Chapter 21; It All Has to Fall Apart Somewhere
This chapter is dedicated to gabriellemarie16, for making me laugh/smile/ laugh some more while reading her comments. So, thank you. The song on the side is Demons by Imagine Dragons, make sure to check it out and answer the question at the end of this chapter!
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-HAILEY'S POINT OF VIEW-
The air in the room felt suddenly different, stuffy with unspoken words and drawn out confusion. Drew's cheeks were a strange shade of white as I finished reading the crumpled letter, feeling the creases around the edges which indicated it had been folded and unfolded multiple times.
I scrunched my nose, not exactly understanding why a few simple words which had no meaning to me had the ability to suck all the life out of Drew.
Maybe I just wasn't able to read between the lines. Could a letter really mean that much to him?
"Drew?" I asked, feeling unsure and uncomfortable, even though everything had felt so right only moments ago. "What's wrong? Who is this from?"
The sound of footsteps upstairs echoed lightly in my ears, but I didn't dare to look away from Drew. My heart quickened as the seconds passed, and he remained completely still.
At that very moment, as he stood there; completely emotionless, I would've given anything to know what was going through his mind. It was always like a guessing game with him, and usually, I was the one always left without the answers.
He took a few more moments of silence, making me even more anxious than before. His hands were supporting him as he leaned on the counter, his feet tightly locked into place. Then out of nowhere, it was like a switch had flipped.
The color returned to his face slowly, then all at once. His dark hair waved as he shook his head back and forth, making it seem like he was trying to get rid of his thoughts. It was as if the more he shook, the more of the things that were trapped inside of his mind would just tumble out and disappear into thin air.
When he finally looked back up at me, it was like no time had passed. The stoic look on his face had disappeared, his eyes strong and concealed, a smile falling onto his lips.
I was still confused.
The words I had recited only a few minutes ago flashed through my mind, making my stomach churn with uneasiness.
Why does it feel like you're not telling me something?
"Nothing. Nobody." He said lightly, the smirk he was forcing already looking weary.
Something was wrong.
Something was within those sentences I didn't see, something bad.
The whirling of my stomach continued as I shifted on my feet, trying to ignore the thoughts that began to surface in my mind, poking at me over and over again until I acknowledged them.
I had told him everything, everything about myself. Down to the very last detail, I was an open book. But how much about Drew did I really know? Other than a few stories and what I had heard from Odie, how much had he actually told me about himself?
I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling vulnerable, doubtful. Like I had given out too much of myself, all of my cards on the table, but couldn't even get a simple answer in return.
"Drew," I began again, my voice strained and concerned. "Don't do that. You don't need to do that with me."
The grin twisting with the trace of his lips curved downward, and now he was frowning. His shoulders slumped just the slightest, and it looked like at that moment his thoughts were battling each other, like he was just waiting for something to win so he would know the right thing to say.
But I didn't want the right thing to say, I didn't want closed doors or fluffed up stories or lies. I wanted him to be honest with me.
Instead, I got;
"What are you talking about, Hailey?"
The way his voice sounded as he spoke my name made me shiver, but I ignored it. The fact that he didn't feel like he could tell me what was really bothering him hurt. And I knew that each time he refused to tell me the truth it would just sting even more. "Don't do what?"
I sighed.
"You think that I don't notice. You think that I don't see it. But I do, Drew, I notice. I see it. I see you."
"Hailey," He rolled his eyes playfully, shaking off what I had just said as if nothing within my words struck anything for him. "It was just a letter. You're making it a bigger deal than it is."
The stinging feeling in my stomach intensified, making my fingers tingle and teeth clench. "A bigger deal than it is?" I said, my voice escalating higher than intended. "If it's not such a big deal- why can't you tell me who it's from?"
He sighed at me, his breath hitching in his throat as he swallowed and attempted to keep looking me straight in the eye. "It's just complicated, Hailey. Really, really complicated."
The last word he had spoken caused my insides to twist. Complicated? Nothing was that complicated, not now; not ever.
"Oh god; don't say that to me." I said wistfully, turning to the side. "You sound exactly like my dad."
