“Right,” I started, not entirely sure where to start. I did know that I did not want to do this in front of Bella, “later ok? I promise.” Dad eyed me for a moment before relenting.
“Alright, later. Bella can you let me examine you?” he asked her, thinking that she knew exactly who he was and what he did. I took a step closer to her, leaning down to kneel next to the bed where she sat hesitantly.
“Bella, Carlisle’s a doctor, he can help fix your injuries alright? Remember we talked about this?” I asked her, and though I knew we didn’t actually converse about this, I knew she heard me when I told her. Bella bit her lip and looked at me as if asking if I was sure.
“He won’t hurt you love, no one will. I won’t let them.” I whispered, staring deep into her chocolate eyes. Her shoulders relaxed from the tense position she held as she stared back, showing me the trust that she had built for me so quickly. She continued to amaze me.
Carlisle seemed puzzled by our actions and particularly about her memory, but played along. Slowly he stepped forward towards us, his soft bedside manner showing in his gentle smile.
“Bella, Edward told me that your back is pretty bad, can we have a look so I can tape it up with bandages? I don’t want anything getting infected or opened up even more.”
She watched him warily, but didn’t move when he was right in front of her. I noticed though that her hands shook and her breathing increased.
“Bella,” I touched her knee. She turned her head to look at me, “can you face me please?” she did as I asked, turning so her legs were against my chest and her feet dangled on the floor at the end of the bed instead of the side. Her shaking increased when Carlisle sat behind her on the bed. Her eyes closed and her head tilted forward as she struggled for breath now.
“Bella slow down, you’re safe, calm down love. No one will hurt you, I promise.” I tried, taking her little hands in mine and holding them still from shaking close to my heart. She opened her eyes, watching me as I distracted her. I was still holding her hands in mine, but she moved them to feel my heartbeat in my chest. The breath left me at her soft, warm touch and my eyes met her panicked ones.
“Shh, it’s ok,” I hummed, lifting my now free hands to brush the tears from her face. I noticed that Carlisle had lifted her shirt free from her back and was cleaning each cut and bruise with some sort of antibiotic and covering it with a bandage or gauze wrap.
Bella flinched whenever Dad hit something more painful, but she didn’t cry anymore, instead focusing on me and my steady heartbeat.
“I’m done back here Bella, thank you.” Dad told her kindly, standing from the bed, “You have a lot of scarring and will have a lot of scarring from this, but the skin will heal just fine. Your chest though I am worried about...may I have a look at it?” I looked from Carlisle to her, to find her looking at me. I knew she was freaking out by the look in her eye, but this one was more serious and needed to be addressed tonight.
“Can you lie on your back or is it too painful? If it is, you can stay upright, but this one is pretty bad Bella, it needs to be taken care of.” I told her, giving her a choice. She took her hands from my chest and blinked, looking down at the bed, her lower lip trembling slightly. It pained me to see her try not to cry, but this had to be done.
“What if Edward sits behind you and you lean back into him, it should be less pressure and less painful on her back and bottom Edward.” Dad suggested. Bella looked unsure, but seemed more placated to this suggestion than the other ones. I looked at her for the go, wanting her to make this decision for her comfort. Without words she scooted and sat far enough from the headboard that I could sit behind her. Carefully I sat against the pillows and leaned back, resting against the headboard and running my hands lightly down her arms. She looked back and slightly up at me as she leaned back into my chest, her head lolling to the side on my shoulder. I placed my hands on her protruding hip bones, wanting her to feel that she could get away and I wasn’t holding her down, but also that I was comfortable with this too.
Bella flinched almost violently when Carlisle started lifting her shirt in the front this time, pushing back into me even more. I lightly rubbed my thumbs over her hip bones and leaned my head into hers. She relaxed slightly, but when Carlisle sucked in a sharp breath at seeing the word there for the first time and how bad it actually was, she burst out in tears, not sobs that shook her chest, but endless tears.
