J A X ' S P O V
7 months later
Today's the day that Blaire's going to get released from prison.
I feel like I've been waiting a damn long time for this to happen. It's hasn't been easy—flying back and forth every week between Boston and LA to visit her for only a couple of hours. I mean, I look forward to seeing her all the time, but it's hard, not being able to touch her and hold her.
I have memorized every angle and impression on her face but I want to feel the curve of her jaw against my thumb and cradle her cheeks in my hands. I want to feel the softness of her lips against mine again, glide my hands down her back and rest on her waist, electrifying every nerve and fibre in her body. I want her again, with nothing separating the both of us, not that damn glass panel and certainly not our clothes too.
Yeah, it's been really hard for me. I mean it literally. I don't think I've ever gone this long without having sex.
But I keep telling myself it will be so worth the wait once I have Blaire with me again.
Her absence in my life these past seven months has not been easy and it's not just because of the sex too. I take her advice and distract myself with friends and loved ones in both LA and Boston. When I'm in Boston, I make sure to spend some quality time with Baxton and Eden.
My dad and I have grown a lot closer now that I actually take the effort now to mend my relationship with him. He's spending a lot more time in the mansion with me now rather than partying with his friends and making out with bartenders, and to be honest, I actually like his company.
We're a lot alike and I actually find myself relating to him more than I care to admit. Which is nice because we can bond over most things and have hell a lot of fun doing so too.
And when I'm not with dad, I put some time away to visit Eden. I think I may have started to grow on his adoptive mom because Laura lets me bring him out more now.
It also may because Eden really likes me—not that I'm bragging, but I'm just really proud of the fact that a kid actually craves my company—based on the fact that I'm apparently really cool and I also buy him a lot of ice-cream and comic books.
It's fine with me. I like spending time with Eden too. No doubt he talks too much, and although I used to find that really annoying, I find it really endearing now. He likes talking about Blaire a lot and he has a lot of stories about him and her back when they were young and back when their parents were still alive.
I feel like I know Blaire a lot more now and I feel connected to all aspects of her life—her past, present, and hopefully her future.
So I lean against the barbed fence, waiting impatiently for her near the door with Eden, along with Belle and Ben who both decided to tag along as well.
Belle taps her white cane against the tar lightly to pass the time whereas Ben is talking back and forth, arms folded across his chest, his eyes darting to the door every five seconds. I can't blame him though; I do it too.
Suddenly I hear someone scan the door and it clicks open. A guard steps forward and holds the door back, allowing Blaire to walk through. I immediately straighten up and I lose my ability to breath when I see her.
She's no longer in that god awful orange jumpsuit; she's wearing a loose navy blue tank top, skinny jeans and a pair of worn out sneakers. Her hair falls past her shoulders in loose curls, looking almost mahogany instead of black under the cruel afternoon sunlight.
I try to spot any differences in her face from when the last time I saw her, which was last week, but I don't find any. Her grey eyes are still just as striking, if not brighter, her eyebrows still in those perfect arches and her lips the most beautiful shade of pink.
"Blaire!" Eden yells and launches himself at Blaire. A loud laugh escapes her throat as her brother wraps his arms around her waist and squeezes tightly. Her eyes widen and a grin breaks her face.
"Eden," she whispers, clinging unto her brother so hard. She rests her head on top of his and strokes the back of his neck. "Oh my god, Eden..."
"I missed you too, Blaire."
"Wow, you've gotten a lot stronger since last year," she murmurs, commenting on how hard he's squeezing the air out of her lungs with that hug. "It's so good to see you, alligator."
"Good to have you back, crocodile," he smiles and hugs his sister even tighter.
"Hey, Blaire," Belle says, her teeth gleaming white when she smiles at Blaire's direction. "Miss me?"
Blaire pulls away from her brother, kissing his cheek quickly and then turns to Belle. "Thought about you everyday, bitch."
"You better. I told you I was going to haunt your dreams so you'd never forget about me."
Blaire laughs and opens her arms wide enough so Belle can embrace her. Ben joined in too, breaking into a smile when Blaire kisses his cheek and hugs him back.
"It's been too long, Sullivan," he breathes, arms tight around my girlfriend. "Please, don't ever get sent back there again."
"Trust me, Ben. I'm not planning on it. Ever," she says with much certainty.
"Good. Because I've missed you a lot while you were gone," he says.
"Me too, Ben," she murmurs. "Me too."
