The best way to sum the whole thing up, Liam thinks, is what Louis said on the set of Best Song Ever. He'd muttered it not long after Zayn had come out of makeup, all long, dark hair and fake boobs and perfect makeup. It had been a little surprising, honestly. Like, they all knew it was happening, but there's a big difference between hearing "Okay, Zayn, you're going to be made into a lady," and actually seeing it in real life.
He wasn't half bad, is the thing. Maybe not, like, Victoria's Secret model hot, but Liam would be lying if he said the four of them hadn't given Zayn very considering once overs once he'd gotten fully dressed, tugging at the hem of his skirt.
"I don't know how to feel," Harry had said, head cocked to the side, looking genuinely befuddled.
And Louis had scoffed, rolled his eyes, and said, "You're all acting like this is the first time Zayn's made you question your sexuality. It's Zayn. That's, like, his entire purpose on this planet."
Which — seems to be true, at least for Liam.
Really, Liam is straight. Ninety-eight percent straight, at least. He likes women. He likes soft skin and round breasts and curves. He likes flowing hair and feminine giggles and sweet perfume. His crush on Justin Timberlake, he thinks, is just an exception. He's not even sure if it is a crush. Maybe Liam's just comfortable enough with himself to be able to appreciate attractive, talented men.
And then there's Zayn and, well, that's a whole different story. That's not a celebrity crush. That's not a slight infatuation with someone he's barely met before, who he's mostly only admired (and idolized) from afar. It's completely different, and it's completely horrible.
It started, he believes, when they were on the X Factor. Liam had been extremely out of his element at the beginning, and Zayn had been so different from Louis and Niall and Harry. Sure, he could goof off like the rest of them, cause a scene, get rowdy and annoying. But there was the other side to Zayn, the calmed, softer spoken side, that had sucked Liam in. Zayn had always been Liam's favorite.
But then Zayn grew up. It's really unfair, actually, that Liam had to witness the whole thing up close. Had to watch Zayn go from a soft, round cheeked boy into a man. And that's when things started to get complicated, when Zayn thinned out a little, started growing out his facial hair. When he started dressing in tighter, edgier clothes. When he etched his skin in ink and really perfected that smoldering smirk of his.
Zayn Malik is bloody gorgeous, and anyone can see that. It's just — a fact. Common knowledge. So it really shouldn't affect Liam, it shouldn't. Because, like, they're all attractive in their own right. Harry's got the dimples and the charm; Louis has that playful, mischievous ruggedness; Niall has the frat boy thing going for him. But Liam didn't get a budding attraction to them; just Zayn, unfortunately.
Maybe it's more than attraction, though. Maybe it's more than wanting to know how that stubble would feel between his thighs; maybe it's more than wanting to kiss those lips of Zayn's until they're red and swollen. Maybe, Liam can admit, he's in love with Zayn.
Actually, that's probably a fact, too. Zayn is attractive: fact. Liam is in love with him: fact. Being in love with your best friend/bandmate is a bad idea: also fact.
Whatever. Liam's come to terms with it. Liam can handle it. He's been handling it. It's something he's pushed to the back of his mind, convinced himself isn't a big deal. He's got a girlfriend now, anyways, and Zayn's got Perrie, and Liam can honestly deal with it.
Or he thought he could. He thought he could handle it. He was handling it. He was handling it fucking brilliantly, actually, until Perrie showed up to the movie premier with that thing on her finger.
Engagement ring.
The words echoes in his mind as people talk all around him. Liam doesn't hear them anymore. Doesn't hear Niall asking him what's wrong, or the cheering and shouting from the crowd, or any of the people closest to him. There's this whooshing sound in Liam's ears as he focuses on her, so far away in the crowd yet somehow completely distinguishable.
Zayn's mum is with them, but Liam barely notices that. In fact, he barely notices Zayn, either. All he notices is the ring on Perrie's finger. Zayn leans in to kiss her, and even that doesn't register in Liam's mind, really. It's only the ring, reflecting light, somehow so noticeable even though it shouldn't be.
It's on her wedding finger. There's no doubt about what it is. They can't afford to do something like that without meaning it, not when the two of them are completely aware of what Perrie wearing a ring on that finger symbolizes, what everyone would assume it means. Which means it has to actually mean that.
Engaged. He asked her to marry him. He — he fucking did it. And Zayn hadn't thought to, oh, he doesn't know, maybe mention it to one of them?
"Can you believe this?" Louis' voice cuts through the fog in Liam's mind. "This is incredible!"
