17. Arya
My hand clasps over my mouth. Seth stands in front of me, legs apart and breathing heavily. Ethan slowly gets up off the ground, wiping the blood off his mouth before spitting it onto the floor. I cringe. My fingers hover over my lips as the pressure of Ethan's mouth still lingers on them.
"Come with me," Seth orders and grabs onto my arm.
Confused, I stumble after him as people stare at us. The group he was with earlier includes his usual posse of friends. Most of them I don't know by name... except Leena of course. That bitch, I will never forget. But right now, she and her glare are the least of my problems.
Still stunned, I let Seth drag me away from Ethan who makes no attempts of following us. Instead I catch a glimpse of him, talking to the security guards right before Seth pushes me behind a food cart and stops walking right in front of me. He doesn't block me from leaving but I am frozen on the spot, my tongue feels thick in my mouth and renders me incapable of speaking at all.
Seth stands in front of me and I notice his shaking, bloody hands as he stares me down. His bright eyes bore themselves into my dull brown ones intensely. He doesn't say anything but his lips tremble and he clenches his jaw in frustration. He lifts his right hand to run it through his tousled hair before taking a deep breath and eyeing me from head to toe.
I realize that I'm still in my baggy jeans and t-shirt that I usually wear to lounge around the house. How could I have known that this would be the outfit that I would wear on the day that everything comes crumbling down around me?
"Do you like him?" My eyes snap back up to look at Seth but I refuse to make eye contact so I let my eyes linger on his lips. His mouth is in a straight line but he can't hide the tremble of his lower lip.
I ponder this question in my head. Do I like Ethan? I barely even know the guy but I can say one thing for sure: If it wasn't clear before it is clear now. That kiss has proven to me that I have no feelings for Ethan. He is a friend. My only friend. And that's it.
I shake my head once and swallow the lump in my throat, "I do like him."
Seth's reaction to this almost makes me laugh but the fire in his eyes quickly drowns that urge.
"As a friend. I like him as a friend."
"Then why did you kiss him?!" Seth's voice goes from unsure to angry in the matter of a second and now I get a glimpse of his eyes. A dark shadow seems to have dragged itself over them, leaving them cold and pained.
"What business is it to you?" I put my hands on my hips and keep a steady glare on him.
"Just answer the damn question!" He steps closer to me but makes no contact. In fact it seems like he wants to pin me back but something is holding him back and I can't help but imagine how disgusted he must be by me. By my physique. He has never made a secret out of how repulsive he finds me. I was never anything more than fat and ugly to him. So where does the sudden interest in my non existent love life come from?
"Honestly, Seth, I don't owe you any explanation." My voice is still shaky but this is the time to speak up for myself so I am not going to miss the opportunity.
"I tried talking to you. I even came to your house to settle things with you but you wouldn't stop with your constant bullying. Now that I've made a friend, you can't seem to grant me that. You just won't let me catch a break. So what if I kissed him? Which I didn't by the way. Ethan kissed me."
For the first time, Seth breaks eye contact and his tense exterior appears to loosen up a bit.
"He's playing with you." The words barely reach me as they are but a whisper.
Something inside me snaps at that point and before I know what's happening, I push Seth away from me, my hands colliding harshly with his shoulders.
"You have no right to say something like that," I shout at him and push him again, not caring about anything or anyone. "I don't care if you hate me or don't care about me enough to think that your words don't hurt me but just stay out of my business! You don't know Ethan and you sure as hell don't know me!"
Before I can push him away even farther, Seth grabs onto my wrists and gets into my face. "Do you hear yourself talk, Arya? Here you are telling about how I don't know you and how I can't make a simple statement but you can go around judging me? You can ridicule me with my sister around? You are allowed to use my family against me?! That barely seems fair."
"And I am sorry for that. You pushed me and I over reacted," I admit because I know he's right. I felt guilty for using his family background against him but at least I apologized.
"You know what, Arya? For a girl who thinks she's so smart, you sure are dense." I furrow my brow at Seth and realize that his long fingers are still wrapped around my wrists. His grip is tight and it surprises me that he hasn't loosened it yet.
I don't get a word in because Seth shushes me. "I meant it. Ethan is playing with you and he's lying to you, too."
Confusion runs through me as Seth lets go of my wrists to push me farther behind the food cart and checks if anyone is watching. "Want to know how I know that? Well, the truth is that I do know him. I didn't recognize him at first but turns out we used to be neighbors. Not friends. Not even acquaintances. We went to the same school for years but never really talked. He was always kind of a troubled child. The one that no one would want to play with. So I stayed as far away from him as I could."
I scoff at that as it seems like something he would do even at a young age. Stay away as far as possible from someone who doesn't fit the norm.
"He moved away and just got back about a year ago. Like I said, I didn't recognize him at first. Just knew that he was in one of my classes. He kept coming onto me and the way he showed interest in you seemed suspicious. Until he introduced himself to me. It hit me like a ton of bricks."
"None of this makes sense. You are aware of that, right," I snap, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "So what, he was once your neighbor? Why would he go after the girl you despise? How does that impact you?"
Seth swallows and shuts his mouth, turning his head away from me. He stays like this for a while. Body tense and head turned away from me as though he's contemplating whether to tell me something or keep it to himself.
"That's what I thought," I sigh. "Thank you for the chat, Seth, but I am just as confused as I previously have been. I should probably get back to Ethan to make sure you didn't kill him."
I don't let him stop me. Instead I walk away from him and right into Leena who somehow managed to find us. She is just about to walk behind the food cart as I walk out from behind it. I stop walking last second before colliding with her. She shrieks with disgust but her eyes are set on Seth.
