Matty jolts into consciousness suddenly, the abrupt movement unearthing a pounding headache that has him wincing in pain, but the potential migraine quickly takes a backseat to the wave of nausea that is clawing its way out of his stomach and up his throat, inciting a dash to the bathroom that ends with Matty hunched over the toilet, his lips squeezing together as he tosses the lid upward hurriedly.
As Matty throws up what feels to be not only his last meal, but also a large portion of his internal organs, he curses himself for drinking so much in the first place. He rarely lets it go so far - not anymore that is, but he had ignored his limits last night in favor of the fog that always follows after becoming excessively pissed, and even once he had been successfully obscured, he didn't stop there.
That doesn't mean that Matty can't remember what happened at Grimmy's party though, because he does. He's always had a keen sense of recollection no matter how intoxicated he is, so he knows that he almost smothered Nick's dog with his unwanted affections, and that George had ended up dragging him home and tucking him in bed like a child, but none of those memories hold a candle to the flame that is the fact that he and George kissed.
Matty doesn't regret it, not even now when he is mostly sober and thinking much more coherently. He meant what he told George last night about wanting to discover if he is attracted to blokes, he just hadn't been expecting to enjoy kissing George as much as he had.
Kissing was never something Matty thought much of, it is just an act that typically leads to something more, either that or it is used in way of a greeting or a goodbye, but having his mouth pressed against George's had been different, although Matty can't pinpoint exactly why.
Matty has never experienced anything like that before, not even with Gemma. It hadn't been a normal melding of tongues, that was for sure. Matty had been overwhelmed from the start, his nerves jangling and his body aching to be closer to George's just from something as simple as a kiss, making Matty wonder how intense other things of a slightest less innocent nature would be with the other man.
Matty swears his lips are still buzzing even hours after George last touched them, the subtle vibrations tickle the spit coated skin as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He groans harshly when his stomach mocks his pathetic attempts at cleaning himself up with a hostile churning that has him lurching back for the porcelain bowl with hardly any time to spare.
After suffering through a second round of gagging which ends in painful dry heaves, Matty collapses back against the closest wall, his spine bending over his knees as he begs his body to give him a few minutes to recuperate before he has to be sick again.
Despite the agony he is currently in, Matty's mind is still running at full speed, not that it ever isn't. His train of thought is fixated on what had happened between him and George, and although he wants to focus on something else right now - anything really, he continues to ponder their shared moment of intimacy, his brain refuting his numerous attempts at distracting himself.
Matty had liked it - there was no question about that, but he also can't deny that the kiss is what had driven him to getting as trashed as possible once he had abandoned George with too few words and confusion clogging his veins.
George hadn't deserved Matty's withdrawal, and in hindsight, Matty realizes that he should probably apologize to his best friend in the morning. George most likely understands, because George gets Matty better than he does himself, but Matty still owes him some sort of explanation, now if only he had one that made an iota of sense.
He does though, if he allows himself to look past the mental blocks he keeps in place for his own safety. Matty doesn't want to admit it, but he is scared. That's why he ran off, that's why he allowed Adam to pour him shot after shot long after he should have called it quits, that's why he avoided bringing it up entirely once George had found him again.
Matty likes to think that he can predict the outcome of most situations accurately, but his foresight had failed him this time. He had assumed that kissing George would be pleasant - which it was, but he had been unprepared for how intoxicating it had turned out to be.
Matty had forgotten about everything while George had him pinned against the garden wall. Gemma no longer existed, the pressures he places on himself were lifted, the deadlines, and concert dates, and all the other commitments he keeps carefully cataloged in his head were wiped away, hell - he probably wouldn't have been able to recite his own name if someone had asked, all that had mattered was the contact between him and George.
Nothing makes Matty lose touch with himself anymore, not drugs, not liquor, not women, but somehow George had managed to achieve that with just his mouth, and Matty isn't sure how he feels about that.
Maybe it is the fact that it was the first time Matty has been with a man that had his body reacting so strangely - that makes sense. It probably doesn't have anything to do with George at all, at least - that is what Matty wants to believe, because any other explanation holds too many heavy implications which Matty doesn't particularly look forward to delving into.
Matty's still willing to try this experiment with George though, even after their failed first attempt, but he can't let it change anything between them. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he damaged their friendship all over a random bout of deep-seated curiosity.
Everything in Matty's life is shifting around now - a new tour, no more Gemma, whatever this thing may or may not be with George, and although Matty can't stand being stagnant, he's also terrified by the sudden upheaval he's currently experiencing. He's a conglomeration of oxymorons swathed in skin, and although he is painfully self-aware of his contradictory nature, it doesn't make it any easier to live with.
Matty chuckles under his breath at his melodramatic analysis, wishing he had a pen at hand to jot down what could make a good set of lyrics, but the bathroom was decidedly lacking in writing materials, so he would have to hope that he remembers them whenever he manages to get up.
