21 - Truthful Conversations & Unforeseen Friends
I adjusted my shirt and walked into the office, pretending to know what I was doing. I could feel everyone's gaze on me. For the first time, it was not to see my flawless outfit or comment on who they had seen me with last night. Today I was the center of attention for something truly bad, something that bothered me.
I was not normally this self-conscious or worried, but since the 'Jennifer incident' –it was referred to like that now in the hallways and bathroom breaks- Virginia was even more on top of things and on my heels.
Any false move could get me out of this job and on the street, and I was not sure I was ready for that. Andrew had got me into wondering why I was so hung up on this job. I could sure find another great magazine to work for, especially with his connections. Even without his connections, I was sure this job was not the end of the road for me.
I was a strong, independent woman, though –or at least I bragged to be one, so I had to act like one. I was not sure how I would deal with this job and Virginia, nonetheless. George was placing his resignation today. He would work for two or three weeks more until his replacement was found and then I was on my own. Well, Ginny and Amelia were here, but I did not have the same history with them as I did with George. He was my rock, the closest friend I had ever had.
I tugged at the ends of my hair as I re-read the questions, I would be asking Alec Brown today. There was a knock on my door, and I pursed my lips when I saw Lewis standing in front of me.
"Well, come in," I sarcastically said. I was so done with him. I did not want to blame him because it was not fair to blame a single person for all this mess, but if he kept pushing me...
"Hey, love, I just wanted to check on you."
"Lewis, what are you doing here?" I had run out of patience for him.
He blinked repeatedly, confused. "I just told you, babe."
"I'm not your babe," I deadpanned.
"Why are you like this? Jennifer is gone." I abruptly stood up and closed the door. This was the least I needed. "Oh, you want privacy?" he inquired with a purr as he approached me.
I stuck out a hand, to keep him from getting closer. He was clearly delusional, but it had been my fault for getting involved with him in the first place. "Lewis, don't push my buttons or I swear I will punch you."
"I can never figure you out," he mused with humor as if this was some practical joke that I was playing on him.
"What is there to figure out? I was fooling around with you! I was never interested in anything serious. I thought it was the same for you. Now I have a boyfriend and I would like to be with him without any problems or drama," I hissed.
He frowned. "You're a bitch," he concluded after a moment.
I scoffed. "You can do better than that if you're trying to offend me." I was offended, but I would not let him win.
He grimaced. "Yeah, I could destroy you."
I rolled my eyes. "Why? Because I' not interested? Just leave me alone. I'm done trying to put this off nicely."
"I don't know when you became this bitter, but I do not like it."
I glared at him and banged the door open. "Get out."
He walked past me and harshly grabbed my arm. "Don't act like you don't deserve everything that is happening to you. You are a whore and it is finally catching up with you."
Anger rushed through me. If I were a man, he would not say things like that to me. I was sick of having to deal with so much for things that a man would be glorified. "If it were you, none of this would happen. So do not pull the "you are a whore" card on me for being a woman. You are as much of a player as me. I don't see anyone criticizing you."
"Don't come with some feminist crap now, Tess," he snapped.
I thrust my arm out of his grab and snarled at him. "If you ever come close to me again, I will file a harassment complaint against you, do you understand?" I spelled out every word to him, so he could tell I was serious.
He was about to reply when we were interrupted. An interruption I appreciated greatly.
"Is everything alright here?" Jerry asked, coming in his full size, trying to look menacing.
"Lewis here is being a pain in my ass, Jerry," I snapped.
Jerry turned with a scowl to Lewis. "Back off of her," he demanded.
Lewis laughed humorlessly. "Just another one of your puppies," he bitterly said and then pushed past us.
I huffed and sat on the couch that was in my office. I was suddenly so tired. This was too much. It seemed like I was in high school all over again. "You okay?" Jerry asked as he sat next to me.
I looked at him. I had made a mistake. Dating co-workers was the worst thing one could do.
"Yeah, fine," I said in a clipped tone of voice.
Jerry nodded and stood up, apparently understanding I wanted to be on my own. It made me see him in a totally new light. If only things were different, he could have been my friend.
"Good, I'll leave you to it, then."
"Thank you," I said as he reached for the door. "For everything."
"No problem, Tess. You are great, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I would never change a single thing about you."
I smiled. "You're such a Romeo. You'll find a great girl that deserves you someday."
He smiled half-absently and then waved goodbye with his hand and walked out. I let a sigh escape my lips and rested defeated on the couch. This job was truly exhausting, and I could suddenly see clearly my next step.
I was sure this mess had been created by my wrong decisions taken. I was ready to make better decisions and become a better person. The first step was clear for me. It would require a lot of guts but I knew I needed to get out of this vicious circle.
I grabbed my purse, put inside of it the questions and recording machine for Alec Brown's interview and then headed out. I walked –more like stomped- straight into Virginia Statter's office.
She gazed up at me, shocked. She was not used to people storming into her office. Most were too afraid to do that.
"I am done."
She crossed her arms over her chest and stood up from her chair. "You are done?"
"Yes, I will do this interview with Alec Brown, finish my part in this month's issue and then I am done."
