For the past few weeks I've been attending this little counseling group where they discuss things that affect girls and outward appearance.
When I first heard about it I thought it was pretty cool plus missing out of class so that's pretty cool little did I know I had to talk.
Me and my best friend since Kindergarten, Izel have been going together it's cool and we are both the quietest people we never talk.Thats because we have sometimes nothing to say or when we do the subject already changed.
Well this week would probably was not the best day. I already was in my down and out random moods so I didn't feel like talking.
I walked in the room most of the girls I knew since middle school I went to the closest rolling chair which was right next to Mr. Patrick one of the counsellors I said hi to him Ms.Mckenna walked in with paper towels she said hi to me she pronounces my name right this time. I look around for Izel where is she?
That's when I remember she has a math test so she couldn't leave. Crap I'm a loner she's smart she can finish fast. Well it's honors math and she complains about how hard it is. I'm screwed dang it. Mr.Patrick pulled out some odd looking tortilla chips and a jar full of corn. Chips were black and the corn was salsa I guess a little scheptical about it.
A lot of girls were very scheptical about it this girl named Deja first tried it then I did and few others the chips tasted like regular tortilla chips and the corn salsa was awesome first sweet then spicy amazing mixture. Mr Patrick kept reminding everyone that it was good.
After our snack time we had to play a game. Everytime Ms.Mckenna pulled a letter from the envelop we had to name something about our personalities that we liked. Crap what is there to like about me? I looked down pretending I couldn't think of anything but unfortunately they were waiting for me to answer but a bunch of girls answered.
Thank God I didn't have to answer.
Later on we had to name five women that we consider perfect. I couldn't think of any women so just put down some singers and my favorite character from my favorite book. Since they said it was okay to use fictional characters.
I wrote down Lacey Sturm one of my favorite singers her music sounds like poetry she is very humble and is just awesome. Alicia Keys because she is my absolute favorite singer her music just amazing and how especially that song "A Woman's Worth" talking about the worth of a woman. Sloane from the Naturals she is super intelligent and goofy and how determined she is to get coffee because her roommates hide the coffee because she gets hyper.Carrie Underwood because her songs are very relatable. Reba McEntire a legend she writes songs that tell stories and relatable.
Unfortunately Mr.Patrick looked at me and said why don't we start in this direction. All eyes were on me waiting for a meaningful response. "Uh Carrie Underwood and Reba McEntire." The counsellors looked suprised a little and asked why them. "They are good singers." I let out a mental sigh of relief I'm glad my turn is over. When the other girls went it was meaningful answers about their moms and grandmothers people that are very good.
While I'm over here with only good singers as my answers I feel like an idiot. I needed an example and of course I went first.and not by choice. After that activity we had to write what made a successful woman. I couldn't think of any so I sat there staring really hard at the paper later hoping they won't notice well they would because the room is small and there is only around ten girls so yeah it was obvious.
I was crap just sitting there not knowing anything to write down. Mr.Patrick helped a little. I'm just glad the activity was over.
Shortly they talked about it and gave us a lesson then that's when we had to do something I wish we didn't.
We had to write down things we didn't like about our selves our insecurities.
I wish a fire drill happened and everyone went out outside and wait for like ten minutes. And then the principal say it was just a false alarm go back to class.
But no.
I wrote down ten percent of what I didn't like about my self.
I'm fat
I'm ugly
I'm not smart
I'm not talented
I wished the paper would burn I never want to see that paper again. I wish it could vanish turn to dust do something.
On the right side we had to right something positive to counter the negative.
I couldn't think of any it was all too true.
What was to say?
Luckily we ran out of time I said bye and quickly left.
I ran to the bathroom I can feel my throat full of water.
No not right now not right now.
I pulled a muffin out of my backpack and took a bite out of it as I sat down on the floor.
My chest felt lighter my throat opened up. The chocolate chips in the muffin tasted so good.
Time for class.
I saw Mr.Patrick and Ms McKenna walk out I couldn't help but to overhear what they were saying.
"That girl that I was sitting next to looked really upset today when we did that last activity." Crap Mr.Patrick is talking about me.
"Yeah she usually is always smiling." Thanks for pointing the reason why need braces Ms.Mekenna.
"She didn't write anything down for the positive side." Mr.Patrick stop putting me on blast.
"Well maybe next meeting we can talk to her and find out what's going on." Ms.Mekenna nooo stop it you'll only make things worse.
I must've been very obvious great now they feel obligated to hound me.
I need not let my emotions show on my face.
Man I'm so messed up.
Omg I'm so sorry for not updating don't worry I'm writing the next chapter be a good reader and eat three times a day and use the crosswalk and wait for cars to stop and notice you. Okay hugs!