"Get out of my way, you fat pig," she spits at me and storms past me towards Seth. "What are you doing here? And what was that earlier? Are you trying to ruin your reputation?!"
I throw a look over my shoulder to see her attaching herself to Seth's side and can't help but roll my eyes at the two of them.
Some things just don't change.
I walk through the crowd right back to the ferris wheel but Ethan is no where to be found. I even get onto the platform where the fight had happened just a few minutes earlier to get a good look around but I can't seem to find him anywhere. I wrap my arms around myself not because it's getting cold but because once again, I feel lost in a crowd. Uncomfortable, confused and alone.
"Hey!" Someone calls out but I don't react. The voice is unfamiliar.
"Arya," now I do turn around to come face to face with one of Seth's friends. Tall and handsome. He is the one that Seth hangs around with often but I can't recall his name and he doesn't bother to introduce himself, "Have you seen Seth?"
"No." I turn my back to him and bite down on my bottom lip, praying for him to just go away and leave me alone. The last thing I want to talk about right now is Seth.
"But weren't you just with him?" The boy jumps in front of me, his face too friendly. "I saw you two walking off and please don't tell me that it didn't have anything to do with him pelting that loser's face."
"Aren't you supposed to be his best friend? You probably know more about this than I do!"
"You don't know? Oh, of course you don't. Seth hasn't talked to me in ages. He's been doing his own thing for the past weeks. We practically had to drag him here today."
"And I care, why?" I have enough at this point. Why does this kid think that I have anything to do with Seth's mood swings? If anything, I am as clueless as him because no one ever really seems to talk to me. At least not about the important stuff that would actually clear things up and make them less confusing.
"Obviously there is something between the two of you. Don't you think it's a little curious that he beats up the guy that just kissed you?" The way he says it does in fact make the whole thing sound a lot like something out of a soap opera.
"What are you trying to say?"
"What I'm trying to say is that something's up with the two of you. And neither of you is willing to admit it. I don't really care about it but I do want my best friend back so the two of you better settle this!" And with that he turns and leaves me alone again.
Once again, I am stood alone in the middle of the crowd. I reconsider calling Sam to come pick me up but he's probably out and I don't want to ruin his night as well so I opt for a taxi. I could pay the driver as soon as I get home.
I make my way through the crowd, keeping aware of my surroundings, checking if I can find Ethan somewhere. Not that I would let him drive me home. After what he's done today, I don't even know if I want anything to do with him anymore. Let alone the fact that he knew Seth all along and just acted as if he didn't. He probably knew about his little sister and still made fun of him for taking care of her. He let me make a fool out of myself in front of him.
As I leave the carnival, I find a few taxis, waiting for people who need rides. I hate taxis but I don't really have another choice so I pick the one with the least threatening looking driver and walk towards the car.
Getting into the car, I half expect and half hope that Seth might show up and drive me home but of course that is just a stupid little hope that is pushed into the back of my head as soon as it appears. I pull the door closed behind me, telling the driver my address. Fortunately, the taxi driver doesn't try to make conversation and I am home just as the sun is starting to set.
I run into the house and get some money to pay the driver. As he drives off, I remain outside, just standing there and staring out on the street. For some reason, I don't feel like going inside even though I know that no one is in there. Sam is out with friends as I had expected.
So instead of going inside and just going to sleep, I sit down on the grass in our front yard. I drop down on my back and stare up at the sky that slowly turns red, blue and purple. It is beautiful but I can't quite appreciate to beauty of the firmament above me as my mind is filled with Seth. A memory of every thing he said, every single move or quirk of his is repeating behind my now closed eyelids. I try to make sense of everything, taking in what his friend said earlier.
I had seen enough romance movies to put together one and one and instead of drowning myself in confusion - as I so often do - , I come to the conclusion that he must... like me. Although that sounds like the most unlikely scenario, it is the only way any of this would make sense. He must have been jealous of Ethan kissing me. That's why he asked if I liked him or why I kissed him. He wants to know if I'm still available.
Something in the back of my head tries to stop my train of thought.
He doesn't like you. He could never. The two of you are too different. He is popular, gorgeous and out of your league.
I sigh and sit up.
Whatever is going on with Seth, I will find out but before I do, I have to figure something else out. How exactly do I feel about him? Whenever I think about him, all I can think about is how much he seems to despise me. Everything he has said about me comes to mind and I can't let myself think of anything else. The ugly outweighs anything else. The only memory that I have of him that doesn't have to do with him bullying me is when he was in hospital. He appeared so fragile and utterly alone. All I wanted to do was be there for him.
A honk pulls me from my thoughts and I yawn before turning my head towards our driveway. Ethan's car comes to a stop and every sign of fatigue fades, putting me on edge.
As if my day couldn't get any worse.
Now he comes to talk to me? Now that I had to find my own way home after he practically kidnapped and then assaulted me just to leave me behind?!
No fucking way in hell, I'm gonna let him talk to me.
But when he isn't alone, I can't stop my jaw from dropping. As Ethan climbs out of the car, he is followed by Seth who exits the passenger seat. Both of them shut the doors of the car and start walking towards me.
Seth shoots a sour look at Ethan who smirks.
"We're here to..." Ethan starts, dropping the smirk, "clear some things up. You know, get rid of some of the confusion."
"Yeah..." Seth adds and I just shake my head at the two of them.
I run my hands over my face and I groan.
"Kill me now," I whisper to myself but motion towards my house, stalking towards it, without waiting for them to follow me.