"I for a long time was so unhappy. We have had so many ups and downs, and they taught me so much. I love you Devin, and I don't ever ever want anything else to come in between us." I sighed.
"So what's your answer?" He asked.
"Yes, I'll marry you again." I said finally.
Although my pride was telling me not to, I had to listen to my heart. My brain wasn't making any sense at this point and I didn't want it to. I wanted my husband back and my family. I want to wake up and make love to my husband. I want to make breakfast in the morning and I want not to have to change a light bulb but most importantly, I don't want to try to live without what makes me Joy.
That's how it should have went. I should have said yes, but I didn't. I was scared, scared of re committing myself to the man I loved for so long. So scared, that I shut down. I couldn't say anything I just cried. That's how I spent my birthday. Crying, I didn't give an answer but I was so upset that I just left.
I love Devin, I love Devin so much but I just couldn't bring myself to say yes to him in that moment.
After the party, a few weeks later I found out that that night he came by my house in the middle of the night we conceived a child. Something that I didn't even know was possible. For about two months, I dodged his calls and now, finding out that I had conceived a child with him, I couldn't just not tell him.
"Hey." I said sitting at the table with my jacket closed in front of him.
I swear I'm already starting to show already.
"Hey, you look beautiful." He said touching my hand.
"Thank you." I said lowly.
"So what's wrong? I talked to Little D about the grades. I see improvement, it's slight but I can tell he's trying." He said and I smiled.
I couldn't handle Little Devin and his school antics, so I asked that Devin Sr handle it.
"No, not that. I saw his grades and I want to say thank you for that." I said to him.
"It's my job." He shrugged. "Daddy duties." He winked.
I nodded my head. Another child will be calling him daddy very soon.
"I wanted to call you and um, ask uh." I said not wanting to just jump right into a conversation about my pregnancy.
"What is it Lauren?" He asked.
That made my stomach turn a bit. He didn't call my Joy.
"Are you like, seeing anyone?" I asked him and he furrowed his eyebrows taken aback.
"Where is this coming from?"
"I just, I need to know. Please be honest." I told him.
"No Lauren, I'm not seeing anyone. What's going on?" He asked. "Are you?"
"Stop calling me Lauren." I shook my head.
"Is that not your name?" He asked.
I sighed. "It is but, I-I thought I was your Joy." I said.
He paused for a second and didn't say anything.
"Don't answer that." I said knowing if he hurt my feelings I wouldn't have the pride to tell him I was pregnant.
"What's up with you?" He asked.
"I-I'm pregnant Devin." I said lowly.
I could see the shock on his face and I decided to pull out the papers from the test I took at the doctors office.
"Wow." He said. "Who's is it?" He asked years building up in his eyes.
"What?" I asked him.
"I won't be mad Lauren." He said to me.
"It's yours." I said. "Why would you even ask me that?" I said crying at this point.
"You didn't answer me when I asked you if you were seeing other people." He said and got up from across me.
He came over to me and made me stand up. He hugged me as I cried and it felt good to have my head back on his chest. So much so that I cried more.
"Sh, don't cry." He said. "I'm here baby and we are going to get through this together." He told me kissing my ear.
He lifted up my shirt and kissed my belly. He began to cry.
"I prayed for you." He said to my belly and kissed it.
"It's already growing." He said looking at me from the side.
"I know." I said nodding my head.
I had lost so much weight while going through our separation. I was still plus sized, but not at my normal weight which made me upset. I love being a plus sized woman, with my curves, lumps and bumps, and being smaller and feeling like my face was sunken in I wasn't happy so when I found out I was pregnant, I was happy to see it coming back.
"So what does this mean?"he asked. "For us?"
I sighed. "I love you Devin. I'm just scared." I said.
"I promise things won't end like how they ended the first time. I realize what I did was wrong, and I also know that you will leave me and I never, ever want that to happen again." He said.
I nodded. "Okay, we can try again." I said.
He smiled and got on one knee. "Marry me." He said simply.
I laughed. "You just knew I was going to want you again." I said.
"I carry this in my pocket everyday, I'm determined to marry you, and love you for the rest of my life without any interruptions joy." He said and I nodded.
"I'll marry you again." I decided to follow my heart again.
He got up after sliding the ring on my finger and kissed my lips.
"Oh my god this ring is beautiful." I said looking at it.
"Your first one is better." He said.
"They are both beautiful." I said. "Kiss me." I told him and he did just that.
I smiled looking back and remembering those hectic days.
"You ready yet?" Someone said knocking at my door.
"Yeah." I said sighing. "I'm ready"
I put my gold necklace on and examined my face making sure the red lipstick looked nice and neat.
