Jade sat in the hospital waiting room, silently crying as she waited for a nurse or doctor to come out and get her so she could see Perrie. The room had a somber air about it, something to be expected of the ER waiting room. The receptionist seemed more forlorn than Jade did, and Jade was in the hospital for a serious matter. While Jade was swimming around in her depressing thoughts, a doctor came out from the double doors and called her name.
"Miss Jade Thirlwall?" He called, looking straight at her, considering it was 2:45 in the morning and there wasn't another woman in the room besides the nurse.
Jade's gaze snapped up to the man, eyes wide. He was a young, attractive man with ample amounts of scruff adorning his God-like jawline and masculine cheeks. But that didn't bother Jade, what bothered her was the look on his face. He had a look of sadness and pain on his face, and it worried Jade to no end.
"Yes, sir?" She asked quietly, standing from her seat, tightly clutching her phone.
"I'm going to have to ask you to go home. Miss Edwards needs resting time so we can give her a PET scan, just to make sure there isn't anything concerning that we should know about." The man, who's name tag read "Doctor Frederick", explained, giving a soft but sad smile. "If you'd like, you can come and see her before you go. You won't be able to come back for a bit, but we will be sure to call when you can. She's fully conscious right now, and she's been asking about you."
Jade nodded, giving a small smile. "If it's not problem, that'd be great."
"Of course not, miss. Right this way." Doctor Frederick, who Jade decided to call Doc Freddy, starting leading her through the double doors and around the winding corridors, stopping at a room at the very end of the last corridor they entered. "She's right in here. Take your time."
Jade hesitantly pushed open the door, taking a few timid steps into the room.
"Jade? Is that you?" Perrie spoke very quietly, glancing up at Jade.
"Yes, babe, it's me. I have to leave, but I wanted to see you, because I don't know when I'm coming back." It hurt Jade's heart to see her beautiful Perrie looking so ill and intangible hooked up to the heart monitor.
"I don't want you to," Perrie coughed mid-sentence, sputtering a bit when she started to speak again. "T-to leave me. What if I die here? What if I never see you again?" Perrie worried, her heart rate spiking.
"No, no, calm down, please. I wouldn't be able to survive a world without you, love. Don't worry your beautiful little head like that, you'll be fine, I promise." Jade had a sinking feeling that she'd be breaking her first promise very soon. "I love you so much, alright. Don't you ever lose your head. I'm always here for you. I'll visit you every day, if I can." As Jade was talking, she walked towards Perrie. "You are my everything, and a day without you beside me is like a lifetime of pain." She leaned down and kissed Perrie, gently wrapping her arms around Perrie's fragile body. "You're like my oxygen, babe. I can't survive without you."
Jade backed away from Perrie, giving a small, sad smile. "I have to go now, Pez. I'm sorry. I love you." She placed another soft kiss to Perrie's lips, before pulling away and walking towards the door.
"I love you too, baby."
And with that, Jade left the hospital room, giving a small nod to Doc Freddy as she passed him. He responded with a small smile and a nod. She let out the tears she'd been holding in, trying to remove the image of her little baby Perrie in a hospital bed from her head. She hated the idea that Perrie needed to be in there for weeks, just because she collapsed while she was doing dishes. It probably wasn't even serious. At least, that's what Jade told herself.
Jade shivered as she headed towards her car, phone tightly in hand. She looked down at the phone's metallic surface before deciding she would call Leigh-Anne and Jesy. Jesy picked up the phone after a few seconds of being called, answering immediately, despite the time.
"Jade, why are you calling so early in the morning?" She groaned, readjusting herself beside Jake as she talked. Jade could hear the squeaks and groans of the springs as Jesy moved, and waited a few moments before answering.
"Perrie's in the hospital." Jade was still crying, and it was very easily heard by the cracks in her voice and the gasps for air in between words.
"What?! Why? Holy sh** where are you?" Jesy yelled and jumped from the bed, waking up Jake.