My heart began to pound in my chest, my ears ringing like bells. The way I felt towards Drew made me want to ignore the stinging feeling in my body, made me want to say I didn't care that he didn't tell me anything, made me want to say that it didn't hurt my feelings. Because I knew I couldn't ever actually be mad at him; I just couldn't. He meant too much to me. He would always mean too much to me.
But I needed to get some kind of response, some kind of answer, or I would just always be left in the dark. And I didn't want it to be that way.
"Hailey, I'm just- I can't. I just can't. You don't understand." He said, his brown eyes filling with pain.
I bit my lip as he reached out for my hand, but I didn't grab it. I wanted nothing more than his fingers to be intertwined with mine, to be connected. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, warmth radiating between us.
I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine, to be kissed by him.
But I couldn't find it within me to take his hand, and I had to watch as his eyes transformed into a new look of hurt that made my chest ache.
His hand fell back to his side as I still stood in front of him, arms crossed and glaring.
Why was it so hard? Why couldn't he just tell me why he was upset?
"I could understand- would understand, if you would just talk to me. I told you everything, Drew. I don't have any secrets."
"That's only because your's don't hurt anyone." He replied, the words spewing from his mouth unexpectedly, like he hadn't meant to say them. I watched his hand as he reached down and began to twist his bracelet between his fingers, another reason for me to be confused.
Where had he even gotten that bracelet? Why didn't he ever take it off?
I rubbed my arm, trying not to let everything I was thinking pour out of me. "You know what hurts, Drew?" I asked, my words making me feel woozy. "Seeing you hurt. Seeing you hold everything inside, watching you try and come up with excuses for the truth when I want to hear everything you have to say, when I want to help you with whatever you're going through."
I sighed again. "That's what hurts, Drew."
His eyes searched mine, his breathing growing heavy. I knew I was being hard on him, I knew I was being horribly unfair. I knew that what I was doing to him was wrong.
But I needed him to know that what he was doing to me was wrong, too.
"Hailey," He whispered, taking a step towards me. His face was inches away from mine now, and he closed his eyes, like what he was going to say next was too painful to say as he looked at me. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine, I swear, I'm okay."
His voice broke at the end, his eyes still shut tightly.
I shook my head in disbelief, not agreeing with him in the slightest. "Then just answer me Drew, just this once. If you just tell me the truth, I'll stop asking about it."
I listened as he took a deep breath, sucking air into his lungs as if he could never get enough.
I took a deep breath now, too.
"Tell me why you're always so hard on yourself." I exhaled, trying to not jumble my words together. I just didn't know where all of this was coming from- it was so unexpected. Like all the questions had just built up over time; and now I couldn't stop myself.
But why did I feel like this? Why did I feel so hurt?
"Tell me why you are always so worried, so paranoid. Tell me why you couldn't stop shouting save her when you fell asleep during work, tell me why you were so afraid to go to the hospital on that one night back at the record store."
I froze, thinking about the next words that would come out of my mouth. "Tell me why it seems, no matter what, you always have the weight of the world on your shoulders."
When Drew opened his eyes again, it was like they were electrified. Filled with tears, I had to do all that I could not to drop to my knees and beg for forgiveness, not to run over to him and throw my arms around him, not to cry just because it looked like he was going to.
"Please- don't do this." He said, "Please, I can't explain it right now. It's not because I don't trust you, it's not because I don't want to, because I do, I really do. I'm just scared, Hailey."
"Scared of what?" I asked, watching him closely and then looking towards the door. He grabbed my arm suddenly, catching my thoughts.
"Hailey I don't want to lo-"
His sentence was cut off by the chirping buzz of his ring tone, and we both sighed. I nodded at him and took a step back, as he just continued to stand in front of me, looking as regretful as ever.
I just couldn't believe this was actually happening. The last time we had argued, it had been at the record store, almost a month before.
How did we get here?
I mean, I knew all about secrets. I knew all about lies. But with Drew, I thought it was different.
I guess I was wrong.
He cleared his throat as he fumbled through his pocket and searched for his phone. I continued to glare, cursing internally at the interruption. Whoever had dialed his number really had the absolute worst timing.
He answered at the fifth ring.
"Hello?" He asked, stress clearly evident in his voice. He was never really good at covering up his emotions, they always found a way to come out one way or another. It was just talking about them that he had a problem with.
I tapped my foot, watching as his face went blank.
"Yeah, she's here. Hold on."
