She couldn't stop running. Not now.
"Hey, come back!"
The familiar, shouting voice resonated with authority down the halls. Aobve? No, it sounded lower. She'd lost her for now.
'I can't believe I said that!'
Tears of vexation welled at the corners of the girl's narrowed eyes. They blurred her vision and slipped free with every running step. 'Why did I have to confess to senpai? Why couldn't I have just kept it in?!' Frustration tightened her small chest.
"Akoki-san! Akoki-san!"
She could still hear her calling for her down the hall. It sounded closer now. Akoki Mae wouldn't stop running from it no matter how exhausted she was. Right after home room had ended, she'd confessed to Himawari Kaori, her senpai, in the hallway. Kaori had been there for her since her first day. Caring for her like an elusive older sister, always sparing a moment out of her busy day to help her, and checking up on her whenever they happened to pass by one another. It was almost summer now, and ever though she had only been at the school for almost three months, a confusing love had brewed for that girl in her childish heart. She knew love like that was forbidden, yet she'd risked it all and confessed in the hallway... Even worse, she'd been so nervous and excited, she had nearly shouted it. But the look that had washed over Kaori's face when she had said that...a look of sickness and surprise... It was even a little pale... She couldn't bear to see it again!
Mae flew up another flight of steps, unconscious of where she was going. At the top step, the tip of her shoe hooked the edge and sent her sprawling out onto the tile floor. Her knees hit first, absorbing most of the impact as her fragile frame struck the floor next. She tried to muffle a squeak from escaping, but only ended up in biting her plush bottom lip a little too hard. Blood bubbled up from the fresh coral wound. Had Kaori heard that? She didn't want to waste time to find out. The little first year scrambled to her feet and darted down the hall despite her protesting, scraped knees. She skirted past a pair of chatting third years and up one more small flight of stairs, throwing open a heavy door.
'Ah, the roof...'
She was trapped! Mae didn't know where to go, so she stumbled over to the railing and leaned against it. Her chest heaved as she tried to recover from the frantic run. Even in the summer, the wind felt col on her face up here. It might have been because she was crying. She brushed the back of an arm over her watering eyes.
'I'm...so stupid!'
"Akoki-san!"
Her aching knees started to shake when she heard that voice behind her. She'd been so focused in her swirling, anxious thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open. If she turned back now...Kaori would be right behind her. Would she still be pale and look sick? Mae's chest tightened again at the thought.
A silence settled over the windy roof. It felt like the whole world had gone silent with them in the tension. Mae's light brown twintails fluttered in the breeze like tassels, occasionally brushing her teary face and catching a few stray tears. Her small hands squeezed the railing until they turned white at the straining knuckles.
"Akoki-san..." It seemed like an eternity before Kaori spoke.
Mae would have let her continue; she had no strength to protest. But when she heard a step advance in her direction, a switch flipped within her.
"D-Don't come near me!" She was almost shouting.
To her content, Kaori halted in her advance. Feeling embarrassed yet obligated to continue, Mae squeezed the railing tighter and let her quivering voice carry on. "I'm disgusting...aren't I?"
She didn't allow the older girl anytime to answer before continuing, "Girls falling in love with other girls isn't normal, but...before I knew it. I had feelings for you. They were just admiration at first, I think, but after a while, every time I saw you or thought of you, my heart went crazy and I got really nervous around you..."
Ivory teeth sunk into her bleeding lip. The pressure pushed the blood from the corner of her lip and caused it to trickle in a small stream down her narrow chin. The wound stung, but her heart hurt more. She wasn't sure if she should continue. Something was driving her trembling lips though...
"That's why..." She tried again, her voice barely a whisper. "That's why...It's okay if you hate me and don't want to be around me anymore...."
Another silence came over them again. That was all Mae could say; all she needed to say. Her bloodied lips were melded together now, straining to keep from opening up to project a sob. She wanted to run away off the roof, but Kaori was still in her path. Could she even face her again after all this? Tugging at her skirt with a hand, she finally pushed off the railing with the other hand to propel herself into a running sprint.
