I try to wipe the stunned look off my face the entire time I'm in line, and still haven't quite gotten over my shock when I join the others at our table. A Viry father?
"Well, if it isn't the master knife-thrower." Wick welcomes me, arms wide. Apparently, Eveia has been complaining about Briar's training session. "Sweet braids."
This morning, Eveia had braided my hair into two braids instead of one.
"Thank you." Eveia responds before I have a chance to. "She'd never even heard of braided pigtails before."
"I've heard of them," I say, "just never gotten to do anything with my hair."
Wick gives me a once over and nods. "I can see why. It makes your nose look kind of big, having your hair pulled out of your face."
I can't stop my fingers from flying to my nose. "Does not! And besides, you're one to talk." I throw my roll at his face.
He just laughs and takes a bite out of it. "Exactly. I'm an expert on large noses and you, my friend, have a long nose."
"Oh, Wick, quit it," Eveia says in a child's voice, her lips puckered as she speaks. "Don't hurt the wittle Viry's vanity." She grabs my cheek and gives it a pinch. I slap her hand away.
"Someone's just bitter I can throw better than her." I maintain an air of self-righteousness as I begin eating my pasta.
Kaz and Wick "ooh" appreciatively.
"I can still punch better." Eveia proves it by slamming her fist into my already tender right shoulder.
I fight a groan and eat my food. I hope I won't need my shoulder for whatever Kiira has in store for us. The bell rings too soon, and in the scuffle to dump trays, I try to scarf down a few more bites.
"For the record," Kaz's voice tickles my ear. "I like your hair that way. Your nose is fine."
He moves around me and catches up with Wick, who is griping about the climb up to Briar's gym. Kaz's words warm me while I stand by the trashcan holding my tray. A kid knocks into me and I remember myself. What am I doing, mooning over a compliment? It's not like I've never received one before.
I try to push through the mass of people to catch Eveia and the boys, but the crowd is too thick. I'm relieved to see Eveia saved me a seat in Hejae's class. She leans across her desk as I sit.
"Did you hear? We've lost our first recruit. People were talking about it in the stairwell."
"What happened?" I look around Eveia. Kaz is staring straight ahead on the other side of her, his jaw set.
"Apparently a girl from Kiira's own floor refused to get in the water. Nearly had a panic attack. Said she'd rather be executed than die of drowning." Eveia lowers her voice and leans closer with the last word.
Kaz's hands clench into fists.
"Is he ok?" I ask quietly.
Eveia nods, but says, "He doesn't do well with the topic of drowning."
Hejae comes in then and calls the class to order.
"I know some of you have heard about F3R28. It is true; we've had our first quitter of the year. Her cowardice will not be excused."
"What happened?" asks a girl in the front row. "What was her name?"
A few people exchange anxious glances, perhaps trying to recall the room numbers of their friends.
Hejae slides his hands into his pockets and lets his gaze drift over the room. "We do not celebrate cowardice in the Kuzabn by remembering names, passing along tales. She will be remembered, if at all, as F3R28, the girl who chose weakness." He pauses a beat, lets that sink in.
"You can expect the same anonymous fate should you decide the Kuzabn isn't all you thought it might be." His eyes linger on mine. "Perhaps not as glamorous as you'd hoped."
Is that a warning? A threat? I can't read Hejae. He is, after all, a master conman. All I know is I don't want to be known only as F2R17 when I'm gone. I finally have friends, and I'd want them to be able to mourn properly if and when I do die.
Hejae shifts into his lesson for the day: micro expressions.
"A micro expression happens in an instant," he begins. "They are brief and involuntary displays of emotions we are trying to hide."
He goes on to explain the major emotions we often display even when we think we are doing well at keeping them to ourselves: anger, fear, sadness, surprise, disgust, happiness, and contempt. I find it interesting the majority of these emotions are negative. Then again, I suppose as a polite society, it is the positive we are more likely to share with others. Happiness is beautiful.
After the introduction, Hejae moves into the main topic of lie detection. He explains the minute body movements and facial twitches we make when telling a lie.
"In order to manipulate your interrogator," he says, "you first have to understand the slight changes you must manipulate within your own body."
I learn that a liar is less likely to touch his chest with an open palm, preferring to scratch his nose or earlobe. He will exhibit stiff and limited movement.
"Eveia," Hejae says suddenly. "You look lovely today."
When she looks at him, I notice her nostrils flare just a bit. Then she cocks an eyebrow. "Thank you?" She smiles.
Hejae flashes a charming grin. "No, thank you for being a perfect example of my next point. Not only did Eveia show a micro expression of contempt for me, but her smile didn't match the timing of her words."
Eveia crosses her arms, displeased at her involuntary participation.
"Eveia does not like me," Hejae says to the class. "She tries to hide it, because she respects authority and can't ignore the fact that I am a leader. But she doesn't trust me and despises my area of expertise, and try as she might, her contempt still shows in the twitch of her nostrils." He taps his own nose and smiles at her again.
