Megan Crawford.
Saturday, July 18th 2015.
09:21.
Chloe was back home.
I had almost forgotten that she would come to town. So much had been happening in my life that I had not been thinking about her. But when I saw her, I could think of nothing but how much I had missed her in the time we had spent apart.
I had shared a room with her from the time I was born up until I was thirteen. She had moved out because I bothered her too much, she was older than me and would be so annoyed when I went through her things. But still, when she was on the other side of the house, I knew that I could always go to her room in the middle of the night when I could not sleep and she would tuck and cuddle me in.
I could not help but feel guilt. I had not even remembered that she would arrive home that morning, I had been too occupied thinking about Kyle and The Book Escape and the new employee Olivia and cinnamon rolls. I had talked to her over the phone a few times, and we had spoken about her coming back, but I had not quite been looking forward to it, I had not really cared much.
But when I did see her, I felt excitement wash over me. She was in the kitchen reading the newspaper, and I screeched and ran to hug her. I whispered into her ear so many things about how much I loved and had missed her, about events she had missed out on and details she had to know about what had been going on with me. She had laughed and agreed, and had told me to get dressed so we could go out for breakfast and talk for hours.
And there I was now, with my older sister that I had not seen in months, in a small restaurant where we could converse peacefully, wearing a white plain shirt and jeans because it was still too early to care about my appearance. I had ordered French toast and orange juice and I took a bite from my fork.
It was so strange to have her there in front of me. She was the same, her long blonde hair and dark blue eyes that resembled the ones my mom had. She smelled like lavender perfume and her voice was still so feminine and gentle. But she was also different in a way I could not explain, she seemed more mature and less innocent. She seemed experienced.
I had so much to ask and to tell. I was not sure where to start, but I wanted to do so as soon as possible. Before I could even swallow, I started to speak, almost choking, "You have to tell me everything now. How has college been? Have you done anything wild? Tried drugs? Had a threesome?"
I knew my sister like the back of my hand and I could tell before she even talked that she had not done those things. She was calm and quiet, she had taken this from our mom, she preferred to stay out of trouble and to be home studying rather than out with her classmates.
"No, nothing like that," Chloe assured me as she shook her head and chuckled. She scratched the back of her neck thinking about what she had done and started to explain, "I started to work in this coffeehouse. My grades have been amazing, as always. And I am really good friends with my roommate."
"That is boring," I told her as I rolled my eyes. She was not affected about this, she never was, because she just took a sip of her black coffee and said nothing at all. I teased, "My life is more interesting than that and I live in this stupid town."
At this, her eyes sparkled in mischief and she pushed my shoulder from across the table in a playful manner. "Oh, yes. I heard your life is really interesting right now."
I gave her a look of pure confusion. I was not sure where she had heard that, since none of the people she spent time with even knew me. And if someone had told her that, then they were not telling the truth, because my life was not quite as alluring as I would have wanted it to be. "What are you talking about?"
"Catherine told me you have a boyfriend and that he is really attractive," Chloe said with a smirk. I sighed and started to deny this, but my sister just went on speaking, holding up her hand to show me she was not done. "Tell me if that is true, because if so, I need to meet him."
"Not true." I had told Catherine that Kyle was not my boyfriend, I did not understand why she had to tell people otherwise. But then again, he could become more than a friend soon, which was the reason I smiled and said, "Actually, he could turn into my boyfriend."
"Oh my God, how wonderful!" she squealed and clapped her hands together. She did not care that some people turned to look at us with disapproving looks because she was being so loud. "I want to know everything."
I told her everything, because that was what we did, we were quite close sisters. I told Chloe about the first time Kyle and I met, the second time, the moments he had been the worst and the moments he had been the best, the almost kisses and the stolen glances. It sounded even more amazing when I said it all out loud and I could not stop smiling.
"That is so sweet, he sounds great," Chloe said as she took my hand from across the table. She looked down at our fingers intertwined and gasped. She showed me her bright pink polished nails. "I forgot to show these off! They look fantastic, right? I know they do. I had them done at the salon, thank you very much."
I rolled my eyes at her but nodded. They did look pretty fantastic on her, they were something I would never be able to pull off. I bit my fingernails when I was nervous and scratched the paint on them too. But hers were perfect, beautiful and elegant, just like her.