"Goodbye, senpai!"
The small girl bolted for the doors. She couldn't even remember if she passed her senpai or not; if she even looked up or what her face looked like. But all of a sudden, there was a light, halting presence on her wrist. She couldn't move. Her blood froze in her veins. The exhaustion from before; her anemia and the bleeding wounds on her knees; they all desired to take over at the restricting touch and make her sag to ground. She tried to keep them tense as to not collapse, making them shake slightly again.
"Akoki-san..." Kaori's voice was soft. She didn't sound upset, just out of breath. Mae wondered what kind of face she'd see if she turned back. "I...don't hate you."
When Mae didn't answer, she sighed, her grip loosening a little. "I was surprised...when you told me... It was really sudden, and it shocked me. Girls liking other girls... You're right, it's not normal... Even at an all-girls school like this..."
The trembling girl felt like the words were weighing down on her. She didn't even know if they were positive or negative... Her cluttered mind couldn't process them. She wasn't sure if she could feel the weight on her wrist anymore. Did Kaori find her disgusting? She hadn't officially addressed it yet, but Mae's conscious was an enigma of negativity right now.
"Akoki-san." She heard again. "Akoki-san, please look at me."
"..." The small girl didn't obey.
"Mae, please."
Mae's eyes widened upon hearing her first name. 'Kaori...said my name.' Slowly, she forced her body to turn around. Every fiber felt like it was quivering and resisting. Her stomach felt knotted. Before she realized it, she was staring at the large white ribbon of the uniform. It had two black stripes on the right side and a metallic gold one on the left. It was the ribbon of a senior; a third year. One who would be graduating in the spring. Her senpai. Her fragile body shook with a quiet sniffle. The droopy, honey-gold eyes clung to the ribbon. What would she see if she looked up? Anger? Disgust? Disapproval? Her mind swirled. No. She shouldn't be scared. She'd have to take whatever she'd see, even if it wasn't satisfying. Drawing in a shaky breath, she clenched her small hands...and looked up into the face of the older girl.
There was no emotion. Kaori wasn't a very outwardly expressive person. The pale, plush lips were relaxed into a sort of neutral frown. There was nothing to be concluded from her hazel eyes, either, but Mae could swear there was a warmth shimmering somewhere within them. That's right. This was her senpai. The same girl that smiled so kindly that day when she set foot in the school, scared, shy, and helpless. She'd been the one to nurture her and help her plant roots here so that she may blossom to her fullest in her final months three years in the future in the spring. Only warmth had been administered, and the more Mae mused over it, she surmised that hat must have been what she was so attracted to. Like a sunflower. To Kaori's nurturing, motherly light. It sparkled brighter than the summer sun itself.
Mae realized she'd been staring for a while and dropped her head, occupying herself within wiping her eyes with the backs of hands. The grip on her wrist loosened. It drifted away, and returned in the form of a lukewarm softness pressing to her cheek.
"Ah..."
She peered up from the sheepish guard of her wiping hands. Kaori was smiling now. Her right arm was outstretched at the shoulder. What was pressed against her cheek; this lukewarm softness... Kaori's handkerchief. And below that, her gentle hand.
"Kaori...senpai." For some reason, Mae's chest tightened painfully and she began to cry.
The gentleness, the warmth, that smile, the aching of her wounds and her exhaustion – all of it just engulfed and swelled within the small girl at that moment. She felt like she couldn't stand anymore. She sagged numbly against her senpai's chest, pressing her smaller body against hers like a child and sobbing into her soft chest. Kaori blinked in surprise but reciprocated the childish action by resting a hand on her trembling head and letting the one with the handkerchief fall to her side.
"Hey now, don't cry, Mae." She chided softly in her mother-like tone. Many first years often admired her because of her stern, yet motherly personality. 'She'd make a wonderful mother,' Many often claimed. 'Or an older sister,' others would imply dreamily.
