Chapter Twenty: Timeless.
I close my eyes and imagine myself spinning in flawless, steady circles at the party. The dress follows my every move and my hands are intertwined with Niall’s. I open my eyes back to the ceiling. Happiness was much easier to fake in the depths of my mind in the middle of the night when the world sleeps peacefully. Sometimes sleeping forever seems like a good solution to my problem, but I know it would solve a single thing.
Niall had been forcing me to see the doctor every day for appointments and tests. He never leaves me there alone and he never fails to make me feel better as sharp needles poke at me. I have been coping with the idea of leaving everyone behind now, knowing that it’s better that they don’t suffer much longer. Brad keeping Jeanie away was what was best and she needs nothing to do with anymore hospitals.
I didn’t want the sickness and black clouds and depressing conversations to stain her childhood, losing her father and then her sister. It was already hard enough and she had no clue what was happening. The doctors had performed about a million test, and I...we were waiting to hear back from her.
Praying for good news was hopeless, the feeling of deep sadness growing inside me knowing that there was no good news in sight. My stomach was rotting away from the feeling of darker days ahead of us.
“Hey,” Niall stands in the doorway with a glass of water. His bare chest barely visible under the dim light of the night time sky. He breathes slowly and walks back towards the bed, I reach out for him pulling him back down and into bed with me.
The only reason I had even woken was because he left for a glass of water. Every time he leaves, I think he won’t return and everytime he always does. With him he brings his bright smile and blue eyes that shine even in the darkest room.
“Hi,” I respond pressing my cold cheek into his warm chest. The only thing that came easy anymore was my love for him.
“Sorry I woke you,” he whispers. He wraps his arms around my fragile shoulders and lifts my chin to his face. He kisses my nose softly and smiles at me like I’m the light of his life.
“I was never really sleeping,” I admit to him.
“Do you ever anymore?” He asks and I let a small laugh go.
The laugh gets caught and I start to choke, cringing the pain back into my chest I sit up straight. Coughing the knot from my throat. He hands me the rest of his water silently, rubbing my back and waiting for me to take it. He pushes the hair back from my face and gives me a weak smile as a few pieces come loose in his hand.
“Great,” I sigh “there goes my hair.” I knew the day was coming but it felt too soon and my heart wasn’t ready to deal with that stress.
“Still amazingly beautiful though,” he says quickly and without faulty. He kisses me gently, the first kiss in what seemed like forever. I savor the taste on my lips and give him a small smile as he pulls back from me. “The dinner is in a couple days and you’ll look just as beautiful if not more.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding, Mr. Horan if you think I’m going looking like this,” I point to myself and pull the covers up and over my head in a desperate attempt to disappear.
“Don’t start with me,” he says crawling under the covers with me. “We’ve had this argument ten different times, in about ten different places all over the past week. I need a date,” he pouts.
“Then find some pretty, easily impressable young lady to bring.”
“But you’re a lonely girl who nobody would date on account of the fact that you’re the most idiotic, stubborn, rude human being on the planet.”
He smirks at me and I punch him lightly in the chest, “Just because I’m sick doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass.”
“What are you going to team up with my mum?” I laugh at him and he pretends to be shaking scared from even the thought of it.
“You do know that most of the girls have no idea that we’re dating,” I say to him.
“If they didn’t figure that out from the time you basically molested my ass on the field after the Saracens game then they’re all very stupid girls.”
“I did not molest you in anyway that day,” I argue.
“Your hands were practically down my pants!”
“They were cold,” I say smirking back.
“I’m not even the coach anymore so it won’t matter, I’m your plus one. It just happens that you snagged yourself the most gorgeous, tall, witty blonde Irish boy.”
“Don’t forget your killer charm and lack of football skills,” I poke.
“And my thing for pale girls,” he says start to tickle me gently.
I fight to curl into him and he doesn’t resist, letting me catch my breath and finally fall asleep in his arms. Tomorrow would be a long day and I need the sleep more than anything.
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“What did the doctors say?” Brad asks, after being silent for two weeks I finally have his attention and I barely want it. I pause, taking a deep breath to keep from crying for the third time today.
“I need a stem cell transplant,” I choke out.
I can hear him huffing on the other side of the phone, he slams his hand into something before coming back to me. “So? Are you going to get one then?” He says urgently.
“Mom came up negative, I have no other family to be tested. They’ll look through the public but the chances are slim to find anyone.” He has no idea how hard I am finding to restrain my tears now.
“Jean,” he whispers. “We don’t know if she’s a match.”
“No,” I responded quickly and strongly. “I won’t do that to her, I know how it feels when it feels and I won’t put my life in her hands.”
“She loves you more than anyone Sarah,” he says softly and I know hes about to start crying but he’s holding it back as well.