"So, you will resign?" she mused, with a confused frown.
"Yes," I stated.
She stood up and walked to her window. Her face was unreadable.
You could see a beautiful view of New York from here. Even the Statue of Liberty could be seen. It was breathtaking. It reminded me of Andrew's office. I suddenly missed him. I wanted a hug of his, to make sure I was doing the right thing. "Such a shame," Virginia murmured after a while.
I frowned. "What?"
She turned to face me. She looked stunning. Her bright red dress contrasted beautifully with her dark skin. She looked like an African goddess. "Well, everything you went through to keep your job these past weeks, and now you want to quit just like that."
I remained silent for a few moments. I knew she was right, but there was too much drama going around and I needed to find mental peace. "I can't take it anymore. I have realized I am not happy here anymore. I no longer consider this to be worth all the trouble." I realized it sounded more like a pleading explanation than a firm resignation. Like I was begging her to understand as if she were the teacher I did not want to disappoint.
"Really?"
"Really, Virginia."
She shook her head. "I will not lie. You will be a great loss. You had some original ideas."
"I'm sorry you fired your daughter over me," I said, at a lack of anything else to say.
"I would have fired her anyway. She is not ready to be part of this world. My love for her was clouding my judgement."
I stifled a laugh, knowing this was not the moment for that. It was hilarious that Virginia thought she was treating her daughter with love. That was not my business though. "Still, I brought some of the trouble."
A few minutes passed in silence. "Come here," she said. I did as she asked and approached the window-wall. "See this city? It is said to be the city of dreams. You can be anything, anyone you want to be here. I remember when you first came into this magazine. You were so eager to prove yourself, to be someone great. You could be, you could substitute me one day. That is why I will give you some days to think it over.
"If the end of the month comes and you still think the same way I will gladly refer you to Vogue or some other magazine of your liking. With my help, you can get into any of them, whichever you want.
"Promise me you will think about it and follow your heart. You are a good asset here, Tess. It would be sad to let you go."
I weighed her words. "I thought you hated me."
She nodded with a small smile on her lips. I had never seen her this way. "You people confuse harshness with hate. I must be tough, or you would not take me seriously. I am a black woman in power. I cannot afford to be sweet and friends with everyone."
I shook my head. This day was getting too bizarre. "Thank you, I guess."
"Go get me that interview and make it great. If it will be your farewell work, it has to be perfect."
I smiled the first genuine smile to Virginia in all the time we had known each other. It felt strange, but it also felt like a coming of age. I was finally moving on, no longer stuck in a position of fear and comfort, exactly what I think she was waiting for.
I left the place with a sudden revelation. Sleeping around, drinking, partying, none of that was really maturing. Facing your problems and not letting your emotions cloud your decisions and building a stable future with someone that was true maturity. Maybe I was finally moving onto that stage of life.
---*---*---*---*----*---*---*---
As I walked out of Virginia's office, I saw George coming out of the Human Resources office. Then, I remembered he was quitting today. I felt terrible for forgetting such an important day. I was so caught up on my drama that I had pushed into the back of my mind his resignation today.
"George!" I called out, with my throat in a knot.
He turned towards me and smiled sadly. "Hey, Tess."
"Is it over?" I asked, holding my hands together in front of me to keep myself from crying.
"Yeah, I just turned in my resignation."
Ginny was walking nearby and halted at the remark. "What did you just say, George?"
"Yeah, you heard right," he admitted with a shrug. "But I am staying for a couple of weeks more. This is just the two-weeks notice."
"How? When? Why?" she fired questions as she grabbed a hold of George's forearm.
I patted her head warmly. "Come on, let's go to my office and we will let you know everything." I turned to George. "We should ask Amelia and Ginny for dinner tonight at our place," I suggested.
"That is actually a great idea." He turned to Ginny. "I would love to let you know all the details right now, but my team is waiting for me at the kitchen for a farewell cake. Worry not, though, Ginny," he said when he saw her facing down with a worried expression. "I got a job in the area I want to explore, so this is a happy farewell. I am just having mixed feelings right now because I adored this place. I made many good friends and I learned a lot."
Ginny nodded. "Alright, George, then I am very happy for you." Ginny looked at me. "Tess, I will see you guys tonight then. I will go back to my place if you need me."
"Thanks Ginny." We watched her walk away and then I hugged George tightly. "I don't know what I will do without you," I confessed with a shaky voice.
"You will be alright. You are a fighter, Tess. Just don't forget it. Do what is right for you and remember your passion. Once you have that clear, you will know what to do," he whispered into my ear and he caressed my back.
I nodded and hugged him tighter. "It was such a good decision to ask you to move in with me. I don't think I could have done with just seeing you one weekend or another."
"Of course not, I am the love of your life. Sorry if that offends Andrew, but it's the truth," he stated and winked at me.
I laughed and cried at the same time. "Oh, George," I sighed and buried my face in his shoulder blade. We stood there for a few moments more until his team came looking for him to cut the farewell cake. I watched him walk away and the words he said to me about passion and clarity kept running through my head. I just had to be honest with myself and find that passion to keep moving forward.