he? She'd never seen him take any drugs, but she knew he'd done enough partying in his day that much was obvious, plus add in the fact that he was a rock star, didn't that equal drugs?
But it was at that moment she heard shouting and Keely forced herself out of the thoughts of Seth dying in some deserted bathroom in the stadium, looking up from her nails. And thankfully she caught sight of the boy in question sprinting around the corner, guitar in hand.
“Where the hell were you?” she screeched, her eyes feeling much too large for her face.
Seth skidded to a stop in front of her, and despite the fact that he'd been speeding towards her, looked far from out of breath. “Doesn't matter,” he answered, gripping her arms tightly, “I need to talk to you.”
“What are you on about?” Keely asked, feeling very much bewildered.
“I need to-”
“Your band is on stage!” she exclaimed, “They kind of need you more right now than you need to talk to me!”
“Oh fuck,” he swore, letting go of her immediately and heading towards the stage.
The crowd began screaming at the sight of him, unsurprisingly, but Marco and Colton looked as if they were shouting at him, not that anyone could hear it over the roar of the crowd. Seth just shouted something back, shrugging at them and slipping his guitar strap on.
Without announcing themselves to the crowd, like the actually needed to introduce themselves, their newest single out was number one on the charts right now it seemed Seth had been idiotic worry about their record sales, Seth began playing. Crossing her arms in front of her and feeling herself calm down from those terrifying thoughts that had plagued her mind, Keely stepped forward, leaning her shoulder against the wall. From that vantage point she had the best view of the boys, maybe she didn't get the pulsating energy from the crowd, but she was just fine like this.
It felt like years since she'd last watched them play, and she let out a sigh of contentment as she just watched. When Seth glanced towards the doorway, she just smiled at him.
As always, not one song from their previous two albums were played, something that fans seemed very discontented about. Yet Keely was sure Seth would rather jump off the nosebleed section than ever sing the old NSR music ever again.
“You and Seth make up, then?”
Not so much as glancing in the direction of Marissa, she just watched as Marco and Seth leaned their backs against each other during an instrumental section. “Hm? Oh, yeah, I guess.”
“Good, Colton was complaining about you two.”
“Is that so?” asked Keely, arching an eyebrow at the boy in question, he was tossing one of his drumsticks stylishly in the air before catching it again and continuing to play. “Well, that's good to know.”
Finally tearing her eyes away from the stage, she straightened, looking towards Marissa. The only thing she wished was different on this tour was that she could spend more time with Marissa, her father was always monopolizing her time. The girl was yet to slip into her stage persona, just wearing jeans and a sweater that showed a stripe of her stomach. “What's going on with your dad and Seth?” Keely asked, leaning her back against the wall to look at her absent friend.
“Not quite sure,” she replied, crinkling her nose as she crossed her arms over her chest. “From what I gather he wants we to have a longer set so that he makes more money, I think. And after this he has a few movies set up for me to do.”
Concerned, Keely said, “You know this is sounding a lot like Elvis and Parker, right? Except that it's your father.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Marissa, looking rather confused.
Sighing she rubbed her temples, she was sure most of the people in the world, not to mention the music industry, would understand that reference. “Colonel Parker, Elvis' manager, more than screwed him over. Had him signing contracts that he didn't read, and in the end made him pretty much a carnival act in Las Vegas.”
Marissa gave a careless shrug. “Keel, I'm already a circus act, just not in Las Vegas.”
“Yeah, and you're only in your twenties,” she murmured, feeling more worried by each passing moment. “You do know what happened to Elvis, don't you?”
“No.”
“Well – what? How is that even possible?”
She pursed her lips, pondering the shocked question. “I don't know, I don't listen to much old music.”
Looking at her with a slightly apprehensive expression – who didn't know Elvis? – Keely continued, “He was worn out and overdosed? How do you not know that?”
“I don't?” she suggested, “Oh, the boys are done, I have to go get ready.”
“Wait, Marissa,” Keely began, but the girl was already walking away.
It almost broke her heart to watch Marissa's father doing that to her, watching the decline. Yes, Marissa James was in her hay day right now, she was the bad music queen of pop, but those artist didn't last long. Her albums wouldn't be sitting next to Bruce Springsteen's fifty years from now, really, would she even be remembered?
