That alarm.
Again.
As the girl sat up and slapped off the irritating sound bouncing around the room, she glanced at her clock.
9:30am blinked back.
She could hardly remember what time the two of them managed to sneak out of that office. When Nathan arrived to help her finish, Hazel was just barely past half way through the 50 pages of torture. She hardly remembered the car ride home except of how absolutely exhausted she felt. The last thing she remembered was the folder being slid shut and Nathan telling her how they were finally done, removing the empty cup out of her hands and taking his own to the building's kitchen. In-between that and waking up in her own bed Nathan had escorted her down to his car and driven her home, assuring her that now they could submit her folders and all would be done.
Groaning as she pushed herself out of bed she made her way to her closet and began to rummage.
First day of real official work, first real day she would need to associate with real people, today more than anything she needed to dress to impress. A brown dress with a white collar, white flats with tiny black bows where the toes began, and a brown charm bracelet she had since she was a little girl. Her parents and her had bought all the charms on it together. There was the playschool block charm with the letter H from when she finished kindergarten, the sunflower charm from when she was a sunflower in her grade 4 play, the star charm from when her family went stargazing on the beach during a vacation at the coast, and finally, her graduation hat charm from graduating high school with honours.
Turning into the bathroom she washed her face and cleaned it properly, unlike yesterday, and brushed her hair, allowing her natural curls to wave down against her shoulders. After taking her bangs and pinning them together at the back of her head with a white bow, she smiled contently and made her way to the kitchen to feed Lily. She could feel her stomach grumble as she dumped the food into her feline's dish. Right, she hadn't eaten anything in the past 24 hours.
Her eyes flew to her kitchen, admiring the beautifully untouched room she had worked so hard to make wonderful. She loved cooking, she used to bake pastries every chance she got a few months ago. Gradually school began to take it's toll on her, her parents got busy at work and school work would pile up while she was busy icing cupcakes, so her chef life took a backseat while her education took the wheel. During her baking break, her parents lost their lives. After dropping out of school, after needed to speak with the police department everyday for weeks on end, her cooking life soon vanished and was forgotten altogether.
Her parents had helped her pick out the new appliances and move them in. Now they sat there, untouched. Wanting and waiting to be used again.
Feeling her stomach scream at her once more, she placed a hand against her waist and wandered into her kitchen, cracking open each of her cupboards searching for something quick and simple. She was sure that she had the ingredients for something. Like the day previous she had promised Nathan to be at the office before 11, so while she didn't have a lot of time to spare she had enough to make whip up something.
Snapping open the last cupboard in the row she reached into the back and tugged out a blueberry muffin mix. With a happy sigh she whisked her way to the fridge and tugged out the milk. As quickly as she could she began madly mixing all of the ingredients together. More than anything, she needed food. Fresh, warm, fulfilling food. She felt as if she was moving like lightning as she whisked the batter and poured it into muffin trays. Tossing it into the oven and setting the timer she turned to her table and got ready to clear a spot for her to eat when she paused, staring down at all the paperwork scattered against her table. There, right in the center of her view, she saw her parents will.
No. She shook her head. She couldn't read it. Not now. Not today. Not again. She had re-read that letter almost everyday until her mental autopilot had snapped off. Today, the day she was off to meet so many important people regarding her parents case, she couldn't be zoned out by the thoughts of her parents leaving their belongings to her. She couldn't have the heavy weight of her parents gone against her shoulders when she was supposed to stand tall and shake hands. Her hands almost ached as she pushed it away, as if pushing away the last letter her parents ever wrote. Like her parents were waving goodbye and she was closing the door on them.
Just as the aching in her arms and chest was becoming close to unbearable she felt her phone buzz against the couch, calling her to turn her attention away from the single sheet of paper.
She made her way towards her cell, lifting it up to her ear and attempting to clear her throat that she felt was getting clammy. The last thing she wanted or needed was for whoever was on the other end to tell she was on the verge of yet another mental breakdown.
"Hello?" For a moment there was silence, then a voice filled her ear that for some reason allowed a wave of calm to wash over her.
"Hazel? It's Nathan, how are you?" She couldn't tell if he was asking because he sensed something wrong in her voice or if he was wondering how she was managing after their painful late work night the day previous.
