Chapter 2 - Watt the fudge Cake?
Serenity slumped at Loyal's table and dropped her head on the table. The whole table stopped talking. As unusual as it was to see Serenity on her own without a male accessory adorning her, it was even stranger to see her looking less than... well, less than chipper. She was bubbly and in one word she was 'blonde' (apologies to all those blondes out there who do remember to breathe without audio reminders).
“Umm Serenity honey, is there anything wrong?” the bottle redhead with the fake boobs, that no one seemed to know the name of, asked.
“Ohh, when, when will he come?” Serenity moaned to the table top.
“Pick me! Pick me! I’ll come any time you want me too!” Josh waved his hand in the air like he was answering some sort of pop-quiz, pop being the emphasised term.
“That’s my sister, idiot,” growled Loyal as the palm of his hand collided with the back of Josh’s head.
“She was moaning! Come on Loyal, you know how that turns me on!”
“She’s breathing too Josh. That’s enough for you isn’t it?”
“Point taken,” he shrugged. “So how about it Serenity, you want a ride on the love boat?”
Loyal re-thwacked the back of Josh’s head and he glared at his friend.
“Ewwww,” Serenity lifted her head off the table, “Pleeaassee, I have standards!”
“Really? What are they? Come on Serenity what are you looking for in a man?”
“Well,” she drew out the word as she stared off into space, “He’d be tall but not too tall.”
“Tick,” Josh nodded as his finger made the motion.
“Handsome,”
“Tick,”
“You know with a rippling muscular chest, at least a 6 pack, and hot biceps.”
“Tick, tick.”
“And he would have to dote on me and adore me.”
“Yeah, I could do that for the time it took - so tick! I am your perfect man. Me. I’m all here. Why wait Serenity. We could be great together.”
“Shut up Josh! Don’t hit on my sister or I will break your nose or some other piece off your body.”
“Hum, is this multi-choice because I think you need another couple of options,” Josh smirked back at Loyal.
Serenity ignored Josh and picked up the carrot stick that lay on her otherwise empty plate, which was in the middle of her empty tray. The other girls immediately looked at their salads with guilty expressions.
“It’s a week to my birthday. I need to have a party. A big party.”
Everyone at the table turned to Serenity. The girls squealed and clapped their palms together carefully avoiding their manicured fingernails from touching. The boys fist pumped and nodded while grunting some sort of Neanderthal exclamation.
“Umm, Serenity,” Loyal grimaced. “Patience isn’t going to like this.”
“Who? Look Loy, I only have a birthday every now and then. So I should celebrate them when they happen. I don’t want to wait until the next one. She can do what she wants to do when it’s her birthday.”
Loyal sighed. There was no point arguing with her. This happened every year.
“This year we should have a theme. I was reading this story...”
“Serenity... did you say you were reading?” The whole table looked at her aghast.
“Ohh, my gawd, haven’t I told you yet? You know that black flat thingy I got for Christmas last year? The lap bottom, stupid name isn’t it? Anyway. It actually does something. You press a button and all these pretty colours appear like magic. And it has wattpad on it!”
“Wattpad?” the girls all leaned in to listen.
“It’s like, everything. It holds all the answers to everything,” she nodded sincerely. “It told me my destiny.”
Loyal groaned softly.
“It also said the way to celebrate eighteen was to have a masquerade theme party. No costume no admittance. You have to come dressed as Superheros, Zombie football players, Vampires, ohh and I want lots of werewolves there too... yes, plenty of werewolves.”
It didn’t take long for the word of the party to reach Patience in the library.
“I’m going to kill her,” she rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand as she remembered the last party they had.
Josh had set fire to the surface of the swimming pool, as yet she did not know how, and when the fire brigade arrived Serenity was convinced that they were her birthday gift. She refused to let them leave unless they did an all male review for her – full monty. Apparently the cheerleaders were more than happy to assist. The poor defenceless fire fighters soon found themselves fighting off something hotter and more determined than any inferno.
The house was a sealed crime scene for a week while they gather the necessary evidence to charged them with kidnapping, assault, inciting a riot, grievous bodily harm and breaching food hygiene laws (don’t ask). Eventually the fire fighters dropped all charges when Serenity and the cheerleaders offered to reciprocate with a private performance all of their very own. An as a direct consequence the firemen now found a reason to drop in every time there was a whiff of smoke in the neighbourhood.
The year before that they had woken to find the house painted a bright shade of magenta red inside and out. To this day Patience has no idea where the paint came from in such abundance. And Serenity’s excuse – ‘to have a good time you must paint the place red!’
Hell, no. Not this year! Patience vowed silently to herself.
She had a week to sabotage Serenity’s plans or to get herself adopted and move to Cambodia, Nepal, or even New Zealand. Things were grim.
