Rachel didn't sleep at all and rolled out of bed at five am. She knew what she had to do, she had to talk to Jack alone so she would try to get him at breakfast. Quickly throwing on some scrubs and her shoes, she pulled her hair back and crept silently out of the room.
It had been almost seven years since she and Jack had married and five since they had last seen each other. Her father had been an extremely sick man at the end of his life and his last wish had been for them to marry.
Rachel had never been able to get a straight answer from her father while he was alive as to why he had asked Jack to marry her. Was it because her father had known that she was madly in love with Jack, or was it a simple matter of wanting to be sure that she would be well taken care of after he was gone?
One thing she and Jack had always had in common was their love for her father. They had both loved Colonel Benjamin Edwards so much that they had been willing to marry each other to make his last days happy ones and give him the peace to move on when the time came.
Rachel had been fresh out of nursing school, and she had no idea that nursing her father was to be her first job, but Jack had been next to her every step of the way. It was almost as if they had had a real marriage, and in a certain sense their marriage had seemed very real, but if it had been a real marriage he wouldn't have left after her father had died. He would have stayed, and they would be together now not sleeping in different beds.
There was still very little light so she couldn't make rapid progress until she cleared the building and entered the large yard. Making her way to the cafeteria building, she took a deep breath praying silently that he would be alone. Her wish was answered as she opened the door and saw him sitting alone at a table with a cup of coffee. Jack glanced up when he heard the door open, and once again he didn't look surprised to see her.
She walked across the silent room meeting his direct gaze.
"Would you like some coffee Ray?"
Rachel shook her head as her heart dropped to her toes at his use of her nickname. He was the only one who had ever called her Ray.
He sat silently waiting for her to start.
Rachel searched his face, hoping to find some answers there, but it was a passive mask. Only his thumb drumming on the table and the muscle jumping in his jaw let her know he was as tense as she was.
"You knew I was coming." It wasn't a question as she had intended it be.
"How is your first week going?" His eyes took in her tired face; ignoring her statement of fact.
"I had a few shocks, but otherwise it was fairly routine."
"And Nurse Bowers?"
Rachel shrugged. "She seems to run a tight program."
They both silently watched each other. Rachel wanted him to tell her what was going on because she knew that he wasn't telling her everything. He had known she was going to be here, he had probably arranged it, which meant that he was up to something because Jack never did anything without a reason.
Was it a divorce, was that why she was here? Rachel had heard talk about him and Dr. Lancaster. Did he want to marry her?
"I happened to hear about this organization from a friend at work who suggested that I look into it. You knew I would take the bait and come, didn't you?"
He shrugged and looked as if he was about to say something when Rachel heard her name.
"Miss Rachel, is that you?" Rachel turned to see a wiry grey haired woman striding towards them carrying two plates. "This is a surprise. Jack said he might have someone joining him for breakfast, but I wasn't expecting you."
Rachel was shocked to see their old housekeeper. "Mary? I'm just as surprised to see you. Why aren't you in D.C.?"
"Oh I've been here for a few years now. I got bored running a house that no one lived in, so Jack offered to bring me here to run this place."
"Mary manages the Cafeteria as well as the housing of the staff," Jack explained, digging into his plate of food.
"Well if I had known you were here I would have made sure that you were with Jack at his place."
"No." Rachel all but shouted. "I'm happy where I am," she amended more softly. "I wouldn't want it to look as if I was receiving special treatment." Rachel looked at Jack to see if he agreed with her negative response no matter how weak it was but, he was eating with his head down, so she couldn't make out his expression.
"You two...I never could figure you out." Mary just shook her head.
"Neither could we Mary." Jack grinned, looking up. It was an honest smile and it made her heart turnover.
"Well I've got a breakfast to see to, you're looking a little thin Miss Rachel, be sure to eat." Rachel watched as Mary hurried across the empty room and disappeared through a door that must have led to the kitchen.
"Maybe I should go?" But she didn't really want to. This had been one of her dreams as well, and now she was finally getting the chance to live it. The real question was, could she be handle seeing Jack every day, was her dream worth the pain?
"That's up to you, but I would eat breakfast first either way."
Choosing to ignore his joke, she shook her head. "I mean leave Africa, return home. What happens if someone finds out?" Rachel's worried eyes met his cold blue gaze.
"Ashamed of me Ray?" he asked softly.
Rachel shook her head. She couldn't say that she was ashamed that she couldn't keep him. "No, but I'm sure that you don't want me ruining your game."
"What game?" His voice sounded amused.
"Isn't having 'game' what men call it when they're wooing the ladies?" Rachel asked, pushing the plate away from her.
"I'm a married man. I do not woo the ladies." He was watching her, sipping his coffee.
"Well maybe not the ladies, but from what I hear, you and Dr. Lancaster seem to have a bit of a thing going." Rachel looked at his suddenly angry expression, and his anger put Rachel on the defensive again. "You really expect me to believe that you have been alone and on your own for five years?" She shook her head in disbelief at his expression of outrage. Maybe he was angry because of guilt.
"No, I don't, but perhaps it's because we were never really honest with each other from the beginning?" His voice was curt in his anger.
"What does that mean?" Rachel's heart tripped. Did he know that she loved him, was this his subtle way of letting her know that he knew the truth?
He seemed uncomfortable with her question and quickly returned to their original question. "Do you want to go?"
"Jack," a voice called from the doorway to the cafeteria. They both turned to see Dr. Lancaster
"Does she know you're married?" Rachel asked softly. If she was his partner surely they knew each other well enough for him to share their marriage with her, and the thought of her knowing about them hurt deeply.