"Yeah," Liam mumbles, eyes still on the three of them in the distance. "Incredible."
Louis must follow Liam's line of sight, because the next thing Liam knows, Louis is turning him, pinching his side a little roughly. Liam lets out a yelp of surprise and Louis hugs him, whispering so no one else will be able to pick up on it, "Nothing's set in stone, babe. Just ignore it."
Liam pushes him back. "Ignore what?" he asks, plastering a bright, fake smile on his face.
"That's it," Louis says, patting his shoulder. "Just enjoy this. Forget about it."
And Liam does. He pushes all thoughts of it from his mind and instead lets himself get caught up in what really is an incredible experience.
*
Ignoring it gets really freaking hard when it's all anyone can talk about. And Liam's not bitter, he's not. He's happy for Zayn. So, so happy for him, he really is. He's just irritated (not jealous) that Zayn hadn't mentioned it beforehand. Not that Zayn owes them anything, it's not like he has to ask the rest of the group before he's allowed to get married or something, but a little warning would have been nice, since it does affect all of them.
The first time, it kind of blindsides Liam. It's been discussed, obviously. Zayn's mentioned it, quietly mumbling that, yeah, he did kind of sort of maybe ask Perrie to marry him. But when the interviewer brings it up, Liam doesn't have time to prepare his reaction.
His smile slips from his face as one slides onto Zayn's. There are congratulations, a bit of talk. Liam honestly has to force himself not to roll his eyes, but he's not entirely sure if he manages to stop himself. But everyone's making such a big deal of it, which is just annoying. Zayn gets skipped over a lot in interviews. No one ever brings up Zayn's charity work, the money he's donated to different organizations. No one brings up Zayn's art, even though it's something he's expressed being passionate about. But Zayn's getting married and suddenly that's good enough to put the spotlight on him?
It's bullshit, the whole thing is bullshit, and it's only the beginning.
The second time, Liam thinks he handles it a little better. He kind of retreats into himself, mouth clacking closed, pretending he doesn't hear the words engagement or wedding or Perrie, and eventually the subject changes and they move on.
At the VMAs it's a little easier to deal with because Zayn seems to be just as done with the whole thing as Liam feels, and he honest to god gives the interviewer a thumbs up when it's brought up, with a tight, almost sarcastic smile. Which is why, later on, Liam isn't irritated with Zayn. Which is why he doesn't pout or brood when he's sat next to Zayn most of the night. Which is why he doesn't push Zayn's hand off his thigh, which squeezes tightly when they win.
At the New York premier, Liam is somehow roped into the whole thing. The interviewer says something about ring bearers, and Liam retreats again, trying to focus on the awesome sandwich he'd had for lunch earlier instead of more engagement talk (seriously, how many times can they bring it up? Are people still interested in this? Because Liam sure as hell isn't).
But Zayn says something about Louis being reckless, and then he says Liam's name, followed with, "I reckon he'll keep it safe," and Liam has no choice but to tune into the conversation.
Oh, yeah, he would definitely keep the ring safe. He'd shove it so far up Zayn's ass that it'd be impossible to lose, if he ever managed to get it back out.
So it's fairly obvious that Liam isn't exactly jumping for joy for his best friend, but he can't help it. And it's taking its toll, he realizes. He and Zayn argue more than they ever have, which is weird. They don't fight, Zayn and Liam. That'd be like Harry and Niall fighting; it just doesn't happen. Sure, Zayn fights with Louis, and sometimes Liam fights with Louis, or gets annoyed with Harry. But Zayn and Liam, in all of their time as best friends, have only fought a handful of times, and each one was fairly serious.
This is different. This isn't a big blow up. This is small little bickering arguments over the stupidest things. Zayn smokes in the car, once, and Liam pointedly coughs in annoyance until Zayn stops, and then smirks smugly when he does. Zayn borrows Liam's favourite shirt without asking, and Liam harps on him about never packing enough, never asking before he touches all their stuff. Zayn lets it slip at an interview about the time Liam drooled on him when he'd accidentally fallen asleep during a flight, and Liam glares at him for the rest of the interview. Zayn is the only one who doesn't tweet Liam on his birthday, and Liam ignores him for three days.
It's all petty and ridiculous, and the others are starting to notice it, but Liam can't help it, he really can't. He's just so irritated by Zayn lately. Every single thing he does has Liam's jaw clenching and his teeth gritting, and the feeling seems to be mutual, if Zayn's snappy mood towards Liam is any indication.
The short, few weeks break they take before the Australian leg of the tour is probably good for them all.
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