Trigger warning: Homophobia
Camila's POV
When I got back home from Lauren's house I thought a lot about what she told me. She explained to me her past experiences about all the rebellious things she's done. To be honest, I was really surprised to hear her reveal those things. When I first met her, she seemed put together. Not to say that I didn't think she was before, but she didn't seem like a girl who did all that stuff and was recovering. But I felt glad that she told me. She could've held that secret forever but she trusted me and I would never take advantage of that. I'm so happy she's happier now and recuperated from all those things, living a much better lifestyle. She told me that was the lowest point of her life and that she hopes to never go there again. Drinking herself into oblivion was the biggest mistake she's ever made.
And the hooking up with "too many" girls. Lauren had said before that she wasn't a virgin but that was in the beginning of the school year so it wasn't appropriate for me to talk to her about it at the time until tonight. I looked up her ex-girlfriend Keana on Facebook and twitter to see what she looked like and holy hell that girl was insanely gorgeous! Surely she had to be a model. I could clearly understand why Lauren would date her, I mean she looked perfect. And that made me feel even worse and more insecure. Lauren went from her to me? There was no way I could compete with her beauty...and body. Although I was kind of happy Lauren never loved her, it made me jealous knowing she was Lauren's first, second, and however many times they did it.
That went for all the other girls Lauren's been with. I just felt so unconfident. I mean what if I'm not good enough for her in those ways? I've never had sex or done anything very sexual besides making out and Lauren touching me. That's only second base and I haven't really touched her in return. I didn't have any experience other than that, hell I just had my first kiss two months ago. But aside from knowing that my girlfriend has had plenty of experience with other women, I still wanted her to be my first. We've only been together for three weeks, but I know that with a little more time, I would be ready to give myself to her. I also know she would never force me to do something I was uncomfortable with. She's gentle with me. A gentlewoman. She always asks permission before doing something...well now she does, but I thought it was so cute how she always stopped herself and basically lectured me how she didn't want me to think she was taking advantage of me. That's how I knew she was the one. I love her although I still haven't told her yet. I was thinking about maybe waiting till we've been together for at least two months. And then I'll tell her and be ready for it with her.
At the end of it all, I now knew a lot more about Lauren. Things like that weren't easy for her to say and I felt that our trust in our relationship, grew. I liked how she said that I deserved to know even though she didn't exactly have to tell me. But it was respectful that she did.
The next morning I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for the last day of school before Thanksgiving break. I was all eager to go until I remembered that I had to confront Austin to tell him about Lauren and I and about dinner this Saturday so he knows not to say anything suspicious around my parents or something. I needed to tell him today rather than later, but I had a feeling for some reason it was not going to be easy.
I walked into school with Lauren by my side as usual and I put on my most confident face.
"Hey, Austin?" I tapped his shoulder once Lauren and I walked up to him at his locker.
"Hey, beautiful," he grinned turning around. "Looks like I'm coming over to your house this weekend."
"Yeah about that. There's some things you should know."
"What? That you're totally into me? Cause I bet you are. I mean who isn't? And that's good for you cause I'm into you too," he winked. Wow he got even douchier last night.
"Okay listen, buddy," Lauren jumped in angrily.
"What?" he asked rudely.
"Lauren," I scolded and she backed off. "Listen, Austin. To be honest and sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm not interested in you."
"Why? I'm good looking, talented, and charming. What more could you want in a guy?"
"Well, that's kind of the problem. I'm not interested in any guy actually. I'm dating Lauren," I explained awkwardly and turning towards my girlfriend.
"Wait what? You two are lesbians?" he questioned surprised and we nodded. "But you guys are so hot."
Lauren and I rolled our eyes at the dumb comment. "Yep. We're lesbians and she's my girlfriend, Mahone, so why don't you lay off," Lauren commanded putting an arm around my shoulder. She looks so hot when she's protective.
"That's gross," he rebuked.
"Excuse me?" Lauren defended with angry eyebrows but I held her back again.
"I don't think I wanna go over to your house anymore. And I'm gonna tell my family not to either. We don't accept people like you or people who support it," he admonished.
"Wait, no! You have to!" I quickly pleaded.
"Why?"
"Because my parents don't know I'm...ya know...gay. And they'll find out if you guys don't come to dinner."
"They don't know? That's even better. I'll tell them for you," he grinned maliciously.
"What?! No no no no no! You can't! They don't accept it either! Why would you do that!?" I yelled scared for my life. What is wrong with him? I knew this would be bad. I should've just kept my mouth shut.
"Don't you dare," Lauren warned.