Why did it matter so little to her, the music that she left behind? What was about it that Marissa didn't understand? And Keely sincerely doubted anything she could say would ever get through to that girl, at least not until the very end.
“Now I really need to talk to you.”
Keely gave a loud yelp when a hand gripped her elbow, jolting at both the voice and touched that brought her from her inner musing.
Tipping her chin upwards, she looked at Seth before wincing. “Yeah, maybe, but you're all sweaty.”
He rolled his eyes, letting go of her arm to grab a towel from a passing by roadie. “I just got off stage, you're sweaty when you get off stage.”
“Whatever,” Keely answered, running her finger over her lips absentmindedly.
After swiping the towel over his face, Seth looked at her imploringly, simply saying, “Talk.”
“Fine, fine, fine,” she muttered. “Although we might want to go somewhere else,” she observed, nodding to the chaos to prepare for Marissa's set started up.
In moments Keely found herself herded into her closet size dressing room.
“If you tell me that you OD or got pepper sprayed by a cop while hooking up with a random journalist in the bathroom, I think I'm going to have to slap you,” she laughed, closing the door behind her. The sounds of the bustling people still reached them, but at least they weren't standing in the midst of it.
When he turned around, there was a serious expression on his face. Not scowling or glaring, just solemn. And that in itself was making her nervous. “You didn't actually get pepper sprayed, did you? Because it's not the sixties anymore, and I doubt a cop could get away with that anymore. But since you didn't try to start a riot or get arrested on stage, it's still good, right?”
“Why are you ranting about Jim Morrison?” Seth asked, tossing his towel to the side of the room.
“Because you kind of remind me of him, except not as much hair and you play the guitar too. And you're freaking me out right now!” Keely blurted, running her hands over her face as she leaned back against the door. She was not doing well with stress lately.
Smirking at her, Seth took a step forward. “Well, I didn't overdose, I wasn't hooking up with some random journalist in a bathroom and I didn't get pepper sprayed by a cop. But being arrested on stage would be interesting, would make me the only musician but Morrison to ever have that happen, that should be my next goal. Does that make you feel any better.”
Groaning Keely just pressed her fingers to the side of her head. “You're not helping right now.”
“Okay, I'll get to it. It's about your grandparents.”
That was enough to have her hands dropping and her gaze snapping up towards him, feeling a different kind of panic drop heavily in the pit of her stomach. “I told you, I don't want to talk about them.”
“They're here, rebel,” he told her quickly.
She stared at him blankly. “What?”
“Yeah, I noticed them when I brought you out that stool, so I-”
“That's why you were late for your set?” she asked, pieces falling together in her mind. “You went to talk to my grandparents.”
He took another small step forward. “Yeah, and-”
Not knowing what she was feeling anymore, Keely looked down, running her hands through her hair. “I've never went digging into your past anymore than a couple fan websites, but you went talked to my family? C'mon, Seth. There are reasons I didn't go have fucking tea with them.”
“I get that, but-”
“Obviously you don't. You could've asked me about it, not talked to those people.”
Seth just pointed out, “You didn't want to talk about it.”
“Exactly! When you don't want to talk about your past, I didn't go running and start the fifth degree on Colton and Marco did I? No, you wanted privacy to deal with whatever you're still dealing with so I let you have it,” she retorted, looking back up at him with wide eyes.
“They just want to talk to you,” Seth said in a hurry before she could interrupt him again.
Closing her eyes, Keely rubbed a hand over her forehead. “Do you know that they haven't spoke to me since my mother died? They as good as abandoned me with a father who can barely even live in our house because it reminds him of my mom, imagine what he sees when he looks at me, I look exactly like my mother. I don't want to talk to them, okay?”
Not knowing what else to do, she turned against the door, pulling it open. But it closed against her will when Seth shoved his hand against it, his hand laying flat against the black door beside her head. “Just listen to me for a second, okay?”
Pulling in a shallow breath, she spun around, plastering her back against the door when she noticed how close he really was. “What can you possibly say that's going to make me change my mind about talking to them?”
“That they're alive,” he said quietly. “And if you wait to long, they're not going to be around forever, Keely. Then what happens if you want to know what they have to say? You at least need to know what their side of the story is, all you know is your child's point of view, not even your father's. I'm not saying go eat thanksgiving dinner at their house every year after this, just listen to what they have to say because common sense says that if you don't, you'll regret it later.”