Eveia glares at him; I'm learning this is her defense whenever she is embarrassed. I wonder if he can read that as well.
"Furthermore, she smiled after thanking me, rather than while speaking," Hejae continues. "She knows a smile naturally accompanies gratitude, and feels politeness requires the motions, but didn't feel truly thankful, so the action was forced."
Eveia refuses to make eye contact with anyone else the rest of the class. When the bell rings, she shoots out of her seat and is out the door before most of us have gathered our things.
Kaz takes his time standing. I hang back and wait for him.
"You okay?"
His face is ashen. He looks at me a moment, then nods, jaw clenched. I don't push the matter.
We climb the stairs to the pool deck in silence. Today, there are no wetsuits waiting for us.
"You'll be learning to survive in the water should you find yourself fully clothed," Kiira explains. She holds a floatation device, which unnerves me a little. If she is this prepared, there must be a higher likelihood of danger.
We spend some time treading water, getting used to the pull of the pool on our baggy clothing. After everyone seems to be decent at staying in place, Kiira has us practice some of the strokes we've learned. Swimming is much harder with clothes weighing me down.
Halfway through the class, Kiira has us exit the pool for survival drills. I huddle next to Eveia and Kaz, shivering every time the mountain air blows past my soaked clothes.
One by one, Kiira has us go to the diving board and walk backwards until we fall. We then have to tread water until she tells us where to swim. Each side of the pool is marked with a color: blue, red, green, yellow.
"Yellow!"
The line inches forward. Once the boy in the pool touches the yellow wall, Kiira yells, "Next!"
I wonder if this is the part where the girl almost drowned. My hands shake, and not just from the cold. In front of me, Kaz's hands are balled into fists, but I can see a tremor run through his left one.
When there's just one girl left in front of Kaz, I put my hand on his elbow.
"Good luck."
He nods, his eyes never leaving the board.
"Next!"
He steps up and turns to face me. His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows hard, and he squeezes his eyes shut a moment.
Then he's moving backwards. He hits the water with a splash, and is under for what feels like forever.
"Come on, Kaz," Eveia murmurs behind me.
I look to Kiira, ready to scream for her to do something, when another splash precedes Kaz's head surfacing. A satisfied smile curls Kiira's lips.
"Blue!" She calls for him to swim to the furthest side of the pool.
Kaz disappears under the water again, this time resurfacing several feet closer to his destination. His arms cut through the water in a powerful free style.
For as nervous as he was earlier, I'm impressed by his ability. I am usually too focused on my own performance to notice anyone else in the pool. Kaz seems to be one of this group's best swimmers.
"Next!"
I gulp when I realize that means me. I breathe in deeply as I step backwards. When my right foot meets nothing but air I gasp, but manage to hold onto most of the air in my lungs.
The water stings my back and arms when my body breaks the surface, then it pours over me quickly, too quickly. I fight the fabric weighing me down, dragging me to the bottom. My feet hit the floor of the pool and I almost panic; I must be ten, twelve feet under. Instead of giving in to the anxiety, I push against the ground, launching myself towards the top. My lungs burn and my ears pop.
Still, only water is above me. I strain my fingers, clawing at the liquid. I don't want to die here, with everyone watching.
Then I break the surface. I gasp fresh oxygen back into my lungs, and almost miss the shout.
"Red!"
I twist myself in the water; the red wall is behind me. I hate to go back under, but I dive into the water and kick, propelling myself to my destination. With every thrust of my hand, I hope to feel concrete. My shoulders ache, carrying all this extra clothing weight, not to mention the bruise from Eveia's punch earlier.
Finally, the rough ledge meets my fingertips.
"Next!"
I try to push myself up onto the ledge, but my arms are shaking too much. I rest for a moment, my arms folded over the lip, summoning the strength I don't think I have. I drop myself a little lower in the water then thrust myself up. My momentum dies and I just hold myself there, desperate not to give up.
Hands close around my insufficient biceps and I look up as Kaz helps pull me out. I get a knee on the ledge and push the rest of the way.
"Thanks." I try to catch my breath.
"Yellow!" Kiira sends Eveia to the opposite side of the pool from us.
"Let's go meet Eveia." Kaz starts around the pool.
"You were really great. I didn't know you could swim so well."
"Thanks." He still seems reserved, withdrawn. I want to push the subject, to find out what he was so afraid of, but he's moving away from me, so I drop it and follow him, even though Eveia has already helped herself out of the water easily enough.
Together, we enter the Dryer room just off the entrance to the pool and outer gym area. A powerful blast of hot air hits us when we step through the door. I feel my leg muscles straining to push me through the wind, but I can appreciate the droplets evaporating from my clothing.
Once I reach the door at the opposite end, I'm completely dry, albeit a little stiff.