"Because they're your parents and they should know first of all of your sinful ways and second because you shouldn't be someone like that, period."
"What do you mean 'someone like that?'" Lauren questioned.
"Gay. It's abnormal don't you understand?"
"Actually it really isn't. Many people are born gay and it's not something that you can just choose to be. Just like how you were born straight. It's not a disease you get, I didn't just wake up and catch the gayness. Just because Lauren and I are different from you doesn't make us bad or sick people. We're human beings who deserve respect just like any other person. In fact, we're actually a lot more loving than homophobes like you," I stood up for my girlfriend and I. Damn, that felt good.
"Well I'm a firm Christian and Jesus doesn't like it. You're both going to hell for this where you belong with all the other homos."
"Jesus said to love everyone and to not discriminate people for who they are. You know, Mother Theresa actually called homosexuals, 'friends of Jesus?' Real Christians don't hate 'people like us.' They're supposed to love and respect just like how my Christian parents love and respect me no matter who I like. Why don't you practice what you preach and learn how to treat people as they deserve to be treated, hypocrite," Lauren argued defensively.
"Still no matter what you say, at the end of the day, the bible says it's not right. Gay marriage, gay sex, it's all sinful and demonic. I'm firm in my beliefs."
"And we're firm in ours. It's who we are and we're not gonna change. We can't change. We're lesbians for life," she argued back.
"Whatever I'm still not going this weekend and telling my parents. I don't have to tell your mom cause they will already."
"What's it going to take for you to not?" I begged again. I couldn't let this happen.
"Hmmm..." Austin thought.
"Camz, what are you doing? If he's gonna be an asshole about it, let him. I know this is not how you wanted it to go, but at least your parents will finally know," Lauren said quietly.
"No, Lauren, I'm still not ready," I argued nervously. "They just can't find out at least not like this. I will be dead." I looked at her seriously straight in the eye.
"Okay. I won't tell your parents if you break up with Lauren and date me."
"What?!" Lauren and I almost screamed in horror at the same time.
"Date me. I'll turn you straight, Camila. Then you'll know that you need a real man who can take care of you and—"
He was interrupted when Lauren shoved him into the locker. "I just know that was a joke, Mahone. Over my dead body will you ever have Camila. That will never ever happen," she growled viciously scaring the hell out of Austin. Holy shit that was so hot but frightening to me as well. I quickly pulled Lauren off of him. Many people were starting to stare now.
"Ugh get your filthy paws off me," he huffed.
"Wait," I halted thinking about what he said before. "How about I just pretend to date you?" I offered to compromise.
"Camz, seriously what the fuck are you doing?" Lauren panicked.
"Babe, I have to do this," I said but before she could say anything in reply her eyes widened with shock and quickly stormed away.
"Lauren!" I called from down the hall trying to stop her but she continued to walk away. I'll deal with her later.
"What were you saying?" Austin questioned annoyingly.
"Austin, there is no way in hell that I would break up with Lauren to date you. I don't like boys first of all and even if I did, you're the last boy I would ever think about dating. Although I still can't let you tell your parents or my parents about Lauren and I dating, I'm compromising that we pretend to date," I proposed my option.
"Hmm," he pondered. "What would that entail?"
"I'd act all flirty with you in front of my parents but not do anything physical," I clearly stated.
"Anything? That's unfair," he complained.
"Okay I'll allow hand holding and kisses on the cheek sometimes. It'll look more believable."
"At least one kiss on the lips."
"Ugh really?"
"Yes or the deal's off. You know how boss I would be kissing a lesbian?" he smirked.
"Fine," I growled.
"We have to go on dates too."
"Okay but Lauren will have to be there."
"Alright but I don't want her to...hurt me," he said quietly.
"R-really? You'll let her come?"
"Sure whatever. So, you're my pretend girlfriend," he smirked.
"You're just my beard. And I'm only doing this for you to not blow my secret. This is only temporary until I decide to come out. It's only up to me. Oh and we're not doing this in school. Only at my house and in front of my parents," I explained again.
"Fine."
With that I trudged away rolling my eyes. I couldn't believe I had to do this but it was the only way my secret wouldn't get out to my parents. I was also kind of surprised by how well Austin was willing to compromise though I would never actually date him. That was way too far.
I had to rush to get to homeroom as the bell was about to ring in a minute. Also, I had to talk to Lauren to explain everything. I knew she would be mad but she'd probably understand that I was only doing this to protect us. This was what I had to do to save our relationship.