My body froze as he held out the phone to me, and when I gave him a look all he could do was shrug. I grabbed the phone from his hand, trying to seem calm but shaking as I held it up to my ear.
"Who is this?" I said right away, not wasting any time. It was cold against my cheek, the smoothness of the top feeling strange. I could tell Drew wanted to stand close by, because he was teetering back and forth on his heels and leaning towards me. But he decided against it, turning away from me and running a quick hand through his hair.
"Hailey," The voice on the other end sighed in relief, and I immediately recognized who it was. "It's Millie."
I held a hand to my forehead, trying not to sound surprised. It didn't work very well. "Millie?" I said, my voice sounding foreign. "How did you get Drew's number?"
"Who cares how I got his number!" She shouted, and I winced, holding the phone away from my ear. "I need to talk to you- it's urgent."
She sounded winded, completely out of breath. She was either horribly shaken or had just run a marathon, which in both cases is really unlike Millie. I combed my fingers through my hair, trying to contain my endless nervous energy that seemed to increase by the minute.
"Millie, this really isn't the best time." I said, my eyes flickering around the room.
I tried not to pay attention to Drew as he looked queasy and began to pace silently around the kitchen, circling the counter and taking quick steps. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, but he didn't notice.
"Hailey- it's important. You need to come over. Right now." The end of her sentence sounded more scared than anything else, and I bit the edge of my tongue. What could she possibly need at the moment that couldn't wait a little while longer?
"I can't right now." I told her, glancing over at Drew again. He was still walking around the kitchen, holding onto his bracelet as if it were a life line.
"Why not?" She snapped, obviously not pleased with my unexplained motive that rejected her request.
I frowned. "I'm with Drew right now-"
"God dammit, bring him too Hailey. Just get over here."
I was about to refuse, collecting all the strength I needed for a last and final no, until Millie huffed and added;
"It's about your mom."
And then I heard the click of the line, signaling to me she had hung up. I was left on the other end, completely at a loss for what to say.
My head whirled as I tried to absorb Millie's information.
My mom?
Of course. I should've known that was the reason she was calling me. I should've known, I should've known.
How could I have been so stupid? I knew my mom would eventually do something. But it didn't even cross my mind until now; how she would react to me running out of the house and not coming back all night.
My heart sunk deep into my chest, making me feel as if I was choking. She would never forgive me.
But, did I really want her to?
She had probably called the police or something, sent out a search party. Who knows what she was capable of- I obviously didn't. And even though my mother might not care about me, she'd stop at nothing to make sure it at least looked like she did.
She could just never leave things alone.
"Here," I said dryly, my voice weak as I passed Drew's phone back to him. He strode over to me, retrieving it from my hand and returning it back into his pocket.
"Who was that?" He questioned, his face revealing someone strong, but his voice sounding like it was coming from someone who was damaged beyond their years. I glanced once again towards the door.
"It was Millie," I said, an uncomfortable feeling resting between us. He made a face, wondering the same thing I had when I found out who was calling. "Trust me, I have no idea how she got your number."
"It's alright. At least she was able to get a hold of you." He murmured, a sad look still engraved into his features as he looked away from me.
We were silent after this, exchanging looks of pain and guilt and questions. He didn't know if he should pick up where he left off, I didn't know if I should stay or leave.
For all I knew, his parents were probably sitting next to the stairs; listening to our entire conversation.
So eventually, I settled on; "I need to go. Millie said she has something to tell me, something about my mom." I rubbed my eyes, the last part of my sentence sounding feeble. I was feeling horribly exhausted more than anything, but not from lack of sleep; from our topic of discussion.
"Let me take you." Drew responded immediately, not missing a single beat as he walked towards his motorcycle keys on the counter.
I shook my head at him. "I don't think-"
"It's just a ride, Hailey. Let me take you." He interrupted, his eyes still reflecting a glint of hurt.
I sighed, weighing my options.
"Fine, Drew. Just a ride."
The air outside was about the least comforting it could get, warm and tense, making my entire body feel sticky as soon as I reached his front door. The engine of Drew's motorcycle roared in my ears, and I watched the sky overhead through the tint of his helmet. The clouds were a deep, gloomy gray hanging over us and shielding the sun- letting only meager light show through and making the entire city look grim.
