It was ten thirty the next morning when Louna finally woke up enough to drag herself out of bed to go to the bathroom then flop on the couch with a glass of coconut water, which she nursed for twenty minutes. Only then did she actually feel human enough to drink one cup of coffee, then decide she needed to get away from everything that day and go to her favorite riding place. She packed her things quickly and half an hour later she was outside, wheeling her motorcycle into the alley from beside her car. The almost-noon sun gleamed on the shiny black paint and she could practically feel the negative energy leaving her. She pulled on her helmet, mounted the motorcycle, and kicked it to life. She definitely needed this today.
People and buildings flashed by as she navigated out of the city, the air cold in her lungs as she rode into the wind. Trees started to overtake the people as she pressed on and soon the city had faded behind her and all she could see ahead was her destination, rising high on the horizon. She leaned into the curves of the road, testing the machine's balance and speed as the elevation climbed. All her thoughts and worries were cascading away from her as she rode up to the park's lookout, and her mind was clearer, thinking only about how she hadn't seen much traffic on the road in the park. She hoped the lookout would be as empty as the road suggested,
After forty minutes of riding, she wound around the final curve and into the lot of the small overlook, relieved to see only one other car there, and no one in the immediate vicinity. The motorcycle coasted to an easy stop on the other side of the lot and she sat quietly after turning the engine off, enjoying the peace of the area. She pulled off her helmet, hanging it on the handlebar and letting her gaze roam over the tops of the thick evergreen trees. She breathed deeply, closing her eyes and finding the solace she sought in the nature around her. The week had been long and now it was time to let go of all those pent up emotions. She exhaled, stretching her arms to the side and turning her face up to the sun. It filled her vision and the crisp air flowed deeply into her lungs. She let her thoughts filter away as the surroundings engulfed her. Time became meaningless as she sat still and listened to the birds and trees and wind. All the sounds and smells reached into her, pushing out the toxic words and thoughts she'd brought to the top of the mountain. She let everything drain away. She didn't need to hold onto any of it. It didn't mean anything. Sometimes things weren't meant to be, no matter how right they might've seemed. It was okay that David hadn't felt their connection, because he was a lesson she needed. She had to learn that she could be fine on her own. She didn't need a man to validate her life; least of all a man who didn't value what she brought to his life.
Her exhale was thick, pushing out the bad thoughts that wanted to stick in her mind. She needed to go forward with a clear conscience and focus on making the best of her life with the moments she was given. There wasn't room or time to dwell on what had happened in the past; she couldn't change it, but she could learn from it. Her breath in was smooth and strong; the scent of the trees clearing her thoughts and she focused on the sweet chirps of a nearby bird, having resumed the chatter in the silence of the afternoon.
Louna opened her eyes as she breathed out again, feeling lighter and happier. The mountain always brought her clarity. Her shoulders relaxed and the slight breeze tickled the flyaway hairs on the back of her neck. She smiled, finally ready to face the rest of the weekend. She could just catch the tail end of the farmer's market if she left soon, and then maybe she'd text Ani and take her up on a Sunday ride together after all. It had been weeks since they'd gone on a ride, just the two of them; maybe they could do a champagne brunch first? Before that she needed to call her sister and fess up to what had been bothering her on Thursday. Em had sensed that something was off with her twin, but her daughters had been a handful that night and she'd been preoccupied with them, instead of tuning into what Louna was projecting.
She smiled then, thinking about her twin sister and thankful that she would always have an ultimate best friend and confidante. Of course Anicee was her true best friend, but Emadou was something more. Their connection to one another was closer and deeper than anything she'd ever known and sometimes it gave her goosebumps just thinking about it. She took another breath of the fresh air, deciding then to go to her sister's house later and see her nieces. If she needed any further grounding that day, the little twins could provide it.
