Ugh! Why am I so tired? I wonder. I guess a long day at school fighting with everyone will do that to you. Yes I'm what you call the bad boy the bully of my school. Let me introduce myself my name is Liam Cross, I'm 18, I'm a senior in high school. I'm your stereo typical emo. No I don't cut well not anymore anyway I stopped 2 years ago. I had a rough childhood my oh so great father use to beat the fuck out of us till my mother finally got enough courage to leave him. I started cutting for two reasons one my father, two I had a crush on someone and I thought something was wrong with me. That I wasn't normal. I was a freak. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It wasn't a normal crush. It was on a boy. Yeah I know I freaked. I couldn't understand what was going on. Why did I find this boy so cute? I was 10 for fuck sakes. I was a freak of nature. So between my sperm donor and me finding out I thought guys were cute I needed something. I really don't know what I needed. I don't know if I needed to feel more pain, to control something, to kill myself, I really can't explain it all I know is when I cut I felt better. And I was okay with it. That was until my life got better. My mom left my dad when I was 15 and I also told her that something was wrong with me. After we left my sperm donor we moved to a new town. My mom left no trace of us. In hopes he would never find us after he got out of jail yes my mom pressed charges and everything. My last beating was the last straw for her. He beat me so bad I had 2 broken ribs, a broken arm and I was black and blue all over. After everything was said and done we left. We move to a small town with my moms friend from high school. My sperm donor didn't know my mom still talked to her. Kathy had a daughter my age we talked over the internet for years. Her name is Samantha I'll tell you more about her later. So after we moved and I told her everything and it was a weird conversation.
"Flashback"
"Hey mom..uh..can we talk? I have no idea how I was going to explain everything. By now I knew what I was but I had no idea how I was going to tell her.
"Sure baby what is it?" she asked. In her sweet motherly voice. Where do I start? How do I explain this?
"Umm..okay...uh..well...you know how I've dated girls?" I ask. And I have I've dated girl after girl. I just never found them attractive. Cute maybe but never attractive. I was never attracted to them. Never felt anything for them. Besides friendship.
"Yeah what of it?" she says. okay I can do this. I know I can.
"Okay well I've never been attracted to them."
"Okay baby but what are you trying to tell me?" she ask.
"Ugh! Mom! Sheesh! I've never been attracted to a girl. They are kinda repulsive to me. I've tried I really did but they just don't do anything for me. When I kiss them I want to puke. They are just gross. No offense. Mom I'm sorry but I did try." I tell her on the verge of tears because I know she is fixing to disown me and I have no where to go. I just moved here. I have no family, no friends. It's just me and my mom. Shit why didn't I think this through.
"No offense taken baby but are you trying to tell me your gay?" she asked laughing. I just nod my head. "Oh baby that's wonderful! As long as you know who you are." she says hugging me. My jaw drops in shock. What the hell!
"So your not mad? Your only son is gay." I say.
"No baby. I'm not mad. Like I said as long as you know who you are and your happy. Then I'm happy for you. I don't care that your gay. Your my son, I love you no matter what. As long as I get grandchildren in the future." she tells me.
"Uh mom I'm gay. I'm pretty sure 2 men can't have children."
"I better get grandchildren. There's adoption, there's plenty of way to get kids baby." she argues. I just laugh at her. I mean come on how many gays come out to their parents only to argue over grandchildren. Shouldn't they argue over the fact that he's gay? No not my mother she gets upset over grandchildren.
"Okay okay mom. I'll give you grandchildren some how." I say laughing.
"Good now go get washed up for dinner." she laughs. And that my friends is how I came out to my mom.