"Oh, Meg, I just remembered," Chloe started as she placed her hand back on her lap. Her tone sounded serious all of a sudden, as if she had not just been talking about nails. She cleared her throat and said in an awkward manner, "I want to tell you something. It has to do with our father."
I could feel my body tense at the mention of that man. We never talked about him, that was our rule in the family. I had not even thought about him in a while, but now she had ruined that for me. I looked at my sister, wondering if this was some sort of sick joke. She was biting her lip and her eyes were worried, I knew she was not kidding.
My voice broke when I said, "What about him?"
"Listen, I know he walked out on us. I know we should all hate him for what he did," Chloe said. "But I have been thinking so much about him lately. What if we gave him a second chance? What if we actually heard him out? What if we could meet his new wife?"
She was talking about tracking him down. I did not understand why she would want to do something so insane and wrong. Our father had been terrible, he had made our lives disastrous and had messed up our chance of having a real family. He did not deserve to have one more shot at making things right.
"Chloe, I never want to see that bastard again," I admitted, my tone was weak and fragile, as if I would break down in that moment. I tried to breathe in and out, but then I started to pant. "Why would you want to even be near him?"
"I know how you feel about him," Chloe said tiredly. She rubbed her temples as if she was already exhausted of arguing with me, as if I was the one that was wrong. "But I have been e-mailing him for a few weeks and he wants to meet up with us–"
I could feel my mouth open wide. She had not waited to tell me, she had gone ahead and done whatever she wanted without waiting to find out what I thought about it. I had never expected this of her, she was not the kind to do something so selfish. She was not like my father.
"Wait, you e-mailed him?" I said, a lump in my throat started to form. "How could you not tell me something like this? How did you even find him? What the hell is wrong with you that you actually want to hear anything about him?"
"Stop being so dramatic," Chloe snarled. Her tone was annoyed, and I was sure I had never heard her speak this way. "I have not agreed to meet with him yet. But I think I will sometime soon. And when I do, I would want you to come with me."
"No, no way," I refused as fast as I could, shaking my head as many times as possible. "What about Mom? Does she know about this? How do you think she will feel when she finds out her daughter wants to betray her?"
"This has nothing to do with Mom." She was frowning, as if I was the one that was losing her mind, as if she was not the one going insane. She crossed her arms over her chest and said, "I deserve to know who my father is now. The last thing I am worrying about is how Mom will take the news."
I could not take this anymore, I had to leave. I stood up from the chair and took my purse in my hands. I had not finished my orange juice and my breakfast, but I could not have cared less about that. My tone was bitter when I spoke again.
"I am so sorry. But I would rather die than see our father again."
I started to walk away. Chloe called after me several times, but I did not turn around. She did not follow, perhaps because she was upset with me as well. I did not have a car, but I could walk home. It would give me time to think. I left the restaurant and started to make my way down the street, taking deep breaths.
I had been hurt more than my sisters when our father had gone away. I had been the closest to him, he had had a soft spot for me. He would buy me ice cream when I was sad and he would take me to carnivals when I was bored.
I was his favorite because I resembled him the most. We were both stubborn and had a dark sense of humor, we even had the same brown hair and eyes, when my sisters and mom were all blonde with blue eyes. I was the outsider in our family now, in every way.
Even my name was different. Mom had wanted the names of her daughters to all start with the same letter, she had almost named me Cassandra. But my father had wanted to call me something else, he claimed Megan was the perfect name for me. Somehow, he had gotten his way and Mom had allowed him to pick my name.
I used to love that my name was not the same, it made me feel extraordinary and special. But now that my dad was gone, it made me feel bad to start with another letter. Because now we were Cara, Chloe, Catherine and Megan. All thanks to him.
It took me a moment to realize that tears were falling down my cheeks.
-
Megan Crawford.
Monday, July 19th 2015.
16:37.
Kyle smiled as soon as he saw me.
He opened the door to his house, wearing a blue sweatshirt and with his brown hair tousled. I had needed to see him, because he was the one person that could make me stop thinking, with his teasing and his smirks.
He had not been in The Book Escape that morning. But I had had to meet with him, which was why I had told Aria to give me their address so that I could talk to him. I could not believe that I now trusted him to tell him about my father, but I really did.
I had expected Kyle and me to be awkward at first. He would open up and would give me a questioning look. He would wonder what I wanted and I would stutter to tell him I needed help. He would be uncomfortable, as if he was not sure how he could help me with my problems.