"I'm," She turned around, originally her eyes wanting to drift to the table but instead landing against the gently humming oven. She slowly took a deep breath. "I'm doing okay." Why was it then whenever she really needed it Nathan always swept in? There was another pause on the other end of the line. Maybe he didn't believe her, maybe he just didn't know what to say, but eventually he resumed.
"I wanted you to know that I just got to the office and am ready to start whenever you are." Hazel raised an eyebrow at his comment, shuffling her way closer towards her soon-to-be-finished breakfast.
"We can start? We finished all that paperwork around," She glanced up at the lone clock hanging in her home. Doing the quick math in her head she responded, "Five hours ago." Hazel could hear his nasally laugh through the phone, probably recounting the odd state she had been in as he sleepily helped her home.
"We can't do too much but we can get started by looking at the records of the case that we have on file here."
Ding! The oven went off like a lightbulb over the brunette's head.
Hazel slapped the off button on her appliance and grabbed an oven mitt. She was so starving she would eat through the door just to get to them. Yet, of course with her luck, they finished just as Nathan was telling her that they could get a head-start on the case. Clearly she would need to eat on her way.
"That sounds great, I'll be there soon. I'm getting ready to leave now."
"Again, there's no rush." How could he always sense her urgency or panic through the phone? On every instance he called he told her to calm down, relax or gave soothing words of reassurance. Hazel liked to brush it off saying that he was a detective and it was his job to read others, yet it was comforting to know that despite her parents being gone someone in this city understood how her brain worked.
"I'll be there soon." She assured, more softly this time. After hearing him say his normal goodbye and the click of the end call button, the brunette threw herself into swift action.
She removed every muffin from the two tins she had put them in onto a large plate, covering it with a dome lid and placing all her dishes in the sink. Maybe she wouldn't get back so late and could actually do something productive at home for once. Talk about a major opposite from a week ago.
Hazel tossed her keys into her bag and snagged two muffins for the road before whisking herself out the door. Her neighbors were probably baffled to see her leave her apartment daily and return so late, after all they had gotten used to not seeing or hearing her at all. She felt ready to scream it to the whole world; it was a new her. A new life she was living. A new world.
-------------
Before taking a single step into the building Hazel checked her phone to make sure on the way down her breakfast didn't leave any residue on her face. It felt a lot like the first day of school; you didn't want to make a single mistake that could toss you into the wrong clique. Except the difference here was that if you said or did something wrong you were stuck with the wrong reputation. She had one shot at this to do a good job.
Just as she entered the two sets of doors leading into the building Nathan stood propped up against a wall, scrolling through something on his phone before glancing up and smiling.
"You always seem to be so perfectly on time."
Hazel gave a weak smile and shrug. "I mean, I guess so."
"I didn't want you walking in all by yourself so I assumed I could come down and escort you."
God bless this man. She gave a thankful smile. "That's a good idea."
As the two easily slid through security it was easy to see why Nathan was known as the kind one of the building. He treated absolutely everyone he met with the same kind of respect and gratitude, which clearly others didn't. Even the man behind them didn't say anything more than irritated grunts to the security officers, simply doing their jobs as he was trying to do his.
The two easily passed up and through each hallway, Nathan giving nods and 'hello's ' to everyone who recognized him. The pattern was normally that Nathan got a thankful smile and nod while Hazel got a questioning gaze and judgmental silence.
"They just don't know you yet." Nathan assured. Even if they did know her, would they like her?
They reached their office fairly quickly. While Nathan was polite, he didn't put the social aspect of his life in front of his professional one.
"As you can see," He mumbled softly, whisking their large wooden door open and gesturing for the lady to enter first. "Your desk is paper free at last."
"Thank goodness." Hazel sighed happily, setting her bag down against her chair and unzipped her coat, but not yet removing it.
"It got sent up to the boss this morning. He'll review it as soon as possible and will send it back to us once approved. Hopefully it won't take too long."
Hazel gave him a questioning gaze as he spoke. "You mean your father, right?" Nathan looked up, a non-phased expression crossing his normally content features. "By 'the boss', I mean."
Nathan hesitated and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, that's the one." The mumbled absentmindedly, as if it was a correction he was used to. He worked his way around to his desk, taking a seat and flipping through his own paperwork. Maybe his desk was never paper-free. "I don't know how long it'll take him to get to your file. It shouldn't take that long. Who knows how long he will take."