Keely opened her mouth, but closed it as she stared up at those hazel eyes, the gold in them shining persuasively down at her. “Can I at least think about it?” she pleaded, pushing her bangs back to mix with the rest of her messy hair.
“Yeah, of course, rebel,” he answered, dropping his hand. “They said they'd be at the coffee shop next to our hotel tomorrow at ten in the morning, you can show up if you want.”
Nodding, Keely just slipped out of the door.
There was a whole lot of pacing.
Keely was surprised the floor beneath her path didn't simply give out beneath her.
During the entire night she'd barely slept a wink no matter how much she desperately needed it. Thoughts of her grandparents and this enormous mess she'd found herself in within four days in Vancouver keeping her rolling around in bed until the early morning hours. No matter what she tried, she simply couldn't shut off her mind. It was too darn loud.
At five in the morning she'd finally allowed herself get up, deciding that anymore attempts at sleeping would be even more fruitless than the previous ones, no smiles awaking her that morning. That was when the first stage of pacing had started. After an hour or so of chewing her lip and walking around her room in her Little Richard shirt Keely had retreated to a shower, hoping the water might help her thoughts that lead in a painful circle. But the moment she was out, Keely just resumed the pacing again.
By the time it reached nine thirty, her mind was still travelling in that painful circle. There were some things that shouldn't be picked at, she had listened during the story of Pandora's Box all those years ago. But she could deny that deeply set in curiosity that was lodged inside of her, it had always been there and wasn't about to leave. Nor could she discredit Seth for saying she would eventually regret it. Yet nothing was helping the decision.
Standing in the middle of the room, Keely rubbed her hands over her face.
Who would ever know what the right answer was?
No matter what she decided, she would never know if it was the right decision or not, because she wouldn't have the other path to weigh it with.
Before she knew what she was doing, Keely had pulled on jeans, a white tank top, her baggy blue ballerina sweater, and was grabbing her bag before taking off out of the room. Instinct are things you have to trust sometimes, right?
Closing the door behind her, she swung around.
This time she didn't so much as jolt, just waved her hand through the air dramatically and exclaimed, “Oh, fuck you!”
Seth simply laughed, shoving up from the wall opposite from her door, his hands remaining in his pockets and taking a step towards her. That crooked grin was on his face as he asked, “So what changed your mind?”
“Curiosity?” she suggested sheepishly, chewing on her lip.
Still grinning, he nodded his head to the elevator, “Let's go.”
“You have a creepy fascination with my life, don't you?” she grumbled following him down the hall. But in reality she was grateful, this wasn't exactly something she wanted to do on her own, she really wasn't that strong, as shameful as that was. And honestly, out of everyone in her life, who else but Seth would actually go with her and be a comfort?
“It's morbid, isn't it?” he replied jokingly, calling for their elevator.
The ride down to the lobby was silent as well was the walk across the marble foyer, mostly because Keely blushed deeply at the sight of the girl she'd apparently called a bitch and started to walk at record speeds. Seth just shook his head at her.
She didn't even realise the speed at which she was moving until she was outside the coffee shop's glass windows.
“Oh, god,” she moaned, rubbing her eyes. “I can't do this.”
“Yeah, you can,” answered Seth steadily, apparently having much more faith in her than even she did. Twining an arm around her waist, he tugged her towards the door, murmuring, “Let's go.” And even though she knew she'd be embarrassed later, she allowed herself to lean into the comforting strength of his side.
Biting down on her lips, Keely allowed herself to be propelled to the back of the shop where her grandparents sat on one side of a square table with plush chairs, their fingers intertwined on the top of the table. Swallowing the baseball of nerves logged in her throat, she felt numb as Seth rearranged it so he could nudge her into a chair on the other side, his arms still around her. Her vision wavered slightly, but she wasn't sure if that was from stress or the past days she'd had. Maybe both.
“Just listen,” he whispered in her ear lowly enough that no one else could hear, making her give an involuntary shiver. Finally letting go of her waist and straightening, Seth said in a normal tone, “I'll go get us coffee then.”
Not so much as glancing in his direction, Keely nodded, her eyes fixed on the couple on the other side of the table.
