Serena woke up to the sounds of her mother's shrilling voice.
"SERENA, WAKE UP ALREADY!" Her mom, Patricia shouted from downstairs. Another regular day in the James household and once again the mother hen had cuckooed its morning routine like the cock-a-doodle-doo upon sunrise.
"It's 6:30 am and you are still sleeping in on a Sunday morning when you should be doing more productive things on your summer vacation," Patricia barged into her room and roughly pulled away the blanket off Serena. A shiver ran up Serena's body caused by the cold air rustling in from the opened window.
"God, I feed you and give you a roof under your head, and yet you are still an ungrateful, little brat?" Patricia continued to ramble on even as she left Serena's room.
Serena opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. Just another day like usual, Serena tried telling herself. But even so, the slight pain still existed along with the anger that clenched around her heart upon hearing such words. Why does it still hurt? Shouldn't she be used to it by now?
Serena was really fed up with starting and ending her days with constant criticism. What did she do wrong? She didn't know. Oh no. She did know. That's right, it was the fact that she was not as smart or well-behaved or perfect like her older sister with straight A's and perfect track record on paper from all the volunteering on her hand.
After all, the past seventeen years of her life were full of tears, insults, emotional abuse and suffering. What did she do to deserve it could perhaps be blamed on the mere fact that she was not like her sister. And because of that all she could remember was always being the outcast among her family. Like a pebble in their shoe. Be it amongst each other or other people, wherever she went with her family, she felt like a mismatched puzzle piece trying too hard to fit in.
It was always about her sister. Her existence was obliterated before it had even gotten a chance to flourish. Was it so wrong to want her mother's approval even if she wasn't on the same level as her sister?
"Did you hear Patricia's daughter got ranked among the top 5 students in all of high school? Quite an impressive accomplishment for a young girl!"
"Seriously? She must have impressive grades, quite a smart girl huh!!What about the younger daughter?"
"Younger daughter? Oh are you talking about Serena?
"Yeah, little Serena. The little trouble-maker. What is she around to?"
"I have no clue. Last I heard, she was struggling with her studies. But you would think with a role model like her sister, she would also achieve great things. But it seems that Serena must not be as bright."
"Well who cares, right? Little Serena must have it easy. She doesn't have to work hard with her sister around."
These were the types of conversations that Serena had been condemned to most of her life. She would be walking down the streets, in the supermarket, or in the library and there she would overhear all these things. About the great things her sister would accomplish, how proud she would make Patricia while Serena was kicked to the curb.
For as far back as she could remember, Serena willed herself to bed after crying her eyes out, wondering what was wrong her with her.
"Why am I not good enough? Why can't I be more like the perfect and ideal daughter whom she cherishes so much and puts on the pedestal? Is it because I'm not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not sociable enough?"
Since then, Serena tried to change, to become better, to become the way her mother would approve. What did she not do? Serena started studying harder, getting more involved in school by joining the leadership team and the school ambassador. Her track record improved and now she was an honor roll A student with more credentials and extracurricular activities than your average student. Just like her sister was.
But even then, she was looked down upon. Why? Should she have done more? Serena now knew there was no point but her young and naive self had thought so at the time. All she had to do was follow her sister's footstep. If she achieved the same things, all would be well, right? Wrong. How wrong she was.
It turned out that despite having the same things, her sister would always be first. In everything. Like the fact that people would always remember the first man to step on the moon, Neil Armstrong, however no one remembers the second person. In fact, everybody else who came after Armstrong was just part of a nameless list.
So what was the point in even trying? To gain her mother's approval. That was all she wanted and yet she was still a shadow in her mother's eyes. Serena remembered the time she won the speech festival, the young girl she was, happy to come home to tell her mother. But all she got was a flick of her mother's wrist, shooing her away before turning her attention back to her older sister who was gushing about university life.
Should that have been much of a surprise? No, her sister got the spotlight- as always. A difference of 4 years in age yet for most parts her sister was a millennium away in social standing in comparison to her. It's not that Serena hated her sister but she didn't like her either. They were never on best of terms. Serena didn't remember the last time they talked. Their alienation certainly wasn't due to a lack of trying on Serena's end. God she tried so many times but it was futile. After being isolated, Serena gave up and completely detached herself from trying to bond with her family. She had even stopped calling her sister by her name because it broke her heart every time she did. It reminded her too much of the traumatizing incident years back. An incident that had only affected her, that caused her to see her sister differently. Because that's all she was. A sister in name. Tied by blood but wounded by relation.
