Thank you so much for the cover XxRialler_HoranxX! Love it when I get to see my readers creative side!
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Chapter Sixteen
-Just Not Enough-
How does one react to maybe, kind of, little bit liking the guy they're 'dating' who just gave them a mind blowing night and morning in the sack? I don't know about the rest of you, but me? I was hiding.
I was holed up in one of the dark corners of the library, praying to god no one came looking for me. Last night was not supposed to happen the way it did. I really need to get drunk Lucy under control 'cause the girl was causing me no end of trouble, the little skank. Not to mention, I have to go to work this afternoon and Taylor was going to be there... on purpose, because he'd skipped his workout this morning to have sex with me. I was going to castrate my drunken self. I was not supposed to have sex with Taylor, that was definitely not part of the plan. I was supposed to finish this week and then finish next week and go along my merry way, not having received any form of pleasure from doing this assignment. ... And then I had to go get drunk.
I finally get a male friend that I enjoyed just spending time with and I go ahead and throw it away for an orgasm. I'm the worst kind of person. And it will be no one's surprise when Taylor doesn't go along with the plan, so I would be left swooning for him while he enjoyed his campus wide orgy, I've promised him.
I wasn't a casual dater, I didn't like sharing. What's mine is mine and the rest can go suck a lemon. But now I was involved with the biggest casual dater in town and I had to separate all my feelings from all his not-feelings and the fact that I was hiding was already a giant red flag that I was involved. I was affected and near on ruining my undies in fear that he would find me and continue on with this charade completely unaffected.
I lent my head back to rest against the wall and closed my eyes. I needed a game plan and hopefully it was one that didn't end with me back in his bed or him in my heart. I thought back to the Wednesday when I thought he was such a great friend and I wanted the best him. Yeah right, Drunk Lucy! You were just buttering me up, so I'd get you drunk and let you ride him like a cowboy. I was lucky to have picked this aisle to hide in because I was having a great internal fight with myself that would make me look like a schizophrenic person the way I glaring at myself and mentally hate shaming.
I did however look up eventually to find someone standing at the open end of the aisle looking rightfully shame ridden himself with his scummy hands in his scummy pockets.
"What do you want Jake?" I asked, and he took it as his cue to step closer to me.
"Sorry," He murmured for what felt like the millionth time.
"How many times are we going to do this?" I asked, putting the book I wasn't even paying attention too down and hugging my knees closer to myself. "You say you're sorry and then repeatedly treat me like I was the one that screwed around behind your back."
"I know and every time I do it, I hate myself after," He frowned, coming closer to me still. "I know it hurts you and I don't feel any better for having done it after, but I just can't seem to help myself when I see Taylor with you." He shook his head, looking down at his shoes. I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly as he kicked the carpet as a distraction for himself. "What is it about him?" He wondered aloud, before looking up as I looked over at him. He didn't look pissed, he just seemed curious.
"Taylor?" I asked and he nodded.
"Why does he get everything I want and once I have something it slips through my hands like melted butter?"
"He doesn't get everything," I shook my head before resting my chin on my knee, still looking at Jake. "Milly doesn't sound like she knows what she wants and you were just a victim of her insensitivity and indecisiveness." He gave me a small smirk I took as him agreeing with me.
"Taylor didn't steal me either," I stated slowly, watching him carefully. "You left that door wide open for me to walk out of when you lied to me." He scowled at himself as he let the words sink in.
"Taylor didn't exactly tell you to come back to me either," He stated and I rolled my eyes.
"Was that his job?" I asked and Jake turned his scowl to me. "He knows what you're like with Milly and he was rooting for you and me, honestly. But, he doesn't have to throw me over his shoulder and march me back to you when you screw up," I informed him. "I wouldn't expect or appreciate him doing so. I'm a big girl, who makes my own decisions, Jake. Just like you." He wouldn't look up from his shoes and we both knew why.
"All I wanted was another chance," He murmured after a long silent moment and it made me sigh.
"And all I would like is a guy who chooses me first and foremost," I replied softly.
"Taylor isn't that guy," Jake glanced up at me.
"And evidently, neither are you. In any case, it's up to me to figure that out," I told him, staring him down and he dug his hands into his pockets deeper, looking uncomfortable.
"But what if I was beginning to love you?" He asked and I huffed in amusement.
"You weren't," I assured him, shaking my head. "You don't treat someone you were beginning to love like that."
"I did like you," He replied, sounding certain.
"Just not enough," I echoed his words back to him from that night and he frowned at me.
"...Just not enough," He murmured to himself.
"It's okay," I nodded and he shook his head.
"I never thought I was that guy," He sounded disappointed in himself. "Taylor screws around and takes nothing seriously and he ended up with the girl. Go figure," He rolled his eyes.
"...and that is why I would never go back to you," I told him bluntly, getting annoyed at his 'poor me' attitude. He looked up at me and narrowed his eyes. "This isn't a competition between you two. Milly is a terrible person for what she did, but she didn't do it in spite of you and Taylor. She did it because Taylor was willing and you weren't there. If Taylor turned her down, she would have found someone else. Stop letting your ego get the best of you and stop playing the victim Jake, Take some responsibility for your part in it. You ignored the truth to satisfy your ego and it got you nowhere. Maybe you should start looking at what is right in front of you. You might find everything a little easier when you don't have to avoid situations to keep your lie alive." He was glaring at me and I didn't care, so I continued. "Taylor was so protective of you when I started seeing you, while I was being Lockie. He genuinely cared what happened to you, if you freaked out over the situation I was putting you in. He was thrust into the role as my mentor and was willing to throw it all away if it came down to the choice of you or me. You threw it away for what? A weekend with Milly? She's the bad guy here, Jake. She's not the hero. Why can't you see that?" I demanded as he crossed his arms in defence.
"You don't know our history, okay?" He demanded and I shook my head.
"You're right, I don't. But I know what you told me and you admitted she was the bad guy. You busted her twice blatantly cheating on you and you're still in denial. Why are you punishing yourself like this?" I asked.
"Because I know her better than anyone and I know what she needs," He murmured, looking pissed.
"Do you?" I asked him, with my brows raised. "Because it sounds to me that that girl needs a fucking wake-up call in the way of no one being her safety net. You keep catching her when she feels down and she keeps dragging you down further instead of letting you raise her up with you."
"Her family are assholes and you have no right to judge her," He snapped at me. "Or me for that matter, She's been my best friend since primary school."
"She may be a good best friend, but she's a terrible girlfriend. Don't confuse the two. You can very rarely combine them without something giving. Primary school is also a long way away from who I am now; I'm betting the same can be said for you and Milly too. It's okay to change and grow apart, Jake. You don't have to save someone just because you've done it once before." I watched him chew the inside of his cheek as he mulled over what I said. He didn't look happy to be hearing it, but if it meant he would leave me and Taylor alone, I was doing it.
"I've got to go," He murmured and turned on his heel abruptly. I watched him stride purposely down the aisle and sighed when he was gone. I just wanted something to be uncomplicated in my life when it came to guys.