When Angeline woke up the next day, she was glad to discover that she no longer had any more head pains. She turned on her bed mat and saw her mother was still wrapped comfortably in her thin covers. Certain that her mother’s internal clock was infallible, she knew that she had not overslept again and rose from her bed mat feeling exceptionally satisfied that she would not have an another peculiar incident. She decided that after changing into her clothes, she would bring back their meals from the Rationing Center to make up for yesterday’s idleness. She put on her daily attire and went towards the mirror to adjust her hair.
She rarely had a reason to pay much attention to her reflection, but she could not ignore the peculiar black streak that appeared on the top left corner. She quickly to tried to remove the smudge with hem of her shirt, but it became clear when she took a closer look that smudge was not on the mirror but on a front lock on her hair. She took a quick step back from the mirror and examined it. Even the pencils and inks from the Learning Center and the darkest fertilizers from the Farm did not have as dark of a pigment as she saw coated her hair from the tip to the root. She tried to rubbing it fiercely between her fingers to remove the streak, but it proved futile as nothing was smeared off in her hand. Irritation slowly started building inside her and she would have made more of an effort to investigate the cause of the color change if she had not heard her mother roll around in her sleep. She quickly braided her hair and tucked the dark lock out of view, deciding that it was probably a stubborn smudge of dirt that she did not need to worry about. Grabbing her satchel with their ration cards inside and two smaller grey tube-like bags, she snuck quietly out of the dwelling to avoid waking her mother.
Though the black hair made her slightly on edge, she was in a much better mood since her headache had disappeared in the night. She was able to put more energy into her obligatory conversations with her neighbors and in return, they seemed to enjoy her company much more than they did yesterday. After passing a few more neighbors, she saw a young man wearing the customary thick brown overalls or an engineer tapping the side of a residence.
“Hello sir. I hope you are having a wonderful morning,” she said briskly to avoid pulling him too much out of his work, but he swiveled his head around quickly, and she instantly recognized him.
“Hello Angeline, It has been such a long time since I have seen you last. How have you been?”
“I have been well, Nathaniel. I see that your body has become much more apt to your occupation.”
Even though Nathaniel still went to Learning Center to finish his engineering training, she had not come across him for at least half a year. In that time, he had grown much taller and his skin was taut over his bulky arms, but he still had that same wide gap toothed smile from his youth that he quickly covered up with his lips.
“It seems I have,” he chuckled carefully to hide his teeth, “The engineers have advanced my occupation to shelter inspector, and I have been doing more energetic work.
“I hope I have not disturbed your work.”
“There is no trouble, Angeline. I have just finished inspecting this shelter, and I am about to move on.”
“I hope there was no trouble.”
“No, there was not any trouble. I have been lucky that I have not inspected any shelter with trouble for at least a month now.”
“I should not keep you from your work. Your work is very important to the safety of our community.”
“Thank you, but it is not as important as your instructing occupation. I should not keep you from destination.”
“I am in no rush, but thank you for your consideration. I hope to see you soon at the Learning Center.”
“As do I. Good bye Angeline.”
It was satisfying to have such a sincere conversation with an old friend. Nathaniel was a comfortable person to talk to, but hearing his voice always gave her this strange warm feeling in her chest that felt even stronger today. She had to stop herself from pulling him in to further conversation. She waved goodbye to him and slowly walked away, picking up her speed when she was sure he was out of his sight.
The Rationing Center was a circular, brick building that was in the very front of the seemingly endless rows of fields that made up the Farm. When she had gotten closer to the building, she was directed by a man with the brown square of a rationer on his chest to the shortest of the ten lines around the building. At first she kept a pleasant face and greeted the people ahead of her but it became clear she had underestimated the length of the line. When she finally made it to the front of the line, her smile had considerably drooped and all she could think about is her feet aching.
“Is there something wrong, Miss?” She jumped when she heard the voice of the thin male rationer, who had an awkwardly quivering smile.
