"It only takes one person to break the dam of silence." - Patrick Jones
Rylan decides it will be best not to use her bathroom for a while. She hates what she sees when she looks in the mirror; she hates what she has become. All the lies have to stop. She can't keep pretending everything is fine when it isn't. It's time to put an end to her suffering once and for all.
Rylan gets dressed and ready for the day in the most comfortable clothes she can find, and then she uses the kitchen sink to brush her teeth.
"Are you really sure about this? You can still choose to back out." Mr. Winchester urges for the thousandth time.
Rylan spits in the sink and sighs. "I'm positive."
She wipes her mouth, turns to face her dad, and says, "I'll be fine."
The words are as much to reassure her father as they are to reassure herself. Mr. Winchester steps forward and kisses Rylan on the forehead, careful not to disturb her stitches.
"You just make sure you come home in one piece," He demands. "I love you."
"I love you too." Rylan repeats back.
"Don't do anything unnecessary, you hear me?"
"I won't."
He studies her face for a moment, then says, "Alright, let's go."
Mr. Winchester drops Rylan off at the entrance to the school, but he doesn't unlock the doors yet.
"I'll pick you up at three." He checks, glancing at Rylan through the rearview mirror.
"Yeah, I'll be here." Rylan replies.
"Try not to be late."
Rylan nods.
Mr. Winchester flicks the unlock switch. Rylan exits the car and meets her friends halfway to the front doors.
"Hey." She greets cheerfully.
Tuck smiles and Dani grins widely in response, but Cas only nods his head curtly, leaving his face impassive much like the first day he and Rylan had met. Rylan doesn't like it. He is shutting her out again. She smiles quickly, then, without another word, she enters the building with her friends in tow. Although they are acting pretty cheery, their unusual silence and Cas's seriousness are beginning to freak Rylan out. Coming back is already nerve-wracking and her friends aren't helping in the slightest.
"What's wrong?" Rylan asks.
"Nothing." Dani replies.
"You're all so quiet. Is it me?"
"No, of course not. It's just been a while since we've all hung out together at school." Dani explains.
"Okay."
Rylan lets it go, but she has a strange feeling that her friends don't really know how to talk around her anymore. She slows her pace so Dani and Tuck can turn the opposite direction to their homerooms. Cas lags behind next to her.
"So what's the plan?" Cas asks quietly.
The question startles Rylan; She hadn't expected him to speak.
"I don't have a plan." She whispers back, glancing from side to side, but no one pays any mind to them.
"You're serious about doing this?" He asks calmly, but Rylan can tell he is one step away from incredulous.
She stops walking and hisses, "Yes. Why else would I be here?"
"You don't have to prove anything, Rylan. Don't put yourself in danger again, especially if you don't have a plan."
His words make her furious, though she isn't sure why. Maybe it's that everyone keeps telling her she doesn't have to do this. None of them understand.
"This is about helping others." Rylan claims, and then begins walking again.
Cas persists nonetheless, "So this isn't about what you want?"
Rylan walks faster, but Cas manages to easily keep up.
"Of course I want him to go away! He hurt me. Now he gets to walk free as if nothing ever happened!" She pauses to glare at Cas. "What is wrong with you? Don't you want him to go away?" Her voice cracks and Rylan clears her throat to hide the emotion building there.
The heated whisper argument draws a few glances, so Rylan says, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
They round the corner and Cas tugs her to a stop.
"I want him to go away, I do."
Rylan scoffs, shakes her head, and looks down the hallway. "Really?"
"Yes, really. I just don't want anything else to happen to you. I don't know why you need me to keep explaining that to you."
"Well I don't know why I need to keep explaining to you and everyone else why I have to do this." Rylan bites back.
Cas sighs. "You know this is dangerous, no, beyond dangerous. This is suicidal. I won't watch you get yourself killed."
Rylan rubs her eyes. "I won't get killed. I have a whole army behind me."
"What? The cops? Look around, Rylan! The police aren't here, and if something happens to you, they probably won't get here in time to stop it. Mr. Quinn has the whole teacher's union behind him which, by the way, maintains he's innocent. How are you going to prove otherwise?"
"I thought you would have my back in this."
"In coming back to school and living your life again, yes... but not this. Provoking someone who wants you dead is just plain idiotic."
The first bell rings, making Rylan jump slightly.
"I have to get to class. If you're smart, you'll keep your head down and keep as far away from Mr. Quinn as you can." Cas says.