Hazel could feel yet another crushing disappointment press down on every muscle in her body, as if it was latching to each limb to try and drag her to the floor. How many times was someone going to be out to get her and slow down this case as much as they could? Maybe this was the normal process and she was just so impatient to get the case done it felt like an eternity and a half before they could even begin. All she wanted was to get going on this case to at least let her parents rest well. "Really?" She finally managed to push out of her lungs. She sounded so defeated when she hadn't intended for her true emotions to flutter out. Hazel adjusted her posture and brushed off the sleeves of her coat, slipping it off as she felt his gaze land on her.
He paused, taking a deep breath and turning towards their evidence board; their first step on their mission for success. "Let's start putting things up on the board, huh? We can at least get that started and figure out where we want to go first." He tugged up the file from his desk and flipped it open, pulling out a zipper storage bag from the back and removed pictures and paper fragments from it.
Standing and moving closer to get a better look, Hazel realized that Nathan had already gathered everything they needed to begin. As a team all they needed to do was actually pin it up.
Hazel took the sections they divided the board into and began adding titles to the tops of each; 'Suspects', 'Evidence', 'Location', and 'Events'. Nathan, meanwhile, was organizing the timeline against his desk to then transfer onto the board. He worked quickly, as if he had done this before. Like a puzzle he had completed one too many times.
Hazel really should have braced herself more for the actual information Nathan was handling.
Once he had finished, Nathan carefully took the slips of paper and placed them around the board, gently murmuring and explaining each of the pictures and what exactly each of them were. "Everything we know will be easier to explain once all of these are up." He assured, removing thumb tacks from the box a handful at a time and using them to swiftly stick everything neatly against their display.
Hazel could feel her face grow heavy, weights tugging at her eyes and skin as she was exposed to the reality of the case. The blood-stained walls and objects, the weapons pinned up under 'Evidence'. But worst of all, the fact that after Nathan had stepped away, the 'Suspects' column was left blank.
Nathan, rubbing his sore arms, stood by Hazel's side as they studied the horrific board laid out before them. He sighed through his nose, rubbing the back of his neck and allowing one of his hands to work its way into his pocket. "Unfortunately we're still waiting on some information from the labs to be sent back. They've been examining the bodies and my father isn't exactly the best at passing along information as it comes in." He gave a weak laugh, shaking his head and allowing his eyes to better adjust to the images before them. How exactly was he supposed to explain this? It wasn't going to be easy for a frail, anxiety-ridden girl to see the pictures of where her parents lives were cruelly taken away. The male slowly took a deep breath and began as calmly as he could. He stole a quick glance at the brunette, a hand of her own covering her mouth which seemed to be more in study than horror.
"The only weapons found at the scene were some now-shattered dishes, a bloodied pillow and the corners of some furniture being damaged. Guns or other weaponry must have been taken with the guilty as they took off." He paused, now closer to the board than before, scanning each picture intently and imagining the horrific story behind each. "There was a lot of blood found on the walls and on other furniture. It seems as if--" His voice hitched, his breath broke.
He had turned to see the girl and point to some pictures she needed to see, he was instead greeted with her slightly hunched over back, and her face completely turned away from him. He didn't dare move, instead he remained silent watching the girl so disgusted and horrified by what her parents had been put through she couldn't stand to look any longer. Without realizing he had began to step closer to her until he was perfectly at her side, gazing down towards her pale face.
Her eyes were clamped tightly shut, rolled together and locked tightly. Her hand remained where it was before, only now it seemed to be gripping her skin and face more severely than before. He could sense her give a small shiver, not being able to stomach facing the board in that moment. Her body was thrown so severely into shock she could hardly move. He was rather concerned that she wasn't saying a word. Why wasn't she telling him to stop or to take the board down? Why wasn't she tossing in the towel and giving up? Why was she still so head-strong about wanting to solve this case when she couldn't even look at the photos before? Why would she want to continue when she was absolutely horrified?
"Hazel," He hushed, tilting his head down to get the best look at her face as he could. He didn't want to speak too loud and kick-start the anxiety attack she seemed to be on the brink of. "Do you want to stop?"
No response.
"We don't need to do this, you can go home and relax."