"End of flashback"
After that everything got better. I meet my best friend Sammie the next day when they came over to to help us finish unpacking. The only this is I'm still a closet gay. I only came out to my mom, Sammie and her parents. I didn't go back to school until 10th grade. My mom didn't want to take any chances of my sperm donor finding us even though he was in jail. Just a precaution she says. It didn't bother me at all. So when I started that year I just didn't feel the need to tell anyone. It's was my business not anyone else's. Plus my mom didn't want me to tell the school. She was afraid I'd get bullied. Me get bullied. Yeah right. But I did as she asked. Then I meet him. The love of my life. At the time I didn't know that. I really didn't like him when I meet him. I didn't do the whole jock thing. Yes I said jock. Yeah he's hot but I didn't do the whole jock thing. Don't get me wrong I'm not one of those girly gays. I love sports. I play sports just not at school. Me and my boys play them all the time. We go to the park all the time to play. Iy's just not my thing. Then after I established my rep as the school badass bully I still didn't come out. On my first day of school I had Sammie with me the whole way. We got our parents to talk to the school to get the same schedule. It was really cool of them. Then I meet Seth, Ethan and Jamie. The 5 of us all emo have been pretty much inseparable since but I'm closer to Sammie than anyone she knows everything about me. And I'd like to think that I know everything about her. She's a little hottie. Hey just cause I'm not attracted to girls doesn't mean I don't know when they are hot. And she is she's beautiful. She had long black hair. Dyed of course, she's a natural blonde. Poor girl. She fucking hates it. She's about 5'5 she not fat but she's not skinny either. I tell her all the time it's baby fat. Which usually gets me or anyone else that says that a slap on the back of the head. Yeah she is just about as violent as me. She's funny, smart, sarcastic, lovable when you get to know her. She's....oh god I can't even explain her. You just have to know her I guess. She is going to make some poor asshole lucky. In my book no guy is good enough for her. Yeah I get say so if a guy gets to date her or not. I really don't know why but for some reason if I don't like them then she won't date them. I keep telling her that's not right she is going to miss out on some great guy but she says 'if they can't get along with my best friend then they are not worth it'. And if they rub me the wrong way she says something is wrong with them. I guess you could say I'm pretty good judge of character. Once this guy asked her out and I just got a bad vibe from him and shook my head no so she turned him down 3 days later we were watching the news and guess who's face pops up. Yep you guessed it. That guy that asked her out. He was going to jail for rape. Apparently he had a history of it. Pretty fucked up right. Then another guy had a history of being abusive. One just treated girls like crap. The list goes on. Now she value my opinion even more. I'm just freaky like that. She says it's ESP. Oh and she fucking rich. For my 16th birthday she got me a 1969 camero. She knew that I always wanted one but since my mom couldn't afford to get me one. She told her parents that's what she wanted to get me. Yes she is spoiled but she doesn't let it go to her head. If it was up to her parents she would have everything. After years of arguing with her parents the finally agreed to a little compromise. That they could only buy her stuff she asked for. Good for her but not her parents. She only compromised because she knew they would never tell her no and she knew she wouldn't ask for anything unless she had to. Does that make sense. Then you have Seth he's the funny one nice well more flirty than anything he flirts with everyone even guys. I think he is a closet gay. Like me but I'm half way out right? The important people know. Thats all that matters to me. Wait that sounded wrong. They are important to but I just want to wait to tell them. Anyway he has at the moment at lest. Black hair with blue bangs. Yes he likes to dye his hair different colors. He has green eyes about my height 6'0. Smart. A huge pain in the ass. Ethan what can I say about Ethan not much he is the silent type. A man of few words but when you need him he is there. Strong silent type with a mix of a therapist in there. Jamie ugh he is a over grown kid I swear. He acts like he eats nothing but fucking sugar all the time that's how hyper his is but they are all around good guys. Yeah we are a bunch of weird people Sammie the sarcastic, violent bitch. Seth the funny, flirty jerk off. Ethan the strong silent therapist. Jamie the hyper big kid. And me the mean bad ass bully. Great combo of friends huh? But in all honesty I'm not that mean. I just take no shit. From no one. Not even the jocks. We fight constantly. It's like it's in our DNA or something. The only one I can't and will not fight with is Beau. Yep that's my baby's name Beau Hunter. All American football player. Quarterback to be exact. Blonde hair most amazing purplish eyes. Weird right. 6'0 my height. Same build like a boxer. Muscles but not to much. I'm telling you he is hot. That's not just my opinion. That's everybody's opinion. He can turn a straight guy gay. He probably has we just don't know it.
But anyway our relationship started out us hating each other. On my first day of school I accidentally bumped into him. Then he thought he could push me around. Big mistake. I pushed back. We didn't hurt each other or anything. Just stood up to each other. After that we just glared, flipped each other off and called each other names. 3 months later we were paired to do a project together. We talked during the project. After that we didn't speak again. Until 2 months later me and the guys were at the park playing basketball. Beau and his little gang came over asked us if they could play to. So we played for hours. After that for 2 weeks it seemed like every time we went to the park to play basketball or whatever. Beau and his friends were there. A week later he asked me out. To say the lest I was shocked as as hell.
