His name is Adam. I have a dream about him. Wish we were friends; I got gym class in half an hour. Oh, how he rock in Reeboks and white socks. But he doesn't know who I am. And he doesn't give a damn about me.
'Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby.
And that's me -- Anthony Chaos, well-known weirdo all through the school. But hey, I can deal. I mean, I've done pretty well the past two years, right? How hard can a couple more really be?
Maybe I should explain a bit more about my situation. Again, I'm Anthony Chaos. I am a junior in high school. And I've been an outcast here since I was a freshman, when I first moved here. I have four good friends, one of which is no longer a student, but we all live together. A little weird, right? Well, actually, really weird, according to all of the student body.
Anyway, yes, I live with my three best friends, who all happen to be rather unpopular at school. But not like I am. At least other people talk to them. Steven is the person I'm closest to. I tell him everything, and he never ceases to be here when I need him to be. Then there's Anthony, who we refer to more commonly as Galm. He's the serious type among us, if I'm honest. Keeps us on track, at least. And then there's John, who has a clumsy and stupid nature, but we love him anyway. Tom would usually be included, but he graduated last year. He does live with us, but most of the time he's out working.
We all have nicknames for each other, yet another reason why we're so isolated. I'm Chilled, Steven is Ze, Anthony is Galm (obviously), and John is Smarty. Tom is just, well, Tom. We spend a lot of our free time playing video games and such. We love games. If there's anything we love more than games, I'd be surprised to hear it. Except maybe food.
Of course, and then there are our...relationships. It's common knowledge at school by this point that if we were an actually family, we would be disgustingly incestual. But we aren't related, so it doesn't matter. But because we live together, that's how people see it. Tom and Smarty are together. Ze and Galm are together. Smarty and Galm were once a thing. In fact, Smarty goes between them a lot, unsure of his feelings. For now, Galm has Ze, but Ze is pretty nonchalant about Galm and Smarty still being into each other. And then there's me. The loner. You'd think you'd be more accepted as being the one guy not in love with whoever you're living with, but it makes me even more alienated, simply because I continue hanging out with them. And maybe that I, too, am into guys. But that's a given, isn't it?
This whole setup has never been a big problem until recently, though. Because, as of a few months ago, I have developed the one crush that I always knew I shouldn't.
I have a crush on Adam Montoya.
Adam Montoya is my polar opposite, no doubt. He's popular. He's handsome. He's funny. He's, well, everything that I wish I was. No, I take that back. He's everything everyone else wishes I was. Because being me isn't enough, they want me to be normal, so they can actually talk to me. But if they don't wanna talk, then fine with me.
Funny thing is, Adam's love for video games rivals my own. His intelligence, too. We aren't geniuses, but we are at the top of our classes. It's always good to find someone with a little brain to talk to, but of course, the moment I find someone with that plus a love for video games, he has to be popular, out of reach. All in all, I'm invisible to him. He doesn't care about me, probably never notices me.
Today is just like any other day. I sit in my first period class, a nondescript Math class. Well, Senior Finite, but it isn't like it's a hard class. This coming from one of the smart guys of school, I guess that may be less than accurate. I sit in my desk, in the second row from the front of the room. My eyes are trained on the book resting open on my desk, a simple read. Hell, I don't know the name of the thing. It's cheesy and romantic, and I'm pretty sure I've been reading the same kissing scene for the past three minutes while I wait for the bell. I shut the book with a sigh and rest my chin on the palm of my hand, adjusting my red Mario hat -- yet another reason for insults -- as I do. People are filing into the room, now that there is about a minute left before class starts.
My eyes snap onto him when he walks in. He has a bag slung over his shoulder, and he pauses after he steps I. the doorway, running a hand over his buzzed hair, looking around briefly before he begins walking again, heading to his seat just as the bell rings. The teacher, Mr. Ferdinando, or Coach F, as we call him, begins the lesson immediately, talking at the from of the classroom. It's Monday. Everyone here is tired, and Coach F knows it, so after simple instruction, he does something he usually never does.
He allows us partners.
This isn't usually a thing. Coach F believes strictly in individual work, so everyone is pleasantly surprised. Must be something at home, I figure. Maybe the wife isn't doing so well, maybe they fought last night or over the weekend. Everyone wants to be my partner, and yet no one does. I'm smart and everyone knows it. Having me as the partner guarantees an A on the assignment, but it also means they have to talk to me. Everyone always goes straight for Adam, of course. Hell, if I weren't me, I'd go straight to him, too. But I am me, and he is him, so that's never going to happen, not even a bit.
However, the class is uneven, so I'm the one stuck without someone else. Not that I care or need help. I've carried a ninety-four in this class since week two. But Coach F is determined to put me with someone, arguing with me over what I want.
"I can work alone, Coach F," I say to him as he stands before me, running a hand through his grey and black hair.
"No, no, everyone must have a partner," he says, muttering something else that is incoherent, and I begin to question his mental stability today. As I open my mouth to argue again, someone beats me to speaking.