Carlisle did his needlework and bandaging quickly and to that she barely moved, simply held up her shirt so he could use both of his hands.
“Done.” Carlisle announced as he pulled away. I looked down at the work and saw he did very small tiny stitches that would hopefully give way to a tiny scar. Of course, once Bella was in the right mind, this will be something very difficult for her to get over. All of will be, especially the permanent scar reminders.
Bella didn’t do more moving than to put her shirt back down over her torso and wrap her arms around herself, settling into a distant stare. I didn’t try to move her.
Dad went to the bathroom, showered and changed his clothes only to come out finding us in the same position.
“Why don’t you try putting her to bed?” he whispered. I frowned, not wanting to let go of her, but figured we should try to sleep some before completing the ride home.
“Have you told Mom?” I asked.
“I’ve told her to prepare the guest room...that I couldn’t explain now because my phone was about to die...which it did.” he waved it around, “So hopefully she will do without questioning...which leads me to my questions.” My eyes snapped back to Bella to find her lids closed and her breathing slow and deep. She fell asleep. I smiled a bit, just knowing she was comfortable enough with me to sleep in my arms.
“She doesn’t recognize us Dad. I don’t know what happened to her, I mean, I have a pretty good guess in general, but...what if she lost her memory or when they said they beat her into submission...what if Bella’s gone for good Dad? What if I’ve truly lost her?”
“Edward, son, Bella will remember, I don’t think she lost her memory, but has been so focused on survival and staying alive in that hell hole that she lost the concept of the real world. I’m almost positive she believed you and I to be dead. The last thing that happened before she was taken was our illness and her parents death, not the best combination to have in mind and still keep hope then hmm?” He looked at me with pride in his eyes, “You have done amazingly with her Edward, I don’t think she would be doing so well if you were not here. She trusts you. Just look at her, sleeping in your arms. I don’t believe you have anything to worry about. Well, yes, there is a lot to worry about, but we can talk about that later.” he sighed.
“It’s almost 7AM.” I sighed, very exhausted, “I’m going to shower quickly and change after I put her in bed. Go ahead and sleep, I’ll probably crawl in with you when I’m done.” I told him, slowly moving Bella so was laying under the covers and against the pillows on her side. Dad nodded, leaning back and falling under quickly as I made my escape to the bathroom, clothes in hand.
I showered quickly, my mind racing and tired at the same time. I had found her again, in the worst possible place and in the worst possible way, but I found her and there was no way I was letting her go again. Not wanting her to panic if she woke and saw me missing, I got out, dressed and brushed my teeth quickly, stepping out of the bathroom after turning lights out, but as I was about to crawl into my side of the bed next to my dad, Bella whimpered. I turned to look at her sleeping form, expecting a nightmare, but she was awake, staring at me with her wide, fearful eyes.
“Ed...Edward?” she whispered, moving her hand closer to her head.
“What’s wrong Bella?” I asked, moving to kneel by her head. She nodded her head forward, biting her lip and moving back on the bed so that the side she was laying on was open. Did she want me to lay with her? Was that bad? I watched her for a moment to see if she would give me a clue.
“Please?” her quiet voice came. I knew that word. I would never say no to that word. Slowly I crawled in bed, giving her time to tell me no or indicate in any way she didn’t want me here. She didn’t, but scooted close to me once I had settled, curling into my chest. Automatically, I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer. She didn’t seem to mind as she rested her head right over my heartbeat.
“Goodnight sweet girl,” I whispered before bringing one of her hands that rested on my chest to my mouth to kiss gently. I fell asleep soon after, letting the darkness of the room from the closed curtains be the night of our day.
I wasn’t sure what woke me up, but the closed blinds make the room dark except for the side lamp that was dimly lighting the small area between the beds. Warm, light weight rested against my chest, her long, dark brown hair thrown everywhere, hiding her face from me. With my right hand I pushed it back from her face, brushing through it rhythmically as I peered down at her.