"No," he replied softly. "I have no reason to discuss my private life with anyone, but I'm happy to introduce you as my wife if you want."
Rachel shot him a warning look before Dr. Lancaster sat next to Jack facing her.
"Rachel Edwards, may I introduce Dr. Nancy Lancaster."
"Dr. Lancaster." Rachel nodded, not bothering to extend her hand. If looks could kill she would be dead.
Nancy put one of her arms through Jack's hugging him close.
"In answer to your earlier question Dr. Cooper, no I don't want to, but the choice might not be mine to make."
Jack frowned as she rose from the table.
"Please Dr. Lancaster, I'm sure it was meant for you." Rachel slid the plate of food towards her.
Rachel turned to leave, unable to bear the sight of Nancy cuddling up to Jack any longer.
Considering she had just survived a relatively civil conversation with her estranged husband who she was still in love with, she thought she was doing pretty good. A nice cool shower was what she needed.
*******
The day was even harder than the previous one had been. She had seen Dr. Lancaster and Nurse Bowers huddled together in the corner of the cafeteria at lunch and the occasional glances that they sent her way did not bode well.
"What's that all about?" Addie asked, catching them looking at her again.
"I'm guessing my certain demise," Rachel tried to joke.
She really didn't want to leave. The more she learned about how much WAMM did the more she wanted to help. It had been a long time since she had felt useful. When one of the Doctors at the hospital that she had worked at in Virginia had suggested WAMM she had grasped at the idea like a lifeline, knowing that her life was going nowhere and she was in rut, but now that she knew Jack was behind the suggestion her lifeline seemed more like a barnacle.
"I don't think I've ever seen them so buddy buddy before," Addie said between bites of her food.
"Dr. Lancaster caught me talking to Dr. Cooper this morning at breakfast, and I don't think she liked it." Rachel could have bitten her tongue as soon as the words left her mouth.
"There is nothing like a common enemy to forge an alliance. What was he like?" Addie leaned in eager to hear all of the juicy details.
"Addie, you've worked with him longer than I have." Rachel tried putting her off the subject.
"But I've never had a one on one conversation with him," Addie countered.
"Why not?" To work close to Jack and not speak to him seemed totally outrageous. Partly because Jack was so friendly but also because he drew people to him like a magnet. Everyone wanted to share their problems with Jack, even her. Was that why he left her five years ago, because he hadn't wanted to deal with anymore of her problems?
Realizing she still hadn't answered Addie, she curbed her thoughts. "He was friendly enough. He asked how my first week went and how I liked Nurse Bowers." Rachel watched as the two ladies parted ways and moved to opposite ends of the cafeteria.
"Did he really?" Addie sounded surprised.
Rachel stood up gathering her tray and Addie followed her lead. They had just stepped out of the door and into the bright sunlight when Rachel walked right into a solid mass, and she immediately knew who it was by the change in her body. It was if she had just been shocked. She had had a conversation with him, but this was the first time in five years she had felt his touch, and it was better than she remembered.
Jack's hands had automatically gone up to her shoulders to keep her from stumbling, and her thin scrubs did nothing to block the heat from his hands as they burned her shoulders. It would only take one step forward and she would be in his arms again. Would he welcome her as he once did? She suddenly thought of Dr. Lancaster and knew he wouldn't.
Rachel looked up just in time to catch his frown as he dropped his hands to his sides and plastered his charming smile on his face.
"Edwards, Miller, how was lunch this afternoon?"
"Better than breakfast but I am sure not as good as dinner," Addie quipped.
Rachel just gave a weak smile in response, doing her best to control the need to wrap her arms around him and have him hug her like he used to. Touch was bad.
Jack shot one of his real smiles at Addie and winked. "It all depends on how hungry you are, doesn't it?"
Rachel watched as Addie blushed and ducked her head.
Jack turned his gaze from Addie to Rachel with a questioning look, and Rachel shook her head. It wasn't like Addie to be shy with anyone. She had done it yesterday during outpatient duty and now in a simple conversation. Addie had one heck of a crush on Jack. Rachel knew something about that since she had a crush on the man since she was fifteen.
Not wanting to think of those happy times she quickly made her exit. "If you'll both excuse me, I need to get back before Nurse Bowers does." Rachel hurried away leaving Addie with Jack.
*******
"That Jack is such a nice man," Addie said later that evening as they were getting ready for bed.
Rachel just made a noncommittal sound as she folded some laundry.
"He wanted to know how all of the new nurses were settling into their jobs, and if there were any problems."
Rachel's hands stilled as she turned to look at Addie.
"And you told him there were no problems I hope?" Rachel queried.
"I may have mentioned that you and Bowers weren't getting along."
Rachel groaned as she fell onto her bed. "Addie, I'm going to have a hard enough time sticking it out here without Cooper thinking I'm a whiner."
"He won't! I made sure he knew that your work was faultless, and that Bowers was jealous of you."
"Addie!"
"What? It's true. He agreed that you were very pretty and that could pose some problems."
"Addie!"
"He's aware of what goes on here. He said that he would keep an eye on the situation and would intervene if it was needed." Addie was blissfully unaware of how uncomfortable she had made Rachel.
"You two would be perfect for each other," Addie murmured with a smile on her face already halfway asleep. She had never known anyone who could fall asleep as fast or sleep as heavily as Addie. It must be an easy conscience.
Rachel's heart had jerked at her comment and she had to force herself to breathe. She had thought the very same thing once. She couldn't take it anymore, the room was stifling, so she grabbed her sweater and made for the fresh air. A little walk would make it easier to sleep.
She had been pushing the memories back for too long, and as she stepped out into the quiet African night they came flooding back.