Finding Mr. Perfect's Flaws
[Nineteen]
Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Here comes a death, better dress in black.
A/N: This was a rushed chapter. I might go back and edit. Sorry about that.
I awoke to sunlight streaming into the window. My eyes slightly fluttered open and looked up. Dust particles swam in the light, making it look like fairy dust. I smiled and snuggled deeper into the blankets. Besides the sunlight, it was still cold. Through the slightly tinted window, I could see that it was still slightly overcast.
I closed my eyes. I thought about everything that had happened last night. Through the tears and the kissing, I had figured out Collin a little better. He was a complicated person - so happy one second and incredibly sad the next. He was obviously slightly bipolar, but deeply troubled too.
I felt him shift next to me. In the middle of the night, we had somehow snuggled together. I felt his arm wrapped securely around my waist. I looked down, staring at his arm around my waist. The sense of security made my heart flutter and my body warm up. I felt his hair against my face. It was soft, and it slightly tickled me. I smiled, my shoulders tensing in happiness. I closed my eyes again and took in the moment. I felt his breath against the back of my neck. It warmed me even more, making me smile again.
We both lay there for a while. I wasn't sure if he was awake, but I could feel his fast heartbeat. The front of him was pressed against the back of me. He shifted again, and his other arm snaked around my waist. His fingers intertwined at my stomach. My stomach sucked in with surprise, but then I relaxed. I opened my eyes and lightly traced my fingertips down his arm. I felt him smile against my neck.
Light music broke the silence. He took a tired breath and lightly sat up. His arms unwrapped from around me. The warmness left my body. I rolled onto my back to watch him search for the sound. He finally located his phone, and looked over at me. I was lying on my back tiredly, looking at him.
"Stop it," he muttered, a smile threatening to break out on his face. I smirked - realizing then that this was a "come to bed with me" stance. I licked my top lip seductively. He looked away uncomfortably. I smiled then at his awkwardness.
He flipped open his phone and ran a hand through his hair. He had bed head, and I found it adorable. He suddenly got serious - an expression on his face appeared on it that I hadn't seen on him before.
"Hello?" he asked, frowning. He gave it a few more seconds before he shook his head and pulled the phone away from his face. He looked at the screen.
"Are you okay?" I asked, frowning. He seemed to realize I was there, then. He looked over at me, the same confused expression on his face.
"Yeah...it was Kallie. I think the phone disconnected or something," Collin muttered, chewing his bottom lips. Usually, my eyes would have followed the movement. But right now, my stomach hollowed out at her name.
"Collin," I muttered, looking down at my chest. I pretended to pick at invisible lint. I saw him looking at me.
"What?"
"I'm helping you cheat on her," I whispered, still looking down. I didn't see his reaction. I pretended to yank at an invisible string then. "I never thought of it like that."
I felt the tears coming then. I remember how shitty it felt when I realized that Johnny had been cheating on me. He swore that it was over, but I always knew that it wasn't. Now thinking about it, it probably had been Simon, the red head he hung out with.
"Zachary, it's not really..." he trailed off. Then he took a deep breath. "Kallie and I were never working out. She cheats on me all of the time. And I'm going to break up with her soon anyway."
It didn't make me feel any better. I knew that I'd rejoice when he actually broke up with her though. Words didn't really get through to me. I didn't trust words. I trusted actions. He sighed then and looked out of the car. There was still a haze outside, and the car seemed to be inside of a cloud. The sunshine was gone now - a disappearing act into the clouds.
"He cheated on you, didn't he?" Collin whispered. It hurt how much he seemed to get me sometimes. I nodded, my mouth quivering. He slowly crawled towards me. He crawled on top of me, and held himself up so only a little bit of his weight was on top of me. My heart thudded, and the hollow feeling inside of me seemed to fill with boiling water.
"You don't have to worry about him anymore, Zachary. The past is the past - though it made you into the beautiful person you are today. Don't let the past get you down. Look into the future," Collin whispered, using one hand to push my bangs out of my face. His beautiful face hovered inches from mine, his blue eyes staring into mine. His sweet smelling breath blew across my face.
My hands slid out under his arms. They came up and started to lightly trace his face. His eyes stared into mine the whole time. I looked at every inch of his face, storing it into my permanent memory. Then I slid my hands behind his warm neck, and pulled his face down to mine. I kissed him, and his warm lips pressed against mine. I slowly sat up, feeling him on every part of me. He slowly sat up with me, finally ending us both into a sitting position. I pulled my lips away for a second to look into his eyes.
His own hands came up and rested on the tops of my arms. Then they slowly slid down, his breath coming out unevenly.
"Will you be in my future?" I whispered softy. His eyes flashed back up to look into mine - his fingers continuing down my arms.
"Forever," he whispered. I slid another hand behind his neck and tilted his head towards me. I pressed my mouth against his warm one again; feeling like this moment would never end.
We started talking three weeks ago. But we've known each other since kindergarten. I never, in a million years, would have guessed that I'd ever be here. In Collin's Abercrombie and Fitch car, kissing his soft and addicting lips after spending the night with him. I grabbed chunks of his soft flyaway hair with my right hand. His arms wrapped securely around me, holding me to him. My other arm pressed against his hard but soft chest.