“No! Um … No there is no problem. Good morning sir,” she said as she clumsily grabbed the ration cards and the bags from her satchel. “I am collecting the morning meals for my mother and me. I hope I am not causing you any trouble.”
“No trouble at all Miss. I will just give your rations, so you can be on your way.” He drew an “x” on the sheets of paper and slipped the bags onto the spout of a large metal canister that crudely excreted white mush into them until they grew bloated. After tying a brown string at the top to close them off, he handed them to her with the usual acknowledgments. She did the same and she walked off feeling her shame and guilt weigh her down with every step. She wanted to hide under the covers of her bed mat, but she blocked those thoughts from her mind as they would not do anything to improve the welfare of Zone A.
She had not noticed that the brisk walk she was managing had evolved into rapid jog. She prayed that no one would see her and see that her facial composure had somehow regressed to level of a child. Lost in her thoughts, she did not see the boy with a hefty, swollen satchel running straight towards her. She looked up at just the wrong moment as he slammed into right side, tearing the satchel handle from her shoulder. She was stable enough to keep her torso up right as she landed onto the packed dirt. She tried to stand up, but the sharp pain in back made her stumble backwards onto shelter wall. She saw the boy crawling on his hands and knees to pick up the loose papers that had leaked out of his satchel.
“I am so sorry, Miss! I did not see you, but I should have been more careful and watched where I was going!” he said as he put the last of the paper into his bag. When he stood up, she noticed a splotch of white slime nearly covering the small blue square on his chest and struggled to allow herself to look down at her own satchel that now had a damp spot oozing with the white pus. She would have apologized to him. The boy was clearly a messenger, and she would have said that she was sorry that she had not moved out of way and was now keeping him from delivering his letters to her fellow citizens. She should have said that, but instead she just stared at his soaked square. The boy finally noticing the unusual silence looked at her face and froze
“Miiisss… Issss there something wrrrong? Arrre… you hurt?” he stuttered. Angeline’s wide eyed, solid gaze was strangling the words out of his small chest. He was terrified of the foreign emotion she was displaying with her bunched eyebrows and stiff arched mouth.
“IIII…I ‘mmm sorry! So sorry, Miss!” He was not experienced enough to have control over his emotions, so he shook violently as tears streamed down his face. The hysterical sound jolted her out of her stupor and was dismayed to see that she had brought the poor boy to tears.
“No it was not your fault, young man! Please do not cry. I did not mean to worry you. Please forgive me.” Her words came too late as he was now in a full uncontrollable spasm. “It is not your fault please.” The boy tried to stifle his tears, but his inability only seemed to aggravate him further. She knew she had only one option left to calm him down before anyone else noticed him.
She took a deep breath and allowed her voice to take on a melodious tone. “It’s alright young one. It’s alright young one. Please do not be sad. You are doing a wonderful job.”
The boy stopped crying and gave her a blank stare as if her voice had hypnotized her. The color rushed to Angeline’s cheeks, and she turned away from his face. She had broken the most important warning her mother had ever given to her. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that. she recited over and over again in her mind.
“Wow. That sounded nice. You have a nice voice, Miss.” The boy seemed to have cheered up and be oblivious to Angeline’s sinking stature.
“Thank you. You can go now. I’ll be fine.”
She picked up her damp satchel and walked off to her shelter never turning back or looking up at anyone that passed her by. She did not want anyone to see her tears.
When she made it back to her shelter, she closed the door and hopelessly collapsed to the floor. There’s something wrong with me. I should have immediately apologized to the boy, but it was his fault. No. No, that doesn’t matter, but what was that burning feeling in my chest when I saw he smashed the food. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to have that feeling again. I must be sick.
“Angeline! Are you alright?” Her mother’s concerned, but forcibly relaxed face broke her thoughts, and she immediately stood up.
