Tyler's POV
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Troye was acting strange. Between his tense posture and strange worrisome looks, he was acting strange. Not the 'I bathe in blood' kind of strange, more like the 'I saw someone bathe in blood and I don't know how to tell you' kind of strange. What I'm trying to say is that something is definitely wrong. Let's take earlier as an example, when I kissed him, I could feel the things he isn't telling me. Then when he pulled away from me like I was poison I could feel something in me crack.
I knew it was all too good to be true, at first I hoped he was jet lagged or sick, or anything to justify his actions, but now, maybe it's his slow way of breaking up with me. Maybe he fucked Connor and realised how much better he would be with him, that explanation would hurt less than the 'it's not you, it's me' or 'it's not working out' breakups, because I wouldn't have to think of what I did wrong. Who am I even kidding? Everything will hurt horribly!
As I looked at the slightly smiling Troye beside me I felt a certain ache in my heart. Maybe I'm just imagining it, maybe everything is okay, maybe he just isn't in the mood.
I gently tug on his arm, he doesn't turn to look at me, instead only his eyes move to the corners to slightly inspect me. He smiles softly, then it disappears.
As his dad goes to bring us drinks I observe Troye even more. He picks at his nails, occasionally bringing up his hand towards his mouth to bite on them. Troye was tapping his foot in an unsteady beat, like a song he's trying to remember but all he knows is the smallest fragment of the tune.
Troye must have noticed me looking at him. He took my hand in his, drawing circles on the inside of my palm. Troye's unsteady foot movements became smaller and he seemed completely distracted in my hand.
I leaned into him, slowly resting my head against his shoulder. A quiet noise resembling a wince came from Troye, he tightly shut his eyes whilst barely licking his lips.
"Here you go boys." Shaun handed me and Troye a bottle of beer each. I thanked him and took the smallest sip of the drink. Troye on the other hand took a large gulp of the beer.
~
"You look tired sweetie, you wanna go to sleep?" Laurelle studied Troye, she looked at me and smiled weakly when Troye placed the bottle of beer down on the table.
"Yeah, I might go now. Good night- I mean evening? Either way, I'm going to go, to sleep. Because I'm tired. I'll see you later." Troye stuttered as he stood up clumsily. He still had his hand in mine.
My hand was awkwardly reaching upwards to stay connected to Troye. He managed to cough up a laugh and then let go of my hand.
Shaun and Laurelle looked at me, clearly confused. They must have been thinking the same thing as me... what is happening with Troye?
I stood up as Troye was about to leave the room. I rushed over to his side, softly joining our lips together. When I was trying to show my love all I could feel from him was a certain heavy feeling of some type of guilt.
He looked like regret and felt like poison. Lips red as blood and eyes blue as stormy skies. Troye wasn't himself, or at least he wasn't the Troye I knew.
"I love you." I whispered as I slowly pulled away from his touch.
"I know..." He looked down at the ever growing distance between us.
He's ending it, isn't he?
I looked him in the eyes.
"Just say it." My voice came out as a plead and whimper, with a little crack in the middle.
"What?... I love yo-"
"Don't act dumb! You're not telling me something and I can tell it's eating you from the inside. Just, say it! Just say it God dammit!"
An eerie silence overcame the house. I angrily opened the door and stormed out. When I got to the last step I heard feet shuffling from behind me. As I turned around I faced Troye.
"I don't know what you want me to tell you Tyler. What do you want to hear?"
We stared at each other for a while, neither of us dared to move.
"Was it because of me? Did I do something? Are you ending this?" It was harder to hold back my tears when Troye stood above me, not answering, looking away.
(Rose)"Tyler I..." He never finished.
"I understand-"
"-You don't! You don't understand anything!"
"Then care to explain! This whole being quiet and secretive thing hurts! It hurts! Just tell me anything! Troye just-"
"-I slept with Connor!" Troye shouted out with streams of tears leaving tracks on his face.
"Okay... good." I took in a deep shaky breath.
"Good? How is this good? I cheated on you! I did the worst thing possible! How is that good?" Troye cried out, his whole body shaking.
"No, the worst thing possible would be if you didn't tell me... good bye Troye. Sleep well." I started to walk away. I didn't dare to look back at him because I knew that if I saw him crying I was going to crumble.
~
After work I decided it would be best to go somewhere, I wasn't going to spend a Friday night alone at home.
Alone.
I no longer had Troye. I though maybe, just maybe, we could somehow fix this mess. Maybe there was still hope. There was no way I was going to let Troye go. Troye, the boy I've been madly in love since we were both fourteen, the boy who broke my heart for the first time, the boy who fixed me only to break me once again.
A certain hope within me is slowly dying out. The hope that everything will turn out fine and we'll ride off into the sunset together. That wasn't happening though, and it wasn't only Troye who was to blame.
I know I should try to get over him and hate him, but I can't. For some reason I can't! I want everything back to normal! I want old Troye back, I want the Troye who loves to mess around and have fun, I want the Troye who will sleep next to me, I want the Troye who can look me in the eyes. I want my Troye back.
I stepped into the bar. The smell of beer and cheap peanuts was in the air. Some random old tune was playing behind the sound of people talking and playing pool.
I sat down on a stool and I ordered a beer of some kind. I didn't really care about what I was drinking anyway, it's not like it really mattered.
The beer was placed infront of me. I went to take a drink out of it when I heard a familiar voice next to me. The man was making a 'tut tut tut' noise.
"Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. I didn't expect you to be in a place like this."
"Can you kindly fuck off? I'm having enough problems already."
"Boyfriend troubles?" Connor pulled his stool close to me. Honestly I didn't have a clue what he was doing in Australia but he probably had some complex reason anyway.
"What are you doing here? Don't you live in L.A?"
"Business. Don't worry, I'm not planning on fucking your boyfriend again."
I was so close to hitting him but I managed to restrain myself.
"Although I won't deny it wasn't fun. It felt good to be in control again, even if he did insist on being on top for a long time."
There are people here. Restrain yourself.
"But you know, there was something drunken Troye kept saying..." Connor moved closer towards my ear, his hot breaths hit the back of my neck.
I clenched my fist and bit down on my tongue.
"He said your name, over and over again. Can you imagine that? In a way, I kind of enjoyed it, it felt really wrong but really right. He wasn't fully there, not because of the few drinks, but because he was with you."
I pushed Connor away from me. He almost fell off his stool.
"I think the reason he did it was because he wanted you. All throughout it he just seemed like he wanted you so much, that in the end he hardly even did anything during the sex. You understand? Poor sex deprived Troye wanted you but you couldn't give it to him. Luckily I was there in the time of his need."
"Fucking leave me alone." I spoke between clenched teeth.
"Of course little Troye, being the lost boy he is, probably has no idea what to do now. I expect you and him had a tiny disagreement. You know he's not good with fixing things. His easiest way out is to leave you one last kiss on the pillow and then go away. But that's Troye."
"Stop acting like you know him more than I do."
"Oh I know more than you, I'm mostly the reason he's like that. But oh well! I might be a horrible boyfriend but at least the sex is always good. Especially with Troye. Those filthy moans and that deep, raspy voice-" I cut him off with a punch to the jaw.
I looked at my hand. It hurt as hell.
Before I got kicked out of the bar I walked out myself.
~
When I got home it was pretty late, I went to buy some groceries before getting back. Since Jackie left a month ago after she got the divorce she moved out again and left me the house since she practically owned it and my ex-dad didn't get the property in the split.
Troye was sitting cross-legged on his porch. He was looking at the sky, his hair was messy and he was wearing a jacket I once gave him. When he saw me he stood up.
Troye was making his way towards me. I slightly opened the doors and put the grocery bags on the floor inside the house.
"Tyler I need to tell you something- what happened to your hand?" Troye got distracted by my hand, I had a bandage that I bought at the shops tied around it.
"I punched an idiot in the face. Now what did you want to tell me? I don't have all day." Troye looked at me surprised.
That's right Troye, I can hit people.
"Listen... like, really listen. I need you to know that I love you and I know what I did was horrible. I understand if you won't forgive me, I can't even forgive myself so if you don't want to try again and if you hate me, I won't be mad at you. It's all my fault. I deserve this. Just know that I never meant to hurt you, but I did... Tyler? Say something... please!"
I looked up at Troye. He was crying and I'm sure I was too.
"You're an idiot..."
"I know-"
"-You didn't let me finish! You're an idiot, but I don't hate you, I can't. I never have and never will even if I tried, and trust me, I tried desperately to hate you."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I punched your ex-boyfriend in the jaw after he told me everything. Well, maybe not everything, but he said enough. Like I know you wanted it to be me instead if him."
"That still doesn't make it better though! I still did it! Why can't you hate me?! I did everything wrong! I don't deserve to be with you! You don't deserve to be with a screw up like me!"
"Oh for fucks sake! Just kiss me already!" And then he did. He tightly gripped onto my coat, pulling my body so close to his that we were practically one.
"Jesus fucking Christ Tyler! I love you so much!"
"Then show me."
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AN
Oh hello! Drama over! YAY! Pretty much just gets better from here! Also, next chapter is just basically smut so don't expect it to be a) good and b) out any time soon because 1k of smut takes me so long to write and it's still horrible.
I tried getting panic at the disco! tickets for my city but they sold out SO QUICKLY! And they were cheap as well! UGH!
Also, I feel like we should get to know each other a little bit better. so how about I introduce myself...
Hi, my name is Eliza. I was born in Poland on the 27th of August. I'm an only child, this has its pros and cons. I moved to England when I was 4. My best friend is called Francessca. We've been friends since year 6, so when we were around 10. Now that I'm thinking about it we've hardly been friends! Like what... 4 or so years? Jeez! Anyway, my parents used to often say how smart I was, like in the way that I knew about rights and society and justice. I guess I just want peace on earth. I came out as bisexual but I sometimes feel limited by that label, I don't even know how to start to explain my sexuality... but that's a whole completely different story! My hobbies include drawing, reading, listening to music and talking to friends. My favourite TV show is supernatural (DESTIEL BETTER FUCKING HAPPEN OR I MIGHT DIE BECAUSE ALL THE SEX EYES ARE KILLING ME!). My favourite movie is either how to train your dragon or spud 3. I listen to Troye Sivan (duh), twenty one pilots, panic at the disco!, marina and the diamonds, the 1975, years and years, just go red my about me to know what music I listen to. I'm very shy when I'm not around my friends or someone who I feel comfortable around. I'm very anti social irl. My celebrity crushes are halsey, hayley kiyoko and Astrid s.
If you want to know something else, go ahead and ask. And if you wanna talk, we'll I'd love to!
Stalk me on Twitter
IsTroylerTrash
Have a fantastic day my lovelies
Baiiiiiiiii