And maybe it was because she'd always relied on hearing above all other senses, but she couldn't help but think that her grandfather's face matched the smokey voice. The lined face looked just as weathered as the voice sounded, had it been anyone else she'd have been excited to speak to him. With a face and voice like that he had to have stories. But her same dark green eyes peeking from beneath the creases panicked her.
The woman on the other hand had a sweetness about her. The high cheekbones might have lead to other assumptions, but there were laugh lines around those soft brown eyes and that wide mouth that Brooke had inherited.
“Who is he?” asked her grandfather, nodding to where Seth had gone.
“That's my.... that's Seth,” Keely told him lamely.
There was a long awkward pause.
“I like him, he's a polite boy,” said her grandmother. The man beside her nodded in agreement. At any other time, Keely would have burst out laughing, in what universe was Seth polite?
“I don't,” she replied instantly. “Most of time...” she conceded, sending a glance up to where he was standing. The girl behind the desk was looking at him with wide eyes, but Seth was just leaning his palms against the counter, pondering the sign behind her with the sleeves of his grey hoodie pushed up to his elbows.
Turning her gaze back to the elderly couple, Keely felt like sinking deep into her seat beneath their eyes that didn't seem to leave her. It just felt too heavy. “It's really good to see you,” began the woman.
“Is it?” she countered thoughtlessly, “I don't even know your names.”
The couple shared an apprehensive look before her grandfather took over. “Well, I'm Jim and your grandmother's name is Linda.”
Pulling in a deep breath, Keely moved forward in her seat. Think of this as an interview, she told herself, answer and ask questions. That's all it is. Come up with plausible answers in your mind, stay well spoken with the right amount of wit, and you can get anything. All this conversation happens to be is an interview.
What a load of shit, Keely thought to herself before speaking. “I'm Keely and all I know about you are from photographs.”
“Frank kept those?” Jim asked in surprise.
Instantly she felt her eyes narrow on him. “What's that supposed to mean?”
Before either of them could answer, they were interrupted by Seth putting down two coffee mugs in front of her, making Keely lean back. “Here's your coffee,” he murmured, pulling a chair from another table and placing it beside her. When he sat down, he made it even, the elderly couple across from them.
“Hi Jim, Linda,” greeted Seth, picking up one of the cups of coffee as he leaned back in his chair, sipping leisurely.
They chorused a warm greeting back as Keely threw a glance at the boy beside her, he knew her grandparents' names before she did? But the sound of Jim's voice had her eyes ripping back across the table.
He was wearing smile, those green eyes looking inward. “You know I taught your mother how to play a guitar, she was only about four years old and she wanted to know what I was doing.”
“Really?” asked Keely, leaning forward, not even touching the coffee in front of her.
“Yeah, she loved to play. You were very good too.”
Biting the edge of her lip, she responded with, “Mom taught me how to play.”
Jim's smile broadened. “I remember, you were much more focused on music than any child I'd ever seen. There were only two things you'd play with when you came to visit, a cardboard box or the toy that would play different lullabies depending on the button you pressed.”
Feeling herself stiffen at the words, she unconsciously leaned over, pressing her arm against Seth's in an unwitting attempt for comfort. “If you remember things like that, why did I grow up without a mother or any grandparents?”
Linda winced, and started, “It wasn't our choice?”
“It wasn't your choice?” Keely exclaimed. That calmness that had possessed her when talking about her mother had fled, and she could feel the urge to run, to just escape from these people. “Of course it was your choice, it's a phone call to your only granddaughter or a two hour drive across the border to visit a family that was barely getting along.”
She could feel herself rising from her seat, that instinct to run pulsating through her body, but the feeling of fingers twining through hers had Keely halting. Too focused on the people across from her, she didn't even send Seth a look as he calmly sipped his coffee, the hand holding hers beneath the table firmly keeping her in place. She only squeezed back as hard as she could, needing to grasp onto something while her other hand curled about itself, the nails digging into her palm viciously.
“Frank told us not to call or visit anymore,” said Jim, sending a quick look towards his wife. “Didn't he ever tell you?”
The words hit her causing her stomach to drop. But Keely kept her eyes and voice steady despite her shaking hands beneath the table. “My father wouldn't do that.”
