Recap - chapter 17
As I took my time walking it gave me time to think back as thoughts flooded in to my mind.
He had told me that I should be with someone my age. So I did. I had Benson.
But then when he came back from his trip and he found out about Ben and he told me ‘I feel slightly disappointed that you listened to me’
And then when Grace said ‘I get why Ben becomes way too over protective, because in all decency the way that guy watches you at school it should be illegal..’
Just moments ago Noah had said to me ‘It has nothing to do with me being a teacher, or you being my student’
I sighed. Was Gracey right all along?
Just then his voice played inside my head. ‘Just think about it Rachel’
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The cold wind whips itself around, forcing my to pull my jackets tighter around me, and to pull my hoodie up and over my now windblown hair.
“It feels good to be back down at the good’ol Salt Lake hey?” Gracey chirped, tugging her hair out of her braid and letting it fall down to her waist.
“Mm. I don’t miss the cold though.” I chuckled, rubbing my hands together.
She snacked my arm playfully “Oh pish posh, it’s not that bad- oh my god! look marks here!” she perked up as she caught sight of her crush. I swear she has been in love with this guy in god knows how long.
She automatically jumped to her feet, along picking up her shoes as well and quickly fussed with her hair. She took one step before she paused and looked back over at me “Do you mind?” she asked chewing on her bottom lip.
I smiled “Of course, don’t worry about me go!” I waved her off and she skipped over the other side of the bonfire, without a second glance.
I sighed and leaned back as I watched her giggle and laugh away with Mark so openly.
Another sigh escaped my lips. I haven’t been able to do that in a while. Actually I don’t think I’ve ever had that. I mean Ben and I were like that, all the time. But that was before we even started dating. Now that we are... All we do is fight and argue.
Another sigh was released, but this one wasn’t from me.
“Hey babe.” He said with a slight slur to his voice as he slumped down beside me.
I groaned and whipped my head to the left “Please don’t tell me you’re drunk?”
A guilty smile flashed over his face “Just a little?” he chuckled.
Then his face turned serious. He grabbed my face roughly between one hand and turned it more to the right. “Hey, who did that to you?”
My lips tightened and I looked away.
“It-” he hiccupped “It wasn’t me was it?”
Confusion stuck me “No ... if it was you Benson I think you would know? And also we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” I explained.
“oh. Right.” He pouted “So ..”
“Where have you been? You weren’t at school. You’re always at school.”
“ I was with the boys. We went out for a couple of drinks.” He held up his can “You know, being eighteen and all.” He winked.
Ugh. I rolled my eyes. “How much have you had Benson?”
“Not much. Just a couple.” He slurred.
That earned another eye roll from me “Yeah right, couple my ass.” I muttered and quickly snatched the can out of his hands. He protested with a hey but I was quick enough to toss it into the fire before he tried to get it back.
“No more.” I ordered.
“What are you? My mother? Because I’m pretty sure the last time I checked, you were my girlfriend.” he snapped
“And pretty soon that check of me “being your girlfriend.”” I quoted “Will be crossed out! If you keep treating me like a whole of horse shit!” I stood and attempted to storm off.
“Rachel!” he yelled out from behind.
I glanced over my shoulder as I continued to stalk off towards the massive rocks up ahead, and saw him in attempt of getting up. He more so looked like an eleven month old baby trying to walk for the first time. I groaned and continued on my way.
“Rachel!” he called out again. “Rachel, wait.” This time closer.
I finally came to a halt, which caused him to stumble into me.
“Please,” he huffed “I’m sorry.”
“Your drunk, Benson! How much more of an idiot can you be.” I yelled shoving him backwards.
“It’s not that much of a deal.” He replied, grabbing hold of my wrist.
I flinched away without thinking. Making Ben furrow his brows.
“You got drunk, on a school day. That is a big deal.” I hissed.
“Rachey.” He pleaded reaching out for me.
I step away and a pained expression painted his features.
“You’ve hurt me Ben. A lot. And I don’t know what’ll happen if you were to do it again.” I whispered. Eyes tearing.
“Im- Im sorry Rachel. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You should know that. I never intended too.”
I shook my head. “No Ben. You not only hurt my feeling.” I took a deep breath “But you also hurt me physically.”
“Wh-” he took a step forward. “What do you mean?”
“The other week, when you were angry that I stayed back to talk to Mr. Thompson?” Slowly I stripped back my sleeve that revealed the yellowish hand printed mark on my wrist “And you grabbed hold of me. I begged for you to let go and you wouldn’t?” tears slipped down my cheeks and dripped off my chin.
Benson took another step towards me and put his hands on either side of my face. I stared into a pair of brown eyes. Ones that were so familiar now seem distant.
“I am so sorry Rachel. You know I didn’t mean to, right?” his eyes glazed over and I forced myself to look away not answering.
His hands dropped from my face down to my shoulders “Right?” he said again more tensed.