And when her sister moved out after high school, Patricia had naturally blamed Serena for driving her favourite daughter away. Thus for most parts, her 'family' felt more distant than strangers.
But there was so much that a person can take until their limit have been breached. Serena realized that there was really no point in trying so hard for people who don't care for her. Why should she belittle herself and take unnecessary stress? So, she decided to move out once she reached the legal age.
But the more time she spent at home, the more stress built up. Then it came to her mind that she can move out earlier if she graduated high school earlier. She had saved enough money for herself from her part-time job and upon entering high school, she enrolled in summer classes in order to graduate early. By her 4th year, she completed half a semester as an eleventh grader and the remaining as a twelve grader. Her credentials were impressive enough to get her a dean scholarship of $12,000 and multiple smaller entrance scholarships ranging from $1,000-2,000 from the various institutions she had applied to.
Ecstatic from her successful applications, Serena decided to live on campus as opposed to getting an apartment in hopes of finding real friends, something she never had.
That's right. She never had friends. Why? Because all the boys were either lusting after her sister or the girls only befriended her because of her connection to her sister. The harsh reality came after having her heart-broken when she had accidentally overheard her supposed best friends badmouthing her in the bathroom.
"Did you hear that Josh is going to ask Serena out?"
"For real? I thought he was interested in some upper class chick?
"Duh, isn't obvious? That upper chick is Serena's sister. And because she's taken, he's buttering up to Serena in order to get close to her sister."
"Well that makes more sense. I can't even imagine what a guy would find appealing in Serena. I mean, she's such a dim-wit. To think she thinks we are for friends. I swear that girl has brain the size of a pea."
"Exactly. Who would want to be friends with her. She's not enough pretty and all she does is copy her sister. She's no match in comparison. But to hell with it. As long as we continue to remain 'friendly' with her, we can still reel in the benefits of having contact with her sister."
"Hahaha. You're right?"
All she had to do now was wait for one more painful week and she'll be free from this hell hole that sucked all her energy, existence, and identity. She would make a place for herself without her so-called family dragging her behind. One more week until Summer is over and she will able to live her life happily her way.
Though one problem still laid in her path to freedom, the breaking news. How I am suppose to tell my mother that I've already graduated and would be moving out to attend university by the end of summer? How would she react? No, the better question here is would she even react? Do I want her to react?
Surely nothing good could come out of a confrontation but it needed to be done. Over the past two months of her summer vacation, she tried to tell Patricia but to no surprise, every time Serena went to tell her, her mother dismissed her with a careless wave of her hand stating that she was busy.
Looks like I'm going to have to drop the bomb on the last day itself. Serena got off from the bed and walked into the washroom to get herself groomed. Taking a quick shower to conserve water as Patricia had always informed her, she got dressed in her work attire like usual. Now that summer was here, her availability was open every day and Serena gladly took in all possible shifts as long as it got her away from the house.
Coming down for breakfast, she found Patricia dressed in a baby blue sundress, barest brush of make-up and looking like an older image of her sister. Strapping in her sandals, Patricia stood up and grabbed the car keys before leaving without another word. Serena just stared at the blank space where her mother stood seconds ago. Empty. That was her life. Her heart was overflowing with emptiness and she continued to stare out. Bringing a hand over the left side of her chest, Serena rubbed her chest in hopes to stop the pain that clenched around her heart. Damn. It still hurts. A single tear snaked down her eyes and Serena's lips parted to release a forlorn sob.
Quietly she brushed away the lone tear and she made her way into the kitchen but when she opened the fridge, there was nothing for her to eat. Only an empty fridge looking back at her. All the leftovers were for Patricia from the food that her mother had cooked herself. It was a system that Patricia implemented long ago. Serena was forced to start cooking at an early age from the time her mother stopped feeding her because her marks was too low or she forgot to water the plants or didn't clean the bathroom properly. Patricia used to call it parental discipline but for Serena it was simply punishment.
Closing the fridge, she went to grab her old hand bag and headed to work on foot. She could order some food at work before her shift started. After all she did get employee discount.
The week passed by and Patricia hadn't spoken to her other than when waking her up with complaints. And now it was Friday, the day she had to leave since lecture started on Monday. She would need the weekend to unpack in her dorm and tour around the university to familiarize herself in the new environment.