A series of violent beeps came from her phone then, yanking her from the peaceful thoughts. She frowned, shrugging her backpack off and extracting the mobile from the outside pocket. The voicemail notification beeps had surprised her, because the cell coverage on the mountain was nearly nonexistent. Yet she couldn't deny that her phone had picked up enough signal to intercept the messages David had left for her.
She stared at her phone in utter disbelief, his name clearly displayed three times on the voicemail screen. She shook her head, fingers clenching around the device. Did she dare call him back? Or should she just erase the messages and pretend the calls hadn't happened? How come it was right when she'd let it all fall away that it simply came rushing back? Maybe the Universe had decided to play a cruel joke on her and she was dreaming this entire thing; she'd wake up later and the hallucination would be a ridiculous memory. Her phone beeped again, the second notification of the voicemails. This was no dream.
She swiped the phone open and quickly typed a text to David, knowing it probably wouldn't send, but she had to try. He had to know that he hadn't called her in vain and that she hadn't completely written him off (except she totally had about five minutes ago, but that was between her and the Universe and clearly the Universe had other plans). Her fingers stabbed at the wrong keys but she hurried on, thankful one time for the auto correct feature. <i>No cell service. Call when I can.</I> She pressed send and didn't even wait to see if the message connected, instead just shoved the phone back in her pack, slung it over her shoulders, and pulled on the helmet. She knew exactly where she could stop at the bottom of the mountain to get cell reception, because she'd stopped there many times before. She only hoped that David would give her the fifteen minute window she needed to get to the turn out.
The engine turned over with a loud whirr, drowning out the chirping birds and she quickly shifted into gear, pulling a tight half circle and heading away from the parking area. Anxiety ripped through her and it was all she could do to focus on the road and not let her thoughts take her away. Why had he waited an entire week before reaching out? Had something actually happened? Would he be willing to answer any of her questions when she called him back? She intensified her gaze on the pavement, regretting not listening to the voicemails before she started down the mountain. What if he was finally calling to let her off the hook and this ride was just going to be even more meaningless? The motorcycle bobbled slightly beneath her and she eased off the throttle, guiding it into the sweeping curve and re-centering her thoughts. It wasn't going to matter what David said because she'd already made peace with leaving the moments behind. If he wanted them to continue then she would handle that when she heard it.
The evergreen scenery filtered past her as she sped down the road that sliced through the park. Normally her favorite ride was a slow meander down through the forest, seeing if there were deer or elk, or maybe even a coyote on some distant ridge, but this time her wildlife friends could wait. If it was bad news waiting for her then she resolved to go on a hike and hunt for the elusive creatures, but until she knew for sure... The curves of the road wound tighter and she swallowed her nervousness, knowing her destination was only a few minutes away. She had to steel herself for anything, because she had learned that she wasn't the wildcard in this scenario. It was almost ironic how it had played out with David; how she would be the one to learn a lesson from him about patience and communication and following through. She wasn't taking it for granted.
The intense afternoon sun glinted into her eyes for a few quick seconds as she finally came around the corner to the turn out and it took her three seconds to register what had made her breath stall in her throat. "No fucking way." She downshifted through the gears, gliding the motorcycle to an easy stop in the gravel area before looking up again. She'd recognized his jacket immediately, but she still couldn't believe it. She shook her head as he pushed back the mirrored visor on his helmet and met her eyes, the confusion she felt reflected in his own gaze. She cut her engine, but stayed on the moto as they stared at each other.
"How did you know?" David finally asked, his voice too quiet after the fast, loud ride down.
She shook her head again. "Not how I knew," she said. "How did you?"
His eyebrows drew together in a slight frown and he shifted on the motorcycle slightly, then shrugged. "I come here to think," he confessed after a pause, "...to clear my head."
Her laugh was short and disbelieving. The universe had to have been in on this joke, because there was no other way it could have happened like this. "And can I ask why you needed to clear your head today?" She could already guess the answer, but she wanted to taunt him nonetheless.
He leveled her gaze. "Because you still haven't left it."