"He can join our group," a female voice volunteers. My head snaps to the left, and I see Adam, sitting in his desk, which is about three seats away and one behind me. He sits with a very pretty girl, whose name is Cathy, I think. Adam is looking at Cathy, as she had been the one to speak, but he notices me looking and he meets my gaze.
My heart nearly shatters at what appears to be a look of anger. I don't know why I'm surprised. He's probably pissed off that Cathy volunteered me to be in his group. I feel stupid for hoping, even a little. He looks away from me quickly, and I feel even worse. He really doesn't like me, does he? I can feel myself caving in. I know I shouldn't think it, but I really am worthless if even Adam -- who has a heart of gold, really -- hates me.
"Mr. Chaos? Mr. Chaos!" The sound of my last name makes me look back at Coach F. It is then that I realize I had been staring at Adam, and I feel a bluish creeping up onto my face. I bite my lip and pray that I didn't gape, too.
"Yes, Coach F?"
"What do you say? To Miss Diep's offer." I glance over at Adam, but he is talking with Cathy, so I shrug looking back at Coach F.
"I say I could still work alone," I say stubbornly. "But, I also say I know you're pretty serious about this, so I'll just say yes." I see him relax and I can't help my smile. Coach F can be ridiculous sometimes. I gather my book and papers and walk over to Adam and the girl, my heart hammering in my chest. I pull up another desk and put it next to theirs, sitting down. They look over, and I force myself to avoid looking at Adam in fear of staring again and seeing that anger. I feel like I was too fast in my movement, too eager, but I try not to dwell on it.
"Anthony, right?" the girl greets me. "I'm Cathy." She smiles at me, and I know one fact immediately.
I do not like this girl.
I'm not sure why, really, but I know this much. Two seconds, four words, and I already don't like her. Way to make friends, Anthony. And, though it is irrational, I have to thank her and smile for getting me closer to Adam. I feel stupid just thinking it, because he obviously doesn't want to work with me, but my heart sings with joy at being so close and able to speak to him, and it is all thanks to the very girl I hate the most right now. So I smile, close-lipped, almost shyly.
"Yep, that's me," I say. "The weirdo with the Mario hat." Cathy laughs, and I feel like scratching the chalkboard with my nails would have been more pleasant to listen to. I know she's fake. I think that's what pisses me off so much. I can see that she's doing it to impress Adam. Inviting the weird kid over. Being nice. It's supposed to highlight her kindness or something, I guess. And what can I do about it? I'm not motivated enough to stop her. To point out that she's called me names in the hallways, just like everyone else. If she wants Adam, I can't stop her. It's not like I can fight her for him, you know, since Adam is pretty much straight, as far as I know. So all I can do is laugh with her and pray this will be over quickly.
It isn't.
Within just five minutes, I'm ready to flip a desk. She won't stop talking to me. I know she's trying to impress, but I think this might be going overboard. Adam hasn't said a single word to me the whole time, and I think it's because Cathy won't shut up, and I have to force myself to remember the angered look he'd given me. Every time he looks at me, I either nearly start staring, or I look away too quickly. God, what is wrong with me? That's not the way to pretend you don't have a crush. I feel so stupid, especially once I realize that I am once again staring at him and he's trying to talk to me.
"Chaos!" he exclaims, snapping his fingers in front of me, causing me to jump.
"What?" I say automatically, looking around. Everyone's already left.
"The bell rang a minute ago, and you just kept staring into space." I am about to do it again, too, and that space was going to be Adam's perfect lips. He is actually talking to me. He has on a smirk, one that I'd seen many times when he was teasing his friends. I have to make myself breathe slowly, again trying to remember that he does not like me .
"O-oh," I stutter. "Th-thanks. I was just...thinking." About him, of course, but I'm not about to say that. I gather my things and when I look up, my heart skips a beat when I see he is still there. Play it cool, Anthony, play it cool.
"Can I help you with something?" I ask, then I mentally kick myself when I register my almost irritated. I said play it cool, not sound like a jerk! I sigh inwardly as I wait for an answer, staring down at the book in my hands as if I have to make sure it's the right one.
"Oh, uh, no," Adam says, making look up in surprise. Did he just...stutter? "I just wanted to make sure you weren't late to gym. We have next period together, so I thought maybe--" There is a loud bang on the door then, and I look over to see a grinning Steven with Galm behind him.
"Chilled~!" Steven sings, and I face palm. Galm must have gave him something special this morning. Great. Steven always gets very happy, almost drunkenly so, when he and Galm, well...yeah. I look to Adam, deciding I would rather keep Steven from saying too much than stick around to hear what Adam was thinking, because there's no doubt Steven would say the wrong thing if I did.
"I've gotta go," I say slowly, and he looks at me. "Bye." I hurry over towards Steven and Galm, whacking Steven upside the head.
"Can you be a little less annoying ?" I hiss. As I head out the door with my two idiot friends, I swear on my Mario hat that I hear Adam say:
"See you."
I mean, it's stupid to think that he actually said that, but a guy can dream, right?