Why did her words seem empty into her own ears? She believed in her father, didn't she? Was it because the space, time and angry words that separated them now? She hadn't even bothered to try and call him since that disastrous talk at the photo shoot. All Keely knew anymore was that he was her father, and she loved him.
Linda's face dropped and her expression became sympathetic, even pitying.
“What?” Keely snapped, not bothered by her rude tone.
“Your father didn't tell you anything at all, did he?”
Her brows drew together, but she still replied in a confident tone. “He didn't have to. I was old enough to remember when she died, she was in the hospital for years. I can remember the cancer more clearly that I'd like.”
“No,” put in Jim, shaking his head, “Before that.”
“What's before that?” she retorted. “She got sick.”
“She was going to leave him.”
Another pause.
Those words were worse, they hit like a ton of bricks flung at once into her stomach and when she fell down, people began kicking her. Yes, it was worse. But that didn't mean she believed them, Keely had memories of her parents happy together, why would she believe complete strangers over her own memory?
Gripping Seth's hand even tighter than before, she answered calmly, “No. My mother loved dad, I remember that.”
“We never said that she didn't love him,” added Linda, sending her a wary look. “Of course she loved Frank, she always did.”
“Then why would she leave him?” Keely cried out, that serene sureness fleeing.
Jim sent her one last sympathetic look, before saying, “She was a part of a band in Bellingham. They got a record deal, Brooke would have left, but that's when she got sick. And she didn't want to leave you knowing she was going to die.”
They got a record deal, Brooke would have left.
The simple words had her freezing, her hand going limp in Seth's grasp as she closed her eyes.
Why did those words seem so familiar to her?
Oh yeah, because she'd had the same option, and she too had decided to leave Bellingham in the dust. And her father.
As sick it made her entire body feel, Keely could hear the logic in their words. It made complete sense even if it felt like she was receiving multiple blows to her stomach and head.
Her father never speaking about Brooke, his resentment to music in general as well to the grandparents who he refused to speak about, no matter how many questions she asked over the years. His new found resentment of her, not only did she look exactly like the woman who had wanted to leave him, she also was exactly like the woman.
They both chose music over him.
And as guilty as she felt, Keely knew she'd make the same decision.
It only made her feel worse.
“So why was my mother's body sent up to you instead of staying with my father?” Keely asked emotionlessly, opening her eyes again.
Linda looked at her flatly. “Do you really need to ask that?”
No, she really didn't. Her father wouldn't have wanted to keep the woman who had wanted to leave him around, sending it to her parents' was a logical answer. But how was lying to her through her entire life logical? He had to have known that'd she'd find out the truth, didn't he?
Calming down her mind, she focused on her grandparents in front of her. “Was my mom good enough to make it?”
There was a kind smile on Jim's face as he answered, shaking his head. “They really weren't too good. I think they were just being given a chance on a limb. Your mother loved music, but she was just fair on the guitar and her voice was plain. You got her love for it, anyone can see it when you play, but you got talent she never had.”
“So she was going to leave my dad even though she wasn't that great?”
The two of them replied in simple unison, “She loved music.”
Breathing in slowly, and exhaling in the same fashion, Keely turned her head to Seth. He'd put his coffee mug down, and his eyes were on her, shining compassionately beneath the soft lighting in the cafe.
“Can you tell me what she was like?” she asked hesitantly.
They smiled broadly, but it was Jim who spoke again. “She was more than likely to put up a fit, I won't deny that she was more than a bit spoiled, we gave her everything that she ever wanted. Brooke was very graceful, she used to figure skate when she was younger, she was great at it. She was passionate but could never keep a grudge, she didn't inherit your grandmother's stubbornness. And she liked to smile.”
Pressing her lips together tightly, Keely nodded, giving them a thin smile. She'd never been told what her mother was like from her father, he refused to speak about her. But they weren't the same person, and she didn't know if she should feel awful for the relief that washed over at that fact. Keely knew she wasn't graceful, far from it plus she could easily hold a grudge, and stubbornness was one of her most defining traits. But the similarities were comforting too.
“Um... we have to go,” Keely said slowly, sending Seth a look. “Our tour bus leaves soon, and we have to be ready.”
Instantly the boy beside her straightened in his seat.
Jim frowned, “You two are on the same bus?”