Did I forget that I was in stupid snowman sweat pants? Yes. But did I care right now? No possible way.
His fingers dug into my back, holding me closer to him. At this second, he seemed to want me as much as I wanted him. His mouth moved with mine, and my heart seemed to be pressing right against my rib cage. A pressure filled my rib cage, making me light headed. The yearning for him - just him - consumed my body. I clung tighter to him, as if it was a necessary as breathing - which it felt like it was.
I didn't need his body. I needed his emotions - I needed him.
Our lips disconnected, and I put my head in the crook of his neck. He seemed to be shaking with emotion, and I felt the same way. He held tightly onto me, as if he was trying to push me inside of him. As he pressed his head against the side of mine, I only had one thought between the pressure and lightheadedness and the warmth.
Was this love?
His phone started to suddenly ring again. The sound triggered my thoughts, and they veered off course. It was obviously her again. Without letting me move an inch, Collin reached back and quickly shut his phone off. Then he lightly unwrapped his arms from me, and placed them lightly onto my chest. I knew what thought was running through his head. I wasn't a girl - and it felt weird to him to not be touching anything coming from my chest. His hands lightly slid down my chest. I pressed my lips to his neck.
I left my eyes open. I could see past the slightly tanned skin of his soft neck. I was staring out of the window, watching the dim light reflect off of it. I could see our reflection. I lightly smiled, my heart aching. I could feel and see his hands on me, holding me close. I could see my own arm wrapped around him. I watched in the window as I kissed his neck once more. I looked away then, closing my eyes and just feeling.
I wasn't alone anymore. Even if Collin left me one day, I knew that I wouldn't stay alone. I was learning how to let people in. Even if I would be heartbroken if Collin left, I would be okay. And I knew that I wasn't the only one who felt the way I was feeling. His hands finally stopped, resting on my waist. I kissed his neck again. I started to nip at his skin, and I felt him start to breathe unevenly. I smiled against his neck.
All of a sudden, one of his hands started to trail back up my arm. I slowly pulled away from his neck and watched his hand. It stopped at my neck, but then it grabbed the black string hanging around it. He lightly tugged on it and looked into my eyes. I looked up at him, and caught his gaze. He let go of my necklace and lightly kissed me. As soon as he was done, I looked into his eyes.
"Collin?" I whispered, my finger coming uponce more to trace his cheek bone. "Why don't you believe in love?"
The question was unexpected. His eyes opened in surprise, but then squinted in thought. He stared at me, blue eyes questionable. He bit his lip.
"What makes you say that?"
"I know you don't. I don't either. But I wanted to know why you don't," I whispered. He caught the hand that was still tracing his face. He held it in his hands.
"Love is just a fantasy. And you suddenly wake up and realize that you were dreaming - reaching for something unreachable," He whispered, staring at my face in turn. "And when someone tells you they love you, you're going to believe them. No matter if it's not true, which it never is."
I shook my head. I stared at him sadly.
"If I were to tell you right now, would you believe me?" I muttered, staring into those amazing blue pools of hurt and promise. His whole face seemed to soften.
"I honestly don't know," he whispered. I moved towards him, passion flying throughout my body. His head tilted to the left, moving at an angle so our lips could meet. My head was close to his shoulder, my left hand on his right shoulder. With my right hand, I placed it on his thigh, above the spot I knew his scars were hidden.
He lightly took a hold of my waist, and pulled me down with him. He placed a hand on the floor next to where my body would land, so he wouldn't crash onto me. Our lips disconnected for a second so he could place me down. But after a split second more, he continued to kiss me.
An Asking Alexandria ringtone cut the silence of deep breathing and kissing noises. Collin broke away from me, and looked down at me. My chest rose and fell unevenly, my heart thumping wildly in my chest.
"I take it that that's yours?" he whispered. I frowned, and slowly sat up. Collin moved to a sitting position as well, like earlier. He reached for my phone at the side of the car, and handed it to me. I flicked open the screen, and pressed it to my ear. Before I could greet her, Tamara cut in before me.
"Zachary! Oh, thank god. It's Kallie. She's in the hospital," Tamara said, obviously in tears. My mouth dropped open in shock.
"What?! What the hell happened?" I demanded, too stunned to think. Collin stared at me, knowing that whatever it was, it wasn't good. Tamara cried out a name of a hospital I knew, and I quickly climbed into the passenger seat. Collin knew it was important, and he quickly hopped into the front and started the car. I told him the name of the hospital, and he understood that we had to go.
"Please drive me there," I begged him, staring at him with hopeless eyes. He nodded gravelly.
"She- car wreck. But the doctors-" Tamara started to cry into the phone again.
"Tamara, it's okay. We're almost there," I muttered, closing my eyes. I felt the car speeding underneath me, and I wished it could go faster. I wanted to comfort Tamara, but the guilt of helping Collin cheat on a girl who was in the hospital was even worse.
"Hurry," she cried. Then the phone disconnected.