I barely made it to homeroom on time, walking in as the bell rung. Thank God. I hated being tardy. Lauren was sitting in the back of the room, looking out the window with a sad expression. It broke my heart seeing her like that.
"Lauren?" I said softly quietly sitting down next to her. "Babe?" I asked again putting my hand on her shoulder but she snatched it away. This was gonna be hard.
"Lauren, please let me explain," I sorrowfully begged.
"No. I heard what you said," she scolded still looking away from me.
"Not all of it. Please, Lauren."
"I don't want to talk right now, Camila," she said irritated and put her earphones in turning on music from her phone. Wow, she used my full name. That hurt a little.
I decided to wait until lunch to try to talk to her again. We had more classes together but I figured it would be best until I could fully explain the Austin situation and maybe by that time, she would be willing to listen.
___________________________________
Lauren's POV
As soon as I angrily walked away from Camila and Austin, I stormed into the bathroom trying to hold back tears. Whenever I usually got upset or annoyed, I needed a lot of time to calm down. And especially after witnessing Camila tell Austin she would pretend to date him, made me furious at first then sad. I just couldn't believe she would do something like that. Just for keeping a secret. This was making things worse as she was digging a deeper hole into the whole situation. If Camila would just tell her parents she was gay, this wouldn't have to happen.
But I couldn't really be mad. It was easy for me to come out. I did it freshman year and everyone, friends and family, immediately accepted and supported me. Camila's situation was entirely different. She was from a religious Catholic family who had firm beliefs that homosexuality was not acceptable. This wasn't easy for her and her family would not take it well.
This whole thing was a mess. On one hand I wanted Camila to tell her folks about us so bad, but then on the other hand, I understood that she needed time as her coming out would be difficult. At this point I felt numb. I didn't know what to think or do.
After I thought about these things in the bathroom, I went to homeroom, glumly. I didn't want to talk to anyone especially Camila. She was going to "date" Austin and what was gonna happen with me? Abandonment? I don't think I could live with myself without Camila in my life. She's way too important to me and though I haven't told her yet, I think I love her. No, I know I love her. I'm in love with her so fucking much and that's a big deal for me. I've never been in love with anyone before. Sure, I know a lot of girls and been with them but there was no love or romance there, just physical attraction.
The only other girl who I had feelings for was Keana. I had deep feelings for her, like real deep, and if we were together a little longer, then I probably would've fallen in love with her. But I wasn't and I'll never be. Sounds harsh, but to be honest, she dumped me and it hurt. I know I said that we both agreed it was for the best but I was still heartbroken and it resulted in me getting into drinking, smoking, sex, and a few drugs that I very much regret doing. I still couldn't help but wonder what we could've been. And I think that's why I hooked up with her whenever she visited Miami. There might have still been something there.
But those thoughts meant nothing to me now. Camila's the one. Keana's my past and doesn't come close to making me feel how Camila makes me feel. Camila's my present, future and forever. Keana is just a star in the sky that's very distant but sometimes I'll spot out and look at. Camila is way more. She's the sun who gives me life and joy. The energy who brings light into my darkness. The source of shaping me into who I am now which is someone who likes themselves again. Camila makes me stronger, happier, kinder, and just everything I haven't been in a long time until I met her. No one else could compare. I just love her. But I'm pissed at her right now; everything's so conflicted.
My millions of thoughts were interrupted when I sensed someone sitting down next to me. Camila. She tried to get my attention, pleading me to listen but I couldn't. I was still too upset with her to talk. She was going to pretend to date Austin and leave me all alone. I couldn't deal with it at the moment.
Lunch time came around and I still managed to avoid and ignore my girlfriend. She kept trying to get my attention in the other classes we had after homeroom but I didn't even glance at her. I knew she would try again at lunch but I was smart enough to eat somewhere else, the place where I went to to get away from things that were bothering me: the school rooftop. It was my very own special secret place where I went every once in a while that only Normani, Dinah, and Ally knew about. Although they were my best friends, I only wanted to go up there alone. It was my time and place to be by myself and they respected that. Camila didn't know about it yet and I figured I'd tell her soon. She was probably suspicious since I've gone up there four times since we became official. I use a latter in Mike the janitor's office and sneak out that way. Mike doesn't mind either, we're cool and I tell him everything. He's like my big brother and if I ever got in trouble, he would cover for me. He's not creepy or anything, he's just a normal, chill guy in his early 30's. He's really nice and a lot of other students think he's cool too.
I went to Mike's office and grabbed my stash of weed. I needed it right now. That's another thing between Mike and I. He's my drug dealer and secretly keeps some of my weed for me at school whenever I want it to smoke on the roof. He would give me good amounts for really nice prices. Sometimes we would even smoke together.