“Edward, we need to get going soon,” Dad’s voice broke through my sleepy stupor. I lifted my head to the side so I could look at him as he pulled socks on his feet. He had thrown on some jeans and a sweatshirt, an unusual look that I only saw on him during the days he didn’t work.
“What time is it?” I asked in a hoarse voice.
“Almost two in the afternoon,” he answered, standing up after slipping on his shoes.
I looked back at Bella, seeing her still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her, but it seemed inevitable. Slowly I slipped out from under her, grabbing a sweatshirt from my suitcase and throwing it over the clean T-shirt I put on last night and trading my sweat pants for comfortable jeans. I looked back at Bella to see her watching me with half opened eyes. I slipped my shoes on and zipped up my suitcase before sitting on the bed next to where she lay, not touching her, but simply being close.
“Good morning or rather afternoon.” I chuckled, tired still. She didn’t say a word, but blinked up at me.
“I’m going to go take our luggage to the lobby, can you be ready to leave for the car in 15 minutes? I got instructions from the front desk to the closest auto-repair shop ” Dad asked, looking at me for confirmation before leaving the room. I turned back to Bella.
“Are you ready to head home?” she gave me her infamous lip bite, not saying anything, “Let’s get you in a sweatshirt so you’ll be warmer and then brush our teeth so we can head out.” I didn’t know what else to do, so I held my hand out to her, which thankfully she took without hesitation.
Carefully, she stood with my help, shivering against the cool room. We walked over to the bathroom and I handed her the toothbrush she used last night after squeezing some paste on it then did my own. Her spit was still tinged red and I hoped that soon enough it was be cleaner or I might talk to Carlisle about a dentist.
“Done?” I asked, spitting the rest of the foam from my mouth and collecting our things. She nodded slightly, following me out to the room and accepting my help to put on a sweatshirt. She drowned in my clothes, but cuddled in them, warm again.
Dad had taken our two suitcases out already, but I checked over the room once more to make sure we didn’t leave anything behind and then took Bella’s hand, leading her from the room and to the front desk. A younger girl with shoulder length blonde hair and light, hazel eyes was manning the desk today. I wondered if this motel was family run.
“Hello, how was your stay?” she asked, her voice high and flirty as she leaned towards me over the counter. I felt Bella shrink next to me so I wrapped my arm around her waist, kissing the top of her head without hesitation.
“It was very good, thank you. We’re just checking out.” I told her indifferently, handing over the two room keys. She smiled overly sweet at me and took them from my hand.
“Have a good day.” She said loudly as I turned to walk away, not replying. I rolled my eyes as we walked out the door; Dad must be waiting outside. That kind of girl was why or, well one of the reasons why I secluded myself after Bella left. The girls that used to pick on her and taunt her started to glue themselves to my side once I got back to school, thinking that because I overcame this incredible illness I was invincible and amazing...that and Bella wasn’t in their way anymore. It was bad one day when they got on my last nerve. Jessica and Lauren were fighting for my attention when I snapped. I never hit a woman, nor will I, but I could yell, and yell I did. Since I had already missed so much school they didn’t want to suspend me, so instead I got detentions. My father and Mother were furious, not at me, not entirely, but at the school and the girls. They let me go my own way after that.
Carlisle was sitting on the wooden bench outside of the motel, suitcases by his feet and his head leaned back against the wall of the motel.
“The girl?” I asked him, wondering why he was out here. He groaned, nodding his head.
“She was very forward...I take it you experienced her too?”
I groaned with him, nodding my head, “So how far is this repair shop?”
“Just down the street actually.” Carlisle pointed in front of us.
“Right, well...are we ready?” I asked, releasing all of Bella but her hand. Dad nodded, grabbing our suitcases and leading us to the auto-repair shop. I was debating between carrying Bella again, knowing that it probably hurt her to walk...and she still didn’t have shoes.
