His girlfriend's a bitch, and she never shuts her mouth. And she'd simply kick my ass if she found me out. She lives on my block, and struts around in striped socks. But she doesn't know who I am. And she doesn't give a damn about me.
'Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby.
I make it to my English class surprisingly on time. My legs don't like cooperating after the 800-metres of running they suffered. I slide into my desk just as the bell rings, and I can feel eyes on me. But they don't leave when I turn around to acknowledge them, as per the usual. They continue to stare. Okay, come on. They're used to me by now, aren't they? My hair is covered by my red Mario hat, as always. I wear the same plain shirt and pants and shoes as always. I keep my eyes downcast, and I don't speak. I don't really smile. I mean, everything is the same with me today. So what's with all the damn--
Oh.
I look to my left to see the most attractive guy in class being the true reason for the stares. Adam is sitting on his desk top, Cathy in front of him. I don't understand what he can see-- okay, maybe I can. She has long dark hair and a pretty, perect complexion and nice eyes behind a pair of glasses that suit her very well. It's just the needy whine that renders her unattractive. She never shuts up, and I simply can't stand even being in the same room as her.
But, of course, she's dating Adam.
I mean, really, this fact should not hurt as much as it does sometimes. I mean, it confirms he's straight, right?
He could be bisexual.
Uh. Since when did I have a voice in my head?
Hey, you just ignore me.
Yeah, for good reason. Shut up, I don't need you giving me hope.
You're being a pessimest.
No, I'm being realistic.
I decide to stop being so weird and quite talking to the voice that sounds like me but definitely isn't. Instead, I tune into Cathy and Adam's conversation.
"Adaaaam!" Oh, there it is. The all-time famous whine. I swear, if she opens her mouth again... I wonder briefly if the mechanical pencil in my hand would be a sufficient weapon...
"Yes, Cathy?" Now that voice, I wouldn't mind hearing again... I mentally sigh and smack my face light with the palm of my hand.
"Adam, look at me!"
"Not now, Cathy, I want to talk to Cha--"
"But, Adaaaam, I'm your girlfriend!"
"I know, Cathy, but sometimes I like to talk to other peop--"
"Don't you love me, Adam?"
"Of course I do, Cathy, I just--"
"Then look at me!" It is now that I decide to turn to witness Adam leaning around Cathy, doing a very convincing impression of a three-year-old having a temper tantrum; complete with balled-up fists and stomping feet. I scowl as I see the annoying girl, but then my eyes land on a far sweeter sight: Adam Montoya's charming smile.
He hates me, remember? I think to my stupid heart, but I smile at him anyway.
"Ah, Chaos, I was wondering if--"
"Adaaam, don't ignore me when I'm talking to you!"
Oh, I hate this girl.
"Come on, Cathy, I'm trying to talk to--"
"Come on, class, in your seats!" Mr. Otori tells us as he shuts the door, the bell ringing as he does. I scowl as I turn in my seat. I wonder how the reaction would be if Mr. Otori was 'mysteriously' found with a pencil in his back, on top of a certain annoying brunette, after all of her hair has been shaved off? Can a pencil even be used as a murder weapon? I think. I'm sure if I can find the right place and stab just hard enough—
"Today we'll be going over...blah...blah blah....blah blah blah...blah...Adam's ass..." What the fuck? "Mr. Chaos! Care to demonstrate?" I jerk my head off of my palm, my eyes going to the board. We are working on movie scripts this week, and today is for Adam McKay and his script of Talladega Nights, not the backside of a particularly gorgeous seventeen-year-old male in the class, who happens to be a couple desks to my left. We're going over a simple direction of the script, and I stand up, picking up the marker. I have to change the stage directions and lines into a written paragraph. I write it out easily, thanking God that I've never been bad in English. As I go to set the marker down, however, someone speaks.
"Chaos made a mistake." Murmurs go up in the room and I snap my head to the speaker. Adam Montoya, naturally. I've never been wrong in all of my time in any classes with him, especially not English. He stands up with a slight smirk and comes over to me. "May I?" I swallow a little and stretch out my hand, still holding the marker, and he takes it from me, sending a wave of electricity through my hand when he touches me incidentally, waking the just-dormant butterflies in my stomach. I force myself to look away from him as he turns to fix what had indeed been a mistake.
