And I'm back with another chapter.
Had writers block for most of the week- sorry I didn't update until now.
Hope this chapter makes up for it xxx
Chapter 29
Movie Night
Deacon POV
Knowing what I had to do, knowing the next step I was obligated to take as the future Alpha and a mate, I had to buck up my ideas.
I didn’t deserve Virginia, I knew that. I’d known that for quite some time but somehow, for some unknown reason she stuck around and loved me. I now have to buck up my ideas properly and become the mate she deserves.
That begins with Bethany…
So that’s where I was, I had just sat her down and was readying myself for the coming news I had to get out. I had to admit out loud how my feelings had… changed?
I had come to realise the reason why I was drawn to her, why even know I felt as though I had to be by her side, I needed to be touching her bump; I had to be near my boy.
“I know what you’ve come here to say Deac, and don’t worry about it. I don’t need to hear it. It’s ok,” Bethany mutters, gazing down at the tiled flooring rather than into my eyes.
“I have to explain- you deserve to know. Can you let me do that?”
Own up to it Deac, you have to do this.
Bethany deserves your honesty; Virginia deserves a clean slate… and you? You don’t deserve either of these women; Bethany may have been the one that originally made a mess of everything by cheating, but right now she needs me more than anything and I will. I will be there as she needs me, but as a friend. I will no longer lead her on and make her feel there is more going on than there is.
My father showed me love and belief that I can do this, that I can make things right and I know now that I should’ve admitted my wrongs a long time ago and corrected them. But it’s taken months of going back and forth with my feelings.
Buck it up boy and do the right thing.
My eyes are trained to the randomly fitted brickwork of the walls, looking like a completed game of Tetris. Oddly eye-catching arrangement, I find myself gazing over the walls while my mouth does the work,
“Over the past few days I’ve come to realise why I’m drawn to you, why I need to be close; it’s my son, our boy. He calls to me on a level I never thought possible. My body is magnetised to you because of the bond between him and I, and I mistook it for the feelings we once had for each other.
I will always love you Bethany, I don’t think that will go away; more so now that you’re the mother of my boy, but I love Virginia in a whole other way. A way that I can’t deny and I can’t let go of that.
I am so sorry, insanely sorry for leading you on when I was confused in myself. Please don’t think I’m not going to support you because I am and we will. I will be there for you during and after you birth our boy; I won’t abandon you, my family and I will be there whenever you need us, financially, emotionally and physically.
You are an amazing woman; I am in awe of you for all you’ve done for us. I can forgive and forget your indiscretion. I want to co-parent with you effectively and provide our boy with the family he deserves.
Do you think you can stay here… give it a try? For us? For…” I place a shaky hand on Bethany’s bump, “For him?” I didn’t know whether she would stay, or run, or even let me see my son! I know she is selfless and considerate but anyone who’s been through the loss of a parent wouldn’t be thinking rationally right now would they?
“For our son, I’ll try. This isn’t for you. Not one little bit,” Bethany whispers as a multitude of tears collect and flood from her eyes, cascading in torrents onto the overstretched t-shirt she wore, “speaking of which. He needs a name. I’m sick to death of calling him him, we need to give him a name soon.”
Absolutely shocked, and once again, in awe of Bethany’s altruism; I know if the wolf gods intended for us to be mated, it would be that way, and I know Virginia is perfectly suited for me, but sometimes I wonder whether Bethany has the patience, the civility, the understanding that one needs to handle and put up with stupidity and childish behaviours such as mine. I don’t get the ways of the world but it’s obvious, I believe anyway, that everything happens for a reason.
Neither my brother nor my mate deserve to put up with an idiot such as I, but they have stuck by me despite my continuous indiscretions and I now have to change my ways and prove I can be the man they need, they deserve.
My brother, my family, my pack deserve an Alpha worthy of the title, my mate, my woman, my Virginia deserves a mate, a life partner worthy of her love; able to support, cherish and provide for her to the best of their ability.
Is that me?
Am I worthy?
I sound like a pussy right now but I just don’t care.
I’m the one that messed up, I’m the one that ran instead of fought for answers, and I’m the one who basically had two girls on the go at the same time.
Yes, Bethany cheated on me, yes I was abducted and tortured by Virginia’s father but didn’t I deserve that for what I’d done over the years? All the fuck ups, all the times I refused blame for my own actions, all the times I messed up; It. Was. My. Fault.
