The queen, having finally torn her smiling eyes from Adelaide's, looked down to the piece of paper on the desk before her. I tried to hide my shaking hands by setting down my tea so I could clasp them in my lap. On one side, Ashley was bristling, clearly annoyed that she hadn't given the answer the queen was expecting. On the other, Adelaide was her usual perfect self, oozing calm as she waited demurely for the queen to speak again.
"Let's try one that's a little easier," the queen said, shooting an arch look at Ashley, "The kingdom is under attack. Your personal guards are the only ones left in the palace, defending you and your children and prepared to help you escape. If you send them to defend the gates, the palace staff and resident nobles will be given enough time to hide or escape, but you and your children will be killed or captured when the enemy inevitably breaches the palace defences and comes searching for you. If you don't send the guards away, you and your children will flee safely and survive the attack, but the rest of the palace will be massacred. What do you do?"
This time, the queen was looking straight at me, the challenge in her eyes setting my temper aflame. I was already squirming, annoyed with myself for having backed down in response to her first question.
"I would save the lives of the many at the expense of the few," I said. The queen's eyebrows leaped in surprise as Adelaide hiccupped on her tea.
"So you'd allow the heir to the throne to die," the queen said, her icy eyes unblinking as they glittered with blue fire.
"But those loyal to me would still be alive. If I'm to assume correctly, it was either to save myself and my children or the nobles that make up the king's council. It would seem that saving the council would be far more important after such a brazen attack than saving myself and my children, especially as it was unclear whether the king himself is alive or dead," I said, "If he were alive, I'm certain that the lives of his most loyal advisors would be of the utmost importance to help the kingdom recover from such a coup. If he were dead, then the advisors would be even more important in maintaining political stability. If his heirs are but children, they would be lost anyway without a strong contingent of loyal nobles to safeguard the throne until they come of age, especially if the kingdom is so weak that the walls of its palace were successfully breached."
"So you would value the lives of advisors over the lives of your own children?" she demanded.
"Absolutely not. But if I did nothing to attempt to save them, their powerful families would inevitably rebel against the throne and seize it from us in retribution. Besides, seeing as this is a hypothetical scenario, if I sent my guards away, I wouldn't be caught waiting with my children in the nursery for my enemies to come slaughter us. I'd be running fast and hard, away to somewhere safe," I fired back. The queen pursed her lips, her hands white as she pressed them flat against the desk.
"Adelaide?" she said, still staring down at the piece of paper. I was under the distinct impression that she was trying to control her temper and I felt a little dart of pleasure that I'd been the one to fluster her so.
"The choice is obvious," Adelaide said, shooting me a horrified look, "The lives of the heirs to the throne are far more important than servants and lesser nobles. I would sacrifice myself if needed, but under no circumstances would I send the guard away for the sake of my children."
My fingers itched to slap her. How did she always know the perfect thing to say?
"I would keep the guards too," Ashley piped up from my other side.
"Thank you, ladies," the queen said, her nostrils flaring as she inhaled a breath, finally turning her gaze up to look at me once again, "A village is petitioning for a new well to be dug at the expense of their local lord. The lord is in financial trouble himself and the new well would effectively bankrupt him. The villagers need the new well as the old one is suspected of harbouring disease. Do you force the noble to bankrupt himself to help the villagers or do you order the villagers to cart in water from the next town over?"
I met the queen's eyes, holding them this time as I allowed the silence to stretch on between us. Adelaide cleared her throat to speak, but the queen held up a slender hand.
"I'd like to hear Elizabeth's answer first," she said, still staring me down. I knew the answer she wanted, but as I looked at her, my mind ran over all the ways she had interfered in my life in the short time since I'd been exposed as Andrew's favourite. When Audra's face rose to the forefront of my thoughts, I made my decision.
"I would bankrupt the noble," I said evenly, "The villagers shouldn't have to suffer for the sake of a broke noble's poor decisions. They are his responsibility and if he is unable to provide safe living conditions for them, he has no business remaining as their lord ruler."
The silence was so complete that I could hear the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner. Adelaide had gone ramrod straight beside me, but out of the corner of my eye I could see Ashley fighting a smirk.