“Bella do you want me to carry you?” she looked up at me confused, then down at her feet, biting her lip. I took that as her yes. I stopped, catching her eye as I brought one arm softly across her back where I hoped was little damage and one under her knees. As I lifted her she squeaked, throwing her arms around my neck and pulling herself close to me. I didn’t mind it, but I knew she thought I might drop her, which brought my level of happiness down considerably.
“I’m sorry Edward, I should have done this earlier, or let the two of you stay in the room.” Carlisle apologized, looking back at us. I shook my head, not bothered.
“We were all really tired Dad, it’s alright.”
We were in luck with a rainless day and very few people that would stare at us strangely as we passed them on the streets, and sure enough, we soon came to a repair shop that looked fairly decent.
A bell rang above the door as we entered the vacant room.
“Hey, how can I help you folks?” a tall, dark haired, very muscular man asked as he came into the room wiping his greasy hands on a rag sticking out of his torn jeans.
“Hello, I’m Carlisle and this is Edward and Bella. We had our car break down late last night not far from here. We were hoping you could help us so we can get back on the road today.”
“I’m Alex, the owner of the shop and I think I should be able to help you all out. Where did your car break down?” he asked, eyeing Bella and I carefully, probably because she was still in my arms. I would put her down, but didn’t want to chance her getting her foot cut.
Carlisle scratched his head, looking stumped.
“Well, I’m not for sure exactly. It was so dark last night and I don’t know the area well at all. We were just focusing on finding somewhere to stay last night.” he told Alex, who looked wryly amused.
“It was a new moon last night, so not even the light of the night could guide you. I understand. Why don’t we head out to look for it? We can take my car and drive around till we find it. Do you remember the general direction?” Carlisle nodded, pleased to be of some use.
“Would the two of you care to wait here?” Alex asked, “We won’t be long.” I looked at my dad, raising my eyebrows in question. He nodded to me, so I answered Alex.
“That would be fine, thank you.”
“Is your girl alright? Can I help out in any way?” he tried, curious.
“She’s fine. She hurt her ankle when we were trying to find a motel last night.” Alex nodded, understanding covering his face. He pointed to the chairs in the corner of the room, telling us we could wait there before disappearing out the door with Dad.
The shop was empty, so I took no hesitation in sitting in one of the chairs with Bella in my lap, her arms still around my neck.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, not expecting a response, but feeling better just talking to her. She nuzzled my neck, rubbing her soft skin against my growing stubble. I would have to shave when I got home. I had left my phone in the car last night, not thinking about it at all, but now I regretted it. There was, no doubt, a hundred messages from the gang wondering where I was at and if I was still going to make an appearance at my Mom’s New Years Eve party in a few days.
“Edward,” Bella said unsurely, “home?” I tilted her chin up to see her eyes, hoping to see the recognition in them, but there was nothing but curiosity.
“Do you really not remember?” I found myself saying, wanting to cry. She slumped back against me, but didn’t take her eyes off of mine. Her lips were pursed and pouty and I craved to kiss them, but knew that would probably never happen again.
“Sm,” she took a deep breath, I waited patiently. “Small thin-things.” A smile grew so wide on my face as she talked, but it worried me that as she did, she was breathing like she ran a marathon.
“Can you tell me? or is it too hard to talk?” I asked, truly curious.
She bit her lip, “Hard, but...scares me,” It scared her?
“Why are you scared? You know I would never hurt you Bella,” I told her fervently, holding her gaze. Her lip trembled.
“Th-them,” she took in a shaky breath as if holding in tears, “not allowed...Edward” I wasn’t sure what to say, so I remained silent, gathering my thoughts and restraining my anger. I pulled her tightly against me so her head fit under my chin.
“They won’t touch you again,” I said firmly, almost growling. I held her while she shook and continued to grow calm again. Neither of us spoke. I wanted to know desperately if she remembered me, but didn’t want to push her.
