Chapter Sixteen
Internally she was crying out for him, begging him to stay with her and protect her but she knew he couldn’t. If he did that then Sarah would happily send her to the police with a smile and a wave.
“He’s got that look in his eyes, Jacqueline,” Eloise said to Alice as soon as she closed the door. “The look that Mr Brown had all those years ago when we first married. Why must you avoid him?”
Alice looked into the kind, grey eyes of the woman who’d only arrived the day before. She’d already proved herself to be a marvellous cook and Alice was sure her waist would expand if she continued to eat her glorious meals. “He cannot belong to me, Madame,” Alice said regretfully. “Just send ‘im away if ‘e comes again.”
Eloise looked at Alice pitifully as she held her hand to Alice’s cheek. She was going to be a great mother figure for the children, Alice was sure, and to herself also. Eloise had no children of her own so she’d been content in working for families with young ones. An orphanage was her next step after her husband had bought out a tavern on the other side of town.
“If you ever wish to talk to me about, I promise I’ll listen.” Eloise went back down the hallway to the kitchen where she had lunch on the stove already simmering away, filling the halls of the building with delicious aromas.
Soon June became July and the rare summer heat was affecting everyone. To keep cool Alice was wrapping wet rags around the necks of all the children, including herself, and was allowing them to stay in their nightgowns all day instead of piling on clothes. Even she made do with just her plain dresses, abandoning the chemise she usually had underneath.
Eloise, who had become a great friend to Alice, had resorted to serving cold meat sandwiches to the children for their meals as opposed to hot stews and casseroles. She truly was a gifted cook. She was much better than Alice ever had been at cooking.
James had come by almost everyday but Eloise had dealt with him for her. It got too hard to see him knowing that if she interacted with him, Sarah would most definitely find out and she would be thrown on a ship back to France to be executed before she had a chance to beg for sanctuary at the church she had been frequenting. But what she loved was that he would come without fail even when he knew he would be turned away. He’d kept his word, he wasn’t giving up on her.
Eloise had never asked for an explanation from Alice. She understood that she had her reasons to remain quiet. Eloise had truly taken Alice under her wing. She’d even been giving Alice English lessons when the children were in the schoolroom with Joseph.
She’d noticed the differences in conversation. She was able to keep up much easier and she no longer got lost on particular words. Eloise had even leant Alice a copy of her Northanger Abbey to practice her reading. She found that she could sound the words out and read them phonetically. Without accents it was much easier to read English than French. Eventually her reading became as fluent as her speech.
One Sunday afternoon, while the children were in Sunday school, Alice was helping Eloise slice up the fruit that Joseph had provided them with.
“Why did you and your ‘usband never have children, Eloise?” Alice asked her. She knew Eloise would be a great mother. She’d proved it over the month that she had been working at the orphanage.
“I always wanted to,” Eloise replied with a smile. She carefully sliced an apple into segments and placed them on a plate ready to be eaten. “But it never happened.”
“You would ‘ave made a wonderful maman,” Alice said truthfully. Alice liked to think she would have made a wonderful mother too. James would have been a good father … he still would when he decided to settle with another – most likely the malicious Sarah. His children would be treasured by all in his gorgeous family. They would have his dark blue eyes, the kind of colour that seemed to have no end. Their hair would be his shade of brown and be an uncontrollable mess just like his. His sons and daughters would be tall, not the height of a pixie like her. Of course, she would not be their mother. To be their mother would mean that Sarah would have miraculously grown a heart or perhaps the memory of her identity would have fallen out of her head.
“As will you one day,” Eloise countered.
“And I’d always thought they would be my nieces and nephews.” A voice startled them both. Their heads whipped around to see Annie standing in the doorway between the dining room and kitchen.
Not one of the Alcotts, bar James, had come to see her since she’d said goodbye to James back in June. She didn’t know whether James had put a ban on seeing her, or if they hated her for hurting their brother and son. She wouldn’t blame them for the latter.
“Annie,” Alice said slowly. “What are you doing ‘ere?”
Annie was still dressed in her Sunday best. Her dress was an ivory colour and she’d accessorised it with a matching bonnet and wrap to comply with the hot weather. “I decided to forgo James’ fatwā on you and come to say ‘hello’” she replied sullenly. Alice knew that she was upset with her.
“‘ow are you?” Alice asked timidly.
Annie rubbed her flat stomach carefully. “A little ill now and then but otherwise fine. My family knows now and they’re excited for us.” Annie sighed and looked at Alice sadly. “We miss you, Jacqueline.”
“Your family ‘ardly knows me,” Alice said bashfully.
“They know enough. And Joseph and I know you. You’re our friend, Jacqueline.”
“Is James alright?” she asked, afraid to hear the answer, knowing it would not be good.
Annie shook her head. “No, he is not. His heart is broken, Jacqueline. I don’t think he realised how much he loved you until he lost you. Why won’t you see him? Did he wrong you in some way?”