"Flashback"
We were sitting on top of the picnic taking a break. Watching the others play basketball. When beau started fidgeting acting real nervous.
"Hey can I ask you something?" he ask.
"yeah I suppose so." I say. "Ummm..." He starts. Scratching the back of his neck nervously.
"Dude fucking spit it out." I almost yell.
"Will you go out with me?" he rushes out. I stare at him shocked. He's..... He's gay. Shit who would have thought.
"Oh shit I'm sorry I just assumed you were to. I've never seen you with a girl before besides Sam. I mean come on your hot. I...I.. Shit I'm so screwed. Now everyone is going to know. Fuck I'm so sorry." he rambles on burying his face in his hands. Me on the other hand is shocked to say the lest. Then at the end of his little rant I bust out laughing. I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. After my little laughing fit I look at him and he looked pissed. I'm talking going to cut my head off my head and feed it to the dog pissed.
"Okay okay sorry shouldn't have laughed but none of your friends know?"
"No..shit I'm so sorry please don't tell them. Please!" he begs.
"Dude not my secret to tell." I tell him serious. Because it's not. I have my own.
"Soo...umm..your not going to tell anyone?" I shake my no.
"No like I said not my secret to tell and yeah."
"Thanks man."
I nod my head waiting for him to catch the last part. When he does I just have to laugh a little. His face is priceless.
"Really?"
"Really!" I laugh
"So your...." He trails off.
"Gay...yes before you ask no no one knows well just my mom, Sammie and her parents that's it."
He nods in understanding
"End of Flashback"
After that we exchange numbers. On our date he takes me to a school fair a couple of towns over where is cousin lives but to her I was just one of his new friends. We didn't hang out with her or anything. We just walked, talked, played games and rode the rides all day I had a great time one of the best dates I've been on. Yeah I dated guys but nothing serious they didn't last long I think the longest one was a month. Sad right? That was until I found my Beau our relationship is kinda weird. After our date we talked for a week behind everyone's back except my mothers. She was cool with it to. She asked a lot of questions but I didn't have the answers to them because at that time I didn't know what our relationship was. We didn't talk at school. We didn't go on any dates that week either we just hung out after school at my house. We both understood. We were in different clicks. And we wanted to keep it that way. Then 2 days after my 16th birthday he asked me if I wanted to be his boyfriend. My answer was a hell yeah. We have been together since that was 2 years ago. Well a little over. We are happy with our relationship. The only thing I don't like about it is his girlfriend. Yes I said girlfriend. I know about her and I don't like it. Not one fucking bit. It pisses me off to no end. Every time I see them kiss or hug. It makes me sick and he knows it. I put my foot down when it came to them making out. I told him if I ever caught them making out it was over between us. I understand that he is still in the closet and I'm fine with our relationship. Really I am. I just don't want to watch them make out. He is only with her because it's an act or at least I hope it is. I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it does. It hurts but I know he loves me. He text me about a thousand times a day telling me he does. I shit you not. All it says is 'I love you' sweet huh? I do the same to him. I like to do it at lunch. I love looking at his face when he reads it. He smiles then smirks then licks his lips. It's cute. I don't know if he does it because he knows I'm watching or what. I really don't care. I just love watching his face. Like I said we have a weird relationship. First he has a girlfriend of a year. Yeah a fucking year. He had to get one because his parents was on his ass about getting one. I thought he was full of shit. I thought he just wanted a girlfriend. Maybe he changed his mind about us. But he said he didn't even want one why would he want one when he already had the perfect boyfriend. Suck up. So to prove to me he wasn't lying he record 6 conversations in one night alone were his parents was literally on his ass about a girlfriend. So for his parents sake and the guys on the football team he got one. The second biggest bitch in school. He thought if he chose her. She wouldn't get attached and would use him. Just like he was doing to her. And boy was she. She fucked every guy at our school except for me, Seth, Ethan and Jamie. It's no lie either every time a rumor would fly about her sleeping with someone else she would shrug her shoulder and say 'so it not like he didn't enjoy it' makes me sick the way she treats him. I know it doesn't bother him because he doesn't love her but he does treat her good and she treats like shit he doesn't deserve that he's a good guy. Once you get past his ego. Yeah he has an ego the size of texas. But he is also smart, funny, sexy, lovable, sporty, talented, generous. Ugh to much to list. I just love everything about him. He is everything to me. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him after we started dating I even quit cutting. Like I said everything just got better when we moved here.