"I'm sitting in my car outside the hospital. Can I stay at yours for a while? I can't stand being at home when she's not with me."
"Of course, babe. I'd never turn down an offer to have Jadey with me." Jesy smiled as she talked, hoping to ease the tension that Jade was surely feeling.
"I needa call Leigh, so I'm gonna get off here, but I'll call back in a little bit. Love you Jesy."
"Love you too, babe. See you soon. I'll have a cuppa ready for you, alright? Talk to me about it over tea." Jesy made a silent promise, one that Jade heard loud and clear. She knew Jesy wouldn't interrupt her while she spoke or cease to listen. She knew she'd be able to talk. Jade hung up the phone and smiled sadly, the salty taste of her tears flooding her mouth. As soon as she knew the call had ended, she dialed Leigh-Anne.
"L-Leigh?" Jade sputtered quietly, begging her phone to wake Leigh-Anne up.
"Jade, you better have a good f**king reason to wake me up at three in the bloody morning or I swear I'll rip your eye sockets out." Leigh-Anne spoke rather calmly, scaring Jade.
"J-Jesus, Leigh-Anne. I have a serious problem. Like, I know you like your sleep but I'm on the verge of a bloody crisis!" Jade yelled, nearly infuriated but ultimately still crying.
Leigh woke up quickly after that, apologizing profusely for her behavior, thinking she made Jade cry. "Oh, oh no, Jade no. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to... No..."
"Leigh, you didn't make me cr-cry. I was already crying." Jade assured Leigh-Anne, smiling a bit when she heard her sigh out in relief.
"Why were you crying, then? Did Perrie break up with you? Do I need to punch a b**ch in the throat?" Leigh got a small laugh out of Jade, but not much of one. "On second thought, you'd be sobbing, not crying. Never mind. That never happened. Anyways, what's wrong?"
"Perrie's in the hospital, Leigh. I don't think she's going to leave the hospital either."
"Oh, no, babe. What happened?"
"She collapsed while she was doing the dishes. We were still up for whatever reason and she was washing the plates and just... Fell."
"Oh, man. I wish I could be there. Do you need a place to stay? I have room."
"I'm staying with Jes, sorry. I need to go, I'm knackered and I don't want to crash me car."
"I understand. Love you Jadey. I hope everything ends up alright."
"Love you too, Leigh."
Jade ended the call and sat her phone in the cup holder, backing out of her parking space. She drove towards Jesy's house, and was relieved to finally get some sleep.
~*~*~*~
A week later...
Jade let out a frustrated sigh, groaning as she harshly rammed her face into her pillow.
"Why can't I think of anything. Why?" She screamed into the pillow, her voice muffled a considerable amount. She had been trying to write a song for Perrie, ever since she found out what was wrong.
"Jade, are you alright?" Jesy came barreling into the room, her eyes wide and her voice trembling. Jade's gaze traveled up to meet the eyes of an exhausted Jesy, her hands on her knees as she panted. "Jesus Christ, you gave me a heart attack! Never ran so fast in my bloody life!"
"I'm still torn up about the news, Jesy. I know it's only been a few days, but it feels like the doctor told me a few minutes ago. I just want to write something nice for her, since she's—" Jade paused and took a deep, shaky breath, wiping non-existent tears from her eyes. "I can't do this Jes. I really can't." This time, the tears she swiped away were real, and there were a lot of them.
"Oh, no. Come here. Er, wait. Stay there. I'll come to you." Jesy padded to Jade and sat beside her on the bed, soothingly rubbing circles on her back with her hand. "I know this seems like the end of the world, and it may very well be, but I know you. You've got a good head on your shoulders, and you're sure as h**l not stupid. You know as well as I do that it doesn't matter what you give her, she'll love you all the same."