He disappears down the hall amidst the other students. Rylan watches him go before she heads off to her own class. All the stares she receives are directed at her face. She can't hide the wicked gash stitched across her forehead. Even placing a giant bandage over it won't stop the stares and Rylan isn't trying to hide it from anyone. None of the looks are sympathetic; mostly they are curious or worried that that could be their own fate if they aren't careful. No one cares a teacher may be responsible for almost murdering a student.
When third period rolls around, Rylan stands outside the door to Ancient Literature in a nervous sweat with an awfully loud heartbeat ringing in her ears.
"Hey. I'm here for you." Dani promises, wrapping an arm around Rylan's shoulders.
Rylan takes a deep breath before allowing Dani to lead her into the room. She refuses to look at him and takes her seat next to Dani and pulls out her notebook. The whole time, she can feel a pair of eyes burning holes into her skull. The virulent feeling disappears when Mr. Quinn begins speaking.
"We're getting into the thick and thin with only five months left of school." He pauses and Rylan chances a glance up from her notebook.
Mr. Quinn's eyes shift across the classroom and Rylan forces her eyes back down; the thought of catching his eyes makes her anxious and her heart thuds swiftly in her chest. Eye contact shouldn't be this hard, Rylan, she complains. Dani takes her hand beneath the table and squeezes it to let her know she's there.
"Since February is the month of Romance," Mr. Quinn continues charismatically, "we're going to go off on a short tangent from the Iliad to read Pyramus and Thisbe."
Rylan takes a couple deep, calming breath. You can't let him think you're still afraid of him, Rylan thinks; he can use that to his advantage. She lifts her eyes and squeezes Dani's hand tightly under the table. Mr. Quinn picks a stack of handouts off his desk and proceeds to pass them out. Rylan carefully looks everywhere but at his face.
"Welcome back, Miss Winchester." He says when he drops a packet in front of Rylan.
She can't speak and even if she could, what would she say? Thank you? No. Rylan grinds her teeth tightly together and continues to stare forward defiantly.
The class spends the rest of the period popcorn reading. Rylan gets picked five times just because the other students want an excuse to stare at her stitches and perhaps to keep any focus off themselves by projecting it onto her. When the bell rings, everyone leaves the room at a slower pace than they usually do.
Cas's warning plays in her head. She shouldn't talk to him; she doesn't know if she even physically can, but when she reaches his desk, a little bit of spirit wrestles inside her, trying to get out.
"How's your nose?"
Mr. Quinn, still observing a document on his desk, says, "How's the ankle?"
"You can't hurt me anymore. The cops are still watching you. You won't get a second chance to silence me. They'll find some evidence on you eventually."
"I don't have to silence you, Miss Winchester." He replies, looking up at her briefly from beneath his spectacles. "No one cares to hear you."
Rylan stares at him. He doesn't feel remorse or guilt. It makes Rylan sick.
"As for hurting you... the mind is a fascinating entity. I don't have to do anything physical."
Rylan can feel her eyes stinging with angry tears. She has to get out of here before he notices.
"I hate him!" Rylan exclaims to Dani in the safety of the hallway. "He's a fucking monster!"
"Rylan!" Dani warns.
"What? It's true!" Rylan defends.
Dani opens her mouth to say something, but Rylan walks off down the hall to lunch.
Dani follows Rylan into the lunchroom, but nearly gets run over by Rylan on her way out. She stands in Rylan's path of escape and holds her ground.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I am not going to sit at that table and let Cas lecture me about being safe."
"A little problem with the sullen one, eh? Well get over it." Dani smiles, then sweetly pinches Rylan's left ear and drags her over to the table despite her protests of pain.
"Sit." She orders and Rylan has no other choice but to obey.
The whole cafeteria witnessed that embarrassment. Rylan plops down on the bench opposite a surprised Tuck and Cas. She glares daggers at Dani, but it doesn't seem to bother her.
"Having issues?" Tuck guesses.
"Shut up." Rylan growls, sulking.
Tuck tries to hide a laugh, but fails miserably and gives up. Cas raises an eyebrow and his mouth slowly opens.
"Don't." Rylan warns, her eyes narrowing.
Cas grins for the first time today. "I was just going to say, what Dani wants, Dani gets."
"Oh, you can shut up too." Rylan says.
He chuckles and she leans over the table and playfully shoves him. She is glad the ice has broken between them once again.
