Megan Crawford.
Sunday, July 25th 2015.
17:20.
"I need to talk to you about yesterday," Josh and I said at the same time.
We were standing in Dream Cream, the best ice cream parlor in town. He had called and had told me to meet him there, and now there I was, with my lip between my teeth and with an anxious feeling. I was not sure how this would turn out, I did not know if it would go well. Hell, had it even been right to meet with him?
The night before had been quite something. So much had happened and I still was wondering how I had handled all of it without bursting. It had been both horrendous and wonderful, and it had seemed to move too fast. I could not stop thinking about the good and the bad things that had taken place.
"You first," I said to Josh as we chose a table on Dream Cream. I was not even in the mood for ice cream, and he did not seem to be either, I just needed to talk to him about what was going through my mind. This seemed as good of a spot as any to share my thoughts with him.
"Okay," he said as he nodded his head. I looked at him in an expectant manner as he took a breath before he spoke up, "I'm so sorry you had to see me and Eliza in that restroom. I should have locked the door, I was just too distracted. I should have been more careful."
I had not been expecting him to say this. I had not thought he would even remember that had happened. He had seemed so concentrated on Eliza that I had assumed it had escaped his mind. But he looked really sorry about me seeing them, almost too much. I frowned in a confused manner, noticing how strange he was being.
"Oh," I exclaimed, not knowing what else to do. I was not even thinking about that anymore, I was not as affected as I had been the night before. I had had something to take my mind off things. "Well, that's fine. I mean, it was a bit awkward, but it's okay."
"Are you sure about that?"
He looked suspicious. He was pressuring me into telling him something, I was just not sure what. I had said I was fine and that should have been enough. But because of the way he was looking at me, I knew there was more to this conversation than I was aware of.
"Yes, I am." I stared at his expression for a moment. I noticed that he was worried about me, he was staring down at his hands and licking his lips in an anxious way. But it was a mistery to me what was making him so nervous. "Why do you insist?"
"You must have felt bad about walking in on us," Josh said. He said this as if it was obvious and a matter of fact that I would feel terrible about it. I realized then that something was wrong, because he was not supposed to know how much seeing him with someone else had hurt me. But he seemed to be aware of how it had affected me, and this made me wary.
I was careful to choose the words I said. There was a chance that this was all in my mind, maybe nothing was going on. I raised my eyebrows and wondered casually, pretending to be confused as to why he was worried, "Why would I feel bad?"
Josh was quick to respond, "Because you like me."
Fuck, he knows.
I was speechless. This was strange and unexpected. I could feel my eyes widening and my hands start to shake. This was anything but good. Some things were meant to never be said, somet things were better unknown. But now he knew, and I knew that he knew, and my mind was a mess.
How long had he known? How had he found out? I could not ask, because if I did, then I would be confessing that I really was attracted to him. I gave him an odd look, as if I thought he was insane and was talking nonsense. "What are you telling me, Josh?"
"Elliot told me," he confessed, looking down at the table. He then started to explain, "Megan, I am really sorry. But you are my best friend and I just could never be attracted to you. You understand that, right?"
"Damn it, Elliot," I muttered under my breath. But Elliot was not the person I was mad at in this moment, I should have known better than to tell him, because even when he was an amazing friend, he was not good at keeping secrets. The one I was upset with was Josh, for always finding a way to fuck me up.
"When did he tell you?"
"Last month," Josh said, sounding and looking more awkward than I had ever seen him. It made me feel embarrassed that he knew about my feelings for him and they made him uncomfortable. "The night of that party Jane Matthews hosted in her house. Remember that? When Blake broke up with Ted?"
"I remember." This had been the night he had told me I looked beautiful for the first time, he had been so kind to me and had even gotten my hopes up that maybe something would happen between us. But that had been before he had ditched me for Eliza and I had gone outside to smoke alone. Of course, before Kyle joined me.
Josh took a breath and explained, "When Elliot told me you had feelings for me, I thought he was kidding. But then, I told you you looked beautiful, just to see what you would do. And when you smiled like crazy, I realized that you really did like me."
I frowned at his bluntness. How many times had he broken my heart? He did things that made me feel blissful for a moment and then he ruined those gestures. It was like he was reminding me that romance would never blossom between us. Like he was telling me to stop dreaming about us ever happening.
"You didn't mean what you said then?" I said, in an attempt to sound nonchalant. But it did not work, because Josh could see how hurt I was to know that he had just been testing me with his compliments and ways of making me feel good. I went on, "That night you were so sweet to me. Was it all an act?"