Finally, when she's done hugging the shit out of everyone else, she turns to me. Her eyes connect with mine and our gazes hold. Instantly, everything around us evaporates away, leaving nothing but the both of us. My heart is pounding so hard against my chest and it aches so much that all I want to do to touch her, hold her, kiss her, love her so bad.
"We'll give you guys a moment," Ben clears his throat and tugs on Eden and Belle. "Come on guys. Let's wait in the car."
I don't hear them leave. All I hear is the loud thumping of my heartbeats vibrating in my mind and my ears. I know Blaire is just as nervous as I am. She breathes hard, her lips curving into an uneasy and uncertain smile.
"Hey, Jackson," she whispers and I lose all of my self control.
With one sweeping move, I close all remaining distance between us, weave my fingers into her hair, and kiss her.
I kiss her like a man dying of thirst and she's the only source of water I need. I kiss her like I've been infected by a life-threatening disease and she is the only thing that can cure me. And I kiss her like she's the ocean and I'm the sand on a beach and we've spent our entire existence meeting but never meeting and today is the only day time stands still and the fates allow us to draw ourselves together.
My hands dance across her back, the back of my knuckles brushing against her shoulder blades, down her arms, and finally resting them on her hips. I tighten my hold around them and pull her towards me, deepening the kiss. A small laugh tears out of her and I kiss her laugh, swallowing it down in hopes that I'll remember that sweet sound forever.
"Hello to you too, darling," I drawl, breaking away from her briefly to kiss her nose, then her forehead, then both of her cheeks and then back on her lips again. She wounds her arms around my neck and strokes the back of it, and god, how I missed her, how I missed her touch and every single cell belonging to her body.
When she meets her lips with mine again, the kiss is slow and gentle and sweet and patient and delicate. She kisses me like she's loving me again, as if she could ever stop, but wishes that she never would. When we pull apart, she touches my face and I touch hers, both of us unable to comprehend that we're finally seeing and touching each other again.
"Wow," she breathes. "That was one hell of a kiss."
"One of the many more you'll receive," I say, grinning, then sliding my arm around her waist. to pull her close to my side. "I've waited two hundred and six days for this moment to arrive."
"Me too. I even had a calendar to count the days down till I can see you guys again," she nuzzles my neck and kisses it. "So I'm guessing I missed a lot while I was in jail."
"You have no idea, darling," I say. "Let's catch up with everyone over lunch. And then we can catch up with each other after that." I wink at her and she shakes her head, unable to keep the smile off her face.
"Yes." She nods. "Let's."
******
Lunch was fun. I took us to a cafe—the only reason why we went to that particular one was because Blaire wanted tacos and they sold them—and we spent a good amount of time there catching up with her. Ben told her that after his probation is over, he's going to try to apply for community college after this summer. Blaire was happy for him—she launched herself across the booth and hugged him hard.
I pretended not to let it affect me that much.
It's fine though. The jealousy has started to simmer down, especially when he casually mentioned that he happened to have a boyfriend now.
Yeap. Ben apparently swings both ways and it has come as a shock to everyone, even his sister.
At least I no longer have to worry about his feelings for Blaire now. Because it's long gone. He even told me that personally before we exited the cafe. I think I no longer have to feel like bashing his face every time I see him, so that's major progress for me.
After lunch, I dropped Ben and Belle off at their place, promising that we'll meet up some other time, and then brought Eden back to his house.
"I'll call you later, I promise," Blaire kissed his forehead before letting him into the house.
"You don't have to do that. We'll meet each other tonight anyway," Eden says casually.
"We are?" She stares at Eden hard and then turns to me. I merely grin.
"It's meant to be a surprise," I murmur, then point to Eden, shaking my head. "You promised you wouldn't say anything. I trusted you."
"Oops." Eden giggles.
"What are you two planning?" Blaire eyes the both of us warily.
"I would tell you but it will spoil the rest of the surprise." I snake my arm around her waist and lean down to kiss her bare shoulder.
Eden smiles and I curl my hand into a fist so he can punch it.
"See you later, kid," I say.
"Bye!" He calls out. And then he's gone.
When we arrive back at the mansion, I see the nostalgia reflecting in Blaire's eyes when she steps foot in the place. Her gaze travels from the living room to the kitchen to the grand staircase.