His words were ice in her veins and she sucked in a breath, trying not to let the hurt show. She didn't need to hear anymore about him wanting her out of his head. She could make that happen in a quick second for him. "Fuck you." Her words were edged and she flipped up her kickstand.
"Louna, I'm a fucking moron!"
Something caught in his voice then, but she couldn't recognize what. "You're fucking right about that!" she called back to him, reaching to switch the bike back on.
"Did you even listen to my messages?"
She heard the hurt in his voice then, but it only made her angrier; he had no right to be hurt when he was throwing away their chance. "Like I need to... I think you've said enough," she spat back at him.
"NO! Fuck!"
His frustration rang true then and she hesitated for just a moment.
It was all the time David needed. He was off his motorcycle and in front of hers, closing his hands over her arms and meeting their eyes.
Goosebumps rose on her skin and the connection between them felt thick.
"I'm a moron because I should've called you last Saturday," he said, "instead of spending a week ignoring what I knew right after we kissed."
Her exhale was shaky as she let out the breath she was holding. "I knew you felt it," she said quietly.
He nodded, not dropping his hands from her arms. He wanted to maintain their connection until he was sure she believed him. "I did." He paused, unsure about saying the next words, but it felt right. "I'm sorry."
Reflexively she started to shake her head, but she stopped herself, instead dropping her grasp from around the handlebars and reaching to take his hands.
He instantly laced their fingers tightly, happy they hadn't bothered with gloves that day, and leaned closer to her. A smile started to pull at Louna's lips and he couldn't help a faint one of his own.
Her heart seemed to be thrashing against her ribs as David's hands still pressed into hers, and she was at a loss for thoughts and speech. All she wanted to do was hold his hand and keep him there until she was certain he wouldn't disappear again. How could she even put that sentiment into words and not sound like an absolute lunatic? There was no way. So what could she do? David had apologized and he was still standing there, waiting for a response from her. She swallowed hard, her thoughts jumbling as she gazed at him.
He squeezed her hands lightly as a prompt. "What now?" he asked, voice falling quiet again.
She heard clearly then that his tone was submissive, asking for a direction because he was so often told exactly what to do, and this situation was entirely out of his level of expertise. He had rarely come around for the third appearance, and for that he was at a complete loss. She smiled then, the grin bright as it stretched over her lips with the brilliant inspiration. "Follow me," she told him.
She didn't need to say anything else, because almost immediately David was back on his moto and pulling it along side hers. She started her engine and after sharing one more look with him, she pulled onto the road and headed away from the park – David sticking close behind.
They rode effortlessly together, sharing just a few hand signals as they wound through the side streets and skirted the city down the riverfront drive. It had turned into a gorgeous Saturday afternoon and people were thick on the sidewalks, meandering in the sunshine and have languid drinks and conversation at every sidewalk café table. Louna couldn't help smiling to herself as David trailed behind her on the road; somehow it was sweeter now that the prize she'd given up on had come back when she wasn't expecting it. Maybe that's what made David a little mysterious, and sent her emotions higher, because she knew this was the third appearance. He had broken his unofficial code for her and probably for as much of the time she had spent cursing him the last week, he'd spent the same amount denying what he was feeling for her and being ridiculously scared or paranoid that she wouldn't return the feeling. But it had been so obvious to her, and he'd said he felt it too. So why hadn't he just followed his instinct? The short answer was that David probably didn't trust those instincts and had to be overly cautious with them because of who he was. She had to remember that this relationship wouldn't be like all the others she'd had, because he wasn't just some random nobody she'd met in a bar. He had status in the world that couldn't just be ignored, and she would have to make concessions for that. The thoughts were exciting and a little terrifying all the same, but somehow she knew she could make it work. She just hoped David would want to make it work too.