“It's a long story,” she told him, brushing a hand over her forehead absently. “It was... nice to meet you two.”
As she stood up, dropping Seth's hand, not only did Seth, but did the elderly couple. “Will you come back for a visit?”
“Maybe,” answered Keely weakly. She couldn't say no to the pleading looks on their faces, but she wanted nothing than to get as far away from this place as possible.
“It was nice to meet you both,” said Seth, his words holding more sincerity than hers had as he leaned over to shake their hands over the table. “Let's go,” he murmured softly, giving her a slight nudge with his hands on her waist.
Sending one last thin smile to the couple, Keely walked to the door.
The moment she hit the fresh air she wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to absorb all the information that was buzzing around her mind.
“Are you going to be okay?” asked Seth, standing close to her.
Closing her eyes momentarily, she replied, “Eventually.”
“You need time to think,” he said knowledgeably, “Is that why you lied and said that the tour bus was leaving soon when we have more than five hours?”
“Yeah...” she murmured, feeling rather hopeless standing there.
“C'mon, you can go back to your room and think.” With his words, Seth put an arm around her shoulders, dragging her closer as he moved back to the hotel. Breathing in deeply, she wrapped both her arms around his waist as they walked.
Five hours later, Keely was throwing her things into her bag.
At the knock on her door, she simply called out, “It's open!” And then continued with picking up the things she discarded across her room during the short stay. Glancing up as the door swung open from where she was snatching up her Little Richard shirt from the ground, Keely found herself unsurprised when Seth moved through it.
It really was odd that she could be so calm in his presence again, when just two days before she could barely look at him without feeling anger and guilt all mixed in. But the short days in Vancouver felt like years had passed.
“Hey,” he began, pointing at the door, “Colton just told me that Dave is going to leave our asses here if we're not on the bus in two minutes.”
Snorting, Keely threw her shirt into the bag, “Somehow I doubt that.”
“Yeah, it's not very likely.”
Continuing on with her job, she grabbed the sweater that was hanging half off her dresser and it followed the same fate as her shirt. Keely didn't have to look up to know that Seth was still standing on the other side of her bed, that attractive stubble darkening his face. And she also knew he was dying to ask the question.
“What?” she sighed, tossing a pair of sneakers into the bag as well.
“Did you call your father?” he asked instantly.
Pursing her lips together, Keely leaned over and zipped up the bag. “No, I didn't.”
“Are you going to?”
“Not any time soon,” she told him, leaning her hands on the top of her bag as she looked up to him. Sure enough he was just standing on the other side of the bed, his dark hair standing on end in the front and the door to her room wide open.
“A couple hours really isn't long enough to think about how your entire life has been a lie up until now, well, maybe my entire life is a bit dramatic. But for now, I just need to figure out this new side of the story myself. And I understand what he did, honestly, he loved my mom more than anything and she was going to leave him. He loved me more than anything besides her, and I really did leave him for the exact same thing. No wonder he hates me.”
Seeing Seth's expression darken at her words, Keely hastily help up her hands, halting him before he could say anything. “I'm not saying it's right that he hates me, but I understand it, Seth. And even then, I know he loves me to, it's my father. I'll eventually get it all sorted, but I just want to get the hell out of this place and just focus on music for a while. That's the best thing I can do right now.”
He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching her face carefully before saying, “You're taking this rather well.”
She smirked, “I'll have a break down soon enough, don't worry.”
“Yeah, I bet,” he grinned, reaching across the bed to grab her suitcase. “C'mon, we're already going to be killed, we don't want to be any later.”
- I'm finally done that f-er. Bah. It took forever to write, that's one giant ass chapter.
Yes, I realize that my writing totally sucked. But keep in mind it's because I slept two hours last night, woke up at five then did physical labour almost all day and it it's now 4:23 in the morning. I suuuuuuck.
Whatever. Lots happened in that chapter. Hoped you liked my shitty writing.
I decided to post the banner ShadyLady made for me since the chapter I posted it with went haywrire, I hope that doesnt happen to this one. It's an amazing banner. Thank you so much!
I had this whole thing where I was going to explain exactly about Seth's book, but I'm way too tired. I was tired at seven thirty, that was seven hours ago -_- at least I get to sleep in this morning, that's going to be amazing.
I'll explain everything next chapter, I promise!