I felt the car stop a few minutes later. The second it did, I flung the car door open and tore outside. I heard Collin call after me, but I didn't listen. The guilt killed me, seeping through me like wildfire. I ran, my ratty sneakers and snowman sweats carrying me towards the big automatic doors. I winded my way through cars, shoving my way around them. People inside of them stared at me, but I didn't care. I almost knocked down someone in a wheel chair, but I jumped over them at the last second. Then I ran between an elderly couple holding hands. I was heading to the emergency room waiting room. The big building loomed in front of me, tall and menacing. Ambulances were pulling slowly away, but none were parked. The cold wind nipped at my cheeks like slaps. I deserved it.
The second the automatic doors slid open, I barreled inside. The waiting room wasn't very big. To the right, the desks to sign in and stuff were along the far wall. An older man was standing behind it, staring at me. My eyes scanned the room quickly. When I caught sight of the Tamara, my heart seemed to stop. A sight that I never thought I'd see was happening right in front of me - she sobbing like a baby.
When she saw me, she launched herself at me. She clung to me, sobbing. I felt another hand on my shoulder, but I ignored it. I closed my eyes for a second, wishing that she would let go of me.
"Why would something happen like this?" she cried into my shoulder. I shook my head, apologies swimming in my head. I felt like this happened just because of what we had done.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, clutching onto her. I hoped Kallie would be okay. If she was, I swore to myself at that second that I would be nice to her. I would have sworn to stay away from Collin, but I couldn't do that. Even if my life depended on it, I wouldn't ever be able to leave that boy alone.
Tamara pulled away from me, and ran a thumb under her eyes to catch her tears. She looked behind me, at Collin. I looked down at the floor, too cowardly to look her in the eye.
"Collin? What are you doing here? How did you hear about Kallie?"
"Kallie?" Collin echoed, sounding lost.
"Yeah...she was in a-"
I couldn't take it. I turned then, and ran. I couldn't stand to feel the guilt anymore. If I hadn't kissed Collin, if he hadn't come over, then this wouldn't have happened. Kallie wouldn't have been hit by a car or whatever had happened. It was my fault. Karma was out to get me. I heard my name, but I ran out of the automatic doors anyway. The cold hit me like a slap, and I jerked back. I just needed some air, and then I will be able to go back in. Yeah, I would go in and apologize. But then I took a step forward, only to be grabbed.
I tried to yell out, but a hand clamped onto my mouth. I screamed, but it came out muffled. Pure terror arose inside of me, choking me. I felt light headed. I tried to struggle, but a strong arm wrapped around my waist, and started to tug me back. A familiar arm was around me. Recognition registered in my head, but it sure as hell didn't calm me. If anything, it made me struggle even more.
All of a sudden, I was thrown into an open door. I was about to reach out and slap him, but as soon as the door slammed, it turned pitch black. I felt a car seat under me, and someone shift in front of me into an attack position. The feeling was familiar too, of the person. I could make out a face, but barley. I lunged towards the other door, but he caught me around the waist and yanked me back. I yelped, and was pressed against the front of his body.
Kallie forgotten, I suddenly realized something. He was kidnapping me! What kind of sick, twisted person did that?! I felt a rope go around me, and my wrists were suddenly being tied. I started to struggle violently, but he was a football player. The warm, familiar hands had me surrendering with their touch. I hated my weakness, and that happened to be him.
"Let me go!" I cried, tears threatening to fall. Rough hands grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. Green eyes met mine.
"I just want to talk, kitten."
"I'm serious Johnny. Just let me go." I whispered, trying not to sound scared. I failed miserably. I studied his face. It looked serious - really wanting to talk. His ruffled hair was nothing like Collins. I knew that Collins messy, adorable hair was natural. Johnny used product, and a lot of it. I stared into his wide, crazed looking eyes.
"If we talk, will you let me go?" I whispered, my heart thumping faster than it had been with Collin earlier. Johnny nodded enthusiastically. I started to shiver at his crazed expression. Something was really wrong - something had happened.
"I wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to know that I never should have done any of that dumb stuff," He said, a sad look on his face. He seemed to want to say more, but he stayed quiet.
I shook my head, a disbelieving frown on my face. "You're such a liar, Johnny."
"Maybe I am, but right now I'm not," he whispered. I shook my head again.
"I just want to know. I just want to know why you said that stuff. Why would you ever blame me? You were always the one coming after me, never the other way around." The car was silent for a few seconds. He stared at me.
"I'm sorry," He whispered. I shook my head.
"It's not enough-" I started to say. But he cut me off.
"I love you, Zachary."
I stared at him in shock. He said it so seriously, I almost believed him for a second. I started to struggle again against the bonds, but he grabbed me once more. I shoved against him, but he held his grip.
"I'm serious. I was an idiot. I just really want you back. I will do anything."
I looked up at him then. Johnny stared at me. Flashbacks of a million times in this car came swimming back. I felt like I was in love with him. The way Johnny was looking at me hurt me. He really looked like he did love me. But if he really did love me, why did he treat me terribly?
Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and kissed me.
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Finding Mr. Perfect's Flaws (boyxboy) [Nineteen]