"And what of the noble's suffering? Do you think he'll still be loyal to you after you ruin him?" the queen demanded, her voice quiet despite how quickly her chest was rising and falling. Even though I was growing to hate her, I begrudgingly admired her ability to control her temper.
"Yes, because true allegiance is not something that can be bought," I said, forcing some of the queen's icy calm into my voice despite my racing heart, "If he cannot understand that his duty is to his people is paramount, then he does not deserve his title and it should be given to someone who does."
"So you're saying that the villagers' quality of life is more important than that of their liege lord?" the queen demanded.
"Why should an entire village suffer when the situation can be easily remedied by replacing one lord?" I replied.
"Do you think it is easy to simply 'replace' a lord?" the queen asked, incredulous.
"Easy or not, I think it would be preferable to exposing an entire village to diseased water. Surely their lives have some value to you? You are their queen, after all," I snapped, my stomach tumbling as I realized what I'd just said, leashing my temper a few seconds too late. Adelaide gave a little gasp beside me and Ashley settled back in her chair smugly.
"Do you think that the lives of commoners are equal to ours?" the queen asked coldly.
"I think that every life is of equal value, no matter their station in life or the clothes on their backs," I said, lifting my chin defiantly.
"And what of the knowledge in their head? Do you think that a stablehand's life is as valuable as Andrew's?" the queen demanded. Ashley and Adelaide both gave a little start at the mention of the prince, while I felt a sick feeling of satisfaction that I'd finally flustered the queen into showing her hand.
"He is the future king," I said slowly, wary that she was attempting to back me into a corner by bringing up the prince, "His life is clearly more valuable than anyone else's in the kingdom."
"Then what if the choice was to ruin Andrew or save an entire city? Or a whole country? What would you do then?" the queen asked, leaning forward across her desk. Even though she was no taller than I was, I felt as though she were towering over me, her icy blue eyes glaring daggers at me. I forced my temper down as my stomach got to twisting. So this was where she was headed with all these questions. I wondered whether she would claw my eyes out for what I was about to say. I had strayed far enough from the answer that she was looking for that I might as well go as far as I dared.
"If he is to be a good king, then he should understand that at some point he will be forced to decide between himself and his subjects," I replied, "Knowing him as I do, I very much doubt that he would take the coward's route to spare himself at the expense of so many others."
The queen slammed her hands down onto the desk, rising as Adelaide and Ashley both gasped.
"You speak so easily of treason," the queen nearly shouted, looming over me, "Do you really think I'd allow my son to marry someone who would slit his throat to save the lives of commoners?"
I stood so quickly that I knocked my chair over, my temper flaring beyond my control now. She could talk down to me as much as she wanted, but to suggest that I would kill the man I loved was taking this absurd questioning a step too far.
"Do you really think that using these ridiculous scenarios will allow you to determine which of us will bend most easily to your will? Because it's painfully obvious which answer is the one you want to hear and that is exactly why these two are so quick to bend and scrape and spew the words you're hoping for! But you cannot suggest that I'd ever do something to hurt Andrew and expect me to sit here and smile sweetly at you like some simple-minded moron!"
"You are excused, Elizabeth," the queen said, levelling a glare that should have set my knees to quaking if I hadn't already been so riled up. I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to dip her the barest of curtseys before I turned on my heel. I paused with my hand on the door handle, inhaling to steel myself. No matter how badly I wanted to escape, I couldn't leave my next words unsaid.
"And I'd like to change my first answer," I said, looking back over my shoulder at the queen, "Now that I've thought about it, I'd choose friendship over power-brokering under any circumstance."
I slammed the door behind me, rushing out of the study as fast as my skirts would allow me. Millie was nowhere to be found, so I dashed through the corridors, hating that my eyes were prickling and that the queen had managed to get under my skin. Let her have her ridiculous scenarios and hypothetical dilemmas, it was all simply a test to see which pawn she could most easily control. I could have sat there like Adelaide and demurely mumbled the right answers while concealing my true thoughts, but I was already feeling pieces of myself slip away the longer I spent inside the four walls of the palace. I feared that if I sat there and pretended to be someone I wasn't for long enough that I'd start turning into the kind of person I hated if only to earn the queen's approval.