“A Party!” she punched Loyal in the arm which only succeed in hurting her hand. “You should have stopped her!”
“Me? She’s doing this to find her mate Patience. And why is that? Ohh that’s right, you got her thinking she was a werewolf and some sort of freaky soul mate coming for her.”
“Ohh hell, what are we gonna do?”
“We? There is no ‘we’ in ‘Your fault’!”
“Thanks Loyal, thanks for that.”
“Anyway I’ve already got my costume all planned out.”
“Let me guess you are going as a used c0nd0m, no, no, tits on a bull, a used toilet roll, ohh no, I’ve got it, you are going as yourself!”
“Shut up Patience. Now I’m not going to tell you.” He sulked.
“Fine,” Patience shrugged as she climbed into the car.
“Look you don’t need to do this you know,” she glanced over to him as she broke the silence in the car.
Loyal didn’t answer he just frowned as he drove.
“She won’t be here long. You could make yourself scarce.”
Loyal threw Patience a look before he turned back to concentrate on the road.
“One day she will see me,” was all he mumbled.
“I love you,” Patience whispered, “and so does Serenity, well not as much as she loves herself but a whole of a lot more than she loves me. Actually she doesn’t even remember my name so that isn’t that hard.”
“I know. And I know that should be enough. But you know what, it isn’t.”
Patience drew in a deep breath. Having their Mother come home was hard on them all. But for Loyal it was harder. Whereas Patience and Serenity endured their mother, Loyal worshiped her. He always had and always would. Yet the woman who conceived them and birthed them, really had no time for them at all. It had always been like this. And always it hit Loyal hardest.
They arrived home and Loyal went straight to the Kitchen. Patience sighed. That boy never learnt. She went to tidy the rest of the house while Loyal cooked out his frustrations in the kitchen.
At least they would eat well tonight, she thought.
“I’m home!” a voice announced from the front door.
Knowing there was no avoiding this particular car crash, Patience went to greet her mother.
“Mother, so you made the effort this year to come home for our birthday?”
“Birthday? Ohh, umm, today?”
“No Mother, next week.”
“Ohh no, I can’t possibly stay here that long! The Gum trees in Australia are dying.”
“What?”
“Well if they die what will all the Koala bears eat? Don’t be selfish Patience. Your birthday is nothing compared to hundreds of thousands of starving Koala Bears!”
“Let them eat cake, birthday cake,” Patience mumbled under her breath.
“Patience, what have you been eating? Look at you...” her eyes travelled down my figure, “There are children starving in Africa, Patience.”
“And? What’s that got to do with me?”
Her mother gasped, “Patience Lee! Wash your mouth out with soap!”
Patience cringed. It wasn’t the chastising that her mother was giving her that caused that reaction but the simple uttering of her last name. Lee. Patience Lee when run together sounded too similar to Patiently. They all hated the combination of their first names with their last.
“And you will go on a diet,” the woman with the suitcase at her feet continued, “or you will never get a man, not with those thunder thighs!”
At least Serenity came by her tact honesty.
“Mother,” Loyal’s voice caused their mother to stiffen and her eyes narrowed as she turned to him.
“Loyal. Well you are looking more and more like 'him' aren’t you.”
No one was really sure who ‘him’ was but it was reasonable enough to assume that she was revering to the man who injected his seed into her resulting in conception. She made him sound like a pervert. But who knows, maybe he was...?
“It is good to see you Mother, we have missed you,” Loyal said with genuine warmth as he went into hug the block of ice that their mother had become.
“So, got any girls pregnant lately? Broken any hearts? Have you cruelly destroyed the hopes and dreams of any young innocent girls who just wanted to love you and would have done anything for you? Have you been loyal, Loyal Lee?”
Loyal closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, “Mother, please don’t do this, I love you.”
“That’s what your father said.”
“Let’s not do this again. We do this every time. Let’s do something different. Let’s pick on Serenity this trip mum!” Patience pleaded.
“Serenity? Where is my perfect little petal?”
“Off being plucked.”
“Don’t mumble Patience! Seriously, you need to take some lessons from your sister. She will find herself a man who will love her, marry her, and be loyal to her!”
No points for guessing what word got emphasised in that sentence.
Patience looked to Loyal and they shared a small sad smile as the woman who gave them life disappeared into the depths of the house still complaining. This was how it was. She would arrive and criticise Loyal, predominantly, Patience, secondarily and Serenity, never. Then she would be gone, leaving devastation behind her.
She was a hurricane. Hurricane Claire Lee. Yes, Claire Lee was their mother’s name, clearly.
Patience grabbed Loyal’s hand and drew him into a hug.
“I do love you. Are my thighs really that fat?”
He smiled sadly, “Am I really that much of a man whore?”
“Maybe, a little,” Patience frowned.