After hearing a shaky breath enter the girl - which in itself was a relief since a new growing concern was that she wasn't breathing - she finally gathered up the courage she needed to sputter out the words Nathan never thought he would hear.
"Can you just...give me a minute? Please."
Nathan stood in total shock at the words despite giving a nod and leaning against her desk, staring up at the board in amazed wonder.
Despite being so utterly terrified and disgusted by the images, instead of taking off and telling him that she couldn't do it anymore, instead of any of that she asked for a minute to compose herself before resuming work as usual. How was it possible that after all the years of schooling and work he had to endure for this job to get to where he is now, he had never been able to meet someone as strong as she was? As unwavering in their decisions? As determined to reach the goals they set for themselves? How was it possible that he had never met someone exactly as breathtaking as Hazel Daniels?
Finally, hearing a small cough and a whisk of hair brush against his arm, Hazel assured him that she was ready and could resume. He didn't begin right away however, instead he studied the brunette from head to toe. If she was really ready to resume, he wasn't sure.
Confused by the silence her hazel eyes turned and met his own blue eyes. She seemed frazzled, lost, terrified. He gathered all of that from the wall of brown meshing with his blue. Behind it all he could see a little light, one that seemed to shine through the doubts and fears that were clouding her vision. A light that desperately urged him to keep going.
"If you're sure,"
He began to explain each picture carefully, brushing over the in-depth details about each. She could learn about them later, maybe on a day where she was more prepared for what was about to come. There was always the chance she would never be fully prepared, was anyone ever really ready to see their parents die?
"The police are holding onto the bodies for a while longer until some of us can get down to investigate them."
Hazel nodded to herself. "That's why they told me I can't plan the funeral yet."
Nathan turned back, guilt hitting him right in his gut. Despite feeling the painful blow he didn't move and instead gave a sad smile towards the fragile girl. If only she knew how much he admired her in this moment. How much he wished he could have the bravery she did. How did a girl that shy and scared get that amazingly confident in what she did, yet wasn't confident in anything else?
He nervously cleared his throat, unaware of really what to say next. "I uh," He paused, adjusting his footing. "I think we should start with examining them, followed by the crime scene."
Hazel nodded, rubbing her arms silently to herself as she felt unable to tear her eyes from the board. She needed to, for the sake of her mental sanity she needed to look away. She needed to start the healing process of getting those nightmares out of her head before she needed to experience it all in reality. Nathan strode forward, placing his hands against her shoulders and jolting her from her locked target. Despite jumping and feeling her heart attack itself in fear, she was thankful that he had torn her mind and eyes away from the very thing causing her so much grief. How did he always know what to do?
"You should get home." He said softly, examining her facial features briefly before resuming his meeting with her eyes. Yet again he got lost lost in the storm that seemed to lay behind the glass cover; all the emotions clashing together in a storm of confusion and hurt. If solving this case could help put that storm to rest he would do whatever he could. Even at your strongest, if you work yourself too hard each day, you wear yourself down raw.
"Nathan, when can we start this?" This question captured him off guard. He removed his hands and took a half step back. "I-I mean," Her eyes looked away, to the ground as if she had dropped her thought and was searching to grab it again. "When can we actually start? Like, getting out there to work."
Seeing what he had just seen, Nathan knew that above all they needed to get started as soon as they could. It didn't matter to him what his father said or what his foolish excuse was now. Hazel was hurting more than Nathan had ever seen in anyone, and was exhausting herself every living day to put her pain to rest. His father's stupid excuses and petty lies wasn't going to save him this time. Nathan was going to demand the paperwork filed or else he would slap the approved stamp on it himself.
"I promise you, I will make sure myself that we can start in the next two days." He gave a weak smile, rubbing her shoulder soothingly before helping her put her coat on and escorting her to the stairwell.
"Keep me updated." She said softly as he held open the stairwell door for her.
"Of course. When I know, you'll know."
Silently, he watched as the brunette started down the stairs, vanishing around the corner and beginning into the twists and turns of the corridors.
They needed to solve this case. There was no way he was going to let Hazel live longer than she had to with that pent up guilt and depression. Despite her strength and power to keep on, there was one thing Nathan knew about weather. Even after a huge storm passes and it's marked in history books, it doesn't escape the memory of those traumatized by it's power.