I can't help but laugh. Maybe I was the good kisser. Though I never expected I'd ever be kissed awake by Jean, despite the fact that it's happened almost every time he's kissed me on set. I'd end up coming back to my senses in the middle of acting, upset each and every time because I am not emotionally affected by horseface kissing me. Absolutely not.
"Well," he says, "There's someone I want you to meet."
So, he's going to ignore the fact that he just kissed me? Not that it matters. If he doesn't care, neither do I.
Jean steps away and allows me room to get out of the car. Upon stepping out, I hear a high pitched and excited screech.
"Oh, Erennn!"
Suddenly I'm being embraced by small but strong arms. I look down to see a blonde head of hair. Striking blue eyes and a sharp face smile up at me.
"Ugh, you're so cute. You and Jean both. Please marry him."
"What?" I ask, doubting her sanity.
Jean chuckles nervously.
"Okay, Annie! You don't have to do that."
Annie squeezes me hard enough to make it difficult to breathe, and I attempt to wiggle myself out of her embrace. She lets go of me herself, and I sigh before inhaling deeply and returning the lost oxygen to my lungs.
"Wow, Annie, you are strong," I breathe.
"Thanks! Gotta make sure to keep the fuckboys away, you know!"
Kinda vulgar, too. It's sorta unusual for a girl...but then again, I'm sure she's just carefree enough to speak her mind.
"Wait, you're the Annie that horseface was in love with?" I ask, suddenly remembering.
This is his type?
"Yeah, that's me. And you're the Eren horseface is currently-"
"ANNIE!" Jean yells.
"-living with." She finishes.
I tilt my head confused, as the two of them exchange weird looks. They're obviously conversing about something Jean finds really serious.
I find myself wishing I were part of the conversation. Can it be called a conversation when no words are actually being exchanged? Clearly, they understand one another, though. It would be nice to achieve that level of intimacy with someone...I mean, Connie can read me easily, but I'm not so sure about him. Usually I'd be able to, but since I got this job, I haven't really gotten the chance to....be...with...him...
My thoughts digress as I remember what happened earlier today. Oh god.
Oh god.
"Eren?" Jean and Annie question simultaneously.
I wanted to be able to converse without words, and now here I am talking to myself with nothing but facial expressions that are now confusing the horseface and the tiny assassin.
"Nothing, I..."
"He's really too cute," she says, turning to Jean as if I'm not in their presence.
"Uh, yeah, okay, let's go ahead inside," Jean replies, eager to get inside.
Or maybe eager to just end the conversation.
He goes ahead and turns the key to "our place" which really belongs to the director.
He walks inside and I turn to Annie.
"Would you like any help with your bags?" I ask, attempting to be polite. I really don't want to, but I don't know this girl, and it's the nice thing to do.
I can feel myself reverting to my usual facade, afraid to make a bad impression by being myself right away. Or ever, for that matter.
"That's very sweet of you...but honestly, kiddo, I think they're too heavy for ya." She sighs in a somewhat motherly manner and pats my back, simultaneously making a face as if to tell me I'm so cute for even wanting to attempt.
Yeah, tiny assassin is definitely a perfect nickname for her. Not that I could ever say it to her face, since that's probably the equivalent of asking for death.
I go ahead and let her pass in front of me, watching her as she surveys the place.
She rolls her suitcase over to my room immediately, and says, "I'll sleep here."
I almost hate to tell her that I sleep there.
"Oh, are these your things Eren?"
"Y-Yeah!" I say, smiling.
"Jean?" She says, turning to him. The look on her face tells me she's going to ask him for a favor.
"Yes?" He sighs.
"Can Eren move into your room?"
Wow, didn't see that one coming at all.
"Wait, where will I sleep, then?"
Him agreeing without protesting?? Now that is something that genuinely surprises me.
"On the couch?" She says, nonchalant.
Without another word, heads into my room and starts taking my clothes out of the drawers and folding them, placing them into my still open suitcase which isn't even completely unpacked despite that I've lived here for months already...
She pauses for a moment, eyeing some of my clothes quizzically, as if to question my taste. Her expression reminds me that I tossed all my women's clothes into the second-from-the-bottom drawer, and I rush over to get them.
"Here, let me help!" I say, noting that my voice sounds 2 octaves higher than it should've.
"What are you getting all jumpy for?" She asks, eyeing me suspiciously.
"Well, I just have some clothes from certain jobs that are kind of embarrassing, so I didn't want yoo to find them and assume...something weird."
She nods as if in understanding, and I relax a little.
"Yeah, so," Annie starts casually, turning my attention to her. "Either you let me see them, or you put them on and wear them for me."
Well then.
"So if I show them to you, you won't make me put them on?" I ask, praying she'll agree.
She must've sensed my desperation, because her expression changes into that of a mischievous child.
