I know it's short, but at least I'm writing again. Enjoy :)
Exhausted. Shattered. Broken?
I refocus my gaze back on Tanya to see that she's still spitting words as she stalks around the flat. Vince is watching her but Ollie's staring grimly at the carpet, his eyebrows knitted together and his mouth set in a sharp line.
I hear my name being said but I know I'm not being spoken to. Tanya is just saying her thoughts out loud; she ran out of things to say moments after we'd told her what's happened. My eyes follow her around the room with a pitying expression. I can tell she's angry with Michelle, but she can't burst into a blazing tirade without forgetting that it's her eldest daughter who's caused all of this.
Emmy's clutching my hand, her grip so hard my fingers are starting to go numb but I don't break the contact. She needs me right now and I need her. Sure, it's not like there's been a terrible death in the family, but said family is in danger of being split up.
I can't help feeling, as I watch Tanya pause to pour herself a glass of water, that Sketch is cursed. I voice my concerns, gaining a sad nod from Emmy.
"But it's not over yet!" Tanya says, determination lighting her eyes.
I want to agree with her but, this being the second time that things haven't worked out, I'm not so sure. I'm hard pressed to see things getting better. I can't see us coming back from this. It took long enough for us to recover after Michelle left and, even though I got to meet Emmy out of it, things haven't exactly gone our way. We've failed on our journey to match the great bands out there. My dream of making a music video, playing in front of crowds just like the Foo Fighters, is slipping further from reality. No tours. No merch. No album.
"We need to make a statement," Tanya says, more to herself than anyone else. "The fans need to know what's going on."
"We need to know what's going on," Ollie says and his voice trembles with frustration. "We're just as in the dark about this as they are."
Tanya nods sadly. "It's a shock to everyone."
"Can't we get a meeting with Steven Walter's?" Emmy asks, but she doesn't sound sure. "You know, find out why they've done this."
"It's obvious why they've done this," Vince says with a fleeting glance at Tanya.
Tanya stiffens ever so slightly. "Michelle." She pauses, letting out a sigh. "I didn't know she'd go this far."
"She's upset I'm here," Emmy says. "It's all my fault." She looks so sad, her eyes glistening with tears and her grip on my hand weakens.
"Don't say that," I reply. "Michelle can't stand to see us happy. She'd have still done this if we'd carried on Sketch without her or you. I know it's hard, but you can't take anything she says or does personally."
"But she's ruined everything," Emmy continues. "I don't understand why."
"What she's done is unacceptable and pretty unforgivable too, but we've got to carry on. Like Sam said, she's angry that you all carried on without her. Instead of being happy for you, she got jealous. We need to pretend she doesn't matter as far as Sketch is concerned, because she doesn't, and we need to focus on getting back on track."
It must be hard for Tanya to say all of this, but it's true. Every single word of it. Michelle is evil, selfish and manipulative but, even though I shouldn't, I feel sorry for her. It's sad that the only way she can be happy is to spoil things for everyone else.
"Tanya's right," I say. "Our fans have a right to hear our album and see us live. Michelle shouldn't take that away from us or them."
Ollie grabs Emmy's laptop and begins tapping furiously on the keyboard. "We'll write a statement, just like you said Tanya, and then we'll go from there."
I'm glad that Ollie's gone back to being the diplomatic, level-headed one. I didn't like seeing him emotional just now. Like he's said before, I'm the emotional one and he's the one who gets things done.
"Baby steps," Tanya agrees. "One thing at a time." When her phone rings she excuses herself to the hallway outside and when she reappears she leaves again almost straight away without so much as a word.
The band page is flooded with comments reacting to the news that we've been dropped from our record label. It's overwhelming to see the support we've still got, even though it seems like all hope of ever getting back up again is slim.
Ollie writes the statement as we dictate, and when we've finished it's short and to the point.
Dear fans,
We're just as shocked and saddened as you guys to hear of our sudden departure from Walter's record label. We had no idea that this was going to happen, but we're going to try our hardest to get to the bottom of everything. When we have answers, so shall you.
Thank you for all of your on-going support. We really do love each and every one of you.
Sam, Emmy, Ollie and Vince aka Sketch xxxx
Once our statement is posted we check back on LZ's website. It's still a shock to the system to see that we're breaking news on the home page, but we all want and need to read back through it again.
"It doesn't mention Michelle," Emmy points out.
"But we know it's her who's done this," Ollie replies. "Steven Walter's wouldn't just fire us for no reason. We were about to make him tons of money, but to suddenly lose interest and faith is strange. We all know how manipulative Michelle can be."
With Tanya gone, we can all get our claws back out as far as Michelle is concerned, without feeling like we've got to censor our words for fear of offending.
Vince sums her up with several explicit curse words.
"She must be so lonely," Emmy says and I note the way her mouth is drawn downwards. "She can't have any friends."
"Not if she keeps ruining their lives she can't, no," Ollie says. "She can't be happy unless everyone else is sad."
"She'll find out soon enough that it doesn't matter if you're at the top," I say. "If you don't have anyone to share it with, it won't be half as good as she thinks it'll be." I squeeze Emmy's hand and give her an encouraging smile. Without her, I never would have realised how much more enjoyable Sketch could be.
"Good luck getting everyone to buy your album when no-one likes you," Vince says with a dark laugh, eyeing the computer screen as it were Michelle on the other-side of it. "Partying's no fun when you're on your own."
"Exactly," I say. "You'd have thought being on her own after failing at a solo career would have taught her that."
"She'll come crawling back again," Vince says. "And when she does we'll leave her out in the cold for good this time."
Even though I agree with Vince, his words sound harsh. I look to Emmy for her reaction and I'm met with a concentrated frown.
"Are you okay?" I whisper, so Vince and Ollie, who've gone back to searching the internet, can't hear.
Emmy seems to snap out of her thoughts when my breath in her ear makes her hair tickle her cheek. "I'm fine," she says. "Just thinking."
I rub her arm. "It'll be fine." I'm not too sure if it will be, but it can't hurt to try to reassure her.
Emmy's frown lightens but she still looks concerned. "What was it you were saying just now? About a solo career?"
I scratch my head as I try to remember my words. "Michelle tried to have a solo career after she left Sketch, but it didn't really work out."
"Was she with a record label?" Emmy asks.
"I think she was still signed to Walter's but it would have been through Sketch."
"And when I joined, did I replace her on the contract?"
I frown in thought. "I'm not sure. You'll have to ask Tanya." I take in her knitted brows and thoughtful expression. "Why?"
"What if she made Walter's dump us so that she could sign a new record deal for herself?"
The idea hits me like a ton of bricks. "You think so?"
She nods. "Remember at the LZ awards. She was talking to loads of paparazzi. I bet it was about her new solo career."
I'm suddenly reminded of when she'd dragged me away. Had she said something about dueting with Sketch? I pray for the memory to surface but it's bogged down under questions and theories about us being fired. I can't seem to focus on anything other than todays unexpected news.
"I'm not certain," I reply. "But if you are right, she's one selfish human being."
Emmy sighs and her frown finally seems to disappear along with her musing. My mind, however, seems to clog up with even more noise. There's suddenly too much to think about and I'm not certain about anything but the fact that, as far as Sketch is concerned, we seem to have stumbled into a giant wall of deja-vu.