When her fingers drum against the kitchen countertop, her cheeks redden and I know she's thinking about the first time I went down on her there. Then, her eyes follow the path of the memory, with me carrying her up the stairs and bring her to my room where the both of us made love for the first time. Her head turns to me and I grin knowingly.
I slide my hand into hers, weaving our fingers together and I tug her up the stairs. We pass both her room and mine, and she passes me a puzzled look. When we reach the master bedroom, I open the door to let her walk in.
"What are we doing here?" she asks me, her arms crossed as she examines the room. When she notices that the walk-in closet has been stocked with all of her clothes, her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What is all my stuff doing here?"
"I thought that it's stupid for us to be living in separate rooms now. It's more logical if we move in the master bedroom and have one of our rooms converted into Eden's room, for you know... when he comes over and stuff." I tell her, shoving my hands into my pockets. "I didn't know if you wanted it, but I moved in all your things here just in case..."
Her lips curl into a soft smile. "No, it's actually a great idea." Her eyes trail over all of her clothes. "Wow, they're even color coded."
"I had a lot of free time," I say, walking towards the bed and plopping down on the very edge of it. My gaze is fixated purely on Blaire.
She turns around and cocks her head sideways. "Please don't tell me this is what you spent the whole seven months doing."
"Hey, I told you what I've been doing. I've been spending a lot of time with Sienna in Boston and with Baxton and Eden too in LA. I've been keeping myself pretty busy while you were gone," I say. "But you know, it gets pretty lonely in the mansion sometimes and my left hand can only do so much so I have to fill my time with other stuff too." She rolls her eyes and I grin. "I've moved all out stuff here, threw out that damn punching bag in my room, stripped all of the things in there, repainted it so that it's purple—Eden's favorite color, bought a butt load of manga and movies for him and framed a replica of that katana sword you gave him. It's hanging right above his huge king-sized bed."
"Oh my god," she clasp her hand over her mouth. "You actually did all of that?"
"Yeap." I nod. She walks over to me, hovering above me, and intwine both our hands together. "I thought it would make you happy."
"Wow, I..." she starts off, but stops herself short, as if loss for words. "You're amazing, Jackson. Really amazing."
"I know," I wink at her and she laughs.
"I've missed you so much, Jackson."
"I've missed you too, darling," I drawl. "I've missed your eyes... your lips...your smile... your voice..." My finger traces over the seam of her lips. "Your chest... your body..." My hands drag down her body and her breathing quickens. "Everything about you. Everything."
She can't keep her hands off me too. She tugs at my shirt, her index finger running circles across my chest. My breath suddenly grows heavy. "So, about that left hand of yours..."
"It's gotten much bigger ever since you left."
She takes my left hand and inspects it. "You're right. It has. How was that left hand working out for you?"
"Not very well. Doesn't feel as good as you."
A mischievous smile forms on her lips. Her eyes lift, her eyelashes batting at me seductively and I already am enticed. "Oh really?"
"Really."
"How about cold showers?" she whispers. "Took any?"
"More times than I can count on all ten of my fingers and toes, baby."
"Damn," she murmurs, pressing herself harder against me. Her hips are so close to mine and I want nothing more to tear off the fabric between us, grab her waist, throw her on the bed and ravage the fuck out of her. I've been thinking about it for seven months now—the very first time we have sex when she comes back, the second time and the many times after that. There were many fantasies, all of which I'm hoping to conquer if she lets me. "Miss me that much, huh?"
"Do I even need to answer that question?" I tell her. She stifles a laugh when she looks down, my erection poking against her hips.
She runs her finger over the bulge and I hiss out a breath. She smiles seductively at me and says, "Do you remember that one time where you helped me hide from that police officer and you said I owed you a favor because of it?"
I widen my eyes, quite taken aback by the sudden change of subject. "Yeah, I remember. Why?"
"I think I know exactly how to pay you back," she whispers. "Wait here." She says, kissing me quickly on the lips and disappearing into the closet. What the fuck? What is she going to do? "And close yours eyes!"
"This better be a surprise b.lowjob—"
"Just shut up and close your eyes!" She yells. I groan and does as she say, shutting my eyes. I don't dare take a peek because I know that if I do, she'll have my balls tonight—and it's not in the good way. I hear the sound of rustling of clothes and zipping, and then what seemed like hours passing, I hear her again. "Okay, you can open them now!"
My eyes flutter open and I choke on a laugh when I see Blaire emerge from the closet in her old bodyguard uniform.