.......................................
Physical Science passes in a blur. Rylan feels almost certain something got lost from her brain during her seizure because none of the reasoning behind the problems seems to make sense; it all looks like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. By the time Spanish comes around, Rylan is done with the day and wants to go home and sleep and then restart the day again tomorrow. She walks to her seat and sits down. Miss Burns hasn't entered the classroom yet, so Rylan begins doodling in her notebook absentmindedly.
"That's a pretty nasty gash you got there, cupcake." Blake says.
Rylan stops doodling and freezes when she realizes his voice is closer than usual. She turns to find Blake sitting right next to her. Rylan despises the sympathetic look he gives her mostly because she doesn't trust him.
"Like you care." Rylan says.
She's too exhausted to deal with him right now. Maybe she shouldn't have come back to school. He'd just been in the background for so long that Rylan didn't think Blake would bother her anymore.
"I do care."
"Bullshit, you don't care about anyone but yourself."
Blake chuckles. "Now there's the Rylan I know and love. You still haven't changed."
Rylan glances sideways at him. His use of the word "love" makes her stomach churn.
"C'mon. It's your first day back in over a month and you won't even say hello?" Blake tilts his head to the side.
"Piss off Blake. I never say hello to you. Why are you even sitting next to me? Miss Burns moved you." Rylan points out.
"Nope. Haven't changed a bit." Blake states in admiration while ignoring Rylan's question.
Thankfully Miss Burns enters the room and calls the classroom to order. Rylan senses Blake's eyes on her, but she continues to pretend he hasn't spoken at all. Rylan can't concentrate on the lecture, and instead watches her pencil tap against her desk.
After a few more minutes, Rylan raises her hand.
"Yes, Rylan?"
"May I use the restroom?"
Miss Burns nods and Rylan exits the classroom. She enters the Girl's bathroom, thankful the one she'd been attacked in is on the other side of the building. Rylan relieves herself, then exits the stall to wash her hands. When she finishes, she braces her hands on either side of the sink and lifts her head to stare in the mirror. For the first time, Rylan catches the small glimmer in her eye that reminds her just how tough she is.
"He's only a guy. You've been through much worse. Don't let him get to you." She tells the face staring back at her.
"Wasn't it in a bathroom like this that you got attacked?" Blake asks.
Rylan spins towards the exit and takes a deep breath as she prepares to scream, but Blake is faster. He grabs Rylan and covers her mouth, then slams her against the bathroom wall. Rylan cries out when pain reverberates through her ribs and struggles against his hold, but Blake simply holds steady and waits for her to calm down. A few seconds later, Rylan ceases her struggles and focuses on her breathing. Why did he always follow her here? Why did she think this time would be any different?
"It's so hard to have a conversation with you these days." Blake sighs.
He carefully brushes a few stray strands of Rylan's hair behind her ear. Rylan watches him with wide eyes. Please not again, she thinks as she can't help but remember getting thrown around in a bathroom by Mr. Quinn.
"Now, I love your rebellious and hateful nature towards me, but it's getting a bit old. I took a little time to let you adjust, but I'm coming back in full force. I told you how this was going to be from the beginning. I take what I want." He pauses and stares into Rylan's eyes. "I want you and that is never going to change. So the sooner you accept that, the easier this will be for you."
Blake stares at Rylan a moment longer, assessing her reaction.
"I don't want to hurt you."
Slowly, he removes his hand.
"Get off of me!" Rylan cries, shoving him.
Blake blocks her hits and leans in, causing Rylan to cringe away from him into the wall.
"You're mine, Rylan. I don't think we need to establish that fact again." Blake says in a low tone.
He leans in closer, his lips dangerously close to Rylan's face, but she slaps him instantly. Blake catches her wrist and squeezes tightly. Rylan prepares to scream for help.
Then a girl enters the bathroom. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Rylan and Blake.
"Hey, what are you doing in here?" She demands, staring directly at Blake. "This is the girl's bathroom." She says as if he is stupid.
Blake smiles although he simmers underneath. He gives Rylan one last look before leaving the room. Rylan sighs in relief and massages her wrist.
"Thanks." She tells the girl.
The girl shrugs her shoulders. "No problem." She looks over the stitches on Rylan's forehead.
"He do that?"
Rylan shakes her head. "No, but he's not very nice."
One side of her mouth pulls up into a lopsided grin. "I gathered as much. Watch your back."