“I-” I looked down “I did at first. I knew you didn’t mean too. At least I thought so?” I looked back up to his reddened face “But then when you came over last week and Mr. Thompson was over, you snapped again Ben, after he left. You didn’t hurt me, but you attempted too. You raised your hand, ready to do it again. I know you controlled it. But what if you lose it again? And this time you hit me? I can’t cope with that Ben.” I shook my head “I won’t.” I whispered.
I squeezed my eyes shut as another tear escaped down my cheek. I thought about everything that Gracey and Noah had said to me about Ben. I knew they were right, I knew he was right.
I knew what I had to do next. And I think Ben felt it coming on as well.
His grip on my shoulders began to tighten, and he shook me lightly.
“Please Ben. Don’t.” I pleaded looking into his eyes.
“No, you don’t.” he told me shakily. “Don’t break up with me.”
“ I miss you Ben-”
“I miss you too.” He injected.
I nodded, “But I miss the old you. This one.” I waved him over. “This isn’t you. You’re so different, in so many ways. I look into your eyes. And I don’t know who I see anymore. I become scared, just to be alone with you.”
“I’m sorry.” I whispered.
“Don’t.” he spat.
“I am. We started out great Ben, I was really happy. But then everything just flipped over-”
He shook his head and took my face into his hands again “Just- just sleep on it? Please.” He begged “I’m crazy about you Rachey. I will never, ever hurt you again, in any way. I can make you happy. I promise.”
“Please..?” he said again. Placing his forehead to mine. “Just- Just sleep on it ok. Think about it. I really can make you happy again. I would do anything. Just please, please don’t end it now.”
He pushed his face closer to mine until our lips met. I could feel him trying to change my mind, he kissed me roughly. But I didn’t feel anything. No spark, no nothing. Nadda, zip, zilch.
I pulled away to look at him.
“Don’t say anything, okay? Sleep on it. And tell me by the end of the week.” He leaned in to kiss me swiftly before jogging off back to the bonfire.
I folded my arms around my stomach and gave it a squeeze. I closed my eyes and let out a ragged breath-
“Well that was an interesting conversation.” a voice said from behind me..
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Never before had I taken the time to notice the unbridled flow of the waters gentle ripples, slowly weaving back and forth against the steadfast shore line of the wide lake.
Only now do I see how mysterious the darkness of its depths can seem as the shadows of the leaves playfully dance upon its deep blue skin. It is as though time has stood still just so that this moment of beauty could last forever. I feel as if the wind itself has placed me under a trance forcing me to watch the power it has over the lake.
We were now taking a lap around salt water lake. It takes about forty five minutes to route around the whole thing, I estimate that it would only be thirty, but considering the gigantic rocks planted around the majority of the lake and my lack of coordination, you would need to add on extra time. But in all, the place is amazingly beautiful.
The lake seems like a black void, the sun bouncing off its surface. The wind dies down and the air feels warmer, until the wind picks itself back up again. The sounds of insects are almost too loud, but it gives you the full nature effect. As we make our way over the rocks I decided to move to the edge of the lake now, the small pebbles under my feet crunch and if you listening quietly you can hear the 'plopping' sounds as a fish breaks the surface and ripples widening out.
The sky is now ablaze with color... fiery orange, searing reds and yellows, and yet the outer edges of the blazing sky have begun to cool with the indigo of the night. It was just so-
“Beautiful isn’t it?” Noah said huskily coming up from behind me, catching me out of my trance.
“Extremely. I’ve come here for years, yet I never really took in the full effect of this place.” I ignored my rapidly beating chest and concentrated. I breathed out then inhaled deeply smelling the essences surrounding me.
This in all was a terrible idea. The smell that was captured around me was, a minty smell combined with men’s cologne. All too familiar.
I took a fleeting look behind me, he was standing right there, hands in pockets and a goofy crooked smile planted on his handsome face.
I sighed and sat down on the ledge of the rock in front of me, feet dangling beneath me. I picked up a hand full of pebbles, and one by one, I would flick them into the still lake, watching as the ripples widen then fade.
I explained the situation with Benson. How he practically begged for me not to break up with him. I also told him (some) what Gracey had said to me the other week. It was hard to come to the conclusion. But I had to do what was best.
“So you’re going to end it? Definitely?”
I frowned “Yeah. I think I knew it a long time ago.”
“What’s that?” Noah asked curiously as he came to sit beside me.
I tilted my head to look at him, who was now squinting up into the sun.
I looked back down to the lake to see a school of fish swimming nearby, I smiled stupidly to myself.
“Well,” I spoke my words slowly “I think- I think that I was just using him in a way. I mean yeah I used to really like him. But that was when he never returned it. And then when he did, I just lost all feeling. A part of me still felt something for him, but it was a weak feeling.” I threw a few more pebbles before I spoke again. “And honestly I think the real reason for me being with him, was because I wanted to hide, and forget. Make that person forget.”