"Hey, Mike," I greeted him while he was sitting at his desk reading some book.
"Hey, Lo," he smiled. "What strain do you want?"
"Uh, purple kush. I need to calm down," I answered. I usually kept multiple strains of both sativa and indica at school depending on whether I needed to relax or get energetic and creative. Purple kush was my favorite kind of indica along with Afghan, blackberry, and Grandaddy Purple.
"Stressed out about something?" he noticed my upset appearance while getting out my stash from his drawer.
"Yeah. Camila and I aren't talking right now. Well, I'm not talking to her," I sighed.
"Oh, why not?" he handed me 3/4 of a gram of the substance.
"Well, she can't come out to her parents so she's making Austin Mahone her beard and it's just annoying and dumb," I explained grabbing my paper.
"Austin Mahone? Dude, I fucking hate guy," he rolled his eyes.
"Same!" I exclaimed in annoyance.
"Yeah he's a dick. He always makes a mess around his locker and spills shit everywhere."
"For real and a homophobe."
"Gross. So, why is Camila making him her beard?"
"He's supposed to go over with his family to Camila's house on Saturday for dinner," I rolled my eyes.
"That sucks. And so they have to act like a couple in front of her parents so they won't know she's gay?"
"Yup," I confirmed.
"That's kind of extra. Why can't she just continue to pretend to be single?" Mike asked.
"Cause if she doesn't do this, then he'll tell her parents."
"What an asshole," his face contorted.
"Yeah, well I'm just fucking pissed at both of them," I huffed.
"Aw, Lo, I'm sorry," he sympathized.
"It's okay. I'll talk to her later after I smoke this. I'll have more patience so I can listen to her...well maybe...if I can pay attention, " I chuckled.
"True," he smirked. "Okay see ya later," he waved while I began climbing up the latter to the roof.
Once I got up there I sat where I usually did in the most hidden part of the roof. No one from the ground could see me. I rolled my joint, lit it up, and took a long hit. It was so good and I was ready to relax.
Camila's POV
I was sitting down quietly eating my lunch and patiently waiting for Lauren. I was planning on explaining my reasoning behind my plan with Austin but she was just not showing up. I guess I kind of should have known she wouldn't appear after what happened, but sometimes she doesn't show up for lunch without telling me and I always wonder where she goes.
"Where's Lauren?" I asked Normani from across the table. She and Dinah were talking about some routine the dance team was doing but I was getting impatient.
"Uh, I don't know. I haven't talked to her much today," she answered.
"Well do you think you might have an idea where she is?"
"Um sorry, Mila. Maybe in the library?" she suggested unconfidently.
"Oh okay. I'll go check." And with that I packed up my lunch and went to the library.
Narrator's POV
Once Camila was out of the cafeteria, Normani quickly turned her attention back to Dinah.
"I can't believe Lauren hasn't told Mila about her secret hide out yet," she smirked at Dinah.
"I know. Do you think we should just tell her?" Dinah asked.
"No, we shouldn't. Lauren would kill us. If she hasn't told Mila yet, then it's obviously still a private thing for her and you know what she does up there. She doesn't want Camila to know about that yet either," Normani gave Dinah a pointed look.
"Yeah you're right. Ralph will tell her when she's ready," the Polynesian nodded.
In the mean time, Camila was frantically searching for Lauren all around the library but still couldn't find her. The green-eyed Cuban was just too good at hiding. Camila also checked multiple bathrooms and some classrooms yet still no sign.
"Dammit, where is she?" Camila muttered to herself walking down the hallway to the theater. It could be possible she may be there.
On the other hand, Lauren was still getting stoned on the roof top and feeling a lot more relaxed. She thought about Camila and their relationship some more and she thought now that she was calmed down, she would finally listen to what Camila had to say. But she kept smoking, getting more stoned by the minute, a lot more than she wanted to. She never smoked this much at school. This could be trouble. If she continued she would fall asleep so she needed to get back down quickly. Lauren finally put out her joint and climbed back down to the office.
"Thanks, dude," Lauren said spraying herself with Febreeze. "Gotta go," she made her way out of the office.
"No problem, Lo, and good luck with the girlfriend!" he waved after her.
Lauren slowly walked down the hall way more relaxed and almost nearing the theater until she noticed someone coming her way.
"Lauren! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you all during lunch. Where the hell were you?" Camila panicked but relieved she found Lauren.
"Sorry, babe, just chillin'," Lauren explained clearly looking stoned.