"As for what the doctor said, don't think about it too much. Sure, the outlook isn't that great, but you can at least try and act like it doesn't bother you much. It'll make Perrie feel better to know that you're trying to stay strong for her. Remember, babe, that girl loves you with all of her heart. No, all of her being. There is nothing she wouldn't do for you, and there's nothing you wouldn't do for her. You have to be there for her. Show her that this isn't all bad. I promise, you'll know what to do. It'll hit you like a ton of bricks, and you'll feel stupid for not thinking of it sooner. If you need help, I'll be right outside the door, in the kitchen. Love you." Jesy finished her speech with an award-winning smile and a bow, earning a quiet chuckle from Jade.
Jade's good mood was short-lived, however, as she went back to griping within seconds of Jesy exiting the room.
Jade settled down on the bed and let herself roam through the frenzy of thoughts in her head, ranging from good to bad to horrid.
~*~*~*~
Jade walked back into the hospital waiting room, approaching a different wing than the one she had been in before. The doctor had called her in, and she wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. She checked in with the receptionist, who pointed her in the correct direction, and then she was off. She headed towards the room at practically the speed of light, nearly mowing over a whole throng of people. When she arrived at the room that Perrie was housed within, she steadied her breathing and opened the door.
"Ah, Miss Thirlwall. I see you've made it." Doctor Frederick greeted, giving an insincere smile.
"Yes. You wanted to inform me of something?" Jade acknowledged the situation professionally, feeling incredulity at the calmness of her actions, when she was nearly screaming psychotically in her head.
"Well, you see, we did a PET scan on Perrie here, and it seems that she's, em, not particularly lucky." Doctor Frederick treaded carefully with his words, taking careful precision so he wouldn't alarm Jade.
"How so? You have me worried, sir." Jade's voice was small now, but her curiosity was large, too large to be confined by the limits of her brain.
"You see, Miss Edwards has cancer. We don't know how much longer she'll survive. It could be a matter of days, ma'am—"
"What?! No, this can't be happening. No, no, no." Jade harshly stood from the chair she was sitting in and nearly threw a paper cup at the doctor. "This is preposterous. She can't have cancer. Inconceivable!"
"Ma'am, please, sit back down, let me finish. I wasn't done." Doctor Frederick eased Jade back into the chair, frowning sympathetically. "Ma'am, I know this is hard for you, but you need to listen. We believe she has leukemia, specifically acute myeloid leukemia. Her cancer is in stage four, which means she doesn't have long. We're going to let her out of here in the next two days, so you can spend time with her before she passes. Although, she has to be re-admitted within a day of her predicted passing date, so we can make sure she's at peace. I'm very sorry. If our predictions are correct, she should have at least four days left." The doctor spoke with so much calmness that it scared Jade. It made him seem unpredictable or heartless.
Jade still had one more thing on her mind, however, rather than the stillness of the air in the seemingly suffocating room. "Why are you sending her home? I thought they did chemotherapy on patients with most general forms of cancer. Especially leukemia." Jade's voice was nearly too quiet for doctor Frederick to hear, and he was straining to make sense of the words.
"Ah, well, Miss Edwards denied our many attempts to get her to receive chemotherapy. She insisted that God meant for her to go this way, and she wouldn't go against God."
"Oh, alright then. Can I talk to her before I go?" Jade asked softly, gazing at the blonde head of hair matted on the pillow sadly.
"Of course. I'm very sorry, once again. We will see you back in two days."
Jade nodded and headed towards Perrie, ignoring the waterfalls of salty tears spilling down her tan cheeks. She crouched beside Perrie and sadly smiled, trying to stay as strong as she could after having such a tremendous bombshell heaved on top of her.
"Hey babe, are you alright?" She asked quietly, cocking her head to the side.
"I-I guess. I'm as alright as I can be after I've found out I've got stage four leukemia. I'm sorry I rejected the chemo. I know you don't want me to go, but it's for the best. God wants me to go this way, and I don't want to be a burden on you. I'm sorry." Perrie began to cry as she spoke, feeling as if each of her words was armed with a fatal dagger that she was plunging straight into Jade's heart.