I decided to let Ashley and Adelaide play the parts of simpering little lambs to appease the queen. I had Andrew's heart because I was myself, not because I was some mealy-mouthed little fool who would bend at the slightest amount of pressure. Andrew didn't need a queen who was someone else's chess-piece, he needed a queen with a mind to match his own.
I was so lost in thought that I wheeled around a corner and careened straight into someone. I was moving so fast that he was the one to stumble back a few steps, catching my shoulders as I tripped on my skirts.
"Goodness, Libby. Is something the matter?" James Amberly asked, clearing his throat as he released me. I was still angry enough with the queen that there was no controlling the words as they tumbled from my mouth.
"Yes, as a matter of fact something is the matter," I snapped, "But I have no desire to speak of it to a two-faced liar like you!"
James reeled back in surprise before casting a look around the hallway and dragging me through the door beside us. I tried to wrench out of his grasp, but he'd pulled me into the quiet little sitting room and slammed the door before I could free myself.
"You and I have been needing a little chat for some time now," he said, "And as much as I can tell that this is not a good moment, something needs to be said."
"Let me out of here," I said through gritted teeth, crossing my arms. He'd placed himself between me and the door and if he didn't move soon, I didn't trust myself not to claw his eyes out.
"I was wrong to have been so cruel to you last Season," James said, "And I have yet to apologize properly, so I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."
Whatever poisonous words that had been brewing on my tongue were stilled as my eyebrows crashed down into a frown. He was apologizing?
"Is this some kind of trick?" I demanded.
"No, it isn't," he said, "I used to think you were some conniving girl out to ensnare my best friend, but the more I hear about you from him and from Anne, the more I realize that I couldn't have been more wrong."
I snapped my mouth shut, tilting my head as I fixed him with a suspicious glare.
"You and I used to be friendly and when I learned that you and Andrew had been sneaking around last Season, I'd assumed you'd befriended me only to get to him," James said, "Clearly I was very wrong in multiple ways about you. If you're anything like Andrew says you are, you're the type of woman he should be marrying, not some overly-groomed porcelain doll like Adelaide."
"Why are you telling me all this?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes at him. James sighed, massaging his face in a gesture that reminded me of Andrew. I realized with a pang of longing that I'd give anything to be alone in a sitting room with him right now as he was the only one who could calm my thundering heart after my encounter with the queen.
"Because I need you to forgive me," James said.
"Why?" I pressed.
"Because you're going to marry my best friend," he said, "And it would be preferable that you don't hate me when I hand him the ring he's to put on your finger."
"I still don't trust you," I blurted out finally, the silence having stretched between us as I studied his face. At my words, the corner of his mouth quirked up.
"No, I didn't expect you to," he said, "But I've spoken my piece and you've been gracious enough to hear me out."
"Are you still courting Ella?" I asked, the words out of my mouth before I could think as he reached behind him for the doorknob. My question froze him in his tracks and from the look of panic on his face, I knew the answer already.
"Libby..." he started warily.
"Either answer that question, or answer this one: are you trying to court Anne?" I asked. He opened his mouth before he snapped it back shut again, pursing his lips.
"One of them is my cousin and the other is my friend," I said, "If you want to call a truce between us, then this is what I demand in return."
James was looking at me now not in annoyance or fear, but with something that looked dangerously like respect.
"No wonder he fell in love with you," he said, shaking his head.
"You won't distract me with pretty words, you know," I pointed out.
"Ella and I have...grown apart," he said, reaching for the doorknob behind him.
"And what of the princess?" I demanded, hurrying forwards to push the door back closed before he could make his escape. James didn't struggle, but instead looked down at me sadly.
"You're not the only person in this palace that I need to convince to forgive me," he said. I was so taken aback that he managed to open the door and squeeze past me, disappearing into the hallway. Blowing my cheeks out, I took a few steps towards one of the chintzy chairs in the corner and collapsed into it, massaging my temples as my poor brain tried to process this mess of a day.