The restaurant was nothing fancy it was a bar with a long table in the middle, and they were the only ones there. It was owned by a man from France and the food was said to be the best in the area.
Ava kept monopolizing Paul during dinner, and Dr. Lancaster kept trying to be included in their conversation. Diana looked bored as she watched the rest of the patrons in the restaurant. She really was an odd one and Rachel wondered for a moment what she was all about before she was pulled into the conversation that Jack and Bob were having about WAMM.
"I've only been with the organization for a month," Rachel supplied when he asked her a question she couldn't answer.
"A month only!" Ava stopped mid conversation. As usual she was listening to all of the others around her as well as carrying on her own conversation. This was something that Rachel, Jack, and Bob were used to, but the others were not.
"Where have you been for the past five years?" Ava asked without thinking.
"We'll it took a while to get father's things settled, then I went to work at a hospital in the D.C. area."
Ava looked at her astounded, then she turned towards Jack. "How long have you been here Jack?" Her eyes narrowed.
"I've been here for almost five years Ava." Jack's expression was guarded.
There was silence at the table while the others tried to figure out the importance of Ava's question.
"Jack." Ava shook her head in maternal disappointment. Rachel had started to get uncomfortable with the silence as Ava and Jack stared at each other, neither one conceding their point to the other.
"Well I'm ready for a dance, Rachel?" Bob asked as he held out his hand. There was a Jukebox in the corner that had old standards on it left over from bygone days and she and Bob walked over to it together and looked down at the options.
"She loves you both, and she worries. All of these years we were under the assumption that you were both over here together. If we had known otherwise you can bet you would have been living with us, not all alone." Bob put his arm around her waist.
Rachel smiled up at him through the gathering tears. "Maybe it's a good thing that you all didn't know, Aunt is one thing but Mother Ava," she shook her head, "that would have been overwhelming."
"Well one thing is for sure, she would have set Jack straight."
The Jukebox was free and after a moment Bob picked a slow song and moved her out to the middle of the empty floor. "This is something I never imagined myself doing." He chuckled softly.
"What's that?"
"Dancing in a bar in the middle of West Africa with such a beautiful lady." He looked over at Ava. "I would suggest that we try to make my beautiful wife jealous, but she knows you only have eyes for Jack." He twirled her around and she laughed. It felt good to laugh she hadn't done so for a very long time.
"Everyone knows that." Rachel smiled sadly.
"I don't think Jack does. Maybe you should tell him one day."
"No, it would be emotional suicide." She shook her head and looked over at Jack who had his head bent talking to Dr. Lancaster. If he truly didn't know, which she doubted, then she was not about to show him all her cards. There was too much at stake.
"You know men can be unsure and intimidated too," Bob said as he twirled her around.
Rachel looked back at him with a sad smile. "Not Jack."
"Yes Jack, you're so young, beautiful, and innocent." He was silent as he tried to gather his thoughts. "Jack is a man who has been to hell and back more than a few times. Having been through war myself, I can tell you that it can make you feel less than human. You feel as if you don't deserve anything good in this life, and that if anything good does come your way you will ruin it just by association."
"We're not talking about the same Jack." Rachel looked back at Jack sitting at the table laughing at something that had just been said by Ava and oozing self-confidence.
"Yes we are. He's a master at hiding it, especially from you, but he has his demons." In complete seriousness he stopped dancing and looked down at Rachel. "Tell me, how many times did you wake up to find him gone, and when you did track him down he was sitting in a well-lit room giving you an excuse that he had work to finish, or couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake you?"
Rachel thought back and realized that with Jack it had been a frequent occurrence, so frequent that she eventually stopped tracking him down. She had always thought that he just didn't need a lot of sleep.
"My bet is that he was keeping the nightmares at bay."
Rachel closed her eyes; she was a fool. She had thought Jack was perfect and didn't need anyone, but he had been as alone as she was only for much longer. She had the sudden urge to run across the room to him and hold him tight. 'But that doesn't mean he loves you', a little voice warned, she was suddenly very confused.
"Talk to me Uncle Bob, talk to me about anything but Jack. Please."
He must have sensed the urgency in her because he started to dance again and launched into a story of one of Ava's latest parties that included a petting zoo. By the time he was done she was laughing so hard she was almost crying. After the second song ended he guided her across the room, telling her about how the local news columnist, who no one liked, who had crashed the party, had ended up in a large pile of horse poo.
When he reached the table he asked Diana to dance, and she was so shocked she that she agreed before she had even realized it. Rachel smiled as she watched Bob and Diana dance. It looked as if he was charming her too, and when Rachel looked away she looked right into Jack's eyes. Rachel searched their depths as if in that one moment she could learn all of the secrets she had missed over the last seven years and everything would be instantly explained.