"Let's head straight to D-Hall and get a good spot." Eveia leads the way along the back wall of Briar's gym to the stairs.
*
After dinner, we head to the lounge area. Since early last week, we've been spending a lot of our free time with the old video game systems the Kuzabn Recovery team restored. The videogras, as they're called, have a variety of options, though we have yet to play anything but the fencing, boxing, and swimming games.
"There is also a dancing game." Wick says as we settle around one of the television sets. "And a karaoke one. They liked some weird music back in the day."
"I love Pre-Atomic music." Eveia inserts enough challenge in her tone that Wick holds up his hands.
"Just kidding?" he says.
I perk up a little at the idea of karaoke. While more fighting in my free time hasn't exactly appealed to me, I used to love to sing. One part of being Viry I will in fact miss. Music is considered beautiful; the Viry encourage all sorts of artistic pursuits.
Despite this discovery, Eveia and Wick choose a boxing game. Again.
"Come on, give me your best shot." Wick circles his fists in front of his face, as if he were about to really box Eveia.
"Bring it." She takes up a similar position.
Kaz is still somber; he barely spoke through dinner. I nudge him with my elbow.
"Want to go exploring?" I ask.
He gives me a half-shrug. "Sure."
I'd spotted an interesting cliff-walk down to a rocky beach below the outdoor fitness area that I've been unable to stop wondering about. I lead the way up to the top floor and push through the pool access door. I pull up short; it feels like ages since I've seen the stars.
"Man, it's beautiful out here at night." Kaz stops just behind me, so close I can feel his body heat on my back.
I step toward the mountain edge, where I'd seen what could have been a rough path to the rocks below.
Kaz stops me with a tap on my shoulder. "What are you doing?"
"Don't you want to see where this leads? Maybe feel the actual ocean?" The idea tantalizes me. I've never really thought about it until now, but now that I've said it aloud, there's nothing I want more than to feel the ocean run through my fingers.
"You're crazy." Kaz shakes his head and crosses his arms. "You know how dangerous that'd be? I can barely see you standing right in front of me, much less an unknown path to a slippery surface."
It's true; twilight is deepening rapidly into darkness. I just can't shake that urge. I start toward the path anyway.
"Please don't make me follow you." There's a touch of actual pleading in his voice.
So I hesitate. "You don't have to come with me."
"I'm not going to let you tumble to your death."
I sigh and sit on the rock edge, my feet hanging over the path. "Alright."
"Alright." He comes and sits next to me.
After a moment, I break the silence. "So, are you going to tell me what's been bugging you all day?"
Kaz doesn't respond for a while. I take that as a no.
I'm about to suggest we go back inside when he speaks.
"Thirteen years ago, my little sister drowned. I stood on the dock, watching her head bob in the water. Helpless." I hear him swallow hard. "Petrified I'd drown too. Too much of a coward to try and save my baby sister."
He turns to me. His beautiful gray eyes are haunted.
"When that girl thought she would drown today—" he shakes his head. "Every time I'm faced with water, I remember Cora." His voice breaks a little when he says her name, and my heart aches for him. I can't imagine how I'd feel if something happened to Krishel.
"How old were you?" He couldn't have been more than eight or nine.
"Seven," he whispers, then clears his throat. "That's why I learned to swim so well. And that's why I joined the Kuzabn. I don't ever want to be in a position where I can't protect someone. I will never feel that helpless again."
"Kaz." I don't know what to say, only that I want to say something, anything to comfort him.
He snorts softly. "I bet you think I'm pretty pathetic, now that you know my weakness."
"I would never—"
"Yeah, right." He smiles bitterly at me. "A perfect Viry life. What could you know of suffering?"
This angers me, perhaps more than it should. An overwhelming need to prove him wrong drives my hand to the edge of my left sleeve. I push the cuff back to the middle of my forearm, and shove my wrist toward him. My scars are shiny in the evening light.
"My life's nowhere near perfect. You're not the only one with scars."
His wide eyes reflect the moonlight when he looks at me, lips parted slightly. I read disbelief in them. Rejection. I've shown him my greatest vulnerability, and he can't accept it. Suddenly, I'm humiliated. I push myself up to stand, wanting to escape everything about this situation. Kaz grabs my exposed wrist before I can move away and runs his thumb over one of my scars.
"Thank you for sharing this with me." He lifts his eyes to meet mine; the shock is gone. Something else has replaced it, something soft.
I nod and slowly pull my hand away, careful not to break the bond we've just formed through shared secrets and vulnerabilities.
-------------------------------
Maybe Alright will be our always. Kidding.
Things are heating up a little between Nadia and Kaz ;P
What did you think of this chapter? I'd love to hear any thoughts.
Also dedicating this chapter to elphadora for the awesome map of Novy Mir located in chapter one. Thanks!
Til next time.
x zuz