Josh gave me a shrug, thinking that I was being too dramatic. But I could not help feeling pain from knowing that it had all been a lie. He told me in an uninterested tone, "I had just discovered you were into me. I thought that maybe telling you those things would make you happy."
Doing that to your best friend was mean. Making someone think that they could ever have their dreams come true when none of them would ever be real was cruel. I had not thought that Josh was capable of doing that to me. But then again, I had actually believed that I would be his girlfriend someday.
"You were leading me on then?" There was poison in my voice as I said this. I was offended that he would do something so low to me. I was supposed to be his best friend, the person he looked after and he was protective of. But I was starting to realize that he was not the way I had built him up to be in my mind.
"That just makes me sound like a bad person," Josh chuckled, waving me off in a dismissive manner as if I had said something to make him laugh. When he saw that I was not smiling, he rolled his eyes at me and added, "Come on, it sounds worse than it really is."
I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a firm look. I was becoming upset with him. Josh had to learn that he could not just play with my heart whenever he felt like doing so. I was not some doll he could mess around with when he was bored. I was an actual person and it was about time he started to treat me like one.
"Do you feel power over me or something?" I wondered, my tone daring and strong. Whoever this was in that ice cream store with me was not the Josh I knew, he was some obnoxious and egocentric person that I was not fond of. "Do you think I am wrapped around your finger?"
"Well," he snickered. "Whenever I even look at you, you freak out."
"That means you were leading me on," I said, giving him a sharp look and moving closer to him so that he would listen to me. "You might think you are in control, you might think I am madly and hopelessly in love with you. But that is not true. Not anymore."
"Oh, please," Josh said with a scoff. His brown eyes stated into mine with such confidence and ease, because he thought he was sure about how I felt about him. "It is obvious how much you love me."
"Really?" It was my turn to throw my head back laughing now. I raised my eyebrows at him and shook my head as I said, "Then why did I make out with Kyle Norwood last night? If I was in love with you, I would have been sad over the fact that you never noticed me. But I was kissing someone else, someone much better than you."
"He is a tool and an idiot," Josh assured me, but I could tell that the fact that I had been with Kyle bothered him a bit. He tried to hide this as he told me in a knowing manner, "He just wants to have sex with you. Stop wasting time with that prick."
"You are far worse than him. He is nicer than you ever will be." I was talking like this because I wanted to make Josh envious, but it was all true. I knew that Kyle was the best choice, I could see how amazing he was now. "I thought you were better than this. What kind of sick bastard does this to their best friend?"
"Stop being such a drama queen," Josh snarled at me. I wondered how I had never noticed this side of him, this manipulative and horrible manners of his. I had been so blinded because of my love for him that I had never taken the time to actually find out what was under this facade of his.
I was done with this shit. I stood up from the plastic chair of the ice cream store as started to walk away. He was not even considerate enough to chase me, he did not call my name to tell me he was sorry. He just watched me reach the door and step out to the street.
I should have been sad about leaving behind my first love. I should have felt some kind of sorrow as I walked out of the store. But that was not the case, because all I could feel was anger and the need to yell at someone. I had been dumb to fall for him, I was glad that it was over now.
I called the one person I wanted to tell all of this to. It was one of the first numbers on my phone and the one I dialed the most. I waited for the phone to be answered for a moment before someone picked up. From the other line, my best friend said, "Girl! Want to tell me what happened last night when you ditched the coffeehouse?"
"Oh, Blake. You'll never believe how insane the last twenty four hours have been."
-
Megan Crawford.
Monday, July 26th 2015.
18:13.
"You better have a good excuse for not going to the store this morning."
Kyle opened the door with surprise, his hair a mess and his eyes tired as if he had been in bed all day. I had been wanting to talk to him for what felt like a long time, but he had not been in The Book Escape that morning. The only way to see him had been to go to his house, and so there I was.
I walked through the door without waiting for him to invite me in. I had not seen him since that night, when after a few kisses and laughs against his lips, the subway had arrived. He had offered to take the ride with me, and even when I had declined at first, he had insisted.
Finally, we went into the subway and took our seats. He rested his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I kissed him again, and then again, and then so many more times that my lips felt numb. And after that, we just talked for a while. But we never said anything about what us kissing meant, we were both too scared to find out.
Now, in his living room, I was ready to talk about it. I was done with these complications and just needed to know where my fucking love life was heading. If he was going to change his mind about me, then I wanted it to be now, so I could avoid more troubles.
