"You can cry, you know", he whispered kindly as he took one of her hands in his.
"I'm trying not to." Her voice was strained. "The doctor told me before my parents came in. I haven't even told them. I don't even know how to tell them! I just told myself not to cry over and over - " She stopped short and let out a deflated sigh. "I'm sorry. I should have been more careful."
"Hey." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him. Hana rested her head on his shoulder and buried her face in his coat, muffled sobbing leaving her. "Don't be sorry. It was an accident. So many things happened then. It's not your fault."
She grunted a response as her throat choked up. She remembered how at the beginning of her pregnancy, she hadn't been too keen to have a baby at all. But after seeing how happy and enthusiastic he was at the news, she felt guilty for allowing this to happen to her. She felt like as if she had let him down. So that nightmare I had really did come through, she thought bitterly. It slipped through my hands and never came back.
"Why didn't you call me after you woke up?", he continued as he gently combed his fingers through her hair.
"I don't know..." she murmured. "After the doctor gave me the check up, and told me the news, I just wanted to be alone for a while. Then my parents came after that."
"I should have come earlier."
"But thank you for coming, all the same."
~
Hana had never been so glad to return to their apartment. They were greeted by a stack of letters in their mailbox. Skimming through them – bills, bills, more bills – she picked out one that bore her name and stuffed it into her coat pocket.
Juilliard.
The name of the school seemed to burn a hole in her coat she was almost sure Leon could see it too.
When he was in the shower, she finally dared to rip it open. Reading through the four paragraphs, she folded the letter back up again, returned it into its envelope and dropped it into her bin. That was a sign, if anything.
There was no more space in her dejected heart to mourn.
Thank you for sending in your application. We receive many applications each year and we review each one carefully. However, we regret to inform you that you did not pass this round of the audition.
Her chest deflated with a sigh.
I want to go home.
~
Hana could feel him tossing and turning beside her. He had been finding it hard to sleep lately, what with the work piled up from his month's long absence and new issues to settle since Juan Gonzales pretty much disappeared from the New York crime scene.
The stress was getting to him, slowly eating him up like a disease, but it seemed like he enjoyed it. He thrived extremely well on stress. His adrenaline ran high in between bouts of his temper, where he would smoke and work in his study.
The sheets rustled and the bed dipped a little when he moved. When she turned her head, he was already off the bed and headed someplace else in the house. Moonlight casted a blue glow over his white shirt which stretched over his broad shoulders and highlighted his strapping back muscles. She snuggled closer to his side of the bed, stealing the warmth he left behind. Moments later, the kitchen lights flickered on and a cupboard door opened and closed.
There was a familiar rattled of pills in a bottle followed by the sloshing of water in a glass. Then the lights clicked off and she heard him clear his throat softly when he returned. She held out a hand to him when he dived back into the warm confines of their bed.
"Hey", he murmured. His lips brushed her forehead and he pulled the comforter up to his chin. "Did I wake you?"
His hand was cold under the blanket and she shivered at the touch. In fact, he was cold all over just from the short exposure to the cool kitchen.
"Can't sleep?"
She grunted. They both knew the reason for it. Nightmares plagued her dreamscape almost every night, reminding her of the blood and the intensity of the battle they had escaped from. She was thrown back and forth between the firefight, fighting through mobsters for her life, being blown to pieces, blood seeping through her thighs, and him never waking up again.
His arms circled her frame instinctively, protectively, and she rested her head on his shoulder. She didn't tell him but sometimes, when she would wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, she would stick a finger under his nose to check that he was alive.
~
"Got something for you here," Mickey announced cheerily as he loped into the office. He waved a newspaper in his hands.
A sigh left his lips and he muttered irritably, "What is it?"
After scanning various articles impatiently for whatever Mickey wanted him to read, his eyes were finally caught by a title. His lips curled in mild amusement and he muttered scornfully, "Finally."
Police Start Rounding Up Suspects of Gang War
Police have identified key suspects of the recent gang war that had disturbed the peace in New York. During the Christmas season, various gangs were involved in vicious fighting that took part in some public places such as a club owned by a prominent Mexican gangster, and other residential neighbourhoods. It is unclear what sparked off the wars, but police have identified a Mexican gangster, a Yakuza member, and possibly, a Russian mobster as the perpetrators. It is speculated that changes in leadership caused this unruly outbreak.
Arrests of certain individuals have been made and investigations will be carried out. During the melee...