Their eyes met in a brief glance across the lane they shared and Louna signaled that she was going to turn, taking the entrance ramp onto the highway. David nodded, falling back a little as they wound around the ramp and merged into traffic. His senses heightened as they wove through the cars and he had to work to keep up with her. He was continually impressed with the control she had over the motorcycle, and he wondered where that innate connection had come from. Every time he was on his bike he felt a little more comfortable with it, but he could tell that Louna felt at home on the machine. It was second nature to her to take the turns and lean into the bike when she needed to – something he still thought about with each turn. A few minutes later they settled into an open space between the packs of cars and shared another look. Her eyes were bright with excitement and David couldn't help smiling, even thought she couldn't see it behind his bandanna. He flashed a thumbs up and she nodded. They stayed on the highway for twenty minutes, weaving through the traffic as Louna continued to bait David into a slight chase. He would never tell her, but he was a bit relieved when she finally took an exit ramp. They traveled down a few different streets before Louna pulled off into a restaurant parking lot and shut off her bike. He pulled alongside her and did the same, smiling as he took off his helmet.
"Good ride?" she asked, stripping her gloves off and running her fingers through her hair.
He nodded emphatically. "Yeah, really good... were you trying to lose me during most of it?" he asked, keeping his tone light and joking.
She smirked as she twisted her hair back into an easy bun. "Nah, just makin' sure you can hold your own."
He laughed slightly. "Oh... did I pass?"
Louna pursed her lips and pretended to evaluate the ride, holding him in a moment of suspense. "I suppose," she finally replied, "since you made it here."
He laughed again and looked to the front of the restaurant. "Fair enough... and where exactly is here?"
She smiled widely and dismounted the motorcycle. "One of the best road places I've ever found," she told him, waiting for just a second as David got off his bike. "I usually come here solo, but I think you'll like it."
He returned her smile as they walked over to the front door and he reached over to hold it open for her. "Guess we'll find out," he replied.
They ended up at a corner table together and when their server came over for the first time, David wasn't all that surprised when Louna ordered a few things without even looking at the menu. It was clear she came here often, but he wondered if she'd brought anyone else here to share it with her. He wanted to be the only person, but he knew better. He could bet money that Ani had probably been here before because it seemed those two were better friends than he'd thought. How else would Ani have known to set them up together? Especially with what had happened during that ill-fated Sunday ride. He still hadn't come to terms with how he was going to tell Frank about Louna, but until he got back in town from the tour he was doing, David knew better than to bring it up. It would happen when it needed to, and he couldn't really control when that might be.
"You having a beer?"
Louna's voice interrupted his thoughts and his gaze tore away from the menu. He blinked quickly, trying to clear his head. "Um... what's on tap?" he asked, stalling slightly.
Louna raised an eyebrow at him, wondering what he'd been thinking about while the server had gone over the beer list the first time. However, the waitress wasn't fazed and politely stated all the options again before David chose one of the IPAs. The girl nodded and left then to put in the drink and appetizer order.
David was slow to meet Louna's gaze again because he could tell the questions were coming.
She tilted her head in thought, but her first inquiry surprised him. "Are you always so spacey?"
He laughed, relaxing a little as he nodded and reached for his water glass. "Actually, yeah." He took a quick sip. "Sort of not really a joke that I'm always only half paying attention to anything... but I can always tell you what song is playing in the background of a conversation."
She smiled, amused at the quirk. "Even now?" she asked, challenging him on the spot.
He smirked. "Too easy," he replied. "It's 'Jane Says.' Jane's Addiction... probably with the original line up from 1989."
She gave a disbelieving laugh. "Really? 1989? I was one."
David stared at her, holding back the flood of comments he wanted to make. He knew Louna was younger than him, but he hadn't realized just how much so. A few years was no big deal, but an eight year age difference? Fuck, she was a decade younger that Jeff. What would he have to say about that? He shoved the thoughts aside, choosing not to care. He shrugged. "I was nine, but who's counting?"
She only looked vaguely amused. "So are you kind of a walking music encyclopedia?"