"Where? In the theater?"
"Uh...sure yeah," the green-eyed girl smirked rubbing her eyes.
"You're not telling me the truth. I mean I know you got upset with me this morning but I'm still concerned. What were you doing? And why do you ditch lunch sometimes without telling me?" Camila rambled worriedly.
"Um I don't know," Lauren shrugged her shoulders.
"You're stoned aren't you?" Camila crossed her arms narrowing her eyebrows and scrutinized Lauren's faded eyes.
"No, I'm fine," she assured but she was worse than she thought.
"Lauren you went off to smoke somewhere. Don't lie."
"I'm just...like...I guess I smoked too much," Lauren laughed softly.
"Clearly," Camila groaned. "How are you gonna make it through the rest of the day?"
"I've done it before."
"But this much? You're too out of it, babe."
"I'll just..." Lauren tried to talk but forgot her point. "Wait...what?"
"My point exactly. How much did you smoke?"
"Too much."
"And where were you again?"
"On the roof."
"So that's where you go during lunch sometimes?"
"I'm hungry," Lauren said losing her attention to her girlfriend.
"C'mon, you little pothead," Camila laughed and figured she should just shut up and help Lauren eat also making sure she doesn't say or do anything dumb. She led her back to the cafeteria where there were only a few minutes left in the lunch period.
"You found her!" Normani cheered but already knowing where the green-eyed girl was.
"Yeah she was walking down the hall but came down from the roof I guess," Camila explained.
Normani and Dinah gave a discrete smirk to each other once Camila turned to look at Lauren.
"Okay, Laur, we only have a few minutes left so eat up real quick," Camila told her girlfriend, handing her a few bags of chips and cookies. "I know this isn't a good lunch but this is all I have left and I'm sure you have the munchies."
"Holy shit yes," Lauren's eyes widened at the glorious sight. She definitely had the munchies. Instantly, she grabbed the bag of potato chips and started snacking.
"Aw, Lolo's stoned," Dinah laughed.
"Bruh, what does water taste like?" Lauren asked after sipping a bottle of water. She was fucked up.
The girls laughed. "You're a dumbass for smoking straight indica in the middle of the school day," Normani shook her head. The cuban just shrugged her shoulders and continued eating.
"Do you think you guys can keep an eye on her for her other classes?" Camila asked knowing they were in Lauren's classes for the afternoon except Acting.
"Sure," Normani giggled shaking her head.
____________________________________
Camila's POV
It was finally time for acting class meaning I would get to see Lauren again. I was anxious too because I haven't seen her since lunch when I left her in the hands of Normani and Dinah. She was stoned out of her mind and I couldn't stop thinking about her all afternoon.
"Lauren!" I exclaimed running over to her in the acting classroom.
"Hey, what's up?" she smiled. She was a lot better thank God.
"You seem fine now," I grinned.
"Well, yeah I only stay high or stoned for like an hour and a half. But I still have the munchies," she giggled.
"I'm just glad cause now I can finally talk to you."
"I guess so, yeah. I only smoked earlier because I was way too stressed and angry about what happened this morning and I wanted to calm down so I could listen to what you had to say. But I got too carried away and I'm a fucking idiot for smoking that much kush. Probably should've done a hybrid. Economics was interesting. I just kept talking nonsense about cartoons and fell asleep," she explained shaking her head at how dumb she was. "Mani had to keep waking me up."
"Maybe you should just calm down on your own next time without the help of illegal drugs?" I suggested.
"Okay. I think I'm just an accidental badass," she sighed.
"Look, Lauren, here me out. The reason why I'm doing this is for us. Only us. Pretending to date Austin will help keep us together even more. My parents won't find out about me and that means they won't tear us apart. I know it's annoying for you and it is for me too, trust me. Austin's a dick and I really don't want to do this but I have no choice. If I don't do this, he'll tell on me and it'll be over for us and I can't let that happen. I won't lose you." I explained hoping she could understand.
"Although I'm not super thrilled about this decision, I do understand why you're doing it. I really appreciate that you're protecting our relationship, Camz. You know I would do the same thing. Sure, it's irritating as fuck that dip shit dorito boy is behind this and threatening to out you, but if it's gonna save our asses, then I guess I'll deal with it."
"Really?" I asked shocked.
"Yeah," she sighed but nodding confirming she was alright.
"Oh my God thank you so much, babe. This means a lot. I really know that this sucks but it'll be worth it," I hugged her tightly.
"I hope," she shyly smiled. I quickly pulled her into a chaste kiss...then another one...and a few more.