The humorous sound quickly turns into a whine of discomfort when Matty receives another reminder of how much he drank last night. As he gags up nothing but bile for the third time in less than twenty minutes, Matty swears never to touch another bottle of wine again if this pain ends, only to shake with silent laughter at the lie.
Matty's head spins uncomfortably as he tries to shake his hair out of his face, the small task seeming impossibly difficult in his current state, and after a few failed attempts, Matty gives up entirely, resting his head on the rim of the toilet weakly as he waits for his insides to settle on if they are going to behave or not.
Matty jumps slightly when he feels a large hand pressing against his shoulders before he relaxes into the touch. Matty knows it's George without having to look up, although he hadn't heard his best friend's footsteps over the pounding in his temples, but the soothing aura that always follows the other's man arrival instantly surrounds Matty, not to mention George is the only other person in the flat at the time.
Matty wants to say something to his best friend, maybe 'I'm fine', or 'go back to sleep', but the truth of the matter is that he's starting to feel marginally better now that George has made an appearance, not to mention that it's hard to speak and throw up at the same time, which Matty has started doing again. For some reason, the younger man always has this effect on him, so Matty isn't going to deny himself the relief even if he regrets stealing George away from his rest.
"Need some water?" George asks when Matty's stomach decides it's empty for now, leaving him shaking and weak as a cold sweat forms underneath his thin blouse.
"Please," Matty croaks out his reply, wincing at the burn that travels up his abused throat along with the word.
George gets up quickly, and Matty finds himself marveling at how gracefully George can move despite his height. Matty's gaze follows George's journey to the sink until he's forced to pry his attention away when George glances over his shoulder, not wanting to be caught staring by his best friend.
"Here," George hands Matty the glass he's filled, nudging his lax fingers until Matty remembers how to make them function again, his mind going oddly blank now that George is sharing the room with him. "You okay?" George asks after Matty takes a few careful sips of the lukewarm liquid, folding his long legs up so he can join Matty on the polished tile.
"Fine," Matty waves George's concerns off, because he is now - mostly, except for the fact that his muscles are aching and he doubts he will be able to make it back into bed without help. "You didn't have to get up you know?"
"Got cold when you left," George mumbles lowly, his words producing a rush of heat to Matty's cheeks that isn't caused by his deplorable condition, but he sure as hell is going to try and pass it off as such if George remarks on it.
Matty isn't even certain of why he is blushing, but he is. Maybe it's because of the kiss, maybe it's because he feels so broken down right now, and the fact that George is here taking care of him just like he always does has his heart swelling with an unexpected rush of affection for the younger man, but whatever the cause is, Matty is too tired to decipher it, so he has no choice but to accept that his face is darkening all because of a casual statement.
"Didn't think you would appreciate me puking on the sheets," Matty shrugs, his lips twitching upward when George scoffs in response to his statement.
"You think you're going to be sick again?" George questions when Matty allows his body to relax, his head landing on George's shoulder as his eyes flutter shut, weights created by exhaustion dragging his lids down even further when George throws his arm over his shoulders lazily.
"'m not sure," Matty yawns. His stomach is still churning angrily, but he's also not choking back bile any longer, so that has to be a positive sign. "I should be good for a bit now I think," Matty adds on once he fights off the dizziness that presents itself once his vision goes black.
"Come on then," George laughs lightly when Matty curls up against George's side, a soft groan leaving his lips when George disrupts him from his comfortable position by moving away slightly. "You aren't sleeping in here."
Before Matty has a chance to protest, George is picking him up, securing him by his thighs and back before carrying Matty into the bedroom with ease. It amazes Matty's how George can just do that, because Matty may be skinny, but he's not that light, yet George makes him feel significantly smaller than he truly is, and for some reason, Matty enjoys that.
The stubborn side of Matty wants to lash out against this. As much he adores George for going to such lengths to make him comfortable, he also feels far too vulnerable as George tightens his grip around him. He's tempted to demand that George put him down so he can at least wash the taste of vomit from his mouth, but he doesn't, because he knows that George is just trying to help, so Matty manages to keep his insecurities to himself in favor of preserving the pleasant moment.
George places Matty on the mattress before crawling under the comforter himself, mumbling something that might have been 'g'night' before tugging Matty against his chest and shutting his eyes. Matty tries to follow suit, but even as drained as he is, he can't seem to fully relax.
As he listens to the barely-there sound of George's breathing, Matty is shaken by how he can simultaneously feel protected and so exposed all at once, even if he has no one's eyes on him at the moment, and maybe that is a part of it.
Going back over this again is like rediscovering this book I mean wow - how did I actually write something that I don't hate a few months later?
Comments and votes are always lovely if you feel like leaving some.
I love you all xxx
- starr