The sound of the baby crying woke Niall up and he stumbled from his bed and headed towards the sunny yellow nursery where his tiny daughter was making her displeasure known. He leaned over the crib and gently picked up his baby girl, cradling her in his arms. "Sssh little one" he cooed at her. Her tiny sobs because soft whimpers as she looked up into her daddy's face. "Daddy's got you, you're safe now. Let's get you all comfy ". Niall carried her over to the changing table and swiftly changed her soaked diaper for a fresh one before carrying her downstairs to the kitchen. Hauling a pre -made bottle out of the fridge, he put it into the bottle warmer and stood rocking the baby as he waited for the warmer to ding, announcing the bottle was ready. He grabbed it then wandered into the lounge, making himself comfortable . Niall held the bottle against the baby's eager mouth and she soon latched on, making adorable little sucking sounds as the warm milk flowed into her mouth. Niall stared down at his beautiful little daughter, his little Aoife Maebh and a sweet smile lit up his tired face
Later that morning, Niall checked he had everything he'd need in the diaper bag, shoved his wallet into his pocket then grabbed his keys before picking up the car seat with Aoife safely strapped in. He was due to be at the studio in an hour to start recording for their new album. Lou had offered to keep an eye on the baby and Niall was grateful to her. He couldn't bear to be parted from his little one for too long. It made him anxious.He knew he'd have to get used to it but he didn't like it. He sighed.
"Hey Nialler" Liam called out as Niall came into the room . "How's it going?" He studied Niall's face carefully. His bandmate looked pale, far too thin , and very tired. Niall had shut himself and the baby away. seeing no one , for several months following Caoimhe's death. He had been completely emotionless, not crying once , but gradually the lads had coaxed Niall into allowing them to visit. They all knew how hard Niall was finding life without his wife. It wasn't fair. Finally when life had started to become good for the young couple, it had all crumbled. Those first few months, Niall had been a robot,looking after the baby perfectly but in so detached a manner they had been extremely concerned for his mental health but ,one day ,there had been a miracle. Niall had been holding the baby, just looking at her, his face wearing its usual blank expression when the baby had smiled up at him.And just like that, all the tears that Niall hadn't allowed himself to shed, started flowing from his eyes, falling onto his baby daughter's face. That tiny baby had started the healing process. It would take a very long time but Niall had finally allowed himself to acknowledge the pain he was going through.
"Mmmh , OK I guess. Im exhausted. Who would think one tiny baby could make so much work!" Niall said, smiling slightly.
"It'll get easier, mate." Liam said encouragingly. "Look, why don't I come stay with you for a few days. Maybe take a few of the night feeds and stuff so you can get some proper sleep"
"Nay, I'm good" Niall replied though his tired face betrayed him.
"Ni...I'm doing it" Liam said firmly and Niall nodded in defeat. To be honest, he could do with some unbroken sleep. Maybe his Ma was right, he should agree to her and Chris coming to help him with Aoife, at least until he was properly back on his feet. But what would he do when they had to resume the tour that Management had postponed to give Niall time to come to terms with his loss.? At least their new management team had been compassionate and supportive.That had been a mercy. Perhaps he could hire a Nanny to help him with Aoife while they toured?
"Mate, that's a great idea" Liam said later that evening as he sat on the couch cuddling with Aoife while he and Niall had discussed the remainder of the tour "You'll have someone to help you with this little one so you won't need to stress out while we are on stage or at interviews and stuff. You'll still have her with you but hopefully with far less pressure on yourself. "
"Yeah, I know you're right. It's just that I hate to have another woman looking after Aoife. It should be...." Niall broke off. He found it incredibly hard to say Caoimhe's name to anyone. Liam reached out a hand and gently rubbed Niall's arm.
"I know , Ni. But she'd be so proud of you and what a great job you're doing, looking after Aoife. But mate, you need to look after you. You have to eat and get more rest. Aoife needs you. Look, I'm making you an appointment with your Doctor, just for a check up". Niall turned his head and, glaring at Liam, shook his head. "Sorry mate" Liam continued firmly "You're going. And speaking of going, I'm going to change this little lady's diaper then put her down for her nap. . How can anyone so sweet smell so bad?" Liam stood and carried Aoife out of the room, leaving Niall smiling after them. He closed his eyes to rest them and was soon asleep. When Liam returned he stood and looked down at his sleeping friend before carefully lifting him up and carrying him up to his bedroom. Yes, Niall did need to see his doctor, Liam thought not even struggling to carry the small man in his arms. Niall weighed next to nothing. Liam sighed. Why was everything in life such a battle for Niall.
True to his word, Liam made an appointment with Niall's doctor and escorted him there, knowing only too well that, if left alone, Niall would cancel it. Niall hadn't wanted to leave Aoife but knew she was fine with his Ma looking after her.
"I hate you, Payne" Niall grumbled crossly as he sat on the examination couch wearing the despised gown. Liam sat on the chair opposite , ignoring Niall's bad mood. Niall needed this and Liam was going to make sure Niall was properly looked after even if he had to be with him 24/7. Liam suddenly frowned as an idea crossed his mind. Maybe that was the answer. Maybe he should be with Niall 24/7. At least until Niall was properly back on his feet. He mulled the thought over in his mind and Niall continued grumbling away. At tap on the door heralded the arrival of the doctor and his nurse..
