The day of mourning. The dead is being remembered for what they did in their life. Good or bad.
The day when people reveal their true feeling of a person.
The day people realize whether or not the person in the grave really matters to them.
Lastly the day of torture. Today is the day when I remember all my memories I had with the love of my life.
Everything is gone now, I have nothing else to live for. She's dead. Yes I have my business but still.
What happens after death? Why do people die? The funeral in my opinion isn't for the dead it's for the living. The day people get to heal and try to move on.
Burying the person is just a way to bury all the memories along with the body. The soul will raise from the person and go to where ever it goes.
Who knows? Maybe the soul was long gone. What is a soul? Is there any prof there's such thing as a soul?
So many unanswered questions. Did the love of my life really love me back? We were going to get married. But what if it was all fake.
I don't think that's true, what we had was real. Unlike that Eric character, he deserves to be the one dying.
Well he is being charged with murder, domestic violence and a bunch of other crimes. I'm not sure rape is involved because there wouldn't be any evidence.
Wait no, they found a tape of the assault happening. Eric was stupid enough to film it.
I looked at the body of my lover once again and sighed. This really can't be happening. Right?
I'm the one who's suppose to die not her. She was so nice and innocent. Not me. I left her. I was the one who caused her pain. Then again how is it possible to be the problem and be the one to heal her.
My eyes drifted to Ariana, her friend. She looked at me and broke down crying.
Is this day really happening? It can't be. My lover and I were suppose to adopt a bunch of Latino babies.
We agreed to name the twins we adopt Jesus and Lucifer. Then we were going to a-adopt some teenagers so they can be happy with us.
We were suppose to grow old and die together. I'm the one who was suppose to die first not her. Not the good one in this relationship.
I loved her with all my heart and now it's getting buried along with her body.
This can't be happening. Oh god please don't tell me this is happening. My lover, my fiancé, my best friend, my anchor. The one keeping from losing it all is dead.
Why? It's all my fault I wasn't strong enough to defend her. I was the one who let her get beat up. I was the one.....
It's all my fault.
Why is it that there's a bunch of people around me but at the same time it feels as if nobody understands?
Why is it that whenever she was around I was so happy? I felt safe around her. I felt including. She was my home.
We can be houseless but that wouldn't matter. We could be at war, we could be broke, we could be anywhere, any place, with anybody.
As long as I knew she was okay it would of been okay. We could be thousands of miles away but that wouldn't matter. We would be in love.
I still love you. I'll never stop loving you.
My heart and soul belong to you.
Anger and sadness filled up inside of me. I couldn't let it out here.
"Not even a tear." A person next to me muttered and shook their head. "What type of lover is that?"
I ignored the lady, my sadness was eating me alive.
For some reason I hoped just hoped that somebody would pop out of nowhere and say that this is all a trick.
Quickly I turned around and ran into my car. My hair following behind me.
My hands turned in the car and my feet pressed the gas pedal. I drove and drove. I drove to the place we first met.
That alley way I saved her. The car stopped and I looked at the newly developed area.
I turned on the radio and played the music loud.
So loud it covered the sounds of my sobs.
I cried my heart out, our favorite song The Scientist by Coldplay. We always use to watch the episode of glee that had it.
I cried and cried.
My anger consumed me. I put my car onto park and sat there with my face in my hands.
Why? Why is there this pain and suffering in this world? She didn't deserve to die. I did. I'm the one who hurt her in the first place.
It's all my fault it's all my fault.
I couldn't help but think this way. It's the truth.
It's all my fault. I killed her, my baby. The love of my life. I could of done something. I could of fought back but no!
I was to weak! It's all my fault! The music got louder and louder.
It's all my fault. I could of told her to run and she still would been okay. We could of ran away together. I opened the mirror to try and whip away the tears.
A small piece of paper fell out. I looked at the paper confused.
I didn't leave this in here.
"D-dear Future Wife (aka you)," I read out loud from the letter. I tried to keep the sobs from coming out but it was becoming merely impossible. "If you're reading this that means y-you know how to read. [insert lol smiley smiley face]. I w-wanted to tell you so many things. At first I-I thought about writing down all the reasons I love you. But I realize that would of p-probably taken up a lot of paper and d-dead trees."
I let the sob out a closed my eyes to keep the tears in. She must of gone through so much trouble writing this.
I brushed the hair out of my face and looked back down at the now wet paper.
"Y-you're the l-love of my life. Before I met you I was a w-wreck, you literally saved me from myself. I-I was abused and bullied. It w-was about to become to much for me to h-handle. But y-you came in and saved me." I took a deep breath and continued reading. "I've n-never told you this because I-I didn't want you to think I was on b-bottom even though I am."
I laughed and tried to stay calm. I love you to baby. And you are on bottom. I wanted to say but-
"An-anyways you made my life a living heaven. B-before you met me I actually r-ran away. My legs e-ended up taking me to a play g-ground so I climbed on top of the slide and just laid there. All night. I was just asking myself if I will ever be happy. M-my chances were starting to becoming less and less. But then I said to myself. I won't do it, no I'll wait one more day. Then I'll k-kill myself-"
She was thinking about killing herself? My baby. More cries were coming out of my eyes. I will her, I want you back. I want you to tell me in real life.
Breath. Just read.
"Then I'll kill myself. I was d-depressed and didn't think anything would happen so I-I prepared everything got some pills and w-was ready to do it. The pills were in my bag the day you met me. So I was walking home and you know the story. Anyways I-I was a wreck then you came in t-that's what I'm trying to say."
I put the paper down and shook my head.
I can't do this anymore. My heart was squeezing and it felt as if I was loosing my sense to breath.
"I-I love you Jasmine. I forgot h-half of the things I w-wanted to write but I lo-love you Jasmine. You're my e-everything, I love you. I know we're young and t-there can be many bumps in the road. But b-besides the amazing lesbian sex we c-can have. I w-want to marry you. I love you and I-I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I lov-love you J-Jasmine. I've never loved anybody so much. You saved me, and I will always love you for that. But after a few years of hanging out with you I'll learn hundreds of other reasons to love you."
"Will y-you marry me?" Her voice echoed in my mind. My eyes drifted down to the ring she gave me. I covered my mouth to try to keep quiet but the sobs kept coming out.
I love you so much Baby. I love you.
Kayla I will always love you.