"It depends, pretty boy. I won't promise anything." She lifts an eyebrow, communicating to me that she's intrigued.
God damnit. I might as well just put them on.
"Don't laugh. Same thing goes for you, horseface."
I reluctantly open the second to last drawer and take the bundle of clothes out.
"....I get the feeling that putting the clothes on already will save me a lot of time, so if you could step out..."
She gets up silently, and pats Jean's shoulder as she passes him, leaning in just a bit to whisper something I can't decipher.
I close my bedroom door, and sigh, undressing myself.
Suddenly looking down at my own body makes me feel embarrassed. I really don't want to put these on. How in the world did I ever agree to these kinds of things anyway? Oh right.
The money.
At one point, these were the only kinds of job offers I got. I guess that was around the time Armin started wondering if I was gay and didn't know how to ask directly. He must've done those things to see if I enjoyed it.
Which I didn't, but I am pretty good at being a girl.
Though it's kinda funny how Armin questioned my sexuality before I did. He wasn't entirely wrong.
...Okay, how do women wear skirts without feeling completely exposed??
I literally have no idea what I even look like, because the only mirror is in the bathroom. I sigh heavily, looking down at myself.
Maybe I should stop shaving my legs, I look like such a girl. But I hate having hair on them now...
I close my eyes and reluctantly open the door.
"Oh my god." He covers his mouth, probably to stop himself from laughing.
"I know, Jean, shut up!"
"What kind of job were you doing in which you had to wear a school girl sailor suit?" Annie asks, while nonchalantly snapping some pictures.
"...I had to be a stand in for a model. I'm not sure how it even happened. I was just walking down the street and this artsy looking man goes, 'You! Those eyes!' And then he grabs me and suddenly I'm wearing a sailor suit, a wig, and makeup."
"Thank god this model got sick. My eyes have been blessed by this image," she adds.
"Yeah okay. It gets worse. Please don't even ask me about the rest of these, I don't like to remember them."
I turn around to go back in my room, earning another "oh my god" from Jean. What an ass.
Looking at all of these things, I'm starting to wonder about how sketchy Armin really is. I mean, he got me all of these jobs. I pick up the next item in the pile.
Oh god. Nope, I am not putting on a maid outfit. I should hide it before Annie sees.
Okay, well, that leaves me with...
...a miniskirt and cropped tee or... a volleyball uniform??
Why didn't I see this before?! This might be for girls, but ultimately it's a t-shirt and shorts. I mean the shorts are a little short, but this is so much better than putting on another skirt.
I slip it on, finding that it's actually pretty comfortable. Thank god there isn't a mirror in here, I'd probably die of embarrassment.
Before letting out another heavy sigh, I open the door, standing before Annie and the horse. The pair look up from their phones.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Jean asks.
"Shut up, you equine fuck!" I yell, furious.
I'm not so hard to look at that it's deathly! Plus, it doesn't really look all that girly, it's just sorta form-fitting...I don't see what his problem is!
"I'm not a fucking horseface!"
"Yeah, and I'm not bi!" I retort snarkily.
Jean steps forward, getting in my face.
I close the gap between us and pull the collar of his shirt, tugging him down so we're face to face.
Jean then does the same, pulling me toward him. My breaths shorten in anticipation, waiting for punches to be thrown.
"You're a shrimp, all small and pink and angry," he spits.
"At least I'm not a horse!" I yell back.
I'm so angry. And all my senses seem to be on hyper alert, maybe because I haven't really fought with him in a while. The rush of adrenaline almost surprises me.
"Goddamnit, you frustrate me so much, Jaeger!!"
"So do you! I'm not sure how I've even survived living with you for this long!" I say.
I really want to just...just...punch him! Ugh!! What is wrong with me?
I shove him away from myself, breathing heavily. I get ready to throw a fist in his direction, then swing, almost blindly. He catches my fist and holds it there.
I meet his eyes, glaring defensively. And he just stares back at me like we're at a stalemate when he could easily take the chance to punch me. My body is so heated, especially in my stomach, like there's all this...I'm not sure what it is, but I feel tense. This entire exchange has been tense.
"So, are you guys going to act on this clearly tangible sexual frustration or am I wasting my time?" Annie suddenly interrupts, reminding me that she's still here.
Oh my god. No. That is not what I was feeling.
I look up at Jean cautiously, who seems surprised himself. Oh no. No no no. The more I think about it, the more it feels like that's what it really was. I didn't want to punch him, I wanted to...kiss him.
Holy fuck. That can't be right. No. No no no. Not horseface. No way.
I told him I wouldn't back when we first moved in, and it would just make things so complicated because he's into girls and I'd start feeling incompetent and I really hate that feeling because it's happened before and I don't want to go back to it.
"Hey...are you alright?"
My eyes dart up to Jean and I yank my fist from out of his grip.