She looks just how I remembered in that uniform, if not even better now that I'm a fuck ton hornier.
The first two buttons of her shirt are unbuttoned, revealing her beautiful cleavage. The uniform still looks too tight on her, but I'm not complaining. It hugs her body too well, accentuating the curve of her breasts, her flat abdomen, the curve of her hips, and her tight butt. Her shorts stop a little too high, giving me a perfectly nice view of her long, tanned legs. A gun holster perches on her belt, but no weapon is found in it because she's toying a fake gun, circling it around her index finger. She pulls her long, dark hair to the side and purses her lips, casting me a sultry and seductive gaze.
Fuck me, she looks she came straight out of my stash of porn.
"Mr. Deneris," she says, strutting towards me in a way that all men would give one half of his balls and his leg for. "I've been told you've been a very bad boy." Her voice is exaggerated, more feminine and squeaky, but that doesn't stop my erection from poking at my pants, straining my pants even more. "Have you been a very bad boy, Mr. Deneris?"
"Oh yes. I've been very bad," I say, grinning.
The quiver of her lips shows that she's pleased with my answer. She places a hand on my chest and pushes me gently unto the bed. Then, she gets on top of me, her hips straddling mine. She places the fake gun on the floor and grasp a fistful of my shirt.
"Because you've been a very bad boy, I've been tasked by your father to make sure you behave." Her mouth is inches away from mine and if I leaned a little more, they would meet but when I do, she leans back and instead angles her head so her mouth is directly against my ear. She growls softly and bites it gently. "Are you going to behave when you're with me, Mr. Deneris? Are you going to give me any trouble? Because if you do, there are going to be vital consequences."
"What kind of consequences?" I breathe. "Because I don't really mind spanking—"
"No spanking. I was thinking more like this..." she says and she slams her hips down on my crotch, making me groan loudly.
"Fuck me." I moan as she continues to grind on me. "Please, Blaire..."
"Are you going to behave, Mr. Deneris?" She demands, rubbing her crotch against mine, eliciting sweet torture on my end. I want to be inside her so bad, and I don't want to come in my pants before I do so. "Are you going to be good boy? For me?"
"Uhhh..."
"Tell me," she says. "Otherwise, I'm going to keep going."
"Yes, fuck. Yes, I'll be any fucking thing you want me to be." I hiss, grabbing her hips to keep her still. "Please, just please, kiss me."
A smile graces her face and her facade shatters. I almost weep out of relief. "Okay." She whispers and she fits her lips to mine.
Her tongue slips into my mouth, seeking out for mine. Damn, for someone whom hasn't kissed anyone in seven months—or so I hoped—she's gotten real good at it. Or maybe it's because I'm so fucking horny for her that everything right now feels too euphoric and surreal.
I grin against her lips and clamp my hands around both of her thighs, and then with one swift motion, I turn the both of us around so she's beneath me and I on top of her. She squeals as I cage her in with my arms, folded into an L shape to support my body weight. I lean down and steal another kiss from her lips, then whisper, "breaking out of character already, huh?"
"Being your bodyguard is exhausting," she rasps. "Doesn't matter if it's real or fake."
"Well I hope you still got some energy left because I have a lot of things I intend to do to you today," I growl softly against her ear, my nose rubbing against her cheek, inhaling her familiar sweet scent. Glad that hasn't gone away when she went to prison.
"How many things?" she murmurs, her legs consciously falling open. I groan when I see that she isn't wearing any underwear. Fuck me, my c.ock is about to burst out from my pants if I don't get her pussy wrapped around it soon.
"Two hundred and six things. For everyday since we were apart." I'm undoing the buttons on her shirt but there are too many, and I get so aggravated that I decide fuck it and tear the last half of it, buttons splaying and bouncing all over the floor.
"I like the sound of that." She grins wickedly, shoving the shirt off of her as well as her shorts and everything beneath them. My clothes now lay in a small heap on the floor too. "Show me exactly how much you missed me."
I return back the malicious grin and climb on top of her. "As you wish, darling."
And I waste no time to show her exactly how much I did.
******
Afterwards, when the sun disappeared beneath the horizon and moon cast a bright glow upon the city skyline, it was time to get out of bed. We showered—separately, of course, to minimize the chances of getting distracted with each other again—and slipped into our clothes. Excitement started to tingle throughout my nerves as I helped Blaire into the car and started driving.