“And I loved dad,” I say back too harshly. I cup my mouth with my hand and take a minute to control my emotions. “I loved him so much, too much and now look. He’s gone and I’m stuck knowing that no matter what I did, I couldn’t do anything to save his life.”
“Sarah you spend hours with him, playing chess, watching movies. All he wanted to do was be happy in his last days and you gave him that. For fucks sake that’s all you could do for him!”
“It wasn’t enough Brad,” he doesn’t respond, he just waits trying to think of something to say to me that won’t cause more of a fight between us.
“At least let me tell her that her stubborn ass sister is dying,” he snaps.
“No,” I say back. “Don’t you dare tell a soul, leave it alone. Maybe I’m supposed to die, maybe this is it?”
I almost break down mid sentence but I collect myself and continue. He sighs heavily and I can hear him sniffling from the tears coming down his own face.
“Same old Sarah,” he says in resentment. His voice has gone cold and his tone is serious “You know what Sarah, instead of fucking giving up to make your life easier. Maybe you should start fighting for the sake of everyone else.”
“Brad--”
“I love you,” he cuts me off and hangs up the phone, I love you too, I say to the dial tone. Niall stands behind me with a look of disapproval on his face. Mostly for me, I know the argument was stupid and I should have just agreed to letting Jean get tested. He agrees with Brad and I just hate them both for it.
He pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head, “Brad’s right ya know,” he speaks through my thinning hair. “start fighting, please.”
His Irish whisper into my hair is wonder and it kick starts my heart. I needed this push, I would fight but fuck if I was going to involve Jean. My ideals on that subject would not change, I will fight until I can’t anymore and than accept things for the way they are. This is a good plan and a plan I could keep to myself for now.
I rest my head into Niall and hold back any left over tears trying to fall down my face.
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I watch her walk down the stairs and it’s like all time stops. She looks as fragile as a piece of tissue paper but as beautiful as everything I have ever seen. Her hair sweeps down in dark auburn, looking more gorgeous than ever before.
I smile as she stops at the bottom of stairs looking at me for some sort of approval. She wants to turn around and go back upstairs you can tell, by just the way she’s standing. She didn’t feel good and it was written all over her face. I would never tell her that she looks sick or pale even in her darkest hours because she always looks beautiful to me.
“Fuck,” she says looking at me disappointed. “I look dumb don’t I? This wig is killing me.”
I laugh at her and take her hands in mine still breathless, I swallow hard and open my mouth to speak “You look amazing, stealing the spotlight I would say.”
I spin her gently in the dress and kiss her quickly before I forget to do so. She smiles and leans in to fix my tie around my neck. She kisses me back and pats her hand on the leather I am wearing. “I don’t think I could steal the spotlight,” she comments.
I had found myself a dark blue suit and a white dress shirt to wear for the night but I ditched the suit last minute and pulled on a pair of skinnies and the jackets. It was much better this way, me in a suit was the last thing anyone needed right now.
“Let’s go before I change my mind again ya?” I nod and she smiles at me before I lead her out to the car.
By the time we get there, she has become extremely nervous. Her hands shake and she closes her eyes taking deep breaths and counting under her breath. I had spoken to Brad and he was coming in tow with Liz and most of the girls would be there as well. They hadn’t seen her in about two weeks and were all anxious to know how she was. She just wanted to put on a good, strong show for them.
“You look beautiful, stop worrying.”
She sits in the car as I open the door, I try to take her hand but she shakes her hand and stays put. Shes asks me to take her home, more than once but I keep my hand extended and wait for her. I was about to ask her again to get out but a familiar voice rings through the air.
“Get out of the damn car Sarah,” Brad’s voice brings a slight smile to her sad lips. But I step back and nod at him as he takes reins and helps her from the car.
He pulls her into a tight hug and she burrows her face into his chest, she missed him so much it hurts and it’s evident right now. “I missed you,” he whispers closely to her.
She stands back and kisses him on the cheek before looking him over, he’s wearing a black blazer and a black dress shirt. His hair is parted and pushed back off his face, he looks good from the usual scruffy version of him.
I take her hand once she finally releases Brad from her grasps. She drags her feet with every step we get closer to the door. She looks up to me just before we reach the two large wooden doors.
“You okay?” I ask her once more. She shakes her head and for a moment it almost looks like she is trying to hold back puke. She smiles weakly and grips my arm tightly, I know she doesn’t want to do this. “We can go home if that’s what ya really want.”
“No, I’m okay” she says “I love you.”
I wrap my large hands around her tiny face and kiss her gently. She falls into it and lets me move my lips around her for a while before she breaks it. I could feel the smile forming under the pressure of my own lips and I look down to her. “I love you too, you idiot.”
**Last time I wrote this chapter Colby had just been born, holy fack. It's been a while, but now it's edited and flows better. Love you little gremlins.
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