Just as I was about to tell her about “home”, she spoke again.
“I…I remember you, Edward, faint...faintly. Not much more...of anything, mainly you.” I stared at her, mouth hanging open.
“When...when did you know?” I asked, trying my hardest not to kiss her. She bit her lip and looked away from my eyes.
“When...um, you said my name...your hair...and touch...thought I was dreaming, or dead.”
“You didn’t tell me…” I mouthed out loud, not meaning to exactly, but it slipped out. She flinched, leaning away from me and into herself.
“Sorry, please, sorry,” she whimpered, tucking her head down.
“Oh Bella, I’m not mad at you. You’ve done nothing wrong. Did you not want me to know that you knew?” I asked, tilting her head back up and giving in my desire to kiss her forehead. She shook her head quickly.
“If you knew…” she sniffled, tears streaking her cheeks, “that, that I knew...you might feel ob-ob..li..gated.” she chopped the word to its syllables. I blew out a strong breath of air, upset she would think that.
“Everyone thought you were dead Bella. I thought...I didn’t want to believe it, but--”
The door chime interrupted me mid sentence. Bella reached up slowly to wipe the tears from my cheeks as I did her. I looked in time to see Dad back with Alex.
“Edward, the battery just died, so Alex towed the car back here to replace it and then we can be on our way.” I rolled my eyes, nodding before hiding my face in Bella’s hair. I felt her clench my sweatshirt between her hands, curling into me more.
“Edward,” Dad touched my shoulder, “everything is ready to go.” I nodded, getting ready to stand up with Bella in my arms when Alex came over to us.
“Here are the directions you asked for Carlisle,” Alex handed them over, “great meeting you folks.”
“Thank you for your help Alex, it was a pleasure.” Dad shook his hand, thanking him once more before ushering us out the door. Bella seemed lost in her own world, and I was certain that I had put her mind there.
To my surprise, the car was not damaged in anyway, just wet from the rain.
“I know, I was surprised too, I would have been certain that someone would have found a way to steal it, or pieces of it.” I chuckled.
“Dad, they probably would have been able to hotwire the car even with a dead battery, it was an easy fix, but I’m glad that for once, you are unequipped in handling cars and directions.” I looked down at Bella as Carlisle opened the back seat door for me. Carefully, I set Bella down on the seat, but she didn’t let go of me, meeting my eyes with a pleading look. I nodded once, accepting her question and crawled in with her, buckling up against the drivers side window of the back seat and buckling her into the middle so we didn’t have to worry about it rubbing her injuries and so that she could lean back into me.
I kissed the back of her head as Carlisle got settled in the front seat, peering back to check on us before taking off. He turned the radio on as background sound, holding the paper Alex had given him on the steering wheel so that he could see it more easily.
Once on the interstate home he peeked back at us again. Bella had her eyes closed, but was not sleeping and I felt as if I could sleep for days.
“Are you comfortable?” I whispered close to her ear. She jumped slightly, but didn’t move. “Sorry love,” I told her sincerely, resting my head back against the headrest. She turned to face me some more, her brow crinkled.
“So-sorry?”
“Yes, for making you jump, I frightened you,” I explained softly, patiently. She shook her head back and forth quickly. I took a deep breath, angling myself against the door and the back of the seat and pulling her gently so her back rested against my front. I snaked my arms around her then, over her arms and cocooned her, making her hum and relax her body into mine. She rested her head back into the crook of my neck and shoulder, allowing me to bend my head to rest lightly against her shoulder and neck.
Dad didn’t say anything, just faded the radio so it only came out the front of the car and allowed us quiet. I listened as Bella’s breaths evened out and she fell asleep, her arms held lightly across her chest, our opposite hands intertwined to keep my arms around her. Only once I knew she was sleeping deeply, did I allow myself to fall asleep, lightly kissing the junction of her neck and shoulder before sucummbing to my exhaustion.