Now, my free hand finds hers and I hold unto her, squeezing, never wanting to let her go. When the radio starts blasting AC/DC's Highway To Hell, I frown and try to switch it off, knowing that Blaire detests this song, but she swats my hand away
"No," she whispers. "Let it play."
"But you hate that song."
She merely smiles. "Can't a girl have a change of heart?" Her eyes connect with mine when she says it, emotion dancing across her irises.
"Yes. Yes, she can." I grin back.
When we've reached our destination, I pull over into the parking lot. It's completely empty of vehicles, with the exception of mine. Blaire looks out the window and casts me a perplexed look. "What are we doing at the Griffith Observatory?" she asks. Then, she freezes. "We're not going to steal anything, are we? Because my thieving days are over."
"Don't worry. We're not going to steal anything."
"Then, what are we doing here?"
It's a surprise, remember?" I say, cutting the engine and then helping her out of her car. I slide an arm around Blaire's waist and walk her towards the entrance. The access card that had been given to me helped us pass through the turnstiles.
"Wow," she says, staring at awe as we travel past the exhibit halls.
The lights were dim, but bright enough for us to navigate our way through the observatory. Some of the ceilings were painted with murals of women draped in silk dresses and gold jewelry and men whose arms were lifted and extended, their faces contorted into pained expressions, as if they were carrying the entire sky under them. The murals look almost majestic, with gold rimming the walls in a hexagon.
"Did you book the entire place out?" she asks me.
"Yeah." I nod at her. "I made a few calls. Called in a bunch of favors."
"Damn, really? You know you didn't have to go through this much to date me. A bottle of Corona and a taco would be just fine."
"I know that," I say. "But I wanted to do something different this time. I know it's not exactly a place where we would go but trust me, when we get to the good part, you'll love it."
"You mean, this is not the surprise?" She cocks her head sideways, brimming with confusion.
"Nope. This is, " I chuckle and taking her hand in mine, I steer her towards the direction of the planetarium. We pass more exhibition halls, whizzing past dangling planets and comets and stars, until we come to a stop in front of two huge doors. I press the lever on one of them and push it open. Blaire steps through and gasps.
The planetarium is a huge vast circular space with a spherical screen hanging directly above us. Theatre seats arranged in neat rows are placed in an amphitheater style and in the very middle lies a huge picnic blanket, courtesy of me. A couple of pillows and comforters have been thrown over it, along with some midnight snacks and drinks that are placed at the side of the makeshift bed.
The screen of the planetarium above is pitch-black, with the exceptions of the thousands of stars sprinkled all over it, depicting the night sky.
"Surprise!" Eden jumps out of the darkness and lands in front of Blaire. She lets out a small shriek but when familiarity seeps into her eyes, she squeals and launches herself at her brother, both of their arms locked in a tight embrace.
"This is... this is amazing," she murmurs, her head tilted upwards. The stars from the screen are so bright that I can see tiny reflections on them in her eyes, somewhat looking like tiny embers. "Oh my god..."
"You like it! I told you she'll like it!" Eden says to me and I nod, laughing. Then, he turns back to Blaire, "we thought of doing the actual star-gazing outdoors, like what Jax and his dad used to do back in Boston, but turns out LA has like zero stars, so we had to resort to this."
Blaire turns and looks at me. "You and your dad used to do this?"
"Yeah," I say sheepishly, sliding my hands into my pockets and shuffling towards her, "When my mom and Baxton argued, she would always end up kicking him out of the house and me along with him because I defended him. So we'd order the same takeout, drive around for hours until we settle on the same hill to watch the stars. It started out as a form of escape, but it turned into something more. We bonded a lot through it and strengthened our relationship. Those were the times where I actually felt like he was my father and I was his son."
A silence ensues. Both Eden and Blaire look at me, stunned.
I clear my throat. "But since I don't need to do that with him anymore, seeing as how we have other ways to bond with each other, I thought I'd carry on the tradition with you guys." I pause, then add. "But we can't do this all the time, alright? Renting the observatory for one night already burned a hole in my wallet. We can only do this during special occasions. And since tonight is a special occasion..." I grasp her waist and snake both my arms around Blaire, "It'll be worth it."
She tilts her head upwards and smiles, teeth gleaming. "Thank you for this, Jackson. I know this means a lot to you and it means the world to me too. So thank you."