"No, please, don't cry. You'll make me cry more than I already am. I promise, I swear I'll make sure you have the greatest days of your life when I get you back. I solemnly swear that I won't let you down, baby. I wouldn't forgive myself if I did." Jade leaned down and softly kissed Perrie's lips, letting her tears fall on both of their mouths as she did. "I have to go. I'll see you again soon. I love you baby, so much."
"I love you too."
~*~*~*~
Jade immediately had an idea, and furiously began writing in her notebook. When she finished, she looked up from the notebook proudly and ran to Jesy, happily showing her what she wrote. While Jesy read it, she shed a few tears.
"It's beautiful, Jade. Truly heartbreaking. I know she'll love it." Jesy smiled at Jade and wrapped her arms around the tan girl in a caring embrace, resting her head atop Jade's. "Speaking of her, we need to go pick her up."
~*~*~*~
Perrie struggled to get into her wheelchair, even with the doctor's help. It made her feel useless, devoid of power. She felt like a huge burden on everyone. When she finally got into the wheelchair, Jade burst through the door. At the sight of her, Perrie's eyes lit up a brilliant blue, and Jade personally knew that look as her look of love.
"Jadey!" Perrie croaked, grinning widely with her arms outstretched.
"Pezzy!" Jade giddily replied, crouching down to happily embrace her.
"Ma'am, could you please remove your arms from Miss Edwards? We need to give her a quick check-up, then she's all yours." The nurse in the room politely smiled at Jade, scurrying around the room to collect the necessary tools for the final checks.
Jade backed away with an extremely noticeable crimson blush, sheepishly smiling. "O-of course." Perrie burst into peals of laughter at Jade's expression, trying as best as she could to not hinder the nurse's work. Ultimately, her efforts were futile, as she ended up prolonging the nurse's checks by a few moments.
"Miss Edwards, please calm down so I can complete your check-up." The nurse pleaded.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a burden." Perrie quieted down, frowning at herself. Jade stayed quiet, trying not to intrude on the nurse's work. A few moments later, the nurse backed away from Perrie and gave a sad smile, hurrying out of the room.
"Perrie, look at me. You were absolutely not a burden. It's that woman's job to take care of you while you're in here, and that's what she was doing. You've never been a burden, and it hurts me personally to know you think of yourself that way. Now come on, we have a lot to do." Jade finished with a giggle and grin, happily pushing Perrie out of the hospital room, headed straight towards the receptionist to check Perrie out.
~*~*~*~
Over the next two days, Jade took Perrie to a fair, a concert, the mall, multiple times, they cuddled on the couch and watched plenty of movies, and basically, did just about everything they could. Jade had left Perrie with Jesy so she could go out and buy something special, just to top off the wonderful time she had with Perrie. She walked into the jewelers and started browsing the rings, very quickly finding that she was unhappy with all of the basic styles they offered. She walked over to the front desk, confident in her persuasive abilities.
"Sir, may I have a custom ring made? I need it today." Jade asked, startling the young man behind the desk.
"Oh, why, of course. What would you like it to look like?" The man replied, smiling down at Jade.
Jade then went on to describe the perfect ring she had engraved in her mind. The man obliged happily and told her it would be a couple of hours before the ring was ready. Jade was more than happy to sit around the shop and wait until it was finished. She quietly browsed the vast disparity of jewelry that was on display, giving great appreciation towards the intricate designs carved into some of them. Soon enough, Jade's ring was finished, and she paid for it as soon as she saw it. She happily skipped to her car with a smile on her face, taking a few extra moments to text Jesy and let her know she was heading home.
Jade got into her car and set off on the roads, stopping to get some petrol a few minutes in, after noticing her tank was nearly empty. After that, she made a beeline for her and Perrie's home, still stupidly smiling.
Jade happily pulled into the driveway of her home, parking the car and exiting with the box containing the ring firmly in hand. She unlocked the front door and quietly walked inside, making as little noise as she possibly could. Jade walked into the living room and immediately set her gaze to Perrie, the same stupid grin still plastered across her face. Jesy gave her two thumbs up and smiled, glancing between the two girls.