“I don’t think I could ever voice how grateful I am for this chance. I know it’s not for me, or for the pack, but for our boy. But I still want to express how thankful I am for you giving us this chance. On the subject of names, I do agree… we should consider choosing a name. Do you have any ideas Bethany?” I’m currently forcing my eyes to gaze at the mother of my child; for fear of losing the colossal chance I’ve been gifted; the chance to be in my son’s life despite my ingenious fuck ups.
At that point, Bethany and I fell into a back and forth game of name veto, going through the A to Z on the oversized plush couch in the living room. This task was long, frustrating and repetitive.
“Oscar?”
“Pansy! Oliver?”
Ok ok, this isn’t going well is it?” Bethany sighed, rubbing thumbs over her temples in soothing circles, “how about we both write down 10 names we like. We need a middle name too, so think about names. And we’ll figure it out.” That was the best idea either of us had come up with; we would have to compromise out of the names we had going.
Pen and paper in hand, my mind a total blank as I scrolled through the page on my phone, looking at a website filled with names; names of all origins, unique and traditional. I didn’t know what I wanted for my son, and only now was I being given the chance to think, consider, and question my motives, my role as a father.
Would I be the hands on type like Holden or the strict, tough love father like my own? Would I want traditional values or modern day expectations? This whole daddy thing is scary as shit!
So here I was, running my thumb over the touch screen of my iPhone, looking at the hundreds of baby names, considering them for a future Alpha, this is what I chose after a long thought;
Asher
Braxton
Callum
Ethan
Maddox
Malachy
Orlando
Reuben
Spencer
Theodore
All strong, masculine names in my opinion… I just hope Bethany and I could set on one name for our boy; this is the name he’ll live with for the rest of his life. He deserves to not be embarrassed every time his name is said out loud.
“You ready?” I ask, noticing the abrupt hush in the room. Bethany was no longer scribbling on the notepad beside her; she was just sat there, staring at the unlit fireplace in silence.
This isn’t how I was expecting to spend Christmas eve-eve… Usually we would all be in the living room with a cup of hot chocolate, putting up the decorations on the gigantic tree and preparing for the pack Christmas Eve spectacular at the pack house. Not this year… I had an emotional and sensitive mate recovering from her heat and the sexual escapades my brother and I put her through last night, and a temperamental ex, pregnant with my baby and dealing with the demise of her mother.
So much going on, and I can’t even wrap my head around it.
“Yeah, think so.”
And that was how we came to name the future Alpha of our pack Maddox Arthur Declan Riley!
~*~
Popcorn, Pringles, Haribo, chocolate buttons and a mountain of Chinese takeaway crowded up the coffee table, duvets, blankets and pillows all over the floor and the corner sofas and Picture Perfect on the widescreen TV; Declan, Virginia, Bethany and my brothers and sisters- Marley, Ava, Melody and Archer all enjoying a chilled out movie night together.
As much as I don’t have the same bond with my younger siblings as I do with Declan, I love spending time with them and this is exactly what we all needed.
Virginia and Bethany were sat together, singing the words to the Cups song together; it warmed my heart to see how selfless and supportive Virginia was being, how she made sure Bethany was included in our family evening,
“I got my ticket for the long way round
Two bottles of whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say
When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my hair
You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
I got my ticket for the long way round
The one with the prettiest of views
It's got mountains
It's got rivers
It's got sights to give you shivers
But it sure would be prettier with you
When I'm gone
When I'm gone
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
You're gonna miss me by my walk
You're gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.”
Just as the song finished, someone flicked the wall lamps on; the sudden bright light caused my eyes to squint at the glare and I turned to moan at whoever it was but ended up looking into the eyes of my mother,
“Guys, can we talk a sec?”
Melody paused the film and in walked mum, Dean and my dad… whatever this was, it was important. They never ever interrupt movie night.
“What’s up?” Marley voiced, asking the question we all had running through our heads, “is everything ok?”
Mum walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa, twisting her hands- an old time nervous habit of hers; something was wrong. I didn’t like the way she couldn’t meet any of our gazes.
“I have something… important to tell you all.”
Oh crap, what’s going on?
“Guys, I- we- I’m pregnant again.”
Holy mother!