"Anything to make my girl happy." I kiss her nose. "Come on. Let's sit down and enjoy. I hope you like sandwiches because I made a fuck ton of them."
Eden makes a sound of protest. "But you're sandwiches suck-"
"He doesn't know what he's talking about," I say to Blaire. "My sandwiches are legendary."
"Don't be too quick to say that," she says, clicking her tongue. "Let me be the judge of that."
When we're all seated comfortably on the blanket—Eden's head rested against the soft pillows, me sitting cross-legged whilst Blaire lies on one of my thighs—I slide out the remote. Upon seeing it, Eden's face immediately lights up.
"Can I do it? Can I press the button?" he asks me pleadingly. "Please, please, please, please—"
"Fine." I hand him the remote. "You know which button to press-"
"Yes." He snatches the remote from me and points it to the screen above. He jams his thumb down on the red button that says play and almost immediately, the screen starts to move, or rather the video that it is playing. It slowly starts to rotate, showing us all of of the different stars that we can see from earth. Blaire's eyes light up and her mouth gapes open in wonder.
"That—" I point to a cluster of the stars towards the center of the screen, which is epicenter of the planetarium, directly above us, "—is the Big Dick, named after yours truly..." I wink at her.
"Jax, it's called the Big Dipper," Eden corrects me and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, same difference." I wave him off. "And that is the Fetus—"
"Cetus."
"—Whatever. Then, there's Pieces, Ursela, you know, the evil bitch from Snow White, Cassie The Pea and Draco—yeah, named after the guy from Harry Potter—"
Eden makes a horrible noise. "It's Piscis, Ursa Major—and by the way, Ursela is the villain from The Little Mermaid, not Snow White, Cassieoppeia, and well.. you got Draco right, but it's not named after that guy from Harry Potter!"
"Damn, your astronomy sucks." Blaire lets out a laugh.
"Shut up!" I say in a child-like voice. Both Blaire and Eden burst out laughing.
So in the end, I let Eden name all the constellations. It's pretty impressive that he managed to name about thirty of them. I know he likes to dabble with comic books and movies but I didn't know he read encyclopedias too. Damn, he's one crazy fucker.
After Eden's done naming all the constellations that he knows, he stays quiet, letting us enjoy the soft, mellow music coming out from the speakers. Our food supply ran out—Blaire ate all the sandwiches and though she deemed that hers were still the best, I come to a close second—and now all three of us are huddled under the sheets.
I lean against Blaire's shoulder, and her head rests on top of mine. Our hands are interlocked together tightly.
Eden's already falling asleep; his eyes are closed and though he told us if he ever dozed off, we were to wake him up, but Blaire decided against it and let him sleep. I stare at her in wonder as her eyes fixate on the screen, still gazing upon the stars, like she can't quite believe she's seeing them. And I don't blame her; she's missed out on so many things in the past seven months. I'm sure she's looking at the world in a much better and more appreciative light. Just like I am now.
"Blaire, I have to tell you something," I whisper to her when Eden is fast asleep.
"What is it?" she murmurs.
"I'm staying here. I'm staying in LA. I've already packed up all my things in Boston and called for a moving truck to bring it here."
She stares at me, hard. "Jackson, are you sure you want to do this?"
I nod. "I'm sure. I've been sure ever since I kissed you for the first time last summer."
"But won't you miss Boston? It's been your home for years. You can't just abandoned that."
"Yeah but my life didn't amount to much when I was there," I tell her. "Yes, I have my mom there and my stepdad and Sienna... but they won't miss me—well, maybe Sienna would a bit, but she can live with it. And it's not like I won't visit them anyway. I'll go back and forth between Boston and LA, just like what I've been doing for months now. The only difference is that my home now is with you."
"But what are you going to do here?" she asks me.
"I'll go to university. Or... I'll work," I throw her some suggestions. "I don't know. I'll find something to do. But I'm not in a rush. Because of my celebrity status, I'm earning quite a lot of money. I could make myself into an endorser or something. Earn a stable income from that."
"What about fighting?" she whispers.
"I'm not going back to the underground circuit if that's what you're asking." I say, tracing circles over her arm. "It took me a long time to pull myself back up and become the man I want to be, Blaire. I'm not going to fight again and slip back into the man I once was. I won't allow it. We both've worked too hard for it," I say to her. "So I quit. It's okay. They let me out clean—no strings attached. So I'm good."
"Good," she breathes. "That's good. I'm proud of you, Jackson."