I chucked the last lot of pebbles into the lake, making the school of fish split ways.
Standing up I began to walk along the rocks, always checking to see if it is stable before continuing on. I jumped onto a large flat surfaced rock, when I heard another pair of foot steps behind me I stopped to turn around.
“Why do you hide all the time?” he asked walking over to me.
I sighed and leaned back against a wall of rocks, all shaped in completely different ways. Not one looked the same, or matched colors. “Guess I’m scared of being hurt. I thought I could hide behind Ben, because I’ve known him for so long, and knew he could treat me right. Seems I was wrong there.” I pouted.
He leaned sideways on the wall facing me with one hand still placed in his pocket.
“And that person, why do you want him to forget?”
I shrugged. “For starters he could get into a lot of trouble and .. I dunno’ just feels like the right thing to do, don’t you?” I asked turning my head to look at him.
He took his hand out of his pocket and combed it through his messy hair. “Seem unfair to me.” He admitted
My brows raised “Why do you think that?”
“Well I think he at least needs a fair shot. Everyone does.” He mumbled giving a shrug.
“Even if it cost you everything? If it all went wrong”
Noah smirked “I thought we were talking hypothetically here?”
I gulped “We-we were.” I stuttered, cheeks ablaze
“Mhmm.” He chuckled pushing himself off the rock and took a step to come face to face with me.
“Back there at the bonfire, when Benson said he could make you happy,” he shook his head “He won’t. You’re not happy now, so what make him think he can change that?” he questioned catching a loose strand of hair and tucked it back in place behind my ear.
“There’s a little hope in everyone. And some need their fair shot” I whispered, mimicking his words.
He swallowed “Do you want him to have that shot?”
“I think I’m willing too..” I deadpanned.
He nodded once and stepped back slightly.
“I don’t think I should joke about that hey.” I giggled and slapped his chest.
He easily caught my hand and pulled me too him. My breath hitched as I looked into his moss green eyes.
His eyes narrowed for a short second before they turn into a soft gaze “I could make you happy you know.”
I looked down “Is it wrong of me to say I know, and that’s what I want, even though you’re my teacher?”
“Yes.” Was all he said.
I flicked my eyes back into his and a nostalgic feeling had indulged its’ self onto the both of us; giving a feeling that this should have been for a long time.
His arms were now tightly wrapped around my shoulders, and mine, clinging to his hard muscular chest, with my head now on his shoulder. Basking in one another’s embrace, creating each other’s warmth.
He then pulled back to looked down at me, his eyes alight and caring. He gave me that quirky smile, one he knew that I had loved from a long time ago; it seemed to give me the feeling as if he knew something that I didn’t. He softly caressed my burning cheek, then oh so lightly lifted my chin up; Our noses almost touching. I could feel the warmth of his breath brushing the top of my lip. I stared back into his hardened green eyes.
I moved up the last half inch so that our lips could touch. It was at first gentle, but captivating, a mixture of sweetness and salty ocean water. I could feel him smiling against my lips as an explosion of total peace and serenity overwhelmed us both as mesmerized lips press together time after time, transporting us to another world. Ragged breathing and dancing tongues bring a fiery heat to the cold salt lake air. With just the two of us there, the rest of the world disappears.
He runs his hands up my neck, along my jaw line and to the back of my head as his fingers lose themselves in my tangled hair.
Desire ignites the world around us as we both become lost in a sea of lust and love. It is a spicy, powerful combination that sends waves of passion crashing over us. The rest of the world is engulfed in our lustful burning flames as our kisses grow more urgent.
As our lips pull apart, a gentle breeze flutters over the flame extinguishing the desperate heat. Our breathing comes out in short, desperate gasps. The intensity has washed away.
The rest of the world is slowly coming back into focus.
His forehead place upon mine, and we both stared longingly until we both caught our breath back.
He pulled back “But to hell with it.” He said as an amazing smile full of affection spread out along his feautures.
Author Note - please read (:
FINALLY!!!
This took me about four days to write, i was planning on make it a tad longer, but i thought i would be dragging it out too much. i wanted to get this chapter out and done because from now on, my updates might be alittle slow because of work, i finish my traineeship in 3 months so i now have aload of assignments to finish by then. otherwise i fail and losemy job.. :S
Oh and also at first i did plan on making it very heated before they kissed. you know making them argue like they hate each other rachel calling him a baboon or something. but then when i thought about it, i was like. neeeh its to cliche' all kisses in stories always turn out like that. so i wanted it to me more.. lovingly 'emotionated' -clonqui ;)- hahah
Anyways so i hope it goes alright. i felt pretty confident with it.. i think haha but let me know please? i can always go back and fix it. not that i want to.. :)
So every one please please please FEED BACK!!
MeghannJane xxo