"Jack dance with me," Ava insisted as she rose.
Jack stood, smiling down at Ava. "Of course."
Rachel and Dr. Lancaster both watched as Jack led Ava out on the dance floor. Ava was talking a mile a minute and Jack was nodding his head. The discussion seemed to be growing serious as Jack bent over so he could hear Ava as she began talking softly.
"It looks like we'll get our money one way or the other." Dr. Lancaster said under her breath as she took a sip of wine and grimaced. That so amused Rachel she couldn't hide her smile.
"You find this funny? How exactly do you know the Schroder's?" Dr. Lancaster asked accusingly.
Rachel shrugged not answering as she looked over at Paul, who picked up on he signal as he rose and held out his hand. "Shall we?"
Nodding she followed his lead. When they took the dance floor they were silent for a few minutes. She knew she needed to say something. Jack was right when he said Paul deserved the truth. "Paul I-"
"Don't worry about it Rachel." He cut her off, his voice lacking its usual friendliness.
"Dr. Cooper is right, I owe you an explanation." But she didn't know where to start.
"It's Dr. Cooper again?" He raised his eyebrow, his voice dripping with disapproval.
"You think I am cheating on my husband, don't you?" Rachel sighed.
This time Paul shrugged as he moved her further away from the others.
"It's none of my business." He wouldn't meet her eyes.
"It must look really bad to you?"
"It does. It looks to me like you both are pulling a fast one on Ava and Bob."
Rachel thought about how the discussion they had on the stairs and the way their conversation with Ava and Bob must have looked from across the lobby. She could see that it could appear that way. "I...my husband..." she faltered, she didn't know how to say it. It shouldn't be that hard, but it was admitting that she failed as a wife.
"I get it. You don't have a happy marriage, and Jack is, what I assume, a challenge to resist, so I can understand that-"
"Jack is my husband." As soon as the words were out he stopped dancing and looked at her.
"Jack?" he started to move again. "Is that why you came here?"
Rachel had to give him credit as he barely missed a step while he absorbed the new information.
"No, I had no idea he would be here. WAMM was recommended to me by a friend, and I was lonely so I decided to join the team. Had I known he was here I would never have come. We've been married for seven years and separated for five," she said it as quickly as she could as if it would make it hurt less.
"What happened?" Paul looked over at Jack.
"That's a very long story and it doesn't really matter now. He and Dr. Lancaster would make a better match." Rachel looked over at the woman sitting silently watching Jack.
"That's a definite no. Jack has a high regard for Dr. Lancaster professionally, but personally he doesn't much care for her."
"How would you know that?" Rachel shook her head, fighting back a swell of hope.
"Instinct, Jack and I served overseas together and you can get to know someone really well in that kind of situation. Who they like and don't like."
This time it was Rachel's turn to be shocked.
"I've been with WAMM for four years now, and I've seen plenty of girls hit on and flirt with Jack. Once or twice they've been asked to return home because they have overstepped their bounds, but I've never once seen Jack take any of them seriously. Oh he might flirt a little with the more laid back girls, but that's all. I often wondered why he didn't take any of them up on their offers, and I thought that perhaps it was a case of not mixing personal with professional, but now it makes sense."
He looked down at Rachel taking in her face and figure.
Now it makes sense?"
There was a tap on Paul's shoulder and he looked over to see Ava and Jack wanting to change partners. Rachel was guessing that it was more Ava's idea than Jack's since he looked positively exhausted.
Ava said something funny as Paul danced her away, and Jack took Rachel in his arms as the next song started. She noted that Diana was back at the table and Bob was dancing with Dr. Lancaster.
Jack's arm was tight around her waist and there was no polite and friendly space between them as he held her close.
"You told Paul?" he asked.
Rachel nodded not trusting herself to say anything else. She just silently let him lead her across the floor welcoming the feel of his body against hers. He must have felt the same because he didn't try to make conversation.
As the song ended and they crossed the floor back towards the table, but Jack stopped and turned her to face him before they reached it. "Can I come to you tonight? We have to talk there is a lot that we need to figure out, together."
Still not trusting herself to speak, she only nodded, breaking eye contact and moving back to the table first.
They spent another hour listening to Ava's tales about this and that, and the stress of it just about killed her. She kept waiting for Ava to say... you remember or when you were there, but surprisingly she didn't.
When they got back to the hotel everyone said short goodnights and drifted towards their own rooms. When Rachel arrived at hers she said goodnight to Paul who had a knowing smile on his face. Then he winked making Rachel blush.
"It's O.K. you're married, so it's legal."