"I'm proud of me too."
"I'm glad you have something figured out," she says, a frown tugging on her lips. "I don't know what I'm going to do now. I guess my life's much better than it once was before the past seven months happened. Mrs.Adams decided to give me more visitations so I don't have to feel so restricted anymore. I know she's still wary of me—I don't blame her, really, because if I were her, I would feel the same way about me—but I think she's open to the prospect of building a better relationship with each other for Eden's sake. I agreed with her." she pauses, then goes on. "As much as I hate that I don't have Eden to myself, I think it's better for him to be with her, at least for the meantime. She can give him everything that I can't provide for him. And although that hurts like hell, I've made my peace with it."
"But, I still don't know what I'm going to do with my own life," she tells me, her eyes growing sad. "I'm an ex-convict, Jackson. My image has been tainted and as much as I want to change that, I can't. I need to try to support myself too but I highly doubt anyone would want to hire me. I almost feel just as helpless as I did before."
I stop tracing circles over her skin and a deep frown cuts my lips. It's true, though. It's going to be near impossible for her to get a job, especially now when she has a criminal record.
Suddenly, an idea pops into my mind. "Wait," I say, heart beating fast. "Wait, Blaire. What if... what if I can promise you a job?"
"Like what?" she asks, baffled. "I can't possibly be your bodyguard again, Jackson." She throws out a laugh at that the apparently absurdity. I, however, think it's a great idea.
I snap my fingers and nod. "Yes! Yes you can." I grin at her. "Be my bodyguard again, Blaire."
"What?" She widens her eyes. "Are you crazy?"
"Come on," I say. "It makes sense! You've done it before!"
"Yeah, I have but that doesn't mean I'm good at it—"
"But just now, in the bedroom—"
"I was pretending to be your bodyguard! I was role-playing!" She hisses. "Maybe I was good at being a fake one, but that doesn't mean I'm good at being a real one!"
"You got to give yourself a little more credit, Blaire," I say, pulling myself so I'm in a sitting position. I bend my knees and hug them, but my eyes never leave Blaire's. "You're good at being a bodyguard, or at least you're good at being mine. If I had anyone else as my bodyguard, I'll drive him insane with my sarcasm and arrogance and intolerance. I'll go through bodyguards faster than I'll go through my underwear and Baxton will not be pleased with me. I need someone who can handle my bullshit and who's more capable doing that than you?"
"That's—that's nothing!" she snaps, propping herself up with her elbows. "I'm not good at the protecting stuff."
"That's not true." I shake my head. "Remember those thugs that we encountered after that after party? Yeah, you kicked their damn asses. And you saved my life. And you helped me saved a life, too. If I hadn't stopped hitting that ringleader, I would have killed him. I would have slipped back to the old Jax. But you," I lean over her and cup her cheek. "you helped me break free from him."
"Being a bodyguard isn't just the physical stuff, Blaire. It's not all about protecting me from crazy paparazzi and homeless thugs. It's more than that, at least in my case. It's about whether you can protect me from my own demons, from my fears and my nightmares. It's about protecting me from myself, my old self from resurfacing again. And trust me, it's going to happen. There are going to be times where I'm going to be tempted to go back to the man I once was. It won't happen a lot, but it's going to happen. And when that time comes, I'm going to be fighting with everything I got and I want nothing more for you to fight side-by-side with me."
Tears start to gleam in her eyes and a smile forms on her lips. I can tell my words really touched her. She wipes the tears away with her sleeve and cups the hand that's touching her cheek.
She inhales, closing her eyes briefly, and then say, "are you really sure about this? Are you really sure you want me as your bodyguard? Because if you're offering me this job just so I'll have something to do, I'll—"
"I mean every word I say, darling," I murmur to her. "I want you to be my bodyguard again."
"Well, if that's the case..." she says, "then I'll have no choice but to accept."
"Thank fuck," I groan. I make myself very comfortable on top of her, boxing her in, my legs scissoring hers, and I descend down so my lips can touch hers. "God, I love you."
She laughs and I pepper her with kisses. "I love you, you fucking idiot."
"Fuuuuck, I'll never get tired of hearing that." I moan, falling back unto the blankets. "When we get back and we make love tonight, I want to hear you say it again. And I'm going to say it. And we're going to keep saying it until I come with you, over and over, and then, after that, we're going to do it again and again and again..."