"Ah, but you, too, overlooked something," I say, taking the marker back and replacing something.
"But then this would be wrong," he retorts, fixing it once more.
"So then that makes this..." Mark. "But then here..." Mark. " And so this becomes..." Mark.
"Touché," I say, standing back. "Looks like it's done." Before us is a perfectly structured paragraph to describe the stage directions and scene and dialogue. And, I'll be honest, it looks pretty fucking impressive. I look over to Adam, catching him smiling at me again, causing my breath to catch, especially as he takes my hand to shake it formally, sending a jolt of electricity through me, making me feel like I'm going to explode with the sensation.
"So it seems," he replies. "We make a good team." There are gasps and voices around the room, but all I see are his eyes lighting up. His beautiful eyes, soft, inviting lips...
Gah! I am going too sappy. I'll have to have a talk with Ze and Galm about their mushy talks when they're near me. They're definitely turning me into a hopelessly romantic teenage girl...
I pick out a single, very recognizable shriek from the murmurs going through the class.
Shut up, Diep.
"Shut up, Cathy." It is not me that says these words, but Adam. There is silence. I smile now, unable to stop myself from letting out a short little giggle, which is probably the girliest thing I've ever done and ever hope to do. I am trying my hardest not to beam at him, and I glance over at Cathy, who looks at him in pain and disbelief, so much that I almost feel sorry for her...almost.
"Adaaaam!" she whines. I give a small sigh, and Adam shrugs at me.
"Looks like she doesn't approve of us, Chaos," he says as he smiles, letting go of my hand and heading back to his seat, sending my heart into a frenzy. I am frozen to the spot.
Us.
He just said us.
Well, duh, my delightful, new-found voice says. He sorta has to in order to refer to the two of you as a collective entity. I ignore myself. He has now said we are an 'us', and we make a good team...My heart races and I am unbelievably happy about these two facts.
Oh, God. I really am in deep, huh?
The sound of Mr. Otori clearing his throat brings me back and I look around briefly only to realize I am still standing at the front.
I mentally smack myself. I really need to start paying attention to what is happening in real-life, instead of my own fantasies.
"You can sit down now, Mr. Chaos," Otori says, and I look over at him. He gives me a look that states clearly, 'if you don't sit down now, I will have to reverse your previous daydream so that you are the one with a pencil in his back.'
My face red, and not wishing to die an undignified death at the tender age of seventeen, I quickly obeyed and took my seat once more.
//--//--//--//--//--//
For the rest of the day, my mind is occupied by all things Adam Montoya. His eyes, his lips, his body...
But they are only thoughts, and they amount to nothing by the end of the day. I have keep reminding myself that they never will amount to anything. He is Adam Montoya, the most popular boy in school -- I think I've even heard Tom talk about how dreamy he can be -- and I am Anthony Chaos, school outcast ever since I came here. I'd been living with that truth ever since I started living with my friends, after the accident, and I am simply not social. Not accepted. Not wanted.
Children are very cruel.
But I live with that. And I understand the way things work. Everyone else understands the whole "interacting with people your own age" thing, whereas I cannot seem to grasp the concept. Actually, they're all much better at the whole "interacting with human beings, period" thing. I used to be good at this kind of thing, but I had always preferred being alone, so when the opportunity to shut society away came head-on, you could say I welcomed it with open arms. I had pretty much become, over the past few years, accustomed to being independent and without company.
So why did I crave his company so much?
I mean, I'd gotten used to being completely alone, almost, with barely more than the company of a bowl of yogurt.
Mmm, yogurt...
Suddenly, the bell rings, signaling the end of another day, jolting me into a straight-backed position. I hear a laugh near me and see Adam.
"You weren't paying attention, either, Chaos?" he says, and I flush as he smiles at me, breathtaking once more in its appearance. God, I can never get used to this. I blink once to clear my head, making sure I'm not gaping at him, and I nod, though I forget what he asked me in the first place.
"Well," he says, "see you tomorrow." And then he's gone, Cathy Diep at his arm like a clingy child, and I drop my head, smacking my forehead on the desk top.
What the hell am I doing? Why am I associating with this guy? He's popular, I'm not. There's a rule against it, for sure. I need to stop myself before something happens...
But how the hell will I be able to stay away from him if I already hurt so much?