“Yes, I am fine mother. I had just had a little slip. I went to the Rationing Center and collected our meal.” She hesitantly pried open the damp satchel and breathed a sigh of relief to find that only one bag came open and the ration cards were only damp around the edges. “Here is your meal. You should eat now so that you have enough energy for your occupation”
“You are right, but are you sure do not need anything.”
“I am sure.”
Her mother had never seen her daughter try so hard to end their conversation. She could understand if Angeline did not want to tell her something but her responses were unnaturally, uncomfortably short. However she did not let this show on her face and walked away to give her daughter the privacy she wanted.
Angeline was able to salvage half of her meal and cleaned the white gunk from her satchel with a spare rag and left over soap water from bathing. She was afraid of the strange illness she was developing, but she could not afford to be late to the Learning Center two days in a row. If she had a was sneezing or coughing, she would have had an obligation to stay home to avoid infecting any one of her fellow citizens, but she walked towards the Learning Center with the sincerest smile she could muster, believing that if she could just persevere through this day, she would be normal again.
From the appointment office, she was stunned to see that she was promoted to teaching 12 year olds.
“This is a wonderful surprise. I appreciate being chosen again to be an instructor of 12 year olds,” she said gratefully.
“We are glad you are happy with your promotion. We knew you would a perfect substitution for Ms. Elizabeth,” said the assigner’s voice behind the opaque glass wall.
“Substitute? What happened to Elizabeth?” She cursed herself for trying to pry into another person’s business, but it was unfathomable to her that they would need to replace such an excellent instructor as Elizabeth.
“I hope we are not distressing you, Angeline. Elizabeth is fine. Today is the day that she is being married.”
“That is wonderful. I am glad they gave her a very compatible match.”
“Yes it is. Since is going to be given her child today, we are giving her a less stressful occupation.”
“I will do my best to fill her place.”
“That is all we can ask for.”
Though she was able to put on a joyous expression when she was given her assignment and pleasant expression throughout her first class, the news of Elizabeth’s engagement was lowering her spirits. She always knew that Elizabeth was at the prime age of marriage, but she hated that of all times for her to leave it had to be today. She started feeling the same strange self-centered neediness that she felt yesterday, but this time it was harder for her to smother the feeling. I can’t do this. I need her! No. Why am I thinking like this? This is for her benefit and everyone’s benefit, but why can’t I stop thinking about how it affects me. I don’t matter in this, but why can’t I stop this feeling. The thoughts were not stopping, but she kept reminding her that all she needed to do is to just to endure through the day.
Since it was time for the afternoon meal, a rationer came to her classroom and gave her a box of food tubes and saucers for them to eat with. After setting the box down on her table and taking out her food tube, she motioned for the children to take their tubes. She waited until everyone had their meal in their saucers before opening her own tube. When she removed the string from the bag, a mud colored slush plopped neatly into the saucer. She felt her hand hesitating to place her spoon into displeasing brownish ooze, but her students were so close to finishing that she needed to give them appearance that nothing was wrong. Scooping a large amount into her spoon, she held her breath and quickly shoved it into her mouth. It was terrible.
The paste refusing to go down her mouth and with every moment it stayed on her tongue her cheeks grew large and red. Swallow! Please let me swallow! she begged her throat, but it was refusing to cooperate with her. Some of the children were starting to look up and there wide eyed expressions gave her so much of a shock that she swallowed it too quickly and it clogged her throat. The goo exploded out of her mouth, splatting onto her shirt and staining her thin neck. As if on instinct, she ran out of the room before the collective “Are you all right?” left their mouths.
She wildly ran straight down the corridor, feeling anguish when she made contact with another body, but she could not stop herself. She ran through the door of the washroom and closed the door shut behind her. Turning the faucet on, she braced her hips against the wash basin, furiously splashed her water onto her large stain.
Then a furious knock at the door sent an electric jolt straight through her.
“Angeline! Angeline! Is there something wrong?” Nathaniel desperate voice leaked through.
In panic she peeked at the mirror and was horrified to find that five new black streaks were twisted in her white hairs.