"Mmm, I like the sound of that," she whispers, casting me a seductive look. God, I can't wait till I have her all to myself tonight again. And the many, many nights after that.
"I'm so glad you're back, Blaire," I murmur, stroking her hair.
"Me too," she murmurs back. "Glad to be home, Jackson."
"Come here."
I pull her into my arms, along with Eden too, who leans towards me and rests his head against my chest like I'm a pillow. But I don't mind. The feeling of my two favorite people in the world wrapped in my arms is something so indescribable and unfathomable—all I know is that it's strong, it's beautiful and it makes me feel complete.
And I do. Feel it. Coursing through every nerve and fibre in my body. I feel it when Blaire presses her head against my heart, I feel it when Eden murmurs my name in his sleep, and I feel it when I look up at the ceiling of the planetarium gleaming with stars and see the endless possibilities for a better life and a better future where I'm in it and I'm not alone.
▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ T H E E N D ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬ ▬
A/N: So THE END! Perfect Redemption is finally over! God, it took forever to finish this book, and though I've been looking forward to finishing it, I can't help but feel a little part of me die when I wrote 'THE END'.
It was an absolute honor to be part of this incredible journey to Jax's redemption. You have to know that I never intended to redeem his character in Addiction, but a fellow friend, ache airs convinced me that there was more to him than what met the eye. Without her, this book wouldn't have existed.
Jax has become one of my absolute favorite characters that I've ever written. He has grown so much; it felt good to see him slowly unravel in front of me until there were no more shadows holding him down. And it was about time that he had his happily ever after - and who can be more deserving to be with him than his equally blunt, snarky and badass girlfriend, Blaire?
I'm sad that their story has ended. But all things come to an end and I'm very optimistic about the many stories that I can't wait to write. I hope you will embark on this wonderful journey with me together. There's so much installed for my awesome Dia-Hards.
So without further ado, here's my Perfect Redemption playlist. These are the songs that I listen to when I want to get in the mood to write this book:
1. Gasoline - Halsey
2. Borderline - Vanic & Tove Styrke
This song is very helpful to get into Jax's mind. One of my favourite lyrics that really encompasses Jax's personality: "I'm borderline happy and I'm borderline sad, I'm borderline good and I'm borderline bad."
3. Ain't No Rest For The Wicked - Cage The Elephant
I think the title of the song speaks for itself.
4. We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off - Ella Eyre
I hold this song very close to my heart because it's one of my all time favorite songs. The first time I listened to this, I barely started Redemption and after listening to this on repeat, I knew that I was going to write a scene where a couple didn't want to be parted, but had to, and I wanted it to be a highly emotional scene. Hence, chapter thirty was born.
5. Hold Me Down - Halsey
This is the song to the Perfect Redemption trailer and it really does help constructing Jax's personality.
6. Shadow Preachers - Zella Day
7. Real Life - The Weeknd
8. You Don't Have To Go (Piano Version) - Christian Collins
Everytime I listen to this song, I think of how Jax feels towards Blaire.
And lastly,
9. Close - Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo
So I know ya'll have many questions for me and I've been bombarded with them in my inbox, so I'm going to lay them out here to clear any confusion:
What happened to Perfect Collision/ Are you going to write Perfect Collision?
Perfect Collision has been placed in my drafts. But I'm going to write it. Eventually.
What are you going to write next?
First, I'm going to be taking a break from Perfect Redemption (about two weeks to a month, depending on how my studies go) and then I'm going to be writing Perfect Ruin. You will know what Perfect Ruin is about when I post the summary in the next upcoming weeks. (; (; (; I'm worried that ya'll won't read it, but the idea has been stuck in my head for a while now that I have no choice but to tell it. I hope you will enjoy it just as much as I enjoy writing it.
How about Bite?
Patience, my darlings. Perfect Ruin will only be 20 chapters max (I know I said this for Perfect Redemption too but this time, it's for real lol) so after that's done, I'll hop straight onto Bite. If you don't know what Bite is all about - don't fear! Check out the summary or teasers on the Facebook page or on my ask.fm. I'm hoping to make it into a trilogy, if not a series.
Are you going to update the Perfect series extras book?
Maybe. Maybe not. It's not something that I update regularly; it's just a book where I can have fun with my characters.
I guess that's it! Thank you for sticking by with me until the end of Perfect Redemption. You guys rock!
See you guys very soon!
Love, Claudia.