"Love, not that I don't want you in my house, but what the hell are you doing here?" Kyle wondered, giving me a confused look as I walked around his house and stared at the furniture. I had been there once before, but I was still not familiar with the place. There were shelves all around with thousands of books, there were antiques on the tables, and a small television in front of the white couch. It was comfortable, I liked it here.
I said in a rushed tone, "Josh is a jackass. He knew all along that I liked him. Whenever he was remotely sweet to me, he was just messing around, leading me on. He admitted it himself and did not even say he was sorry. You were right."
Kyle was silent for a moment. I was not sure what I expected him to say. Would he say that I had been an idiot to think otherwise or that Josh had been the idiot? But he did not tell me any of that, a wide smile spread across his expression, I had never seen him so excited.
"Really?" he almost squealed. "This is the best news I have ever heard."
I raised my eyebrows at him and crossed my arms over my chest. I was attempting to hold back laughter, because I had known that he would be glad to hear this. I had been so certain that he would be satisfied to know that his assumptions about Josh had not been wrong.
Kyle closed the door behind him and started to pace around the living room, breathing out in relief and grinning. I watched him from the corner with an amused look, finding it adorable that he was so thrilled about what I had just confessed.
"I was kind of scared you would change your mind about me and would want me to leave you alone," Kyle admitted to me. "I thought you had let me kiss you just because you were sad. And I would have never complained because I still would have gotten to kiss you, but you know what I mean."
This made me smirk. I made my way towards him in a slow manner, wanting to take my time before actually being close to him. In that moment, of course, all I wanted to do was hug him, but I also liked to tease him. "Oh, come on, Kyle. I let you kiss me because I like you, and you know that."
"I'm serious. I assumed you would regret what happened that night," he went on, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. "That is actually the reason I never showed up at the store this morning. It may sound dumb, but I was afraid to see you."
"Well, just so you know, I am over Josh now. For real this time," I assured him, and this made him seem even more blissful than before, if that was possible. "You don't have to worry about him anymore. I'm done being fooled by him."
"Thank God," Kyle exhaled. "I had thought you were done with me."
"Seriously, you are too cute." By now, I was standing in front of him, with my hands on his shoulders and a fascinated smile at the fact that this was finally happening. I promised, "I'm not done with you. You'll be stuck with me for as long as you want me."
I had never seen Kyle this way. He actually was nervous, and this was not something normal on him. He was always so smooth and confident, it was strange to see him blushing and not being able to meet my eyes.
"Sounds good to me," he said as he cleared his throat and glanced down at the ground. I rolled my eyes, not believing how timid he was acting. I just wanted him to stop making me wait and just do something. Take a step forward, sweep me off my feet, make my heart melt, anything.
"Being shy doesn't suit you," I said with a playful smile. This made him chuckle and shake his head at me, but the color from his cheeks did not fade away. I pushed him in a light manner and added, "Stop overthinking this and fucking kiss me, will you?"
"Can you blame me for not knowing what the hell to do?" Kyle muttered under his breath as he scratched the back of his neck. "This would be much easier if you were anyone but Megan. But I care about you, and I have never even liked any of the girls I have been with–"
He was going to keep talking, God knows what he was going to say, but I cut him off as soon as he opened his mouth again. I took his cheeks in my hands and leaned forward to place a harsh kiss to his lips, pushing him against the door behind him.
He groaned in both surprise and pleasure, he definitely had not expected me to be this passionate. But he seemed to love it, his hands went to my hips as mine went to his soft brown hair, messing it up. I explored his mouth with closed eyes, taking in everything about him. I felt as if I had always wanted this, when in reality, I had just met him about a month from that warm summer afternoon.
His hands went down to the back of my thighs, lifting me up and making me wrap my legs around his waist. I could not hold back a gasp, taken aback by his sudden confidence, but loving every second of this kiss.
My mind was a fucking disaster. I had never experienced these feelings for anyone before, I was not used to having this need for someone, this want to just kiss him until I was out of breath. And even when I was panting against his mouth, I kept going, because this was perfect.
"Is the flavor of your lip gloss strawberry?" Kyle wondered, holding me up with his strong arms and turning me around so that now I was the one with my back pressed against the door. We were in the same position Eliza and Josh had been in that restroom, but I pushed that thought to the side as soon as it came.