Jade walked in front of Perrie and got down on one knee, holding the box out in front of her.
"Perrie Louise Edwards, you and I have been dating for two years now, and I've decided that I wouldn't be able to live without you by my side. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're my oxygen. Without you, I'd die. You're my everything, Perrie. A day without you fractures and shatters my heart. My heart needs you to keep beating, I need you to keep living, to keep surviving. I met you four years ago, and we immediately clicked. I could tell that we would be close, and sure enough, we became fast best friends, and eventually, even more than that. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met you and fallen in love with you, but I can say one thing with complete confidence; I wouldn't be the same Jade I am today without you. So, I'm asking you right here, right now. Will you give me the honor of marrying you, Perrie Louise Edwards?" Jade finished her speech breathily, still smiling.
"I—yes, of course I will."
~*~*~*~
The air was thick with emotion the next morning, the sky was dark and it was pouring rain. It was as if the world knew a tragedy was about to take place. Jade and Jesy had already returned Perrie to the hospital the day before, and they were a few minutes from heading out to see her again, one last time. Jade tightly clutched her notebook and phone, struggling to keep her tears back as she waited for Jesy to gather her things. Jade let out a small, somber sigh as she wiped under her eyes. Jesy exited her room with her things in tow, and her condition wasn't must better than Jade's. They had everything set up already. Leigh-Anne was going to meet them at the hospital, and Perrie's parents had already visited her.
Jade mustered a fake smile as she left the house with Jesy, glancing multiple times at the older girl to make sure she wasn't going to have a meltdown.
The drive to the hospital was quiet, save for the sound of rain slapping the sides of the car. They had the radio off, and neither girl uttered a single word. After Jesy parked the car, they quietly entered the hospital and made their way to the correct wing, checking in with the receptionist as soon as they made it. They took their seats on either side of Leigh-Anne, and quickly began crying. They had been holding their tears back too long, and ultimately just lost it.
The doctor called the girls in one by one, starting with Leigh-Anne and ending with Jade. When Jade walked into the hospital room, the other two girls were quietly sitting against the wall, making quiet, emotionless conversation. Jade looked over at the bed, and her heart immediately shattered. Perrie was hooked to various machines, barely awake, although her eyes were as bright as ever.
"Hey baby." She whispered, mustering a small grin.
"Hey Perrie. I, uh, I had something for you." Jade spoke quietly, clearing her throat while she opened her notebook to the right page. Before she began, she gave Perrie a loving kiss, fully afraid that it would be her last.
"I feel so numb, staring at the shower wall.
It's begun, the feeling that the end has come, and now the water's cold.
I tried to eat today, but the lump in my throat got in the way.
In this time, I've lost all sense of pride.
I've called a hundred times, if I hear your voice I'll be fine.
And I, I can't come alive, I want the room to take me under, cos I can't help but wonder what if I,
Had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep,
These four walls and me."
"I lay in bed, can't seem to leave your side.
Your pillow's wet, from all these tears I've cried.
I won't say goodbye.
I tried to smile today, then I realized there's no point anyway.
In this time, I've lost all sense of pride.
I've called a thousand times, if I hear your voice, I'll be fine.
And I, I can't come alive, I want the room to take me under, cos I can't help but wonder what if I,
Had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep,
These four walls and me."
Jade finished her song, tears freely falling down her face. She cracked a small, fragile smile at the sight of the ring on Perrie's finger, her ring. She looked at the girls with the same small, fragile smile. A few moments later, she took notice of the heart monitor. It had flat-lined. Jade fell to the floor and cried even harder as the reality set in.
She was gone.
•••••
OH MY GOD ITS SO SAD! *sobs*
Anyways, I hope you liked it ^_^ I would love to hear all of your wonderful feedback. Did I snipe you with feels? Did you cry? Let me know ^_^
Love you lots like jelly tots! ^_^
~Max