"Ma come on we ready to see you!" Melanie said and I laughed.
"I told y'all I'm coming geesh!" I yelled and opened the door to my bedroom.
"Wow mom!" Little Devin said.
"Is that good or bad? Do you think Daddy will like it?" I asked.
Melanie laughed. "Aw mommy. You're more nervous than the first time." She said.
I nodded. "Yeah, being that I'm all big and pregnant." I said.
"You're not that big, very pregnant though." Cara said smiling and rubbing my belly.
Devin wanted to renew our vows, he said for all the things we went threw we needed to do it again. Refresh and renew the vows we took almost sixteen years ago, he said it was to strengthen the sacred promise that we made to each other.
I loved that, he wanted for us to also take this new life that I am now carrying inside of me, and also Devin to incorporate them into our ceremony. I want to celebrate this new miracle in our lives and all the miracles we've had before this one.
"Let's hurry." I said. "You all look really nice." I complcemented them.
Devin's POV
"Hey, somebody go get the kids." I said
"I'll go get em." My brother said before leaving out the room. Everyone at our wedding or vow renewal was in yellow and white. We wanted it to be a strict color scheme because of the representation behind it.
We decided to do it in the privacy of our own home. We sent out invitations, to friends and family that helped us out on our journey here of Finding Joy, Fighting it and our new phase of just Loving Joy.
I tucked in my shirt and then straighten out my tie.
"Pops!" Little Devin yelled.
"What's up man." I said to him and he hugged me.
"You look nice young blood." I said.
He matched me of course, he had on an ivory shirt, and tan pants with brown shoes and a vest. His tie was a standard long tie and I had on a bow tie.
"And you look nice too old thug." He said causing me to laugh.
"You must get it from me." I shrugged brushing my bread, and trying to make it look as groomed as possible.
Joy loves the beard, but hates the messiness of it. So it has to be perfect.
"Aw look at Cara and Melanie." I said looking at my little girls, they looked beautiful in the dresses, but I preferred they'd be a bit more covered up.
"Thanks daddy, you look nice. You ready?" Melanie asked me taking my brush and brushing my head.
"Yeah, how's mommy?" I asked them.
"She's good, she can't wait to see you." Cara added.
I smiled. "I bet."
"So what's up why you call us down? And why your room don't have no snacks. This why I was with Mommy." Devin said sucking his teeth.
"Your mother is almost five months pregnant, of course she got snacks." I laughed.
"You need to be like her, I'm out. I'm going back upstairs." He said.
"Don't leave yet. I want to talk to y'all and then you can go eat her food." I shook my head.
"Alright pops make it fast because that grill out there smell so good." He groaned
"Y'all didn't get him no breakfast?" I asked.
"He's grown. Why do we have to fix him breakfast!" Melanie asked.
"Because mama does and mama had to sleep late so who else was gonna do it?" He asked in a duh tone.
"You fool." Cara said and I looked at her and she rolled her eyes.
"Y'all stop it." I said. "Devin wasn't allowed in the kitchen. Mommy told me y'all were going to get him some food."
"She didn't text us." Cara shrugged.
"I'm sorry man, I grabbed a protein shake. You want one?" I asked him.
"Nah, I'll stick to the snacks." He said.
"You're an athlete, you supposed to eat healthy." I reminded him.
"I do, but all the food for the after party is grill and barbecue food. Ain't nothing healthy bout that, might as well have the whole day." He said.
"Alright man, daddy what's up?" Melanie asked looking at the time.
She was definitely the most punctual out of all my children.
"Alright alright." I said. "I just wanted to say thank y'all, for taking your time with my stubborn ass." I shook my head. "I am more than grateful for y'all and the patience y'all have with me. I love all three of you, know that I will do any and everything I have to do to make sure you all as my children are taken care of, and I want to apologize again, and thank y'all for loving me even when I was a complete ass hole to y'all." I said getting emotional.
I didn't realize I was neglecting my children as much as I had, and I saw that as me being the same person as my father. I never want my children to feel that way simply because I know that pain.
"Oh dad it's alright." Cara said hugging me and Mealnie joining right after.
"Yeah old man, no harm no foul." Devin said slapping my back
"Alright, thanks y'all." I said and pulled them all into a group hug.
"Woo, now that we got that over with, it's time to re-marry you and mommy." Melanie smiled happily and grabbed my arm leading me outside.
Today is the day that I stop trying to find joy because it's already here, I stop trying to fight for Joy because I've already got it. It's time in my life to love Joy unconditionally, and as limitlessly as possible.
~~~
THE END!
Did y'all like it? Or nah?