But, to my own surprise, it was not like that.
He seemed so glad to see me. He even embraced me in a warm hug. He told me to come in, and I did, to the unfamiliar house of his sister. It was small but felt much like a home, the walls were dark red and the floors were wooden.
We sat down on his couch, he offered me a drink and I thanked him but refused. There was silence, I did not know how to explain to him what I wanted. Hell, I did not even know what I wanted. I had just felt this need to see him, after the disastrous breakfast with my sister the day before, I had to be with someone that did not remind me of some really sad moments in my life.
"I know this must be strange and you probably do not even want to hear me out," I started. "But you always make me feel better about things. And I am having family troubles."
"Love, you can trust me with this," he assured me with a small grin and his hand on my shoulder. This time, the pet name was not meant to bother me, it was meant to make me comfortable, and it did. Him calling me love placed a smile on my lips.
"I am not sure where to start." I took a breath to calm down, which did not really help me at all. "Well, first you should know that my older sister, Chloe, is back in town."
"That is really good. I would love to meet her sometime," he admitted, his blue orbs glinting for a moment at this. But then, he went from glad to confused, slanting his head to the side and speaking, "Wait, how is that a bad thing?"
"We were having breakfast. Everything was fine," I told him before I swallowed in a loud manner that I knew he heard. "Before she told me that she has been e-mailing our father and she wants to meet with him."
Kyle knew what had happened. I had told him that one time in The Book Escape when we had been talking about our lives. He had not pressured me into telling him more than I was fine with. But he at least was aware of how twisted and sad my father had made me.
I knew from his expression that he was surprised. But he composed himself as quick as he could and placed an arm around my shoulder, one that made me feel safe and sound and made me think nothing could hurt me if he was just beside me.
"Your father does not deserve forgiveness. I have never met him or your sister. But I can tell that you and your family are far better off without him around. Someone with the nerve to leave like that should never have a second chance."
Kyle really did not know my family. But he was understanding, he could comprehend what it was like to be without parents. Even when my father was alive and well, it was almost as if he was dead. I never heard from him, he never bothered to contact me. That was something unforgivable.
"Chloe should know that," I said with a sigh as I leaned into his touch and rested my head on the crook of his neck, he smelled like aftershave and a hint of smoke, he was always smoking. "And besides that, she wants me to go with her. She wants me to see that bastard one more time."
His body went tense at this. His voice was loud and worried as he said, "That is madness! I mean, what the hell? She knows how much he hurt you, and herself actually. I cannot begin to understand why she would think he has changed."
I nodded my head and realized that I was comfortable despite it all. A few weeks before, I had not even known who he was, but now I was good with telling him about my secrets and my problems. I finally trusted him, after all the fights and arguments we had had.
"He must be so happy with his wife," I said in a bitter tone. "Maybe they even have another child. Maybe I have a sibling I have never met because he just wanted me out of his life so he could build a new, perfect one for himself and could destroy mine."
"Hey, come on," Kyle said as he started to rub my shoulders in a very soothing manner. His voice was low and reassuring as he attempted to make me less stressed. "Stop thinking about that. It will make you feel worse."
"I bet they have a welcome mat that says the Stanfords," I told him, ignoring what he had just said. "Did you know my last name used to be Stanford? But Mom changed it to Crawford when they divorced."
"I did not," he admitted. His touch was starting to make me feel much better. I could feel his breath on my ear, making all the hairs on my skin stand up and sending shivers down my spine. "I like Crawford better. Suits you."
"I think so too," I said with a grin.
"Want to talk about something other than your dumb father?" Kyle wanted to take my mind off of things and I appreciated that so much. He was looking out for me, and it meant quite a bit to me that he cared about the way I was feeling.
"Actually, yes," I told him, turning to look into his blue eyes and smirking in a mischievous manner. "I was just wondering how you can look so handsome while being so sweet. I have only seen such incredible boys in movies."
"Well, we are rare, but we do exist," he said between chuckles. Then he gave me that conceited and attractive look of his and wondered with his lip between his teeth, "And what about you? How can you look so damn good in this dress?"
He ran his finger down the strap of sundress, which was a dull shade of orange and had flowers. I had stolen it from my sister because I thought it was really beautiful. And I was glad to know that Kyle agreed with me.