She'd said it again. Her name. It only made Mae sob harder. She wasn't sad; she was more like a mixture of emotions all bubbling forth at once. She was happy. Happy that she'd been able to confess; more so that even because she'd been as stupid as to shout something so risky at the girl she secretly loved, she was still able to stand here like this with Kaori. Just that...was more than enough for her, she decided.
"You...don't hate me?" She sniffled, turning her face off to the side so her voice wouldn't be muffled.
The waiting handkerchief took the brief moment of opportunity to rise and skim across as much as the teary face as it could reach, brushing away some of the blood from her bruised lip along with a collection of hot tears. Mae didn't move.
"I wouldn't have ran after you like that if I hated you." The mature voice reassured her. It suddenly turned a little more serious as it addressed her next. "That wasn't a very good idea, though, for you. You're anemic, so you need to watch yourself when you push yourself like that."
"O-oh, y-yeah..." Mae mumbled in embarrassment. She'd been so desperate to get away, she'd forgotten all about that. Suddenly recalling her bleeding lip and knees, she scampered back from the girl, letting out a distressed, childish cry. "Ah! On no, I think I might have gotten some blood on your uniform! Ahh, I am so sorry, senpai!"
Kaori just looked down at her long white socks and ribbon and laughed. "Oh, so you have." Her voice was calm and collected. Bending down, she brushed a hand across the faint stain of blood. "It'll stain for the time being, but you don't need to worry about that, okay?"
"B-But--"
"Mae."
Again, her name was projected from the mature lips. Mae couldn't cry anymore – her chest hurt and her eyes felt dry – so her shoulders just jolted at its presence. Kaori smiled sweetly at her newfound authority. A soft hand located a home on Mae's shoulder. The older girl seemed much closer now. Out of impulse, Mae squeezed her eyes shut, only to crinkle them in childish nervousness when a pair of warm lips touched her forehead. It was an endearing little kiss high on her head; one of true caring and belonging. "It must have taken a lot out of you – working up the courage to confess then running all the way up here."
Now Mae felt like she really couldn't stand. She could only offer a childish sniffle to those softly chiding words. Kaori was close once again, and; not finding the energy to stand; her fragile body fell against her again. It elicited a warm giggle. The hand on her shoulder duplicated and slid to her back when it started to cave along with her buckling legs. "You should go see the nurse, Mae-chan. Would it be alright if I took you?"
Kaori's voice was a little stern, but there was a lighthearted playfulness to it. A new side to her motherly senpai. Mae gave a subtle nod.
"Thank you...senpai."
"Of course."
The two gradually began to leave the roof. Mae's arm was draped loosely around Kaori's shoulder, her body pushed against the side of hers to keep balance. Another arm had glided around her waist. This wasn't how she expected this to go, but at least she was still able to be by her senpai's side like this. Her heart fluttered in her chest.
"You know, Mae-chan," Kaori started suddenly. Her tone was softer now, so Mae had to tilt her head closer in order to hear it. "It was really brave, what you did. I know I am older, but I always sort of looked to you like you were the sun. You shine brighter than any other first year I have ever met. At first, I was jealous of that light - could you believe it? But even after you confessed, I was shocked, yes, and though I might not feel for you in the same way, I realized I didn't want to lose that light. Like a sunflower."
Mae's eyes widened a little. She wasn't sure if they were still walking or if they had stopped. "Senpai..."
"So please, Mae-chan." The older girl paused for a moment to look at the younger girl, a radiant smile plastered on her kind lips. "Please keep shining the brightest you can. For yourself. And for me."
"O-Of course."
'Kaori-senpai... All this time, I looked up to her. I followed in the rays of her light wherever it shone brightest, when really, I was the light and Kaori, the sunflower. She may not have accepted my confession, nor share in my feelings, but I want to keep being that light for her as long as she has left at Kurogaji. Himawari Kaori, my dear sunflower.'
*Himawari means Sunflower