"Goodnight, Paul." She said shutting the door to his laughter.
She didn't have long to wait before there was a knock on her door, and when she opened it Jack was leaning on the door jamb looking down at his feet, but when he looked up and his eyes meet hers she had to swallow hard at the confusion that she saw reflected there. Was he just as messed up as she was?
"We need to talk Rachel." He pushed past her, letting her close the door behind him.
Talking was the last thing she wanted to do. She was remembering all that Bob had told her, and she had never wanted or needed to be as close to him as she did right at that moment. There had been mistakes made on both sides, and she knew that they would have to eventually talk about it and either save or end their marriage, but right at that moment she didn't care.
"No words, Jack. Just show me." It must have been the words he wanted to hear because he pulled her against him, his mouth claiming hers. After that they were both lost as they rediscovered each other. For Ray it was different though, for her she was trying to ease his hurt and his pain if only for a few moments. The act of love making for her in the past was always about being close to him, having him comfort her never the other way around.
As they lay there drifting off to sleep all of Rachel's doubts started to raise their ugly heads once again.
Jack gave a sigh. "God Ray. I've missed this."
Rachel felt her heart crack. He didn't say I miss you or I've missed us. He said 'I've missed this' what he meant was sex being in a woman's arms. Hadn't Paul said that he never succumbed to any of the offers made to him by the women at WAMM? If what Paul said was right then he didn't have many affairs, and Jack was a very young and virile man.
As Jack fell into a contented slumber Rachel let the silent tears fall. He had hinted that his leaving her after her father's death was not the right choice. He had even said he was sorry, but he hadn't said he loved her or that he wanted to be with her. It was just classic Jack taking the weight of others problems on his shoulders. Wanting to save the world one person at a time.
She realized that she had been afraid to let him talk earlier for fear that he would say that he was sorry that he had left her, but that it would have happened eventually. That they had both honored the agreement between them, but now it was time to end it and go their separate ways.
Maybe the reason he hadn't asked for a divorce was to keep an ace up his sleeve. If some of the girls that had worked at WAMM were as obsessive as Paul had said then his having the ability to say he was married would only help protect, or maybe he hadn't wanted to kick her while she was down.
She was sure that he had never told anyone he was married, and during dinner she had learned that he only returned once a year to renew his visa then he returned immediately, and in all of those visits he had never once tried to find her or make contact with her, and that in itself told her that he didn't really want her. The only thing she didn't understand was why she was there now.
She lay awake until the sun started to rise and as light filled the room, she rose, knowing that when they returned to the site later that day she would turn in her notice to Nurse Bowers. At least one person would be happy, and if you counted Dr. Lancaster two.
She was taking her rings off and putting them back on their chain when Jack sat up looking around him.
"Ray, what time is it?" he reached over for his watch.
"Early you still have some time to sleep." She didn't turn to look at him, knowing the sight of him would be her undoing.
He was silent as he watched her back' and she could feel his gaze drilling into her. "I knew we should have talked last night."
"Perhaps we should have, but neither one of us really wanted to."
"Why are you blowing cold all of the sudden Ray. After last night-"
"Last night was..." she swallowed all the words she wanted to say. "Last night cannot and will not happen again." She turned and looked at him. He was sitting in bed the sheet barely covering him, his hair tousled and his beard coming in thick. When she meet his eyes they were watching her warily.
"It's fine Jack, I'm fine." She was about to clip the rings around her neck, but she stopped herself. She needed to assure him that she understood what he wanted, that she knew why he left and why he never once tried to make contact with her in five years. He needed to know that she had always understood that their marriage was only temporary. She would assure him that she was alright, then she would leave, and he would have a clean conscience.
She had to try and save face because after their love making last night there could be little doubt in his mind as to how she felt about him, and she didn't want him to feel sorry for her or pity her. Clutching the rings as tight as she could for one moment, knowing what she was about to give up, she took a deep breath then walked over to Jack and let them fall in his lap.
"These belong to you." She turned before she could start crying and picked up her bag.
"I'll wait in the lobby."
Jack just stared at her, his face stony. "No, I'll go back to my room. My stuff is there anyway." He held the rings in his hand as he reached for his clothes. She watched the chain dangle from his hand as he dressed.
"Just tell me why Rachel? Why did you let it go so far last night if you want this finished." He held up the chain between them.
She looked away from, holding her tongue for fear that she would say that she didn't want it to end, that she loved him, and wanted him to love her.
After a few moments of waiting for a reply that never came, he left without another word, and she fell onto the bed where she could still smell him, sobbing into the pillow case. She wondered in a brief moment of insanity if the hotel would care if she stole the pillowcase.