"Just because I'm going to be with you in your room and all doesn't mean I like you. I still think you're annoying."
"Okay," is all I get out of him, along with a smug look.
Stupid horseface and his stupid fucking smirks. I hate them. He didn't even react.
I sigh internally, wishing Connie was here to talk to. And calm me down. Fucking teenager hormones. I've never been turned on by fighting with him before. Gaaah.
"I'm going to finish getting you settled," I say, but Jean places a hand on my shoulder and offers to do it. He's probably going to tell me I owe him later, knowing the narcissistic person he is.
I glare at him then head over to the couch to wait, turning on the TV.
. . .
"Hey sleepyhead, at least brush your teeth."
In a daze, I open my eyes and get up, walking to the bathroom with a terrible sense of balance. I'm too tired to be conscious of my surroundings, and find myself running into another body.
"Oh, hiiii."
"Really, Jaeger?"
I smile lazily up at him. His face is super blurry.
"Will you brush my teeth for me?" I ask.
"No, what the hell!"
"You suck, Kirschtein."
He groans and rolls his eyes.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. Go sit on the bed."
After a number of groans and sighs, Jean kneels down in front of me and begins to brush my teeth. He places an arm over my thighs for balance and I stare at him while he brushes my teeth.
Maybe it's because it's late, but I keep thinking about a ton of weird things. Why does he keep kissing me? And for no apparent reason? I mean, even if I'm a good kisser it doesn't really add up. And then there's Connie too. I know he hates to lie, but why say something like I'll "get hot and bothered" in the first place? He could've just said I'd get embarrassed and kissed me normally instead of...all of that. He doesn't...like me, right?
That would be kinda...nice, but even so, he's my best friend so I'm not sure I'd really want to risk losing our current relationship...which isn't completely platonic anyway. At least, for me...it's kind of...
"Spit. I'll get you some water to rinse your mouth with," Jean says.
"Okay."
Why would I consider it nice for Connie to like me? I'm not actually...into him, right?
My mind is restless despite how exhausted my body is. I don't even remember Jean flossing my teeth, but I lay down anyway, on the far side of the bed.
"Goodnight, Eren."
I manage to mumble out a goodnight.
. . .
The incessant buzzing of a phone wakes me up, so I put it to my ear and answer sleepy.
"Hello?"
My voice comes out all croaky and I sound like one of those smokers that lost their voice box and had to get that plug thing.
"Is this Eren Jaeger?"
"Yes?"
"This is Dr. Smith. Your mother...she's...her condition has worsened significantly, and it's possible that she won't-"
"What?? Is she okay, can I see her?" I spring out of bed and strip, frantically searching for my clothes. I realize I didn't move them, so I borrow a shirt from Jean and the volleyball shorts from earlier.
"You can, but-"
"I'm on my way right now. I'll see you in a bit, Dr. Smith, thank you for letting me know."
I hang up the phone and immediately dial another number, hoping that he answers. I place it on speaker so I can keep both hands on the wheel.
I hear the familiar click of the other end picking up the phone and start babbling incoherently.
"Connie, I don't know what to do or if she's okay and I'm really worried and really sad and if anything happens to her I-"
"Woah, woah, Eren. Calm down, what's wrong?"
"It's my mom. She got worse, and...I just don't know what I do."
"...Are you okay?"
It's those words that break me.
"I'm not," I whisper, my voice breaking. "I'm so scared, Connie. What if I lose her?"
I have to blink back tears to ensure I can see the road as I drive, but they're coming so fast that I have to wipe at my eyes frequently.
"I love her so much. I know she isn't really active like other moms, but she's so supportive of me, and I know she wishes she could will herself to be better. I just...I just..."
I park in the almost vacant parking lot.
"...I'm going there. I'm going to book a flight right now. I will see you in the morning," Connie says.
"But you just got back, and the money-"
"I don't care! Who wouldn't do that for you?!" I hear him shuffling around and typing away at his laptop.
I'm not sure I know anyone else who would do this for me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like him. I'd be even luckier if he really were my boyfriend. But I doubt that would ever happen, even though I...
No, I can't think about that. I can't let myself dwell on it, even. I just have to remind myself that Connie won't be into me.
"Thanks, Connie," I say into the phone abruptly, wanting to end the call before I think of anything weird. "Bye."
"Bye Eren, love you man."
His words make me curious.
"...When you say that, what do you mean?" I ask.
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This chapter was fucking long. I'm sorry it took so long to update, I couldn't decide where to end it and what to do because I had exams and now I have five million projects for school and I'm so swamped and I just
So yeah everything is great. Really nice. Loving life. Gonna go eat away my worries. I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please vote and comment and stuff! Love you all! I didn't proofread bc I'm lazy and I'm 3weeks late with my update.
~Shiro