1o1 funny sayings!!!
1: Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2: Borrow money from a pessimist-they don't expect it back.
3: time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4:Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5:I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6:Never answer an anonymous letter.
7:It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8:I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9:Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10: Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11:If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12: No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13:Give me abiguity or give me something else.
14:We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?
15: He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16: Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17: Always rember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18:Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19: There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20: Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
21: Nuke the whales.
22: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
23: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
26: As long as there are test, there will be prayer in public schools.
27: Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28: Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
29: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
30: You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
31:I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
32: Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
33:We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
34: 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
35: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
36: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
37: I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
38: Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
39:My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
40: Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool
41:On the other hand, you have different fingers.
42: I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
43: God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
44:I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
45:I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
46:Don't steal. The government hates competition.
47: Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
48:National Atheist's day: April 1st.
49: All generalizations are false.
50:The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
51:Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
52: If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
53:For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
54: IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
55:I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
56: I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
57:I can handle pain until it hurts.
58:No matter where you go, you're there.
59:If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
60:It's been Monday all week.
61: Gravity always gets me down.
62:This statement is false.
63:Eschew obfuscation.
64: They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
65: It's bad luck to be superstitious.
66:According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
67: The word “gullible” isn't in the dictionary.
68: Honk if you like peace and quiet.
69:The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG! It happened.
70:Atheism is a non-phophet organization.
71: Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
72:Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
73:A day without sunshine is like night.
74:The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
75:Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
76:Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
77: Life is too complicated in the morning.
78:We are all part of the ultimate statistic-ten out of ten die.
79:Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.
80:Ask me about my vow of silence.
81: The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
82: The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
83: Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
84:If ignorance is bliss, then tourist are in a constant state of euphoria.
85:If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
86: If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
87: Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
88:I intend to live forever. So far so good.
89: Who is “General Failure” and why is he reading my hard drive?
90:What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
91: I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
92: Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.
93: I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
94: I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
95:Bills travel though the mail at twice the speed of checks.
96:Vacation begins when Dad says, “I know a short cut.”
97: Evolution: True science fiction.
98:What's another word for “thesaurus”?
99: Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
100: A flashlight is a case for holing dead batteries.
101: I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.
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(I made this up)666: Hell, who cares!