“Maybe, a little,” Loyal smiled back at her.
By the time Serenity turned up Loyal and Patience’s ego’s had been beaten to a pulp. Then as usual Serenity swept into the room and Mother swooned over her. They were squealing their greeting to each other when Loyal’s hand found Patience’s.
“So fatty, you want to get out of here?”
“Sure man-slut, where are we going to?”
Loyal shrugged his attention on Serenity who was opening the gift Mother had brought her.
“Do you care?”
“Nope,” Patience popped the P. “But let’s get out of here before she starts with the werewolf malarkey. I’m not sure I can cope with that tonight.”
They headed for the door and left unnoticed.
Loyal was still quiet in the car.
“Loyal, don’t.”
“Why do I have to pay for his sins? I don’t even know who he is.”
“I think he is a rock musician and she was a groupie. Or maybe he was a gang leader who was a womaniser and she was seduced by his power. Maybe he was her teacher...”
“Patience!” Loyal interrupted. “Don’t glamorise it. He was just some guy who did a number on her and then did a runner. He fcuked and ducked, as simple as that.”
“I prefer my version.”
“Yeah, well you would.”
“Loyal, why are we at Josh’s house?” Patience scowled at her brother.
“Where else are we going to go?” Loyal shrugged as he got out of the car, “Hey, rest assured that there will be no food here! Your thunder thighs are safe here.”
“Yeah, thanks for that. So you brought me to S3xual Disease Central instead. Good choice!”
Loyal sighed and shook his head as he rang the door bell.
“Al!” Josh grunted as he opened the door, “Ohh and look you brought the Doberman. Sorry man, no dogs inside the house.”
“Shut up Josh.” Loyal said cutting off Patience’s reply. “We’ve had a bitch of a night so don’t you be a bitch too.”
“I’m not a bitch,” Josh sulked.
Patience was about to reply but Loyal flashed her a warning look which she couldn’t ignore. Instead she thrust her hands skywards and strode into the house muttering about the injustices in this world. Patience knew this house well. They were all close friends when they were younger. Before Josh and Loyal discovered girls and Serenity discovered popularity.
She hated coming here. It reminded her of the good times, when they were close, when they were all close.
“Patience!”
“Hey, Mrs C,” Patience smiled.
“We don’t get to see you around here enough.”
OK, Patience ran over the number of possible explanations for that and decided on one that would cause the minimal offense, “Yeah school's pretty busy.”
Meanwhile Loyal and Josh managed to dodge Josh’s mum and they made their way to his bedroom and his Playstation.
“So your sister...?” Josh asked tentively.
“What about her?” Loyal’s eyes narrowed.
“Well she needs a good man in her life...”
“Good being the key word in that?”
“Maybe I should rephrase then,” Josh rolled his eyes.
“Josh we have talked about this. I said no back then and I haven’t changed my mind.”
“Come on man, I wouldn’t hurt her.”
“Hurt her?” Patience scoffed from the door. “Hell Josh, Serenity would chew you up and spit you out!”
Both looked quickly to Patience in surprise but then turned their attention back to the game just as quickly.
“Serenity, yeah of course,” Josh concentrated on the screen.
“However,” Patience said slowly, “With my help, we might just kill two birds with one stone!”
“I don’t want to kill any birds!” Josh pounded on his controller as he focused on killing what was within the game instead. “They are cute and chirpy and all.”
“Josh don’t be such a idiot,” Patience laughed, “What am I saying? Of course you are an idiot! Ok let me make this easy for you to understand. I, can, help, you.”
“Patience, I don’t like where this is heading,” Loyal growled.
“Come on Loyal! This could cure Serenity from her Wattpad obsession.”
“I’m listening,” Loyal sounded dubious.
“I’m confused?”
“Of course you are Josh!” Patience scoffed before she continued, “If the three of us wrote a book on wattpad maybe we could influence her thinking.”
“Would that work?” Loyal frowned.
“I’m still confused?” Josh frowned.
“It should do. We would need to make it popular enough that she would take it seriously. It would have to make it to the What’s Hot list. That means getting a lot of votes and reads.”
“So let me get this right... you get one vote per account right?”
Patience nodded not sure where this was going.
“Well my cat needs a vote, and my goldfish, and Anthorny 1 and Anthorny 2 and...,”
“Josh what the fcuk are you going on about?”
“I’ve named all the ants in my backyard – Ant-horny 1..."
"Why Ant-horny?"
"Well, they are all guys, there is only one chick and she's the Queen, of course they are gonna be frustrated as hell! We got to give them something to live for and I respect their right to vote. They should have the right to vote on wattpad!” He stood with his fist raised like he was campaigning for world peace.
“Ohh please, save me!” Patience groaned regretting her suggestion because Josh now had the ball and was running with it.