She didn't have much to pack other than a few articles of clothing and her novels which she read as past-time. She had woken up at 6 that day so that when her mom would come to wake her up like usual she would finally tell her seeing as that is the only available time. She waited and waited and when the clock read 6:30, her nerves started firing away and her heart pounded harder and harder with every second. Anytime now. I can do this.
Holding her ice-cold hands together, she could feel a small tremor zipping through her body. Her stomach churned and a headache seemed to appear out of nowhere. Fear started riling up and her lips were drying up. Clearing her clogging throat, Serena looked at the time and was surprised when it was now 7 am.
Why isn't mom barging into my room and yelling at me to wake up?
Slowly, she opened the door to her bedroom and crept down the hall and stood in front of her mother's room. Serena took a deep breath and then lightly knocked on the door. She waited a full 60 seconds and when no one answered she knocked again. And again. And again.
Having been met with no response, she opened Patricia's door and entered the room that she had never stepped foot in. Serena froze on spot when she saw no one in the room and the bed was perfectly made as though no one even slept on there for the night. Her gaze shifted and landed on the cabinet where pictures frames were placed. Serena's eyes widened when all of the pictures consisted of Patricia and her older sister. Even her father was in one of the pictures. Where am I?
How cruel life can be? Without batting an eyelid, Serena rushed to search the rest of the house for her mother. But Patricia was nowhere to be found. In fact, she didn't bother coming home since yesterday morning. Serena thought she would have had a distressing confrontation with Patricia but never imagined how much more distressing it was to leave without so much as a final goodbye at the very least.
Sitting in the dining room, Serena took out a piece of paper.
Dear Patricia: my biological mother,
My name is Serena James, second daughter of Patricia and Roger James. I've been brought into a world where I am clearly not needed. I don't what I did to deserve any of the treatment I've been put through for the last seventeen years of my life. Nonetheless, I will apologize once more before moving on in my life. I am truly sorry for causing you any sort and any amount of pain and sorrow. I never meant to hurt you if I have done so consciously or unconsciously. I've come to the realization that our relationship is that of a wilting flower. No matter how much you water it, it would never become healthy again because it is too late. For you and our family, I have traded my childhood of fun and enjoyment in order to become someone who you could one day say to yourself and to the world , "Yes this is my daughter Serena." When you wouldn't have to be ashamed of letting other people know who I am. I prayed every day that you would notice me and care for me the same way you do for sis. If it seems selfish of me, then so be it. I am a selfish person who wants the attention of her mother. Even if it was the merest of touch, and affections, the simplest of gentle words would have suffice. But as each day passed, this hope dimmed until it no longer existed, just like my presence. Every breath I take reminded me just how worthless and a waste of space I am. It hurts, mom. It hurts so much that I can literally feel my chest burn. Sometimes I would look into the mirror and I find a faceless person staring back at me. Sometimes when I would cry, my eyes would sting so much I would wonder if blood was coming out instead of tears.
But now, I've had enough. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I don't want to cry. To get hurt. To wake up only to be scolded. So I've decided to take charge of my life. I have graduated from high school. Had you read my report or given me the chance, I would have loved to see you attend my graduation ceremony. For that I would forever live in regret. Now you no longer have to feed me or put a roof under my head because I got accepted into a university far from here. I've received enough scholarships to support my education and have money saved up from my part time job. If you even know I had one.
I'm moving out and may never see you again. But I want you to know that despite everything I loved you. I hope that from now on you will live your life without any worries and have lots of fun with sis. I wish to one day see you smile. For me. But that seem very farfetched. Please live a good life mom.............
Sincerely,
Serena James
Tears rolled down Serena's cheeks and landed on the letter as she wrote. Her mind stopped working and her hand moved on its own, writing down. Unable to write any further, Serena signed the letter, and then folded it nicely.
She went back into her room to grab her luggage and the single red rose that she had bought for her mom and headed downstairs. She placed the letter on the coffee table that rested by the door and rested the single rose on top of it. Bending down, Serena put on her shoes and turned around to face the house. Scanning from left to right one last time, she closed her eyes to ingrain the image into her memories. Memories in which she didn't have anything other than suffering, but still they were her only memories so she couldn't help herself.
Goodbye
Serena then grabbed her bags and walked out the door, never looking back as she walked past the front yard, not once had she turned as her already broken heart shattered into million more pieces than it already was.
*****************************************************************************************************
a/n
Here you go! Serena James is introduced. I know this chapter is a bit dense but stay tune for the next chapter... River and Serena are going to meet for the first time!!!
Please vote and comment. Thanks for reading.