"Not really... but there's definitely a lot of trivial music shit in my brain that some people find impressive occasionally. I try to keep it normal most of the time... I know not everyone is as into music and bands as I am." He took another sip of water. "But it's nice to find people who are or maybe who aren't, but can still appreciate it."
Louna nodded and drank a bit of her water before shifting the conversation forward. "I think I can appreciate it... but I'll probably come across as a novice compared to you."
He smiled slightly. "And that's fine... we all have our different interested. That's what makes life interesting. I don't expect everyone to love music the same way I do, and they shouldn't expect me to like sports the same way they do... you know, on the ride up here I kept thinking that you must've been riding for a long time, because you're so used to getting through traffic," he paused, "and you're just so comfortable on your bike... think I could learn a few things."
She smiled bashfully, looking down at her menu on the table and shrugging slightly. "Years of experience," she told him. "My dad likes to remind me that I was practically born on his motorcycle... made it to the hospital just in time."
David laughed. "Seriously?"
She nodded, looking up to meet his eyes. "Absolutely. Mom's water broke and he knew they'd get there faster on the bike."
They settled easily into the conversation after that, sharing stories about their families and siblings and high school friends, always able to find some new topic when one ran out. David hadn't realized it when he'd ordered, but the restaurant specialized in vegetarian and vegan fare, and it was all as good as it looked. They devoured the appetizers and ordered entrees to share and even a dessert because after almost two hours they still weren't ready to leave.
Somehow the afternoon had evolved into something easy and effortless between them, but they both knew that it could change around other people, especially people they were close with. Anicee would be over the sun when she found out, but everyone else? It was anyone's guess.
Louna watched as David licked the last bit of the sweet, creamy dessert off his spoon and set it on the edge of the plate. It had seemed so perfect, but was it? Even after today it seemed like they still hardly knew each other. Would it be worth it to chase the feeling she had about him? It was wrong to deny the coincidence of him showing up at the mountain. She had to place her faith in that moment and know things would work out how they were meant to.
"Having dessert remorse?" David asked, his voice light.
She smiled and looked up from the plate. "Definitely not... just sort of wishing we didn't have to get back to the real world so soon..." She trailed off, her eyes taking in the details of the rustic restaurant. "It's been nice just to talk with you and not have all the pressures of a fancy dinner and celebrity chef and who's seeing what and all that."
David nodded, settling back in his chair a bit more. "I know... probably why I go back to Matane so often... just to get away from everything and at least pretend to be anonymous." He met her eyes, a certain earnestness showing in his. "I will totally understand if you can't do this with me," he told her. "It isn't an easy thing to deal with, no matter how low-key we think we're being."
She licked her lips. "You sound like you know what happens if it goes bad," she said quietly.
He half shrugged. "There's a reason I haven't had many relationships after the band really started, but I'm trying to change things in my life and maybe make things easier."
"But that won't change what happens with the fans, does it?" she asked.
"No," he replied. "But I think now I'm more prepared for how to handle what does happen and having support from someone else always makes that easier too."
Louna stayed quiet then, nodding as she looked down to her hands and clasped her fingers together. How could she make her point to him without sounding absolutely crazy? She had to just go for it. "I want to try to make this work," she finally told him. "I think there's something we're meant to share." She could scarcely believe the words were coming out of her mouth, but she meant it. She could feel something in the air and energy between them that there was a bigger picture to be seen. She wanted to follow through. She had to put her reservations and fears aside and go with her gut. She hoped David felt the same. When she finally looked up again, she saw him nodding in agreement.
"That's why I couldn't just let you go," he said. "It would always be that 'what if' and I don't want that with you... I want to know and not have to wonder."
She smiled. "So we're figure all this out together then?"
David nodded. "Together."
Relief and calm spread through her after he said the word and she smiled more. "What song?" she asked, almost a teasing tone in her voice.
He grinned, realizing how appropriate it was for the moment. "Better Than Ezra," he told her. "Desperately Wanting."