“No!” Alice exclaimed instantly. “No, he did nothing wrong. It is me. It is my fault.” It was her own fault for being a criminal in the first place. It was her fault for needing a clergyman’s assurance that she was not a failure. It was her fault that Sarah suddenly had the ammunition to blackmail her.
“James won’t be angry at you. He loves you,” Annie urged.
She couldn’t, wouldn’t entertain that notion. That just made everything so much worse. She didn’t mind if only she were miserable. She didn’t want everyone else suffering because of her.
“I lied before. James knows I’m here,” Annie admitted, pulling a letter from inside the pocket of her gown. “He wanted me to give you this. He’s been learning … he’s trying to impress you … to win you back.” She crossed the room and handed the letter to Alice.
Alice looked over the stiff parchment in her hands. It was written in the same hand that had written her the letter containing the money for Eloise’s job. But instead of ‘Jacqueline’ on the front, it simply said ‘A’.
“He didn’t tell me what the ‘A’ was for. Just that it was between the two of you,” Annie explained.
‘Between them and Sarah,’ Alice thought sourly.
There was a moment of silence between the three women.
“You must be Mrs Brown. I’m Mrs Preston but you may call me ‘Annie’,” Annie said kindly to Eloise, who had been standing motionlessly behind the two conversing women.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Annie. Please call me ‘Eloise’,” Eloise reciprocated Annie’s pleasant tone.
While they exchanged details about the other, Alice unfolded James’ letter to her, afraid of what it contained. She could exercise her new reading skills though. But to her surprise, the entire letter was written in French. Immediately she could see grammatical mistakes but it was a coherent letter. It was all in French just for her. Annie had said he was learning to impress her in the hopes that he would win her back. She was both touched and ashamed. Touched at his thoughtfulness and ashamed at the fact that he was still trying when she could not reciprocate without fear of a pending execution.
Dearest Alice,
I write this to you in utter confusion. I’m confused at your sudden rebuttal and I’m confused as to why you suddenly changed so drastically. Though I don’t think you changed, I think something changed and it trapped you.
The Alice I know would not cut off people who were trying to be her friend, so what happened to you?
I’m not angry, I want you to know and understand that. I suppose that is part of the reason that I am writing this in French as I know English is difficult for you. It is because of this fact that I know the letter I received was not written by you. There were words written there that I know a sweet girl like you would not write. I also know that you would not understand them if they were said to you. I don’t know who wrote it, or if someone is holding something over you, but whatever it is, you can tell me. You will have my full support, belief and protection for as long as I am breathing.
I also want you to know that I am making an effort. I want you to know that I am not some aristocratic joke. I know those words weren’t yours but they haunt me, as if they’ve been burned into my mind. I care, especially about you.
I know your past keeps you bound in chains, but if you let me, I shall unchain you.
Send me a letter, admit me when I come to see you, or even come to see me. Whichever you choose, just know that everything can be as it was.
The way he signed it made her tears escape the rims of her eyes and fall freely down her cheeks. Both Annie and Eloise immediately came to her ad, wrapping their arms around her comfortingly.
“What is it?” Eloise asked tenderly.
“The way ‘e signed the letter,” Alice whispered. She showed the two women the bottom part of the letter, not that they would understand it either way. She made sure to shield her name at the top of the parchment.
Tu me manques. Tu fais partie de moi.
She felt exactly the same way.
“James says ‘I miss you. You’re a part of me.’” Alice wiped her eyes with her hands and folded the letter in half. How could she finally find someone who thought the world of her, knowing her true past, and have it taken away so quickly? What had she done? That was self-explanatory. She picked up a pistol and shot a soldier in the arm.
“Oh, how sweet,” Eloise remarked. “He seems like a nice young man … when one gets past the brooding, moody exterior when he doesn’t get his way.” Eloise was talking about the fact that James’ got quite mouthy when she didn’t let him inside. “It is clear he has eyes only for you. Why don’t you let him?”
“It is true. He hasn’t been to a ball since you dismissed him and he barely leaves the house except to come to see you. He hasn’t had a drop of alcohol. He’s given up the drink so as to keep a clear head and remain on course. Jacqueline, I’ve never seen him like this. Please reconsider.” Annie looked completely sad and afraid. Sad that Alice had rejected her brother and afraid of what James might do if it continued.
She would! She would if she could, in a heartbeat. But she couldn’t.
“Tell James that I am sorry,” Alice whispered before fleeing the room. She ran into her small bedroom and closed the door behind her. She sat up against it and buried her head in her lap, cursing the day that she defied the rebel order that no woman should be present at the barricades.
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I know the last few chapters have been shorter but that's because I've got a few rather long ones coming as we get into the climax of the story - Sarah's last attempt and her quick revenge ... :D
Go and see 'Now You See Me' if you haven't already, saw it last night and it was awesome :) Gosh, if Dave Franco was taller ... haha ;) I'm 5ft 9, I need a tall guy :P *coughs* Channing Tatum *coughs* hehe
Anyway - vote and comment!!