The sneer had turned into a smirk, then into a harsh bark of laughter.
"They didn't name any names! What a joke. Their Yakuza member is dead, their Mexican gangster is missing, and they aren't sure if I'm involved or not. I wonder, who is it that they have arrested?"
"Read the next one too."
Mickey jabbed at the passage below the one he had just read.
Dead Police Commissioner Possibly Suspected of Corruption
At the scene of death of the recently deceased Police Commissioner of the New York City Police, incriminating photographs have been found featuring the Police Commissioner and a prominent member of a Mexican gang.
Their meeting was not on any Police agenda, and was apparently held in secret. A full scale investigation...
"Brilliant", he muttered, not without a touch of irony. He folded the papers and placed them onto his desk. Maybe he would cut out those articles and frame it as exemplification of the NYPD's inept abilities.
"The problem now is just Juan, eh?", his friend questioned brightly.
"Don't remind me", he muttered darkly. "I have a feeling he won't be showing up anytime soon, though."
"You can always get your wife to help lure him out. Seems like Juan Gonzales likes her a lot. If you use her as bait, maybe he'll...erm..."
At the glare Leon shot him, Mickey had immediately quietened down.
"N-nevermind", he hastily concluded, with both hands raised in surrender. "Bad idea!"
He sank back in his chair with eyes glued to his feet, and his lips tightly pressed together.
"Besides, she's leaving", Leon muttered under his breath, shuffling through piles of paper distractedly. That had been said in a tone that seemed more for himself than for his friend.
"Huh? Leaving?" Mickey was astonished and his feelings were clearly shown on his features. "You're not really getting a divorce, are you?!"
"Of course not!", Leon shot back, then added in a calmer voice, "She wants to go back to school."
Mickey's face changed at the mention of education to take on a disgusted turn. A slight smile tugged at Leon's lips as he noticed the look, and remembered what little regard his friend had for it, and the results he obtained during his years in an institution.
"School." He touched a hand to his forehead, and with a roll of his eyes, let out a chest-heaving sigh. "She's leaving you for school."
His arm flew about as he raved on, as if the choice to study was a death sentence. Leon didn't see why Mickey was so upset, but it was just like him to get upset at the slightest things anyway.
Of all the dramatics, really.
His lip curled in mock distaste at his friends play acting and he snapped, "She's not leaving me!" Then, he took in a breath to calm himself. He felt deflated almost immediately, like a balloon with its air being slowly and tortuously let out. He had been feeling this emptiness more often as the day of her departure approached, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
Of course, he'd said yes to her leaving. She would never pack her bags without his approval, without first ensuring that he would be alright. He'd felt 'alright' then, a few days ago when she'd laid her plans down; 'alright' and a little surprised.
There was, in fact, nothing else he could say except for 'go ahead'. Of the both of them, she was probably the more innocent party, with neither hand nor head in the mess their families had created. So he'd said 'yes'. Going to that school was her dream after all. Who was he to deny her?
But now, he wished he could have said 'no' instead. Why didn't the selfish side of him just speak up that night, when she'd bravely explained to him why she wanted to pursue her studies?
Maybe it was because he understood her. Alone in New York, unable to help, she probably felt purposeless. Besides, music was her calling, her soul, and he didn't want to be the one to snuff out her fragile hopes.
He pulled open his desk drawer and groped around for a pack of cigarettes. Once found, he picked a stick out, then tilted the pack towards Mickey who took one as well. He flicked the lid off his zippo and a blue flame shot out. They shared a light and Leon pocketed his lighter again.
Tiredly, he leant back in his chair which creaked alarmingly. Time for an overhaul of this place, he thought.
Through hooded eyes he regarded his friend and thought of the words to say. By the way Mickey was frowning and staring into space, Leon knew he was thinking about things that were none of his concern.
"There's this music school in Japan that she wants to go to", he started softly. "It's her goal ever since she was young."
His friend clicked his tongue.
"How will you live?"
He raised a brow and blew out perfect rings of smoke, all the while fixing a suspicious look at the man opposite him.
"Why are you so concerned?"
Mickey waved his cigarette in the air dismissively and his lips pulled into a large, easy grin.
"Your happiness is my happiness."
"Your money, you mean."
He shrugged his shoulders and took a drag, then reached out to uncork the bottle of vodka Leon kept at the side table.
"Same thing."
~
A/N: The Yakuza Bride has been appearing on those illegal mirroring sites. Once again, to read this story in its original and safe format, come to Wattpad!
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