"Niall, Liam. It's nice to see you both again. How are you both keeping? Liam, you look well but Niall" Paul Taylor turned his gaze on the small blond man " what am I going to do with you?" The last time he had seen Niall was at the wedding and Niall had radiated good health. Now he was barely even a shadow of that man." Let's have a look at you then." Liam stood to leave but Paul Taylor , observing Niall's face, asked if Niall wanted Liam to stay. Niall gave a grateful nod of the head so Liam moved his chair into the corner of the room, out of the way, and sat quietly as Paul began examining Niall. Finally he straightened up . "I'll just get the nurse to take some blood samples, check your weight, etc then you can dress. The nurse will bring you to my office when you're dressed." He smiled at both men and left the room, leaving the nurse to complete her tasks.
"Niall, I am not clearing you to tour" Paul said quietly as he looked at the young man sat in front of him. "You just are not well enough"
"But I want to, I have to" Niall's voice was raised and Liam quickly moved his chair closer to Niall's, wrapping an arm around Niall's shaking shoulders.
"Niall, I said no and I mean no" Paul's tone made it clear he wasn't prepared to argue the point. "I've already spoke to Management and they agree with me". The lads now had a new management team, one that actually genuinely cared about the lads so when Paul had explained Niall's health issues to them, they had been quick to cooperate. "I'm also going to admit you as a patient". Niall stood up at that, pushing his chair aside angrily and attempted to storm out of the room only to be stopped by Liam forcibly pulling him into his arms then sitting down with a struggling Niall held on his lap. Niall fought for a few moments to extract himself but didn't have either the strength or energy to continue.
"Nialler, be good and listen. We all just want the best for you and for Aoife" Liam said gently.
"You can't hospitalise me" Niall instantly responded " I need to look after Aoife" he looked smug. They couldn't make him, he had his daughter to look after.
"That's being arranged as well. Your Management team will help in finding a Nanny for Aoife. She will be able to spend the days here with you and I am sure you can trust Liam to make sure she is fine when she isn't with you." Niall bowed his head in defeat. He obviously wasn't going to win this battle but he had to try.
"I don't need to be here. I'm not sick" he snapped.
"Niall, you weight less than 100Ibs. I'm fully expecting your blood work to show severe anaemia. You are obviously exhausted and stressed. Do I need to continue?" Paul replied patiently. He had grown very fond of Niall and understood that Niall wasn't being deliberately rude and defiant , he was just overly stressed and far from well. "Niall, you need to do this for Aoife as well as yourself. She deserves a healthy father". Paul played his trump card. He sat quietly, allowing Niall time to think, without being pressured.
"OK, ok" Niall finally spoke. " but just for a few days"
"Let us just take this a few days at a time then" Liam suggested, choosing his words carefully ,knowing that Niall would be a patient here for more than just a brief few days. "Does he have to stay today, or can we go and get sorted?" he asked Paul.
"How about you bring Niall back tomorrow evening at 7pm? That will give you both time to meet Aoife's Nanny and make sure things are all arranged. Niall, I do know you don't want this but you can't continue as you are. I promise I'll do my best to make this as short a stay as possible but you also need to do your part and allow us to help you." Niall didn't look didn't look at Paul, he pushed his way out of Liam's embrace and walked out of the door. Liam shook his head. Why was Niall so stubborn, he asked himself as he shook Paul's hand and followed his bandmate out.
Management had been very busy and Niall , along with Liam, had spent the afternoon interviewing a few Nannies. All had been pleasant, well qualified women. Some had been middle-aged, some much younger. In the end he had chosen a girl of his own age who he instinctively felt would be just right. She'd fit in with him and Aoife and , if all went well, maybe she could come on tour with them. He wasn't entirely happy with the situation but he had no choice. Management had made it perfectly clear that they sided with Paul Taylor so that was that.
Aoife was being fussy an and Niall was at a loss of what to do. He'd changed her diaper, fed and burped her but she was still upset. He walked around the room, gently bouncing her but nothing seemed to work. He decided to try singing to her and without thinking , sang the lullaby he'd heard Caoimhe sing when Aoife was still in her belly and kicking her.
" Where are you going to, little one, little one
Where are you going my baby, my own.
Turn around and you're two
Turn around and you're four
Turn around you're a young girl
Going out of the door.
Where are you going to. little one, little one
Dresses and petticoats
Where have they gone?
Turn around and you're tiny
Turn around and you're grown
Turn around and you're a young wife
With babes of your own"
Aoife had stopped crying and was staring up at Niall, reaching out her tiny hand to touch his cheek. He smiled softly at his little girl. And the strength that had washed over him the day he had married Caomihe washed over him again. He could hear Caoimhe's voice in his head, telling him he could do this. He had his brothers to help him and she watching over him. He wasn't alone. Caoimhe had never left him completely for hadn't she left a part of her behind in Aoife. Niall smiled at the picture of him and Caoimhe on their wedding day. "Thank you, Princess" he murmured.