There were times when [Y/N] wished to die. And she always tried to find chances to do so. Pills, suicide, knifes. But nothing seemed to get her to feel frightened. She wanted to feel an overwhelming sense of fear before she ended her life. But she never did. Therefore, she never killed herself. But [Y/N] always belived in a quote she overheard someone said. It went something like:
"You don't need a gun nor a pill. If you want to die, fall in love and you'll get killed."
She never undertood what it meant, but she knew that if she fell in love, she could finally die. And now, she understood it perfectly. And indeed, she died.
"Huh?" The male stared at her.
"You heard me," She gave her best smile at him. "Do you want to go home with me?"
'Please... Just this once.... Let luck be on thou colourless monster's side!!' She pleaded the Gods above.
"Oh, uh, sure. Why not?" He gave an awkward smile back at her.
"R-Really?? Thank god." She accidentally said it too loud. "Th-then, uhmm, let's go, shall we?"
Kuroo nodded.
Secretly overjoyed, [Y/N] gave out a small sigh as the two left school together. She asked him about Kenma (and she swore she saw him flinch at his name) but Kuroo said he had to leave early because he had something really important to do. 'Ah, so that's your little "part".' [Y/N] felt a tug at her lips. The walk back home, however, was like a silent night. [Y/N] not being able to see colours, she had a hard time being her bright self. And Kuroo who's been avoiding her for who-knows-what reason stayed quiet as well. It was too awkward for the both of them. But [Y/N] didn't want to let the opportunity slide. She was finding for the right time to talk to him. But the more time passed, the harder it was.
She could already see her house when she decided to speak up.
"Uhm," She stopped walking at the top of a small slope on the road.
"Hm?" Kuroo was at the end of the slope when he stopped and turned around.
"This, uh, I--" She was struggling to find the right words to say to her good friend who has been avoiding her for months. 'Shit. What do I ask? How he's doing? Or just ask him directly? Damn it, I don't know!' But in the end, she decided to say, "This was around where we first met right? I still remember. My first impression of you was a pervert, and I had no clue who you were." She tried to smile at him, remembering the fond memories.
"Oh, yeah. That was about half a year ago, I think."
"Yeah, it was. But you know? Ever since I met that pervert, my life changed." Her fists were clenched as she looked down in embarrassment. Kuroo's eyes widened in curiosity. "Surely you know that I'm the Colourless Monster. I couldn't see colours, my life was painted dull. But!" She looked up and stared into his eyes. "When you came into my life, I... I...." She tried her best to find the right words, but the only thing she could come up with was,
"...was certain I could defy fate and live my own one!"
"Eh?" Kuroo's mouth gaped. "Fate? What do you mean?"
"Ever since I saw you, I was able to see colours again!" She opened up her arms and tried to talk and act like when she was able to live her colourful life. Her eyes looked like they sparkled and her body seemed light. "Blue, Yellow, Red, Pink, Orange, and more! It wasn't immediate, but I-- I was convinced that you had something to do with it! Maybe the soulmate system, maybe something else. I don't really know myself since I've never experienced it before. But..." She was already panting from whatever she said with such enthusiasm. "I think... at the very least, I hope that I am... "
"I think I'm in love with you! And all I want to know right now is why you've been avoiding me!" She poured her last bit of feelings and clenched her clothes that were close to her heart. She bent down as she said those words. Her face was flushed but she stayed rooted to the ground.
Kuroo, on the other hand, couldn't speak. His eyes looked like they were going to give up and break down, and his legs were slightly quivering. His hand slowly rose to [Y/N], as if he wanted to just run up to her. He wanted to say something, but he hesitated. A few moments of silence passed between them. He regained his composure and turned his back to face her. He took a deep breath and--
"So this is how you confess." He sharply said.
"Eh? U-Uh, yeah, I think? Maybe. I don't really--"
"So... Do you want me to reply that?"
"It's not necessary, but... if you can, I hope you would." Her head was staring at the ground again.
"Then I'll reply right here, right now. How about that?"
"Really?? Then, what's your--"
"I don't like you. Not at all. Not one bit." He turned around and glared.
Crack.
As if time stopped, [Y/N] stood there, her skin suddenly turning pale. She felt her heart cracking even more, and she couldn't even react. She just stared at him with broken eyes. An ache was on her entire body, but she paid no concern to it. Rather, she looked at Kuroo's eyes. They were mean. They felt like they can destroy her any minute. "This... wasn't supposed to happen..." She accidentally said her thoughts out loud.
"Maybe it was." She heard him open his mouth again but this time, he turned to face his back at her and spoke. "You know, the only reason I went up to you was because I took pity. If it wasn't raining, I would've ignored you and minded my own business."
Crack.
"I didn't really intend to talk to you. You just kept staring at me the entire that time, I thought you wanted my attention. So I just went up to talk to you. And well, the more time passed, the clingier you got to me, and the more it annoyed the hell out of me."
Crack.
"But no way could I just drop you. You're the Colourless Monster, for God's sake!" He turned to face her. "You could curse me or make me go blind of colours if I did something like that. So I stuck with you. I kept up with your annoying attitude and dealt with it for so, freaking long."
Crack.
"So do you see now, [L/N]-san? I never liked you. And... I never will." He kept silent afterwards and walked back home.
[Y/N] fell to the ground. She felt continuously stabbed with a knife of words as he spoke. She could feel her lungs tighten, and her gut felt wretched with pain and agony. Her hand was straining the clothes closest to her heart, and she stared hollow-eyed at the ground. Her breathing hitched up, and she couldn't think. She just laid there motionless with horror.
Crack. The final piece broke.
Eventually, she did go home. But it did take a while for her to get back on her feet. Back to Kuroo, he was reaching his house when he saw Kenma standing at his front gate. He was busy playing his game, not paying attention to anything until Kuroo stood in front of him.
"Kenma, uh, could you just, move? I need to go in--"
"Why're you so good at lying? Did you inherit it from me?" Kenma interuppted him, putting his game away and facing him head-on.
"Huh? Lying? W-What do you mean?"
"I saw. You and [Y/N]."
"Oh... Well, uh, if you're going to get angry cause' I said those things then--"
"Yes, I am very angry." Though his face shows differently.
"Y-You are??" He backed up a bit. (He never saw Kenma angry and he hoped he never did)
"Yeah." He walked forward, Kuroo backing up again. "You lied to yourself. You lied to [Y/N]. You hurt yourself. You hurt [Y/N]. I'm angry because of how stupid you are." He kept making Kuroo walk back until he hit his back on a wall opposite his house.
"Kenma, maybe you're just--"
"I've known you since forever, and I knew that the entire time-- you've been lying to everyone and everything."
Kuroo couldn't speak. His eyes reflected Kenma's eyes-- they felt angry, but they couldn't show it.
"Let's face it. You're exactly like [Y/N] aren't you?" He took steps back and with an honest face, he said,
"You can't see colours."