He looked into my eyes with a small smile resting on his lips. His blue orbs sparked in a mesmerized manner and he said in an amazed tone, "Your eyelashes are so long. Do you tend to curl them or do they just look like this all the time?"
"I curl them," I admitted. He hummed and took his bottom lip between his teeth, reaching his hand to comb my brown hair behind my ear. He was up to something, he had given me this same look in the park and in The Book Escape a few days before.
Just then, I realized that his mouth was much closer to mine than it had been a minute before. He was starting to lean in, and I wondered why his attempts to kiss me happened at the wrong times all the time.
If Kyle kissed me then, I would be using him as a distraction. Because I was sad and going through a hard time, and I would be kissing him just because I needed an escape from my life. And that was not the way I wanted our first kiss to be, I wanted it to be sweet and spontaneous.
Something always stopped him from pressing his lips to mine, at least, the last two times that had happened. And this one was not the exception, a ringtone went off and it was coming from the pocket of his jeans.
He sighed and drew back from me. I nodded my head to show him that I was fine with him answering the call, in fact, I was relieved that something had made him come to a stop. I would be kissing him for the wrong reasons, I would almost feel like I was taking advantage of him.
"What the fuck do you want, Michael?" Kyle said once he had taken his phone from his pocket and pressed the green button. The call was from his friend, who he had told me was the older brother of one of my classmates, Scott Wilde.
Kyle frowned as he listened to Michael talk on the other line. He started to shake his head several times as he said, "No, drugs are not my thing."
I could not help but snort, because Michael had just called to find out if he wanted to do drugs with him. This was strange and amusing at the same time and I crossed my arms over my chest as I raised my eyebrows at Kyle. He said into the phone, "If you want to get stoned, then go ahead."
I could not hold back my laughter for too long, I started to snicker after a moment. Kyle gave me a sharp look, telling me to be quiet, but I still could not stop. He exhaled and said to the other line, "Why would I want to smoke weed with you?"
"Look, man," he started after listening to Michael talk for a few minutes. "I am actually with Megan right now. You could ask Scott and Daniel if they want to do drugs. But I am not really into those things."
Kyle still did not hang up though, he rolled his eyes as he heard Michael out. I was now bothered with him, and I pursed my lips and narrowed my eyes at him to show that I was not glad with him. He said with a chuckle, "Meg is giving me a glare."
I pushed his shoulder and he winced, pretending to be hurt. He would not place the phone back into his pocket. He wanted to annoy me even more, he was just in love with the thought of teasing me. "Her face is turning red and her forehead is all wrinkled."
Now this was not true. I was not even mad, just bothered that he would rather speak on the phone with Michael about drugs than kiss me. I did not want to share him with his friend, I wanted him all to myself to distract me.
I knew that it was wrong of me, I just wanted him to kiss me because I knew it would make me feel better. It would make me stop remembering the problems that kept me up at night and made me bite my nails from the anxiety. It was wrong of me to use him as a distraction, but in that moment, I really needed it.
"Michael, I think she is about to kill me now," Kyle said in a quiet manner, his voice faking fear and panic. "If you hear nothing from me again today, call the police and tell them Megan Crawford has murdered me."
I took the phone from his hand then and pressed the red button to end the call. I glared at him and started to stand up from his couch, but he took hold of my hand and made me sit back down beside him.
"Meg, I was kidding," he said as he placed his arm around my shoulder and tried to pull me closer. Part of me wanted to walk away from him and another part of me wanted to hug him back and take in the smell of his cologne.
"Why do you love to bother me so much?"
"I just want to get your mind off things," Kyle promised. I took a few breaths to stop myself from telling him that I wanted him to kiss me, that that would be the best way to distract me. I wanted to say that he should not have answered and should have pressed his lips to mine instead.
But I did not confess this, I just nodded my head and wrapped my arms around his waist. We did not kiss, he did not attempt to do so again. He seemed to realize that now was not the time, that right now I just needed him to whisper sweet nothings.
"Everything will be fine, princess," he said as he started to mess with my strands of brown hair. I did not speak for a moment as I bit my tongue to hold back a grin. I took his hand and started to trace the feather tattoo on his skin.
Kyle seemed to think that he had said the wrong thing, because he looked down at me and slanted his head to the side. His tone seemed sort of worried as he wondered, "What? Do you still hate the pet names? Because I can stop them."
I smiled. "Not at all, I actually love it when you call me princess."
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