"Yeah, strawberry," I assured him, but I was not really focused on that right now. Because he had just pulled away from my lips and had started to kiss my neck, biting down on my skin in a gentle manner that made me let out a noise of satisfaction. "Why?"
"It tastes good. Wear it more often," Kyle said against my flesh. He looked at the mark he had just given me, seeming more than glad with how it had turned out and smirking to himself. I would have to cover it up worn make-up, but that was the last of my worries in that moment.
I just nodded my head to show him that I would wear that flavor of gloss more often before I pushed his head down to my neck again. He raised his eyebrows but did not speak, just went on kissing my skin and making me shut my eyes in pleasure.
"Take me to your room," I said, feeling bold and reckless.
Kyle stopped moving his lips and glanced up at me. He was hesitant and excited at the same time. I knew that he did want to be alone with me, but he was worried that maybe we were taking things too fast. I gave him an expectant look and waited for his response.
"You sure, princess?" He was breathless and exhausted from having his lips on me, he almost did not manage to talk without panting. He took one hand from my thigh to my eyes and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "Because if I take you to my room, I'll never be able to control myself."
"I'm not a baby, I can make my own decisions." As soon as these words came out of my mouth, he started to walk down the living room and towards the hallway with me in his arms. I did not know how he could lift me with such ease, but I was fine with it, because I could leave kisses all over his face as he took us to his room.
"I promise not to take it too far," he swore to me. I realized that he was talking about what would go on once we were there, all alone. We would not actually do more than just kissing, we both knew this. But being in his room would make it more intimate.
I caught a glimpse of a few pictures on the walls of the hallway, of his family smiling at the camera, when he was much younger. His parents were in the frames, a woman with light brown hair and a kind smile and a blond man that looked a bit like Kyle himself. I would have to ask him about them sometime, but not now, because at the moment, he was turning the doorknob of his room and walking inside.
I took a second to look around. There was a wooden desk, and there were thousands of textbooks and novels there. The wall had a cupboard for him to write notes on, but there were none at the time. The sheets on the bed were dark blue and there was a window with open white curtains.
"I like your room," I murmured to him as he set me down on his bed. He offered me a small smile as he walked to the window to shut the curtains, making it much darker and comfortable. I watched him from where I was, impatient for him to come back.
"You are so beautiful," Kyle said as he returned to me. I looked up at him with my bottom lip between my teeth, taking the collar of his shirt to make him come closer. He was now on top of me, with his hands on my waist and his kiss on my lips again.
"You are quite handsome yourself." I intertwined my fingers around his neck and took in his amazing taste. Just having him touch me made me breathless, and I wondered how much of this I would be able to take before I was choking for air. But no matter that, I never ended our kiss, it was too wonderful to stop so soon.
A few minutes passed of us just moving our mouths against each other before I took my hands down to his chest. I felt his muscles through the fabric of his shirt and heard him groan as the tips of my fingers touched his strong torso.
"Fucking hell, you must work out all the time," I whispered.
He tried to hold back moans from his lips as he felt my hands all over him, but I still could hear how satisfied he was. I smiled to myself, knowing I was making him lose his mind, and said into his ear, "Take off your shirt."
And he smiled too, giving me a look as if he knew something I did not. He stood up for a moment and in a quick manner, his shirt was thrown to the ground. I stared at his strong frame and his tattoos with fascination, wanting nothing more than to touch him.
But Kyle held up a finger as I started to make my way towards him. He shook his head and smirked, telling me in a conceited voice, "First you have to take yours off too, love. It is only fair."
I blushed a dark shade of red. I wanted to, but I was so embarrassed to have him look at me without my clothes covering me. He had seen me in a swimsuit, which was almost the same thing. But this was much more personal and intimate.
I breathed in and nodded my head, making his eyes widen in happiness. I took the hem of my plain white shirt between my fingers and started to take it off of me. I was wearing a simple black bra, and I was a bit nervous about what he would think. But I watched my piece clothing fall to the ground, waiting for him to say something.
"I think I might pass out from how beautiful you are." Kyle was quick to step forwars and press himself against me as he gave me a harsh kiss, making me fall back on his bed. I moaned as I felt his hands wander around my body.
"I hope Aria comes home late," he said in a breathless manner between kisses. "Because I am taking my time with you, princess."
-----
I never do this, but hey!
Just wanted to let you know that they did not have sex. I'm not really comfortable with writing that, and those kinds of things will never be on this book. They just kissed without their shirts on, I guess. Hahaha this was so awkward, sorry.
Thanks for reading! Love you!
-Adriana.