I wondered why it had been storming so much lately.
But, the only thing more aggravating then the mid-day weather was trying to stay angry as I held onto Drew's waist, cringing every time we took a sharp turn and I had to tighten my grip around him. Not because I wasn't enjoying it, but because I didn't want to be. He was doing it on purpose; going over every crack and crevasse in the road, shifting lanes at the very last second- just so I would have to hold on to him even tighter than before. He knew how much I liked being on his motorcycle with him, how I loved the speed and the sounds and the feeling, he knew that this could be the one thing that might persuade me to forgive him.
He was right about most of it, and even as he glanced back at me while looking around for traffic, I considered forgiving him, telling him to forget about everything that happened back at the house so we could go back to being us.
But then I realized, us was me revealing everything but knowing nothing, so I decided against it. I wasn't giving up that easily.
After a excessively bumpy trip and a few screamed directions, we were pulling up into Millie's driveway. Stationed in the front were two cars; a red one and a white one, indicating both of her parents were home.
I untangled myself from Drew, hobbling off the motorcycle and listening to the engine die down as he pulled the keys from the ignition. I could feel the intensity of his stare burning into me as I walked up the driveway and his footsteps caught up with mine. I frowned, not exactly sure why he was following me up the path way; but deciding not to mention it. I couldn't stop repeating this morning's events over and over again in my head. Stumbling over a frayed welcome mat, I reached to the side, ringing the bell just once.
In only a few seconds, Millie appeared at the door, swinging it open and closing it behind her quietly as she stepped out. Her face was a light shade of red, and she looked flustered, pulling a blond strand that fell in front of her face behind her ear.
She looked back and forth between me and Drew, picking up on the tension immediately. Her lips parted, but I shook my head at her quickly, a silent signal to just ignore it.
"What happened?" I asked her, not able to think of a better way to start the conversation. Millie stood on the porch, digging her toes into the sidewalk and watching me closely.
"I don't exactly know Hailey, it all just kind of freaked me out. I don't even know where to start."
"Try from the beginning," Drew said softly, offering an attempt at kindness, noticing how unsettled Millie was. She smiled at him, and took a deep breath.
I waited as she began to speak.
"Your mom called me Hailey, she told me that you got upset last night and ran out on her. I couldn't believe it, but I called your cell phone over and over again- and I couldn't reach you. She said that I didn't have anything to worry about, that you'd probably come back sooner or later, but I couldn't help but worry. Especially since I couldn't get a hold of you." She gave me a look, biting the inside of her cheek. "But since I knew that you wouldn't run out for just any reason, I just told her I had no idea where you were. And then I figured, since you weren't with me there was only one other place you'd probably be, so I tracked down Drew's number. But, Hailey-"
She cut off, and I swayed in the heat, trying to figure out where she was going with all of this.
"What else, Millie? What else did she say?"
"Hailey I-"
I interrupted her, not up to listening to an excuse. "Just tell me what she told you. I know she said something else, or you wouldn't have called me over here."
Millie sighed, looking towards the ground.
"She said she was calling your dad, Hailey."
I nearly fainted, gasping as Drew stiffened beside me. My vision went blurry, Millie's face contorting into smeared lines and the door behind her shifting sideways.
What?
But then I realized, it wasn't because I was going to faint, but because my eyes were filling with tears.
"She what?" I asked, my voice cracking.
Millie nodded faintly, looking worried. "She said that you were getting a bit out of control- that maybe you needed to stay with him for a while."
And suddenly, everything that happened this morning, everything that happened a few days before, everything that had been happening lately, all seemed to fade from my mind, as I realized exactly what was going on.
I reached for Drew's hand now, and as he took it, I was more gracious than ever. It was a silent apology, but also a life line, because I knew that what I was going to say next; what I had finally figured out, would hurt me forever.
"Oh my god," I cried, squeezing Drew's hand and looking Millie in the eyes. "She's not going to make me quit, she's going to send me away."
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End of chapter 21! Yes, I know, I've been packing in every ounce of drama lately, but; it only gets more intense from here.
So anyway, remember to vote, comment, vote, comment, comment, or leave any question/ remark you have.
The question for this chapter is; What has been your favorite part of this story so far?
Remember to come back for the next chapter of MRSR!